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Kataleya-Cupper Public Chat Channel
Date: October 3, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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She sounds like a textbook narcissist. You describe the love bombing and discard cycle perfectly.
You even used the words love bombing! If you know about that concept, you know about how that is a red flag right?
Run!
r/narcissisticabuse
Manipulation doesn't fit into a relationship im sorry. Trust respect and partnership are the key parts of a relationship and the minute manipulate comes into play you lose all of those things. Its not ok and it will be found out, the other person will realise they never wanted this and it is abuse.
You don’t owe him an explanation or anything. It’s been two years. Just block him and move on
Use your brain, not your heart. Love is supposed to make you feel things like safe, peaceful, and happy. If you don't feel those things, or if you feel the opposite of those things, you need to show him your tail lights.
If you aren’t exclusive then it’s fair game. Don’t overthink it unless you’ve discussed exclusively seeing each other
‘For whom? For what?’
….they’ve answered this. It’s important to OP to maintain a friendship with her flatmates so in order to continue being part of this friendship group OP is going to have to find a way to be civil. How does cutting himself out of his friendship group’s life give him a ‘win’ result from this situation? And whilst what the girl did was wrong, and extremely hurtful, it’s not like we’re advising OP to try and ‘just be civil’ to a rapist or something.
By not accepting the apology, or at least acknowledging it – even if that’s just to say he’s heard it but doesn’t want to talk further about it, but wants to make sure this doesn’t impact the friendship group. And whilst everyone is horrified by the friend atm, they’re young and drama moves quickly at that age and if OP continues to maintain such high level anger/hurt about it as he (understandably) feels now then it won’t be long before the friends who start to feel stuck in the middle (and are not the ones feeling the hurt so will move on much faster) start calling on him to consider forgiveness and start to consider him petty for not being able to move past it and integrate with the group – which will ultimately only hurt him too. He’s much better to at least acknowledge her messages, the hurt that’s been caused and the desire for it not to affect the friendship group. It doesn’t mean accepting the apology if you’re not ready it just means putting it to bed if possible.
OP – for what it’s worth, whilst I think it would be totally legitimate to decide this has hurt you too much I also think it might be worth considering if this girl is worth a second chance. You’re not dating so this isn’t cheating it’s just massively shitty behaviour. Given your age and the use of the word cunt I suspect you’re British, if not maybe Aussie – but either way I suspect binge drinking, club culture and extremely impaired decision making was at play here. You’re all young and if some hyper confident guy swooped in when she was shit faced and already horny/pumped up/confident from making out with you all evening I suspect she wasn’t thinking…at all. Which doesn’t make this any less hurtful for you. And whilst I think civility will be to your benefit and I don’t think you’re under any obligation to forgive her I still think the most productive thing you can probably do is at least hear her out and be open and honest about your emotions too. Ultimately good strong adult relationships are built on excellent communication and being vulnerable and honest with your feelings so you can practice developing those skills now. There’s no defence on her part but the depth of her emotions will tell you what you need to know about how upset she really is that her stupid actions may well have ruined things with you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure if OP had said he got angry about it, all the comments would be saying the anger is due to him knowing he's been found out and how she should get out of the relationship.
You really can't win sometimes.
Also I don't know how him going a bit quiet recently is evidence of anything. He said he felt unappreciated? That's not an admission of cheating by any stretch of the imagination. This sub makes some wild reaches a lot of the time.
Maybe he senses that OP doesn't actually believe that he hasn't cheated, and doesn't know how to handle the situation without her thinking he's done something wrong?
Context brother context.
What do you not find attractive about her and what do you find attractive?
Thats assault. Hope you just needed to vent because there’s shouldn’t be a relationship to give advice about anymore. He’s a violent cheater.