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Jennifuhrer, y.o.
Location: United States
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Date: October 17, 2022
I certainly agree with all the other comments that your weight is not only healthy for your height but is in the range of being optimally healthy for your height: that is, it doesn't make any sense for you to gain or lose weight for health-related reasons.
The most charitable interpretation I can give for your boyfriend's remarks is that he indeed did not mention your weight, and that he means something different when he says you could be healthier if you went to the gym and did the kinds of workouts he wants. There are social and cultural aspects of going to the gym — or rather, of different kinds of gym regimens. I have a close friend who is really into crossfit: several times a week, she posts videos of her workouts on social media. I would never want to do the stuff I see in those videos: to me it looks demanding and painful (and she does injure herself sometimes). But she is part of a community of people who like that, and they encourage each other. [I should also say that her boyfriend doesn't go to the gym at all, and that is perfectly fine with her.] When I tell my girlfriend that I need to go to the gym more regularly because I feel more energetic when I do, she tells me that going to to the gym only makes her feel tired. It is no big deal, but it is a minor cultural disconnect.
It could be that your boyfriend is really starting to jump on the bandwagon of a certain kind of fitness culture, where people take pride in recording their progress and there is a lot of talk of “gains.” (Ironically, I have that mentality more when it comes to other aspects of personal development than the purely physical, but it helps me understand their point of view.) So he may be imagining himself taking on fitness as a major interest in his life, so he wants you to take on that interest as well. That last part is, I think, where he is mistaken: as I mentioned above, different approaches to health and fitness within a relationship need not be dealbreaker.
But it is possible that you are interpreting his remarks as dissatisfaction with you physically when that is not really the case. I think you can find out by just holding firm with your own approach to health and fitness and seeing how things pan out between you. This one conversation doesn't necessarily have to be a continuing point of contention between you.
Organise several couple therapy appointments. Give her the ultimatum that either she comes with you, or you’ll go anyway and use the time to process your new life without her. At the appointment, be brave and clear and tell it like it is. Include the phrase ‘now she even wants to police my sleep’. It will help you immensely to hear yourself say it out aloud. It will help her to hear that it is a big deal. It will help in the future so you can say ‘I did my best to make it work’. You never know, it might even improve your marriage. Sometimes things slide over time and you need a short, sharp shock to push it back on the rails. Whatever happens, therapy is going to change things.
If she is so insecure that she can't even handle you wearing a damn bracelet then you are better off without her. She needs to work on her insecurity and hopefully she never makes a dumb decision like that again with other people. Thankfully the relationship only lasted for a couple weeks so you didn't waste much time on her.
Your family members are right. No way a mentally healthy 40 year old man would want anything to do with a 22 year old.