i know, it hurts so bad. i’m so sorry again this happened. i always think if only i’d known.. as i inherited so much trauma and warped ways of thinking from staying with him. i know it’s horrible and hard right now but atleast you can get the fuck away from that and protect your peace. it’s easy to say if only i’d known but atleast we can say thank god i know now. like imagine you never saw those messages come through and i’m sure right now you’re wishing you didn’t but then you’d be unaware and who knows what would’ve been going on and you would’ve been unaware! have you confronted him yet or thought about your next move?
It sounds like your boyfriend's eating habits and weight are majorly affecting his health and how he views himself, which makes it a sensitive topic. It’s kind to want to help him out while also not making him feel worse about himself – this is definitely a tricky situation.
I recommend being genuine when reaching out with concern but in a way that isn't critical or judgmental. Let him know you care by sharing specific ways you’ve seen them make healthier decisions – like the tips on losing 30 lbs you mentioned – but be sure to frame it as an effort to support rather than criticize. Offer non-judgmental resources, such as books on nutrition (or even myfitnesspal) that could lend more insight into balance diets and finding sustainable strategies for healthy living, without blame. Encourage self-care practices during meals, advocate for balanced portions of nutrients, provide quality time/attention during all interactions regarding food if possible (so tone shifts towards gentle influence and support). Deny any offers from their parents of unhealthy foods or bullying speech about their body image; focus instead on truly recognizing their identity construct with complete understanding of each decision they individually make related facets around wellness.
That’s fucking dumb, dude. An acrimonious relationship with someone you live with can ruin your life, even if you’re in separate bedrooms. You moved way too fast and now you’re finding out that you didn’t know each other well enough to make a commitment like this.
I think both are equally terrible in different ways. When it’s physical cheating that dIdNt mEAn AnYtHinG it means they were willing to hurt you and throw everything away over something that didn’t mean much.
And that’s the problem. You view her as a young prize to make your friends jealous. Even if nothing physical happened while she was a minor, her parents basically sold her off to an older man. But she sees herself as an independent American woman who wants a job and her own life. She doesn’t want to be your cook and housekeeper. And no matter how much money you make, that will not change her desire for freedom. You asked who is in the wrong here and you are. If you want a subservient wife, you need to go Saudi Arabia and get someone there who will be happy to be in America and was raised to be a housewife. Your current girlfriend is not going to play that role.
Your mom is being childish and needs to grow up. Move in with your boyfriend and put this nonsense behind you. Your mom/fundamentalism have oppressed you for 30 years – time to move on.
This dude is that insecure? You slept with someone 2 years ago and you guys have only been together for 3 months officially, 6 months lax dating. Screw that shit, he can get over it or you guys can break up. The fact he’s blaming you and being passive for a ONS two years ago is heavy douche bag territory.
Are you worried about your safety? If you have even the smallest feeling you could be unsafe my advice is to block him and don’t tell her. Your safety is always the most important priority
Not knowing would be tough. But she gave you an explanation. She didn't like how you handled the relationship when things got tough for her.
I'm guessing you don't want an explanation, you want a way to either make up for whatever shortcomings she perceived or have the opportunity to argue that they aren't enough reason to break up. Maybe you'd even like a play by play of where you went wrong.
You're not gonna get that and she doesn't owe it to you.
So instead of dwelling on what you can't have, start working on moving on.
Eh. Not everyone is a perfect storyteller. It's not that I think it isn't pertinent information, but she may just as well not include it because she didn't hear it through the pain.
There no obligation for your to switch your sexual preferences because your partner switched gender and there’s nothing to stop you staying best friends but you need to tell her “I’m not a lesbian and we need to separate and probably divorce. I remain your dearest friend”
Yeah this is bonkers. Something is up, other posters suggested some sort of trauma in relation to his education. Whatever it is you need to make it clear that he cannot dodge this. Give him a day or two to calm down. Then if he is still dodging you send him a message and tell him that #1 you will not agree to this demand and #2 you must discuss this and he needs to tell you about why he made this demand. Make it clear that there is no moving past this without addressing it. Go to a Therapist if needed but get to the bottom of whatever is going on.
His words and behaviors during arguments essentially become an afterthought when you later mention that the relationship is one sided and he puts in no effort. I'd have said to sit down and discuss it, but you already have and you've been brushed off.
As such, all you've learned is that nothing's ever going to change. So now you need to ask yourself if you want to live like this forever, or if it's time to walk away. Good luck.
And one more thing: His “awkward” feeling is nothing compared to the awkwardness you’ve endured for five years. Tell him to suck it up and hi on his own. Why isn’t so and so here? Insert excuse here. Everyone will already know the real reason. You’ll be saying as much by strategically limiting your exposure.
Call the police.
If you have a girlfriend, your crush should be your girlfriend – not anyone else. No, ur not cheating, but you’re stepping onto thin ice
> I don’t know how to trust him again.
You can't. Why would you trust someone who is willing to risk a longterm relationship for “someone to talk to”? Speaking of which….
>He said we’d argued & he was looking for someone to talk to & she just popped up.
Bullshit.
>& he did it to get back at me as he thought we were over.
Way to turn it back on you.
i know, it hurts so bad. i’m so sorry again this happened. i always think if only i’d known.. as i inherited so much trauma and warped ways of thinking from staying with him. i know it’s horrible and hard right now but atleast you can get the fuck away from that and protect your peace. it’s easy to say if only i’d known but atleast we can say thank god i know now. like imagine you never saw those messages come through and i’m sure right now you’re wishing you didn’t but then you’d be unaware and who knows what would’ve been going on and you would’ve been unaware! have you confronted him yet or thought about your next move?
It sounds like your boyfriend's eating habits and weight are majorly affecting his health and how he views himself, which makes it a sensitive topic. It’s kind to want to help him out while also not making him feel worse about himself – this is definitely a tricky situation.
I recommend being genuine when reaching out with concern but in a way that isn't critical or judgmental. Let him know you care by sharing specific ways you’ve seen them make healthier decisions – like the tips on losing 30 lbs you mentioned – but be sure to frame it as an effort to support rather than criticize. Offer non-judgmental resources, such as books on nutrition (or even myfitnesspal) that could lend more insight into balance diets and finding sustainable strategies for healthy living, without blame. Encourage self-care practices during meals, advocate for balanced portions of nutrients, provide quality time/attention during all interactions regarding food if possible (so tone shifts towards gentle influence and support). Deny any offers from their parents of unhealthy foods or bullying speech about their body image; focus instead on truly recognizing their identity construct with complete understanding of each decision they individually make related facets around wellness.
I always ask every sexual partner if they are clean or not
Huh?
Hows that working out for you?
Dont assume stuff about her if u dont know her
Some people just shouldn't have kids.
He's 21, so he basically is.
That’s fucking dumb, dude. An acrimonious relationship with someone you live with can ruin your life, even if you’re in separate bedrooms. You moved way too fast and now you’re finding out that you didn’t know each other well enough to make a commitment like this.
I think both are equally terrible in different ways. When it’s physical cheating that dIdNt mEAn AnYtHinG it means they were willing to hurt you and throw everything away over something that didn’t mean much.
And that’s the problem. You view her as a young prize to make your friends jealous. Even if nothing physical happened while she was a minor, her parents basically sold her off to an older man. But she sees herself as an independent American woman who wants a job and her own life. She doesn’t want to be your cook and housekeeper. And no matter how much money you make, that will not change her desire for freedom. You asked who is in the wrong here and you are. If you want a subservient wife, you need to go Saudi Arabia and get someone there who will be happy to be in America and was raised to be a housewife. Your current girlfriend is not going to play that role.
Your mom is being childish and needs to grow up. Move in with your boyfriend and put this nonsense behind you. Your mom/fundamentalism have oppressed you for 30 years – time to move on.
This was not a serious discussion about naming an actual child.
Let him be. you can’t concern yourself with something that may or may not happen in the future.
This dude is that insecure? You slept with someone 2 years ago and you guys have only been together for 3 months officially, 6 months lax dating. Screw that shit, he can get over it or you guys can break up. The fact he’s blaming you and being passive for a ONS two years ago is heavy douche bag territory.
You’ve been dating her 4 months and these have been issues from the start. I’m not sure what you’re expecting
Hard to find a mature romance scammer lol
Also document everything
That!
In that order.
And with that much emphasis.
Ignoring work and proving some idiot wrong all morning. Priceless.
Are you worried about your safety? If you have even the smallest feeling you could be unsafe my advice is to block him and don’t tell her. Your safety is always the most important priority
Not knowing would be tough. But she gave you an explanation. She didn't like how you handled the relationship when things got tough for her.
I'm guessing you don't want an explanation, you want a way to either make up for whatever shortcomings she perceived or have the opportunity to argue that they aren't enough reason to break up. Maybe you'd even like a play by play of where you went wrong.
You're not gonna get that and she doesn't owe it to you.
So instead of dwelling on what you can't have, start working on moving on.
Sounds like a massive prank. Or a creative writing thing. Not superb.
Eh. Not everyone is a perfect storyteller. It's not that I think it isn't pertinent information, but she may just as well not include it because she didn't hear it through the pain.
Yoooooooooo you're a psycho
You should really understand his disability more. It sounds like you have no idea the type of person you are dealing with.
There no obligation for your to switch your sexual preferences because your partner switched gender and there’s nothing to stop you staying best friends but you need to tell her “I’m not a lesbian and we need to separate and probably divorce. I remain your dearest friend”
yes, for sure you now have to decide what you want to do going forward where he and your relationship are concerned. it's hanging over you.
Yeah this is bonkers. Something is up, other posters suggested some sort of trauma in relation to his education. Whatever it is you need to make it clear that he cannot dodge this. Give him a day or two to calm down. Then if he is still dodging you send him a message and tell him that #1 you will not agree to this demand and #2 you must discuss this and he needs to tell you about why he made this demand. Make it clear that there is no moving past this without addressing it. Go to a Therapist if needed but get to the bottom of whatever is going on.
His words and behaviors during arguments essentially become an afterthought when you later mention that the relationship is one sided and he puts in no effort. I'd have said to sit down and discuss it, but you already have and you've been brushed off.
As such, all you've learned is that nothing's ever going to change. So now you need to ask yourself if you want to live like this forever, or if it's time to walk away. Good luck.
And one more thing: His “awkward” feeling is nothing compared to the awkwardness you’ve endured for five years. Tell him to suck it up and hi on his own. Why isn’t so and so here? Insert excuse here. Everyone will already know the real reason. You’ll be saying as much by strategically limiting your exposure.
Just leave, he’s not going to change.
It sucks. Sorry to hear you're going through it too.
By breaking up with her so she actually understands how serious it is. How does she keep getting it from her family?
Why do you have to build a new house? Why can’t you find another house or a condo in the area?