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Date: September 30, 2022
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It is very toxic to be comparing yourself to your new partner when you're two different complete people. The more you continue to compare yourself, the more you will end up resenting yourself and slowly resent her. You should talk to her about it or seek mental help about it. Because it'll end up helping you a lot with expressing these feelings and how you feel overall.
Don't compare yourself to someone who isn't you. When you want change, then prove it to yourself instead of sitting there comparing.
It is very toxic to be comparing yourself to your new partner when you're two different complete people. The more you continue to compare yourself, the more you will end up resenting yourself and slowly resent her. You should talk to her about it or seek mental help about it. Because it'll end up helping you a lot with expressing these feelings and how you feel overall.
Don't compare yourself to someone who isn't you. When you want change, then prove it to yourself instead of sitting there comparing.
Yes I acknowledge where my actions seems to betray my resolve but at this point I know I won't make any moves but if she does, I know I will falter. We have to see each other because we already agreed to co parent our dogs by her coming to see them in my place till she moves out from her sister's place to her own. I want to seek the possibility of a neutral place like the dog park but I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying she can't come to my place to see them either, we didn't work out a schedule and it's not fair for me to deny her seeing them just because I don't feel comfortable.
Here's the deal. She had already decided she didn't want to be with you. A break up was inevitable. So the cheating was bad (if she was cheating – it's not entirely clear from your post whether they were having sex etc before she broke up with you), but it was a symptom, not a cause.
She should have broken up with you first, but she didn't. That's shitty, but so many people do it, it should come as no surprise. Clearly this was not a relationship that was going to last, so she did you a favor but cutting you loose, even though she did it in a bad way.
Your best friend getting with her is also shitty, but that simply means he really wasn't your best friend at all. He was a friend of convenience, until something better in his mind (like a relationship with her) came along. He also showed you how much he valued your friendship and it wasn't that much. So thank him for that.
My dude, I mean this in the kindest, most helpful way possible: you need to work on your emotional stability and resiliency. You will have many relationships in your life and some will end shortly after they start, some after months and years, and some after a decade or more. You can't go through life having your mental health wrecked every time someone breaks up with you. You need a counselor to help you get through this and get on a more even keel for future dating.
Request a dorm change. Or move somewhere else if you can. If you can't, come to some agreement with your dickhead roommate about minimizing contact if you can. You don't love her – you love an idealized version of her. But she decided you were incompatible. You have to live with that. She handled it in an unethical way – adjust your opinion of her to reflect her lack of ethics, although to be fair, people your age are still learning how to be ethical in and when leaving relationships. There is no “the one” And if there were, your chances of finding them at 19-20 are ridiculously small. Stay out of your significant other's chats etc. Even if you feel it was justified in this case, it is a bad habit to get into and it could kill good relationships down the road. Don't tie your emotional health to her affection for you. Don't view relationships as transactional. You doing everything for her doesn't mean you're entitled to a relationship with her or that she owes you one. Also, don't abandon your needs to serve her.
Hugs bro and good luck
Don't be dumb man. No trying to sound like a duck but have some self respect. You are young and will meet many more women. Hell at that age I highly doubt you are even certain in what you want relationship wise
I had to check that my husband didn’t write this. I am in your wife’s situation 100%, from the chronic pain to the shit immune system to recently having to quit my job.
Here’s the thing. If her therapy isn’t working, it’s time to switch up the therapy. There are so many different kinds, and honestly, the kind they usually try to use on us disabled folks (CBT) is really blamey and bad for us. I’d recommend looking for a therapist who specializes in chronic pain specifically. It’s such a different issue than regular depression.
Try to help your wife find some online friends. Online friendships are just as fulfilling as IRL ones and sometimes more so. Discord and Twitter are good places for these, as well as subreddits about her specific conditions. This will not only help the depression, it’ll take some of the support needs off of you.
Being a caregiver is rough. Being disabled is rougher. (Have done both.) Are you doing your own therapy?
Anything else?
So, my younger (35) brother is like this. It's an inability or an unawareness of the need to detail out their thought process for others.
Example: my brother has to take his car to the shop. He then calls me and says the engine is misfiring because of some issue with his car door.
Huh? What the actual fuck?!?
So I called the mechanic to find out what exactly is going on. Here's how he got to his fantastic leap of logic…
1.When he bought the car there was a recall on the window motor in the door. His wasn't having issues so never fussed with it.
When his car started misfiring he took it to the shop and the mechanic thought the issue might be related to ANOTHER possible recall and wanted him to take it to the dealership so they could do the work – for free.
His mind heard recall and automatically connected the 2 things and for him the most logical conclusion was that the door recall caused his engine issues (which of course it wasn't)
The easiest way to navigate is to either repeat back what you heard if it's important and follow the line of logic slowly even if it annoys both of you. If it's nothing important then just vague agreements usually get you past the less than relevant information.
Wait, how can she check your location? Is there a restraining order here?
Find out if there is a way to cancel (perhaps with a large penalty). If there is, end it.
If there isn’t, pay for gym membership; but otherwise live your life. And turn the responsibility towards her.
“When I make a commitment, I honor my word. If you are asking me to stop paying for the membership, I will happily do so. Otherwise I will continue paying through_____. Please advise.
I am also a member of that gym. This is also where I live and work. While I have no interest in running into you, I will no longer alter my schedule based on yours. Nor will be providing any information about my schedule.”
Send them the videos.
thank you 🙂 i appreciate it
Not really worth the pictures to let that kind of an asshole disrespect you on your day while you act like everything's just peachy, is it?
You absolutely should start therapy asap. This is super unhealthy and is going to destroy all the good stuff you have with him now if you don’t deal with it.
I mean I get those situations for sure, but that would be relevant info in favor of OP so it would make sense to include that. The absence of it leads me to believe it wasn't because she was hammered or something. There's a lot of missing into for me to really pop off on either person, but i think the ex is getting slammed here for being what appears to be (based on info provided) justifiably upset and people are glossing over OPs missteps because of his upset reaction.
Do you think you’re redirecting your frustrations at your gf when it should be the couple that’s getting married and the random dude?
You trust your girl. Your girl trusts you. Sometimes, we have lapses in judgement and that’s okay.
I’m not? And how would you know this?