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erika-gomez chat
Date: October 24, 2022
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Unless you want to feel disappointed, I'd talk to him BEFORE Christmas and ask that you agree on a plan- price limit, etc. and remind him that you'll feel hurt if it doesn't indicate thought.
You may want to read up about love languages and encourage him to do the same
He needs to get in on the fun and help her score hoodies. I’m not entirely sure what he could do but they could make a game out of it.
I’m paying for most of the vacation. He’s paying for a little bit but it’s a lot for him.
Seriously OP, ignore most of the idiots in here. People on reddit treat cheaters like they have horns and a fetish for stealing the souls of small children, so they'll go hard after your dad. Many of them also seem to have poor relationships with their fathers, aka daddy issues, and so dismiss fathers as parents quite often.
What you have to do is be very clear and honest with your mother. What your father did to her was wrong, he was selfish and treated her in a way that no partner should treat someone they supposedly loved. However, he is still your father and you wish to have a good relationship with him. This in no way reflects on your relationship with her and that you love her deeply but will not be made to choose between them. If she chooses to cut contact with you over this then that is her choice and you will always be there if and when she wants to reconnect with you.
I honestly just think this is all out of her grief and you should offer to spend more time with her to help her deal with the pain, especially if she refuses to go to therapy.
Are you guys native english speaking? Just wondering about the phrasing “something that makes you think of me”. Because it seems you bought her something you think she would like, while she bought something that reminded her of you. If she listened to one of her albums when dating you or similar, she gave you something that reminded her of you, the album. Maybe a miscommunication happened?
I was going to say that it was somewhat inappropriate (but not unrecoverable) when you said she was discussing relationship problems with him. Then you said she had admitted an attraction to him!
She has been attracted to him. She needs to cut contact. She can backpedal all she likes but she has admitted to it. All the backpedalling in the world won't change that. Even if she doesnt have real feelings or admits that after thinking some more she couldn't imagine being involved with him she still has to cut the contact.
You should consider counselling if you can access it and concentrate on communication and strengthening the relationship. A male confidente that she is attracted to will not be beneficial like she thinks.
Thank you for validating the ADHD part. People don’t understand how this genuinely affects how i navigate friendships. ?
No, you were not wrong. Tell him to go to Home Depot, rent a truck and haul the thing himself. Also he seems like a right cunt.
I'm no professional, but I do believe that it's both an affliction and an instance. I'm team you.
Um I would leave him
Got it – so you're not exactly visiting, you're returning home from college.
It sounds like this has gone poorly before. I don't think you're going to avoid a conflict entirely, but here are some ideas to improve matters.
Be sure to buy your own food, and when you do you should offer to pick things up for the house as well. Show your mom a formal eating plan from the team. (Yes, it is fine to compose this yourself and just print it out.) Talk through the importance of your training regimen so she knows why you're doing it. It can help to explain that you would rather eat her food but you've resolved to follow the eating plan to maximize your performance. Pick a cheat day, and let her know when it will be. If you can manage one dinner a week of hers (you should be able to) that is the best but if it needs to be every two weeks, so be it. Be sure that your lifestyle reflects that you are in training. In other words, you can't refuse to eat your family's food while you're home and then go out and have beers after work. Same goes for drugs.
I hope that helps a bit!
They didn’t hack his phone. He sent nudes and they want money
OP, I haven't read all the comments so I don't know if this will be a duplicate, but my advice is to postpone the wedding. Do not marry your fiancee until the two of you are on the same page about dealing with each of your respective families.
She is already throwing up relationship damaging red flags here in that she's not willing to enforce your boundary because she is more afraid of her family than she is of losing you. She's supposed to be picking YOU, NOT her BIL. She is giving ALL THE POWER to BIL here because she knows that HE knows her family will back HIM up.
So think about when the kids come and you want to enforce some boundaries with the in-laws but then your wife “hems and haws” because she's worried about making them mad, or BIL does some idiotic “prank” during, say, a baptism (I don't know, I just pulled that usually serious event out of my ass, but something serious is the point) and he thinks it would be “funny” to show up as Jesus on the Cross.
The point is that the only thing BIL is trustworthy for is being untrustworthy and unwilling to put himself aside for other people when it is their time. He clearly is selfish, self centered, and certainly entitled to the attention, and your future in-laws tolerate it. Are you willing to have that and other possible intrusions from the in-laws into your family you are creating with your fiancee?
Because the issue here isn't how to “manage” the BIL. The real issue here is that your fiancee is unwilling to lay down the law with boundaries around YOUR wedding with her family. It'll get worse and more manipulative when children are in the mix. THIS is the real issue here, OP, not your BIL wanting to come in a clown suit to your wedding. That's easy – just hire security and have him forcibly removed from the premises. But that doesn't address the actual larger issue here and that's the fact that your fiancee, the woman you are committing to for the rest of your life with, and possibly having children with, does not have your back.
Do you really want to make vows to someone who would sacrifice you and your comfort to people who aren't part of your new family you are creating? Can you truly trust that situation? What about conflict with her parents and your parenting? What about their objections to a house the two of you want to buy? Do you really want to be tied to a family who has a selfish, self-centered entitled jerk that makes everything about him and they support that by tolerating unacceptable and inappropriate behavior? Are you sure you want to marry into a family where your needs and wants are pushed aside for someone else who married into that family? What sort of family and people are they that they won't tell BIL to either shape up or don't attend family events if he can't be an adult? What sort of family are they that they might actually be too scared to say anything?
You sound way beyond “second fiddle” here with the in-laws, OP, try “last” fiddle.
Take a peek at r/JUSTNOFAMILY, r/JUSTNOMIL, r/Justnofil, and even r/JustNoSO to see what sort of bullshit happens when families don't have healthy boundaries and are unwilling to enforce these boundaries along with allowing problematic family members to get away with shit because “it's funny” or “whatever.”
Think long and hard about this.
Unfortunately, I think the best play is to be honest here. “I’m sorry, but after all this time I really don’t believe I’m a lesbian. You’re great and my feelings were real, but it wouldn’t be fair to continue this knowing I’m not all in with you.” Good luck.
Or dead
See if you can go to a DV shelter and don't tell anyone where you are. Including your own family since they sound like half the problem.
You can be free and have a new life, you just need to be willing to give up this old one, which honestly sounds like a horrible life. If your fiance isn't hitting you now then he will likely start as soon as you get married. Don't marry him.
What are you hoping to accomplish? She’s probably not going to apologize. She’s not going to feel badly. You put up with her behavior. Remember that. It will help you avoid bad situations in the future.
Wtf, anyone can enjoy shows/movies about young ppl. Eg. Skins, which I now get nostalgia rewatching. Sometimes it’s cool to escape your boring adult life and watch stuff like that to reminisce or whatever. Tell your groomer partner to get her mind out the gutter ? as she was 29 when she scooped u up at 19. Also, that chat thing you mentioned when u were 18 isn’t even bad, she has you feeling guilt & paranoia over nothing.