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Date: October 4, 2022
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if it doesn't bother you too much then you can just let it be, if it does bother you then block them from seeing your accounts.
they likely do it to see who their replacement is, or since they're no longer in contact with you, social media is the way they can know what your life is like now.
I agree that it’s odd behavior for a teenaged girl to act like that especially with how young we are. I just wish somehow I could at least get her to open up to me somehow.
I’ve told her before that I think she has something that she’s running from yet she won’t talk to me about and THAT can also be a frustrating situation because I don’t want to keep trying to pry it out of her.
Is there anything I can do to point her in the right direction?
If she stopped the SSRI because she was doing well, and now is doing really poorly, then has she tried going back on the SSRI? Yeah it’s not a great solution to feel like you now permanently need to be on a medicine, but it sounds better than her current situation.
If she wasn’t doing well when she stopped the SSRI, then I don’t see how you could differentiate between worse (and now untreated) depression or the syndrome you’re describing. Depression can cause severe symptoms like depersonalization and psychosis, so what you’re describing is not out of the realm of possibility.
If PSSD has no known treatments or cure, then I would get help from a doctor or psychiatrist. Sounds like you both don’t trust them very much. But if you’re out of options, see what advice they have and try it, just in case it could help her feel better.
I mean he isn’t the one in a relationship, so he can do what he likes.
That being said, how would he feel if he was in a relationship and his girl was doing this with another guy??
Your comment has been removed and you are banned from /r/relationshipadvice because you are brigading from /r/bestofredditorupdates. BORU and Reddit itself have rules against brigading, and commenting on posts linked on a different sub counts as brigading. Additionally, since BORU has a 7-day period before updates can be posted, the OOP has already received any advice relevant to their situation.
Your comment has been removed and you are banned from /r/relationshipadvice because you are brigading from /r/bestofredditorupdates. BORU and Reddit itself have rules against brigading, and commenting on posts linked on a different sub counts as brigading. Additionally, since BORU has a 7-day period before updates can be posted, the OOP has already received any advice relevant to their situation.
how about you actually provide the studies before you ask ppl to debunk them
Put yourself in her shoes : what would be your state of mind if you were to see videos of her with her ex getting railed, putting the same moves and faces you tend to think are only for you.
Give her space and if that's a deal breaker for her then let her be.
Tell your parents he sings an “our father” before he eats you out to show respect for your religion
So it's done. Breaks aren't actually a thing. Do better next time.
Sounds like you give him everything he needs, and a title will complicate that.
OP also needs to tell his mother what happened and bring her over as much as possible so she can be extremely judgmental towards the ex. Also have her call up and ask to speak to the ex on a regular basis and just be a mum.
No ex wants to listen to that.
Lots of new dates, boorish friends, and judgmental mother. Winning combination.
Thats true, i guess that should have been more obvious to me, thank you, ill try my best.
She hasn't specifically stated that she would use self harm if I did, however I'm extremely worried that she would as she used it as a coping mechanism during stressful times eg exams. I just don't want to be responsible for it happening again as it took me a good amount of time to convince her to stop in the first place, she hasn't taken my advice to see a counselor or therapist about it, rather she asks me for my advice in situations and I feel utterly helpless and guilty when I can't give the right answers
I was casually listening to a Pink Floyd song(When The Tigers Broke Free) reading this and the last part struck my heart.
How can a human being be so in denial about its descendance is unforgivable. You're bringing life to this world only to slam the door shut to it instead of embracing your flesh's flesh. Disgusting.
I'm deeply sorry for judging your uncle that quickly, but these sort of events are making fly off the handle…
As for the OP, I'm wishing you the best of luck through this but if your biological kid ever visits you someday, don't close the door.
I’m not that type at all. He grabs my phone looks up whatever he wants browser, pictures etc. so I just feel it’s odd that I can’t do that with him
Yeah I’m starting to realize this
Is there a question here?
we’ll see you back in 2 months when this blows in your face
i messaged him today (completely unrelated to relationships lol) and i needed his help with something super urgent. he told me hes not currently at home (at his families) and that he may be able to help when he gets home but hes far now. he said he would tell me what he does and i told him “i thought u were home! sorry i didnt want to bother u its fine dont worry!”
he didn’t respond so idk whats he gonna do
I don’t think emotions are as black and white as you’re indicating in this
Where did I say it's black and white? Feelings happen, sure, but this woman actively decides to cheat on her bf and string you along. It's not that hard to set healthy boundaries and either break up with her SO, or go no contact with you.
She's simply selfish and likes to have her cake and eat it too. She enjoys your attention.
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Ditch him an ghost him he not worth your time. Unless you want go to small claims court.
Why don’t you just go to the office on those days instead of kicking everyone else out of their home?
Thank you, this is great advice.
If I dont impress women how can I attract them? No ones notices me, ever.
I want to stay myself but if I stay myself no woman gets interested. Its always rejection rejection rejection. Whatever I say about myself or how I try to introduce myself. I want to change this but anything I do just doesnt make it better. Maybe Im not physically attractive? Idk, im looking for answers.
I agree with you that I shouldnt take things personally, but after countless times thoughts have slowly been creeping into my mind telling me I am not good enough and it IS personal, because my friends and family do manage to attract women. But not me. Im the only one. This is why I am thinking it is personal despite I dont want to think it.
Thank you
Lmaoooo fellas is it gay to actually like your girlfriend?
Get a new boyfriend that actually wants to be around you. You deserve better.
I'm in trouble. Getting more entrenched.
Kylie Jenner has had so much plastic surgery to look the way she does. He needs a reality check and shouldn’t be talking to you like your one of the boys.
If you are going to get the surgery make sure it is for yourself and not him. Make sure you are taking care of yourself mental and physically.
Don't get the surgery and tell him he doesn't get to control your body with money threats. Then maybe dump him cause there are much better men out there.
He was interested and then he wasn't, that's normal. Just lost feelings or whatever.
Talk to him about if there are special occasions when you can stay out later together. Come to agreement about what time you will leave. Both compromise and stick to it.
Ultimately you'll just have to accept that he isn't a late night kind of guy. He is who he is. And you are who you are. This is just one thing you don't have in common.
I think its better he leaves before falling asleep and embarrassing you though.
I’ll probably have an unpopular opinion here, but I’d ask my child.
“Your birth mom asked if she could meet you. Would you want to meet her?”
Open, easy, and it’s okay if your daughter says “yes,” “no” or “not yet.” If
Don’t tell him and call some family. If you tell him he’ll gaslight you into staying because of it whether you want it or not. Once your trapped with a baby it’s extremely hard to get out. Don’t bring a baby into the world if you cant care for it.
It’s already broken. It’s been broken. You’re just clutching the broken pieces, and have been for years.
Heyyy sauce man is back!!
Heyyy sauce man is back!!
Sometimes our oldest friendships are the ones we turn a blind eye to. We have had them so long, we don’t want to lose them but we lose sight of the fact they aren’t positive relationships anymore. She wasn’t acting as your friend in this story- more of an instigator and hypocrite.
Is he hungarian?
If you translate butthead to hunagrian it means “seggfej”. “Seggfej” in english translates into asshole.
Seriously, he comes onto Reddit saying he has a fetish that he can't tell his girlfriend about I was expecting something a lot worse.
Hey. I read all of this. I agree with everything you said in 1-5. I also think it shows an incredible amount of insight. There really isn’t anything to do. If he does reach out be polite. Only polite. Don’t accept invitations and be polite if you see him out and about. Treat him like a very distant cousin you see once every three years.
I was totally on board with their house/their rule until they let your sister have her gf.
However..that comes from them not viewing lesbian sex as real sex and also zero chance of her getting pregnant out of wedlock…lots of ick there.
Are you on good terms with your sister? Can you talk openly to her and see how she views it and then maybe approach your parents together. But she won't want to lose her freedoms lol
They are being unfair, but sadly, I cannot see it changing so I guess focus on moving out.
You're going through a tough time and it's good that you have someone to support you. You need to stop listening to negative messages you give yourself in your head. These messages come from a part of your psyche that is sometimes called the Critical Parent, judgmental and destructive. Just tell it to shut up. You need to give yourself messages that reinforce yourself and the good person you are inside. It takes practice, so think of good and comforting things to tell yourself and if possible enlist his aid in this.
Give yourself credit for being strong and tender and recognizing what is going on with you as a result of burnout and stress. You are a good person inside and you can stand what's going on and make it right. You've already taken the first step.
That's what I'm currently doing. Yes, I make excuses because I'm going home at 6:30 and we ate 30 min to an hour later so I unfortunately don't have 2 hours to cook like she does. I know how to follow a recipe for simple thing, but even with a recipe, I don't manage to do very difficult things
Them telling you that he left a note for you but not allowing you to read it is just straight up manipulative and shitty human behavior. That is terrible. If they weren't going to give it to you then they never should have mentioned it.
It is not fair that you do everything in the house and your wife allows you no break. You need to put up boundaries. So what you do is this. You assign 2 or 3 days per week (like the weekend or maybe one evening midweek) for cleaning. And you make a schedule what chores get done on what day. And you tell her that. And you also tell her if a chore is not up for whatever day it is, to not complain about it. You tell her you need this to reduce her complaining, because it is burning you out otherwise. And that she needs to respect that.
And then if Saturday is your washing day, you tell her “I get that it's Friday and you are seeing a lot of clothes that need to be washed, but tomorrow is my washing day. There is enough clothing (and whatever else, like medical washable diapers?) to get through to tomorrow, so no need to ask me this now”. And if she keeps complaining you tell her “I already told you when I will wash and told you there is enough clothing until tomorrow. I need you to stop complaining. This is a hard boundary for me to prevent burning out. I'm not picking a fight, I am asking to respect my needs to not burn out and stop talking about this.”
For food, you have a set time. “we will eat everyday at 6:30 PM. I have no time to make food before that. If you are hungry you have snack close to you to get to 6:30 PM.” You also do this set time for when the dogs go out or in and tell her she can only complain about these daily tasks at the set time. Not before. And again, if she starts to complain again after the offering of snacks, you tell her again to respect your boundaries.
And if you have to tell her repeatedly to respect this boundary. Like, after at the very most a week she should understand the system (but really, already after the first talk tbh, a week is very generous). At that point you should ask yourself if your wife does respect you enough and cares about you. It is totally okay to decide she doesn't respect you enough and to find other options for other people to take care of her. Caring for her is not some sort of fate of your life, you can step out whenever you want, and especially when she doesn't respect you.
Why is that drunk women can't consent but drunk men can willingly do everything they propose?
That is devastating. If you have anyone else in your life, could they step in for you? It might be better to be without him. He also might need to move in with his family since they are so important to him. I think your boundaries are reasonable.
Edited for punctuation.
unfortunately, lying is a massive issue of his. And that’s true, thank you for that insight
It's a baby…you so carelessly tossed away because of a man
That’s the tricky thing about mental health treatment: you’re just not going to get far if the person is not actively seeking help, and knows that they need to change because their current track is dangerous and unhealthy. It’s like the saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.
And no, you are definitely not the first person to need to leave a relationship because of the others declining mental health and refusal to accept help. At a certain point, it’s damaging yours as well and it’s perfectly understandable to need to leave to protect your own mental well being.
If it were me, I'd ask him if he'd be able to afford the fee, child support and alimony too since he had been lying for years.
Stop coming up with excuses and tell him the truth. It’s gross. My husband lost his sense of smell for a while after getting Covid and stopped wearing deodorant. He couldn’t smell himself so I guess he just didn’t think about it. I had to tell him he smelled for him to start wearing it again.
I don't really… care about being a good person? I specifically asked for insight on dating a sibling of someone you dated before, not weird pearl clutchy loserish moral judgement.
We only know what op said. We can’t be sure he noticed every change in his wife’s mood. We can’t even be sure that further travelling will last more than a few days. We only see it from HIS perspective and everybody is painting the picture where she rolling around the world using his money. I mean, maybe it makes sense to show some reasonable kindness here?
I was two when he died.
How were you there with your mother but not with her in the car?
Do you still have contact with your mother?
That's a bummer but insecure or jealous people are often irrational. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong to me.
doesnt sound like autism to me. but even if it is; you dont need to tolerate bad behaviour just because someone is autistic. why are you with this person?
You owe your ex an apology for your extreme reaction.
Do you usually tell victims of sexual assault that they owe their perpetrator an apology for having a negative reaction toward their sexual assault?
I think having more time to myself would be nice/accurate. Just to decompress away from my children.
Have to look into the mom groups. My youngest is still at home all day so haven't really looked for them yet.
Did you regularly get Pap smears? Usually, most folks I know will get results for pre-cancerous cells and they will monitor and make sure it doesn't develop into cancer.
She thinks you’re going to punch her in the head, and she’s going to magically be knocked out for an entire night so that she experiences no side effects from her eating? That doesn’t make any sense.
Wrap him up like a present and let her have him. You can escape. Sel preservation. Get out.
Clearly flirting. Enjoyed giving you the attention. You called his bluff and it became real. At least he’s not a cheater, I guess. What a baby
Please, take some advice from a woman with about a decade on you. I (F32) have dated quite a bit. My family knew most of the men I went out with. I complained an equivalent amount about all of them. One of the men, my mom would actually defend, and would tell me that she adored him and I was lucky to have him. I did not marry that man.
My family only hated two of the men I was with. The first one was when I was close to your age. I didn’t listen. He wound up emotionally and sexually abusing me (and hit me once). I married the second one. He wound up being a heroin addict/alcoholic who lied his way into marrying me, and didn’t reveal his true self until I had given birth to his child and was well and truly trapped.
Do yourself a favor. Listen to your family.
You can cry now because you lost him, or cry later because you’ve gotten him.
Cry now.
Please consider that in the first years of life until your child is a kid- her staying home might be a good thing. Not everyone has this luxury, and childcare is very expensive. Not always quality either
I personally think farts that just happen accidently are no problem but if you know that you need to fart and even press it out, you can go in another room. Why? It is air that goes through your bowels and all the shit in it. So you press out air with poop-particles(except you have poop-free bowles, but who have them).
In the end she told you that she dislikes it. That is all that matters. Now you can ask yourself if your freedom to fart is worth all the stress. Time your farting with peeing or getting snacks. Or if you are especially airy, warn her before and she can decide if she let it go for today.
God comes for him, before you come for him, but instead he come’th for you. He nutted and remembered God is watching him. He’ll forgive you, but your relationship won’t ever be the same. He’s already sinning by have a premarital form of sex. When I say he will forgive you, he has to because he’s a Christian, even though I think that he’s in the wrong and a hypocrite.
Why did he sign up in a relationship with you while knowingly understanding he can’t do this stuff?
Best thing to do is not to think about it, what’s done is done and it cannot be undone so why bother with things you don’t have control over? Just love your person and continue with life
These creative writing posts are getting out of hand.
Your body your choice
Nothing a good ol skull crackin won’t fix.
Last night I asked him. I told him I felt like he could be with anyone and it wouldn’t change much. He told me that it’s true, I could’ve been anyone. I told him I felt replaceable, he told me that if it ends it’s not to replace me. I told him I didn’t feel special and asked him if he thought i was special. He said no, he said I was unique but not special. I asked him why and he said he didn’t know.
This is honestly a very weird conversation and probably not one you want to start!
I think you need to find ways to find validation in yourself and not rely on other people for it…
You may be special to him… but no one is objectively “special.” What does that even mean? There are 8 billion people on earth – you are very similar to other people in a lot of ways.
My friendship or potential relationship with this creep would end immediately.
Just for the sake of conversation, do you really mean that you'd cut someone off that you've known for well over a decade? Do you really live like that? I'm not at all trying to defend the stuff this guy has said. It's incredibly creepy and inappropriate, but this just seems like such an extreme response to me.
I understand its not your job to educate grown men on how to not be weird, but isn't this behavior somewhat commonplace amongst people from that generation? Do you entertain the idea that maybe being creepy wasn't his intention, and that instead of losing that friend that you possibly could have a conversation with him where he learns that his behavior is problematic?
It seems so foreign to me that you'd value such a long-term friendship to such a small degree that you wouldn't even think about having a conversation with the person even for the sake of understanding where they were coming from, assuming you had no interest in trying to help them become a better person.
Speaking as one who is annoyingly early, you're not being petty. I find that people who are always late and won't let you know, are very rude and inconsiderate.
I accept that it's a struggle for some people to get out on time. Or to be organized enough in their lives so they don't have to stop for gas, pick up the dry cleaning etc etc on the way.
But, this is just rude.
And I wonder, if you scratch the surface a bit, if you'll uncover other inconsiderate behavior on his part.
She should have given you a heads up to let you make that decision but a lot of women feel entitled to date the man they want to date and will ommit things that make them look bad.
Kudos to her friends for telling you.
Her condition isn’t treatable no, Crohn’s currently doesn’t have a cure and it affects her large intestine making it so that she’s in immense pain anytime she eats something really, also can make intimacy quite un-enjoyable when she’s going through these random bouts of pain