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Date: February 15, 2023
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Again, you tell him the bad stuff. He cares about you. It is not his job to support an abusive relationship. He is not REQUIRED to like people. It doesn’t sound like he said he would never see them, just that he needs a break.
You are still not getting it. You are only concerned about what you think he should be doing and you have no actual concern about his feelings.
If you think a partner should be there to support each other, then you need to heed your advice and support his discomfort being around them.
Make leaving an option.
Call family, friends, a shelter, anything. Find things to pawn. If you’re not ready to leave now, get to a place where you can leave once this escalates to physical abuse.
It will.
Tell her, “When you’re ready for a real relationship with me, leg me know. Note that a teal relationship with me cannot include ‘feelings’ for some other person. If I’m still available at that time, I will take it under consideration.”
Then drop her off at her parents, a friend, or some such, and walk the fuck away.
DO NOT let her toy with you while she tries to ‘work out’ her feelings about this guy. The fact that she had it bad enough to feel the need to tell you about it means it was serious enough to warrant a break. She doesn’t want you nearly enough to deserve to have you.
And for your part, you don’t deserve to he dragged through the shit of watching the woman who claims to love you twist herself into emotional pretzels over some asshole.
I gave her my word after breaking up as well, because she had an entire meltdown/panic attack while we argued. I couldn’t help but feel bad.
Yeah, work on fixing the things in your life you feel are holding you back. If you want more money, start looking for new work, you don’t like that you are shy, start new hobbies that make you the center of attention.
Mid to late 20s are the best time in your life to totally start a new chapter.
Start going to the gym, start eating healthier, start new hobbies.
Just start working on all the things people normally neglect in their early 20s.
I wouldn’t go through with it man. While yeah it would some guys dream, but not with your wife and her best friend. It will most likely ruin things and your mind is telling you that its a bad idea but i don’t think you’re listening to it. Tell your wife how you feel about it, because if i were you, i wouldn’t go through with it. You married her because you both want to have a life commitment to each other, well i don’t think your wife suggesting a threesome will do any good for your marriage.
Also, if you enjoy it more than you do with your wife, then that will be a problem. if SHE enjoyed it more than with you, then that will be a problem. Theres a few things that will go wrong in the aftermath of the threesome. So to give my opinion finally, i wouldn’t do it for a split second.
Never agree to threesomes with someone you both know or have met before; especially if it's your first time doing this. And, if I'm understanding correctly, it's a huge red flag that this was agreed upon between your wife and her friend before it was even a discussion with you both a as a couple.
OP, I would hit the brakes immediately and talk about this with your wife a little more. If this is for your birthday, this should be an experience for you as a couple. Talking it through, agreeing your boundaries, finding your third person together, flirting, the build up etc; it's all part of the experience. It's doesn't seem like this is actually about you at all, especially given this will be the first time you've ever slept with another person that isn't your wife. The care and attention and focus on you seems woefully lacking.
I hate to say this but people who goad their partners into hurried threesomes, and already have someone lined up like this that they have an existing bond/relationship with, aren't usually after a threesome at all; rather they are looking for free permission to cheat and to do in such a way that you cannot get upset about it later.