Thanks for the context. Similar to what I said in the beginning, you're not going to come off well and likely get shit on, and again, that might still be appropriate.
Regardless, I'm happy to continue this here, or you can feel free to PM me. Either way, if we're to assume you're being honest and that everything was truly awesome for four years and then went off a cliff after marriage (I genuinely find this hard to believe but I'm sure it happens), then we're in a bit of a different situation.
Now, that doesn't change reality. If your husband started crossing boundaries, then I'm truly sorry, you should never accept it, and you should be in contact with an attorney. Add in you saying that you've never been compatible and it at least explains the issues (which logically couldn't have been non-existent for the first four years), but that's really my point.
You're incompatible with your husband. There's no healthy long term future with him. That's why the advice first and foremost is to get out of your marriage. We could all attack you all day for your behavior (which you deserve), but it doesn't change the fact that staying in the marriage sets you up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
To come back to the friend, maybe everything is objectively perfect, and I truly hope that to be the case. But you still logically don't know that for sure because you haven't been with each other in the proper dynamic and actually gotten to know each other completely. That's fine. You don't need to confirm that now, nor can you given the fact that you're married. But you again can't base your decision on the unknown. You and the friend might fail. That means you stay married unhappy forever? That's shitty to both your partner and to yourself. To once again be clear, you're still a terrible person in this scenario and he doesn't deserve that.
Finally, should you get therapy? Absolutely. But look at what you just said. You said “therapy before even considering another relationship.” You didn't say “therapy before considering ending my marriage and then considering another relationship.” If that doesn't tell you it's time to get a divorce, nothing's going to. If you being single is the appropriate consequence (which likely is the case), then that's ok! You're 21. You'll now have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and pursue relationships in a healthy way.
You won't be able to figure out out. What we know as compassion and kindness just doesn't exist there. Even if they look like they are being compassionate or kind, it's just an act to get what they need. Sometimes the act is even to fool themselves. Shut the doors, take your own life and energy in your hands, and move on without them.
You lost me after the first paragraph. Why are you still with him? Of course he still has a thing for her. And it's not going away.
Thanks for the context. Similar to what I said in the beginning, you're not going to come off well and likely get shit on, and again, that might still be appropriate.
Regardless, I'm happy to continue this here, or you can feel free to PM me. Either way, if we're to assume you're being honest and that everything was truly awesome for four years and then went off a cliff after marriage (I genuinely find this hard to believe but I'm sure it happens), then we're in a bit of a different situation.
Now, that doesn't change reality. If your husband started crossing boundaries, then I'm truly sorry, you should never accept it, and you should be in contact with an attorney. Add in you saying that you've never been compatible and it at least explains the issues (which logically couldn't have been non-existent for the first four years), but that's really my point.
You're incompatible with your husband. There's no healthy long term future with him. That's why the advice first and foremost is to get out of your marriage. We could all attack you all day for your behavior (which you deserve), but it doesn't change the fact that staying in the marriage sets you up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
To come back to the friend, maybe everything is objectively perfect, and I truly hope that to be the case. But you still logically don't know that for sure because you haven't been with each other in the proper dynamic and actually gotten to know each other completely. That's fine. You don't need to confirm that now, nor can you given the fact that you're married. But you again can't base your decision on the unknown. You and the friend might fail. That means you stay married unhappy forever? That's shitty to both your partner and to yourself. To once again be clear, you're still a terrible person in this scenario and he doesn't deserve that.
Finally, should you get therapy? Absolutely. But look at what you just said. You said “therapy before even considering another relationship.” You didn't say “therapy before considering ending my marriage and then considering another relationship.” If that doesn't tell you it's time to get a divorce, nothing's going to. If you being single is the appropriate consequence (which likely is the case), then that's ok! You're 21. You'll now have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and pursue relationships in a healthy way.
You won't be able to figure out out. What we know as compassion and kindness just doesn't exist there. Even if they look like they are being compassionate or kind, it's just an act to get what they need. Sometimes the act is even to fool themselves. Shut the doors, take your own life and energy in your hands, and move on without them.