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Date: October 23, 2022
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Are you falling for him pulling the old “Oh it's not cheating, you only think like that because you're a crazy girl” line??
Please….please stop being an idiot. How are you even asking this question?? He outright cheated
Wtf are you going to even do with him now, even uf he was a warped, psychotic individual who actually thought he was innocent??
It's called limerence. It's not love if you want to destroy someone's marriage.
If you really love your friend, you can start doing helpful things like learning about r/limerence/
OP…he sounds like an absolute piece of shit. He knowingly, willingly got drunk with her, went to her place, continued to drink, all of which violate your boundaries. And now is blaming it on you and not following through on your new boundaries.
How many times does he need to hurt you and break your trust before it sinks in? Whatever you thought of him before, you have to understand that this behavior is who he is. He's not taking any responsibility and is actively still hurting you and crossing boundaries.
You don't deserve to have someone like this dragging you down.
I’d also like to say I have been in Therepy off and on since I was around 7, as well as bouncing on medications since then. This is the kind of tipping point for us both rn cause he will be getting a job and I’m finally getting the right meds and the right doctors I need. I’m also going to be fully moved out soon and 18 in February so very close to a “adult” with him following behind
You need to do what's best for you, you don't want kids now, then don t have them, your choice, and you definitely need to kick this idiot to the curb. He's a walking red flag .
this. If it were a cis man of woman this thread would be all about how this is borderline SA, but OP isn't allowed to feel violated because her bf lied about being trans. I don't get this thinking
I mean…everyone can say it's too fast, but in the end only you can really decide that. I've seen couple get married after 10 months and are still together decades later, and some marriages fall apart quickly if they waited 10 years. There is no true timeline, in my opinion
A while ago there was a post on reddit from someone whose husband started making baby noises all the time. Turned out he had a bet going with his friends. Might be something like that. Still shitty.
It might also be that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, but doesn't want to be the one saying it, so she wants to drive you to be the one who ends the relationship.
The best thing to do is walk away when she does it, but if it keeps going I'd rethink if I want to be in a relationship with someone like that.
All due respect, you seem like a lovely person.
But.. wouldn't you think that would be exhausting for him?
Its obviously exhausting for you because you have to watch the clock, but for him its a constant never ending “is she going to text me on time?”
Its like he's living his life in 30 minute windows and you're his framework for his reality. Its unhealthy.
And what does he do if you don't text him? And what do these texts that you send have to convey?
I read in another comment that he manages your money for you?
Run. He's whittling you down into his hostage. Please, run.
This is coming from a guy with a girlfriend that has poor time/money management. I don't tell her what to do, I just try supporting her to the best of my ability. She's always late and is financially impulsive but that gives me no right to control her life.
Again, run. Please.
Of course she says that because it’s 100% benefiting her at your expense. The least she could do is be understanding that you’re not wanting to live hand to mouth.
Her attitude on that alone is a reg flag to me.
Read the comment. Ex wife had a prenup too. OP is mentioning the prenup to show she isn’t a gold digger.
Stop hating on OP simply because she’s the young fiancé to a cheating ex husband.
I think you hit the nail on the head that I think if I can blame myself, then I feel like I can fix things. If anybody else told me this stupid story I would be flabbergasted and upset if they blamed themselves. But when it's me…
Thanks for your insight
I know there are economic realities here, but I can’t help but feel that his living with you is very bad for both of you. He is reacting like he is a teen and you are his judgemental mother. You need to act like loving adults now, and not supervisor/supervised. I suggest you stop trying to fix him. Completely. Try to pretend he is a distant relative. If he lies about ordering food, don’t even call him on it. Just move on with your life.
If it is something important, like, permission to bring someone into your house, it is in writing, or it doesn’t exist. Some people actually use written calendars or physical in/out boxes, and some use email or texts.
What I mean is, if you don’t treat him like a naughty child, perhaps he won’t be a naughty child. It’s his life. It’s his business if he is saving his money. It is your business if your guest breaks the house rules, but dealing with it without emotional loading is the way to go, IMO.
I agree!
You’re not married. You don’t have to prove cheating. Talk to her. If you don’t feel you can trust her after you talk, that’s reason enough to leave. No court or judge necessary.
I was thinking the same thing
He just told you after everything you suffered through with his addiction, he doesn't appreciate any of it. He isn't really sorry for it. He views you as a thing to serve his wants.
You deserve someone who treats you with love and kindness. You deserve someone who tells you you're beautiful.
This should be the last straw for you. The sooner you leave him, the sooner you can begin the next steps of your life.
I wouldn't be very comfortable with my partner, male or female, being overly physical with others
Who's out here just cuddling with friends
???
Realistically you probably aren't the 6th either. She probably just listed guys she was more serious with and skipped hook ups, ONS, etc.
I have talked to him about this a lot, but in the End he always get sour and gets defensive, like he’s thinking that I try to force him to do it.
He says he has Never liked to give oral sex that much, and there is nothing wrong with me.
What should I do? Should I just let this pass? is it possible to get over this..?
If it's a deal breaker then leave. But you constantly bringing up a sexual act he admitted to disliking is annoying. So either deal with never getting oral again or break up and find someone who loves eating.
Well I’m glad that you have more information now so you can make a decision that works best for you. Honestly? There are a lot of people who will pay attention to you and love you and be attracted to your genitals too. I think it’s fair to say that genital attraction is probably something you need in a long term sexual/romantic relationship. 10 months is honestly nothing, if I were you I would be grateful for finding out now instead of another year from now. You deserve good sex! Go get some bro lol
Insist on HPV screen as well.
he's a creep and immature
there's no point discussing anything with him, he's not listening.