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Kathy, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 11, 2022
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That is a lot of drama for a 6 month relationship, she is using you she lives there rent free and minimal contribution, while cheating and laying, and blames you for it, wake up man!!!
If you wanted an engagement ring that you chose, you should have proposed yourself. I hate these posts by women who complain about their fiancé‘s choice of engagment ring. This ring is stunning and lovely! Big diamonds in the centre are not a requirement, just a way for the diamond industry to make more money. He had the ring made for you and it‘s personal to you.
Getting engaged isn‘t about the darn ring or what it looks like. It‘s about accepting the other person as your future spouse.
By the way, it‘s fiancé not fiancée because your boyfriend is male.
It’s been 3 months…. Just find someone else?
I dont know what you mean by you don’t know what to do?
EMDR therapy. Google it. Nothing ever worked for me before. Years of talk therapy wasted. I highly recommend it.
She admits to it. She allways said 'i should work on nit being late' but still manages to be several houres kate the next time we meet.
Making demands like that seems pretty out of line for someone you’re not dating exclusively. If you want him to be your exclusive bf then tell him that. What would looking at his phone even accomplish other than just making yourself seem insecure and controlling?
He doesn’t respect you. There’s nothing you’re doing wrong, he’s just trying to make you feel “not good enough”.
Find a man who thinks you’re good enough as you are. I promise a good man won’t measure you up like that..
He has no intention to seek help because he thinks it's more manly to simply passively endure his problems than fix them. Nagging him to go to therapy and seek help will only solidify his resolve to never, ever, ever go to therapy.
I'd sit him down, and tell him one last time that it's more “manly” to realise that one is struggling and get professional help instead of just suffering, not moving forward with life.
Furthermore, you need to make it clear that this relationship has no future this way. You need to walk away from this man now. I know it's hard, I've been there, but you can't be by his side, watching him how he gets progressively worse.
Well, maybe because most men that say I am looking for someone who’s is wife material are usually saying it to put the woman down. I have never heard a good guy with reasonable standards ever say that kind of shit to a woman. Only nice guys and assholes do that, men like that purposely say things like that to breakdown women’s self-esteem and make them feel like they’re nothing.
Also, how can you talk about stable income when if a woman said that you would probably have a temper tantrum. You’d say she’s a gold digger what’s the difference? Some men don’t really look after their appearance, but that doesn’t stop men from having temper tantrums when women have standards.
Hi OP! I know you have gotten a ton of replies, but please remember what this moment will teach your kids
My father did something along the lines of what your wife did, so I feel for your Kids…
If you go back together your Kids will learn that it is acceptable behaviour what your wife did to you and them
They'll learn you probably have no backbone, and they might have no backbone in future abusive relationships
It is important to stand your ground when you are being SO SO VERY MUCH disrespected by a partner. Show your Kids that its okay to stand up for themselves when people treat them like shit
You need to know that you deserve respect, and your Kids needs to learn that they also deserve respect, and they can learn that from you, if you show them how
Your wife did this, even if she wants to reconcile and you dont, youre not the bad guy. She is the only reason these things happened, sadly she isnt the only person who feels the consequences. Its good that you two can talk together, but try and be strict about the fact that the two of you wont get together. Some things just cant be swept under the rug
Staying apart is better for the Kids in the long run, even tho it hurts
Yeah that makes sense and is good advice. Thank you
Well… it makes sense why she's in this situation now, fml
What a stupid thing to do. If you want your woman to want, and enjoy, sex with you then you need to make her feel sexy.
It’s more so the sound that gives me the ick. I love him to death, it’s only that one thing that triggers me
“I worry because I care about you, ya silly goose.” That’s what I would say. Frame it as it is, that she doesn’t cause you to worry but that you are naturally concerned about her well-being, because you love her of course.
Yeah, maybe you're right
I have to give your GF full marks for creativity. But if it smells like bullshit…
Sounds like he's trying to get rid of you. However, even if he's just being rude, he can't bar you from attending. Him and his father are not in charge of attendance.
Sounds like he's trying to get rid of you. However, even if he's just being rude, he can't bar you from attending. Him and his father are not in charge of attendance.
I’m proud of you for getting out!!
It’s important that you know that not reporting him doesn’t implicate you in any future actions. No matter what happens, no matter what he does, none of it is ever going to be your fault.
You have to look out for your mental health. The only person at fault for violent crimes is the person who chooses to commit them.
He is the bankrupt position in the wheel of fortune.
They are all “paid actors” …. do with that understanding what you will.
Only in the fact your biologicall father (and mother?) isn't who you thought it was. Your dad (the man who raised you) and your mom (the woman that raised you) are still the same.
But your story is exactly why I refuse to do any DNA tests, nothing good comes from them.
Let it go. You fucked up. Calling your ex will only make you feel better— you've been selfish enough. Leave her alone and move on. You don't accidentally sleep with someone. She deserves better. Leave her alone!
I feel bad for your Girlfriend you sound like a gaslighter that uses your gf ocd as a weapon. Some of your excuses already trying to frame your indiscretion as her fault. It’s sad. We all know what your trying to to do even if your pretending that not it. Your question was for help because you know you’re wrong!
Good luck. Stay strong.
First reason why she would never leave me has debilitating OCD and has expressed that if I left her she would fall apart… (I’m not taking advantage of that, I actually made her get therapy after she told me this) but second reason, she’s cheated on me twice and I’m Not even CHEATING!
Love the comment. Also very accurate.
First of all, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
My problem with this entire “being a dad someday” thing is … (forgot to mention that) he is sure he does not want kids, because of different reasons (economical, environmental, general attitude…).
I know that many people use their 20s for exploring and “having fun”, but especially the latter… i have tried it and just having fun, something casual just makes me feel extremely bad. I need that kind of strong connection beforehand.
Didn't we all learn that oral sex is still sex when Bill Clinton got caught with Monica Lewinsky?
Your apology shifts the blame onto her by your suggestion that she didn't support you enough and that's why you were such an ass. Hell nah, she's not coming back after that.
Tell your kids the truth. Give them the facts that you told him about being pregnant and his reaction. Let them decide if they want anything to do with him. If you decide to give him access make sure you file for child support and back child support.
“Who will want to work for you?” The first question in of itself is almost an assault on his character. “How are you going to hire people?” That part you can just follow what other startups have done, more or less. See what other companies did in the beginning. “I don't think it will work”
Well nobody thought we'd go to the moon either but we did. If we just listened to the people who said we couldn't then we wouldn't have ever gone to the moon. It's important to not listen to the naysayers. There's a difference between giving helpful realistic advice and just being negative. You think his GF knows a damn thing about starting a business and is actually giving HELPFUL advice?
I wouldn't phrase it like that.
But you did:
For the following 12 months we haven't discussed the topic and we had not been seeing/sleeping with anyone else (we never agreed on being monogamous in these 12 months, it sort of happened naturally)
You started in an open relationship for 4 months, and then for 12 months you just happened to grow into a monogamous relationship. You yourself said you did not discuss it and did not decide to become monogamous in that time. It was only after a year of incidental monogamy that you decided to make it “official.” That is verbatim what you said, and that is exactly what I mean by “incidental monogamy.”
You may not have “run out of other options,” but there's probably a reason that you drifted towards monogamy over the course of 12 months. Busy schedules? Not really digging the people in the singles scene? Who knows, there could be many explanations, but at some point you assessed your options and decided that your steady relationship was more enticing than the other things available to you.
This can happen in non-monogamous relationships of all kinds, particularly as we get older and busier. It takes work to manage a bunch of partners, and the only people I know who successfully have very active and dynamic non-mono lifestyles past 40 are people who make it a major facet of their personality.
My wife and I are non-mono, but for a while we called ourselves “theoretically poly” because we didn't have other partners. During that time we realized we could be monogamous if we wanted to be, because neither of us felt a particular need or desire to have other partners; however, we still maintained the poly framework, because we knew that could change in the future. And indeed, it did – we both have other partners now, and a marriage that is every bit as happy and healthy as it was when we didn't.
How likely would you say people who used to be in an open-relationship at some point of their life can maintain a happy monogamous relationship?
In general, I have not successfully seen people successful change the openness of a relationship – either successfully opening a closed relationship or closing an open one. If you already started in an open relationship, it means you are both inclined in that direction, and while desires *may* change with time, they also may *not.* So why try to fight against what you both are inclined to do?
IMO, it's folly to close up a relationship that's already *effectively* closed anyway. Just because you weren't dating anybody else in those 12 months doesn't mean you might not want to date someone else years down the road.
“I’ve been thinking about you since you left: you looked… amazing.”
Please tell me he's your ex now. I can't imagine a more horrible betrayal. What a loser to be so jealous of a pet that he would go behind your back and give him away?
I'd go to the person's home and demand the cat, explain that he gave him away without your consent> Even take them to the shelter and offer to pay the adoption fee so they can pick a different cat to love. Then dump that POC husband of yours.
No gaming until kid is in bed should be your plan. Then set an hour or 2 to relax.