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Jessie, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 9, 2022
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My thoughts exactly. I think the relationship is coming to an end, just how healthy it ends is the question.
Yes and she’s on another post trying encourage a woman reconciling with a boyfriend that’s cheated for half of the three year relationship.
You have to have a come to Jesus moment about what you did wrong. You have to own your mistake(s). You have to come to the table in a spirit of contrition and personal growth. If you are unable to hear what you did wrong ( her reason doesn't make sense? Then tell us what it is and we can help you examine it) you will not be able to have your daughter in your life. Maybe you were hateful towards queer folks and your youngest was queer and the resulting trauma of being raised by someone who hates the kind of person he was did him in. Maybe you were judgy and nothing they did was never enough. Idk. You do. Your children have told you. Now it's your job to understand why that behaviour would be a problem. It's called empathy. Now if examining the wounds is causing you overwhelming shame and you deny and defend and play victim yourself and refuse to just be accountable you will never heal the rift.
No, I'm his best friend, he has said it. He told other friend that I'm still his best friend, that was in August.
I have that as an example for what you could have done.
I'm sorry for the loss of your son.
I think it may take you a number a years before you may look into speaking to someone. And a number more before you see what we outsiders do. And even more years until your daughter might talk to you again. Don't expect s ready fix for this because there isn't one. It will take a long time of self introspection and you aren't there yet.
I just found the phrasing funny
Why is going to watch John’s kids on his next deployment?????
The best you can do is simply to say exactly what you’ve told us. That this is really important to you, it’s a healing time that you don’t want to miss and that while you miss her very much when your apart, you need her to understand this and trust you. Reassure her that you love her very much and want to be the best and healthiest person for your future together and this is part of that. Frankly, you being gone with your mother is the least threatening thing. It’s not like you’re out w a group of guys at a strip club. How threatened can she really be? It may help to plan some special time w just her. I know you don’t have money, but what about camping or a road trip, even if it can’t happen until the summer. Maybe if she sees that you are also interested in spending time w her away from the everyday life at home, it might help ease her jealousy? Good luck.
It takes about 10 minutes for a dumb person to fake a text thread and 3 for a smart person.
Tell him what she's accusing him of, but don't let him leave the room without seeing his phone. You don't get to look through all of it, but you do get to look at the last few messages between them.
I am good don’t need one I am just hoping the best for you soon to be Ex he is dodging a major bullet. Lol he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night without worrying you about to cheat. Don’t need an update
You should feel comfortable in your body and the right person for you will GIVE YOU THAT SECURITY AND COMFORT – not ask you to change your body for them.
That's not your boyfriend, that's an ex you've got there.
Don't stay with someone who makes your self-esteem worse, they'll only make you feel worse and pressure you changing yourself for them in the long run.
for me that's an instant drop and block.
person intentionally misled you about something easily verifiable.
either there is some reason he doesn't want to show himself (suspicious), or he simply doesn't respect your intelligence, or he sees no issue with lying to people.
all three are big ol' red flags.
As shitty as this situation is, I'm glad you're doing the right thing. She betrayed your trust and saw no problem with it. She's a walking red flag.
I know people can post here wanting “pick me ups” when depressed or they want to be told they're “right”. But that's not the case. I'm not trying to mislead, be told I'm right, or anything like that. I'm not arguing either, I value the opinions I receive so I see from different PoVs.
Well at this point she hasn't opened my messages at all, so I know she's not trying to flirt. I would be open to ways of how to apologize better, but I don't think I can without seeming crazy for sending double messages.
And the other “random” topic I remember was about her leg that was previously injured and asking if it is still painful due to specific things and I asked if it hurts in bed and ofc said “feel free to not answer if it makes you uncomfortable” and we spoke about that a little. But yeah, it wasn't anything for “arousal”, it was just for conversation. It's part of the openness I spoke of
STI scare was unrealistic but asking her for the test was ok. Seems maybe if you got tested you would feel better but it is very unlikely you have an STI from receiving oral once.
Who knows what the side pain might be, could be psychosomatic and combined with anxiety about this sex act. Could also be a lot of other things so a doctor exam seems reasonable. During the exam I would also discuss your anxiety.
People need to stop with the “getting closure” bullshit. Anything he needs to say he could have said by email or text. You already know how he feels. He already knows how you feel. So, what's the end game here?
I can guarantee you that if my wife wanted to go meet some ex “for closure” it would absolutely effect our marriage.
She should have been good as a young child that the OP was her stepmother. You can’t spring this on an adult and not expect shock and freaking out.
Yeah, in two months you probably know nothing about the person really.
This is an abusive relationship with little or no trust and no respect for each other’s privacy. Other than that, it’s a match made in heaven. Or, more likely, tinder.
I agree! We both agree that we should be spending more time with our own friends, so we are gonna work on that.
I feel like we are moving forward, like we both have started to work out again, i got my certificate of apprenticeship and she has figured out what she wants to become. We had a little talk today, and agreed that we were gonna try to find some new hobbies/learn new skills for ourselves.
apologizing because it would mean that we did something wrong and just the thought makes me sick.
an apology doesn't mean you necessarily did something wrong. often times an apology is just as much about acknowledging someone's feeling as valid. “I'm sorry for not talking with you about it beforehand; I didn't realize it would upset you, can we discuss what about it angers you, and we can figure out how to move forward”
Having spent the better part of my life in a small town, it's entirely believable. People can be cruel to someone who has just been a little stigmatized. It starts small then snowballs to a point where that person is a pariah in their town.
Not being a slob and doing dishes well will not launch you into adulthood. You can't spend your life playing video games and living off spare change in a jar. It may be hurtful but it doesn't make it less true. You say you're not dragging your heels but hasn't this been going on since you went back home three years ago? If you want to stop feeling annoyed every time this comes up then the solution is to make the necessary changes that prevents the need for them to bring it up. Start with finishing that form your filling out that will help you get a job. Then work really hard at getting and maintaining that job.
Go in with some goals. You don't have to tackle everything all at once, and your therapist can help you focus and get tools for specific things.
Start with one problem or aspect you want to work on and fix, tell them you want to focus on that, and then as you feel comfortable start adding more things you want to address. Mental health is tough, but if you keep working at it you will make progress.
He is very toxic. I hope you got away from him, as far as possible. You don't need trash like that in your life. If you ever need a place to crash, you are always welcome here
I’m concerned about his nonchalant response and swift shift of the conversation. That strikes me as not truly understanding the issue with what he did. If you don’t want to give him another chance, don’t. Y’all are just fwb. He’s not your boyfriend. Drop him and find a new guy you’re more comfortable with. There’s no real reason to try and salvage this situation. If you’re gut is telling you not to hook up with him again, don’t force yourself to. It’s pointless and will only upset you more.
Get away from him and his meddling mother. See an attorney to get custody agreement established . Block, delete and go NC. This man isn’t well, needs professional assistance and cannot he trusted around your or the baby.
A suicidal partner isn’t a great situation but it takes a special piece of shit to call someone an asshole for attempting suicide.
I am sorry for your loss.
She’s abusing you and she’s not your friend. She’s taking advantage of you
bro, thenleave, this relationship is obvs not worth it
We go to movies, out to eat, painted together once (hopefully will again soon), just walk around town sometimes. Currently we're waiting until the weather warms up so we can go to the local zoo. I'm also saving up to take us to an aquarium, and we've got a local anime/comic convention coming up that we've been really excited for. It's kinda hard to think of stuff to do though since we live in a pretty small town.
Why won’t you see him next week?
A random fathers words don't mean much in “this situation” but this momma-to-be is who I would listen to so far OP?
No not at all I wasn’t very clear. You’re all good!!!!
I honestly was just playing devil's advocate. It should got everyone worked up though. Haha
I would suggest stopping trying for a baby while you figure this out. This may be too big of an incompatibility honestly. A lot of people under estimate the resource of having friends and family nearby when thinking about cost of living. If your child gets sick and can't go to daycare you may have someone who can help out so neither of you miss work for example. Or someone willing to babysit for a date night that doesn't want to be paid. If you want to move homes you may need to hire movers of you're out of state too. Maybe discuss some of these things with him. But ultimately if neither of you fully wants the same thing someone will compromise and likely become resentful. He may resent not moving and the cost. You may resent missing your family and not having their support. And that will likely end up badly down the road.
Drinking doesn't make somebody cheat. It's just something people sometimes use as an excuse if they do. But she's not cheating. Not even close! She doesn't even talk to anybody. She plays on her phone and has some “me time” and drinks one beer before going home.
Honestly, one coffee at either Starbucks or the local coffee shop near my house is just as expensive as one beer during happy hour, so the prices probably aren't all that different, either.