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Gaby, y.o.
Location: Colombia
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Date: November 5, 2022
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She's jealous of you and is using you. She doesn't care about your friendship and only cares about what you can do for her. Think about why she doesn't have friends. I bet the behavior you described is exactly why. Cut her off and never invite her to anything again.
Like I said I’ve already been hurt. If anything this will help bring closure. I literally have nothing to lose.
What about the “our relationship is perfect and we are so in love but he is 20 years older and tells me what to do and treats women as objects “?
It took a full year for her to reveal her true self to you. Now she feels secure in the relationship & believes you’re not going anywhere so she’s safe with letting her awfulness shine through.
She’s showing you her true character. Maybe this is learned behavior from her own family dynamics. Maybe it’s how she thinks people behave in relationships. Either way, it’s unacceptable behavior.
If you want to continue this relationship, she’s going to need counseling to create new & more productive ways of communicating with you.
If she’s not willing to make a change, then it’s time to let the relationship go.
That's not how it works legally. I also don't think it works like morally. He may not have intended for her to read it, we have no idea. Even if he did, the intentions of someone writing a suicide note do not need to be heeded because their judgment is clearly unsound in that frame of mind.
At least you have a good head on your shoulders, you know what to do OP ??
So what’s the hobby he insists on having a massive monthly allowance for?
Is he on medication for his ADHD? Does he have a Psychiatrist he see's on a regular basis (like every three months)? I would ask him directly. It's possible that he never told you. There is a stigma and discrimination associated with mental illness. It causes people to withdraw and not share. It also causes people to not seek treatment. Some medical doctors even advocate no medical treatment.
…”Just tough it out. It's a childhood illness. You can't use stimulate medications as an adult. It will give him a heart attack.” …
The ignorance of some medical doctors is sickening.
If he is on medication, there are supply chain issues. Which means shortages, out of stock conditions. It's a severe problem and could send a person spiraling. You would think that health care providers would care more, but they don't. Even though his doctor may have made a substitution, it's not the same. The dosage may be stronger or weaker than his previous medication. He may not have shared this with you. The whole issue may be humiliating for him.
Another possible explanation. He is at an age when mental illness presents itself. All the behaviour which you detail sounds like mental illness. I'm not a doctor. Just observant. Your details of the behaviour could be very useful. If you go to a doctor with him; you can be very useful. You may be perceiving his behaviour differently than he does. He may not know, or spiraling out of control and just trying to keep it together as best he can.
Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behaviour. It's not an excuse, but you could decide to empathize and forgive him easier. Easier to take him back if he leaves. It's not like he's an addict or alcoholic. But, only you can decide.
The change in his behaviour is the issue. Someone just doesn't go from being loving and caring for years and then turns into a dick. That's what's at hand. You should bring the mental illness topic up at your therapy sessions. Give your husband a heads up a few days before the appointment. I wouldn't ambush him at the appointment. Give him time to digest it in his head that you know, and he will be revieling it to doctors.
After saying all of the above. There may be pressure by unscrupulous providers to put him into impatient treatment. Be aware there are financial incentives for providers to do this. IMO the system can be a lot corrupt. You're the only one who is watching his back while he may not be healthy enough to do it himself.
Whatever happens, just having ADHD can be a bumpy ride for a couple. You should be aware of that. It can be a rich and rewarding experience—or not.
Take care of yourself. I wish you both the best.
She doesn't want the safety net of knowing he's there to catch her if she falls. The only way she can think of to get that is by getting a divorce.
I'm guessing you're a man saying what women do and don't do because as a woman I understand what she means.
Hmm my partner tends to leave money in his pockets. I check his pockets and keep the money. If there's a used tissue I'll leave it on his bedside table which is near the laundry hamper.
I agree with you, that you don't put stuff in the laundry hamper without checking the pockets first.
I mean, he leaves his lighter in his pocket from the day before, then what does he do when he next wants to light up? he just gets another one? I'd just leave the lighter in the pocket and wash the clothes like that, then his lighter is useless. Not sure about the chalk in case it made a mess.
Congratulations on enabling your friend that clearly wants you to break up your relationship. Learn to read the signs so she doesn’t run off the next woman or just end your friendship if you aren’t doing to date her because she will do it again and you will be blind to her manipulation. If you want to salvage your relationship then you need to apologise and cut off your so called friend. Don’t call her insecure when she can clearly see that you are being played and are going along with it when she just doesn’t want to get involved in drama.