I would start by thinking about what it is about you motivates you to say “my intentions with him did not involve sex, but it bothered me that he didn’t want to have sex.” When you find the answer to that (whatever it is), you will be on your way to answering the bigger question.
Yes this may be the reason actually. Maybe more oxytocin is released with more intense orgasms? Because I am also capable of having lots of decent sex with a guy i don't care for and not get attached at all. (I also get bored quickly in these situations and stop hooking up with him after a while)
So you don't feel any crazy connection while having great intimate sex? What do you feel exactly during and after it? What is great sex to you? I am sorry but I'm so curious to understand a guy's mind haha
If YOU do not enjoy it you do not have to keep doing it. Sex is a mutual thing, you need to get something from it too. Be sure to communicate that you do not enjoy it.
I think it does comes from a place of insecurity, but I don’t want her to feel like she’s not enough or that she can’t trust me. It kind of feels like I’ve dug these holes for myself by doing these things, so I’m not sure if they are “gotcha” hypotheticals. I do feel like a terrible person a lot because of this but really it’s my fault
Control and dominance. It’ll be there for the rest of your life if you so choose. Sane people Wouldn’t put up with that for minute. No way could I live like that. I understand you have a child with this man, which will make the decision more difficult… I hope you do what’s best for you and the child.
as if i don't know this. the last guy i dated asked “do you want to have sex” before we had penetrative sex every single time, to the point of it being kind of ridiculous. obviously this relationship means a lot to me and is worth salvaging or else i wouldn't be looking for advice here. i literally have an avoidant attachment style and have no problem with leaving people lol
This is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT grounds for a breakup!! He has no regard for your consent. He's raped you. And he's tried to rape you again, just because you're in a relationship with the person doesn't mean that what they're doing isn't sexual assault. And he's verbally abusive to you as well when he doesn't get his way. You need to get out of the relationship before things escalate even further than they already have. Your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend is a rapist. Drunk or not is no excuse either, if he knows he gets like that when he's drunk then he shouldn't be drinking. And another thing, if he's like this with you who's to say he isn't like this with other women when you're not around? Not trying to be so harsh but this man's behavior is absolutely disgusting and disturbing. For your own sake and safety, LEAVE.
You do you and your daughter. Forget about him and his weirdness. He doesn't need to bother attending either since it may make him look bad.
This absolutely won't be the only time you're driving off with her to an event as he stands blustering. Start planning now- next year, whose class, outside friends, all the family- the works. Just don't tell him til he receives his invitation in the mail!
Warn him- this act is getting old. He needs to get with it or get out.
I think you should do two dances – first with your dad and then with your sept-dad. Maybe your groom can also dance with his grandmother, aunt, or your mother during the dance with your step-dad.
They had 18 years to tell their son. If she’s so ashamed of what she did why not tell your kid the truth. Not to mention she lied to the ex husband trying to pass 2 kids off as his. That says a lot about her and not her sister.
You both stopped smoking and in the same room? Ouch!!! When I quit smoking I had to be away from people for a week. Don't take anything he said to heart. It wasn't to hurt you…he was going through withdrawal
Why should OP get rung up for assault if OP wins the fight? Not worth it, OP should just break all association with his scumbag best friend and move on with life.
You say you've been dating for a “few months”, which isn't very long. Is the humor becoming more relatable? Are the jokes becoming more understandable? Could you become “one of the guys” with enough time? Do you think anyone would balk if you started participating more in conversation?
So far, you've described a situation the could fall anywhere between “get used to it” and “leave him for your fundamental incompatibility”. It sounds like his friends are perfectly fine young men with whom you simply don't mesh, and it's still unclear as to if that's you guys not meshing “yet” or if there's simply a dynamic that won't work that results in you staying home during nights out or you two breaking up
I am an autistic adult. I made it nearly into my late thirties without a diagnosis. My regular doctor literally laughed at me and told me I was not autistic when I shared my diagnosis from a psychologist because she was not at all familiar with “high functioning” forms of autism. Family doctors are not trained to diagnose autism anymore than a psychologist is trained to make a cancer diagnosis.
I never understood why people don’t want to sign the prenup. If you guys never divorce then you’ll never have to use it so why not just sign it? Don’t marry him if he doesn’t sign it.
yep it was very hard to find a woman my age. had to settle for 1 year younger one. knowing this sub this age gap must be very unsettling for most
yep it was very hard to find a woman my age. had to settle for 1 year younger one. knowing this sub this age gap must be very unsettling for most
I would start by thinking about what it is about you motivates you to say “my intentions with him did not involve sex, but it bothered me that he didn’t want to have sex.” When you find the answer to that (whatever it is), you will be on your way to answering the bigger question.
Yes this may be the reason actually. Maybe more oxytocin is released with more intense orgasms? Because I am also capable of having lots of decent sex with a guy i don't care for and not get attached at all. (I also get bored quickly in these situations and stop hooking up with him after a while)
So you don't feel any crazy connection while having great intimate sex? What do you feel exactly during and after it? What is great sex to you? I am sorry but I'm so curious to understand a guy's mind haha
To say that surely there's something wrong with them because they enjoy rough sex is ignorant to say the least.
If YOU do not enjoy it you do not have to keep doing it. Sex is a mutual thing, you need to get something from it too. Be sure to communicate that you do not enjoy it.
She’s acting like a teenager, you’re supposed to be able to have an adult conversation with each other.
Also it’s strange to me that you’re in couples counselling when you haven’t been together a year yet, how long have you been doing it?
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
DTMFA
I think it does comes from a place of insecurity, but I don’t want her to feel like she’s not enough or that she can’t trust me. It kind of feels like I’ve dug these holes for myself by doing these things, so I’m not sure if they are “gotcha” hypotheticals. I do feel like a terrible person a lot because of this but really it’s my fault
Control and dominance. It’ll be there for the rest of your life if you so choose. Sane people Wouldn’t put up with that for minute. No way could I live like that. I understand you have a child with this man, which will make the decision more difficult… I hope you do what’s best for you and the child.
There is no easy fix for your situation. Maybe what you seek lie in your past. Look back at your childhood.
as if i don't know this. the last guy i dated asked “do you want to have sex” before we had penetrative sex every single time, to the point of it being kind of ridiculous. obviously this relationship means a lot to me and is worth salvaging or else i wouldn't be looking for advice here. i literally have an avoidant attachment style and have no problem with leaving people lol
This is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT grounds for a breakup!! He has no regard for your consent. He's raped you. And he's tried to rape you again, just because you're in a relationship with the person doesn't mean that what they're doing isn't sexual assault. And he's verbally abusive to you as well when he doesn't get his way. You need to get out of the relationship before things escalate even further than they already have. Your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend is a rapist. Drunk or not is no excuse either, if he knows he gets like that when he's drunk then he shouldn't be drinking. And another thing, if he's like this with you who's to say he isn't like this with other women when you're not around? Not trying to be so harsh but this man's behavior is absolutely disgusting and disturbing. For your own sake and safety, LEAVE.
You are his side girl, cut it off!
Yeah, OP knows it’s ridiculous. I don’t see why he even made the post
the answer to the question “should I cheat?” will always be no.
if you’re unhappy with your current relationship, you need to end it before starting a new one. end of story.
You do you and your daughter. Forget about him and his weirdness. He doesn't need to bother attending either since it may make him look bad.
This absolutely won't be the only time you're driving off with her to an event as he stands blustering. Start planning now- next year, whose class, outside friends, all the family- the works. Just don't tell him til he receives his invitation in the mail!
Warn him- this act is getting old. He needs to get with it or get out.
I think you should do two dances – first with your dad and then with your sept-dad. Maybe your groom can also dance with his grandmother, aunt, or your mother during the dance with your step-dad.
They had 18 years to tell their son. If she’s so ashamed of what she did why not tell your kid the truth. Not to mention she lied to the ex husband trying to pass 2 kids off as his. That says a lot about her and not her sister.
I’m trying to think but I’m trembling and scared.
You both stopped smoking and in the same room? Ouch!!! When I quit smoking I had to be away from people for a week. Don't take anything he said to heart. It wasn't to hurt you…he was going through withdrawal
Certainly not waiting around. I'm long past putting potential spouses on a pedestal, which is a position I'm thankful to be in.
Break up if you’re sexuality incompatible and it’s very important to him.
you bought a house, accepted his proposal, and married this person after learning all of this about him? incredible.
Lmao that last bit got me.
Why should OP get rung up for assault if OP wins the fight? Not worth it, OP should just break all association with his scumbag best friend and move on with life.
No. This absolutely is a dealbreaker. It’s selfish of you to try and keep the relationship when you have this basic (and major) incompatibility.
Just break up with him. Find someone who also wants a child free life.
If you two stay together you will absolutely end up resenting each other. This is one thing you can’t compromise about.
You say you've been dating for a “few months”, which isn't very long. Is the humor becoming more relatable? Are the jokes becoming more understandable? Could you become “one of the guys” with enough time? Do you think anyone would balk if you started participating more in conversation?
So far, you've described a situation the could fall anywhere between “get used to it” and “leave him for your fundamental incompatibility”. It sounds like his friends are perfectly fine young men with whom you simply don't mesh, and it's still unclear as to if that's you guys not meshing “yet” or if there's simply a dynamic that won't work that results in you staying home during nights out or you two breaking up
I am an autistic adult. I made it nearly into my late thirties without a diagnosis. My regular doctor literally laughed at me and told me I was not autistic when I shared my diagnosis from a psychologist because she was not at all familiar with “high functioning” forms of autism. Family doctors are not trained to diagnose autism anymore than a psychologist is trained to make a cancer diagnosis.
I have heard of those. Are they comfortable?
I never understood why people don’t want to sign the prenup. If you guys never divorce then you’ll never have to use it so why not just sign it? Don’t marry him if he doesn’t sign it.