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Welcome we’re going to spend a hot time
Date: November 2, 2022
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I told him that if it was an SA situation (which one time when he was drunk he implied he had been in such a situation), I would not blame him and that wouldn’t be his fault.
His morals are definitely anti-cheating and I genuinely don’t think he has cheated on me. I think he’s the type of person that would tell me if he had cheated. But obviously this conversation made me worry about it bc it’s just a really weird thing to say, even if our conversation was about the topic of cheating
I want to ask him more about it I just don’t even know how to go about it
I told him that if it was an SA situation (which one time when he was drunk he implied he had been in such a situation), I would not blame him and that wouldn’t be his fault.
His morals are definitely anti-cheating and I genuinely don’t think he has cheated on me. I think he’s the type of person that would tell me if he had cheated. But obviously this conversation made me worry about it bc it’s just a really weird thing to say, even if our conversation was about the topic of cheating
I want to ask him more about it I just don’t even know how to go about it
Yeah and I'm sure the girl would make a great mother and spouse ?
Right now I would be thinking about myself and my kids not necessarily how my wife feels.
I'm curious, what would happen if the shoe were on the other foot and it was you running off to another country for a weekend of partying with your exFWB? Would he be OK with that? The minute you objected and explained your boundaries (which he already knew) and he still argued to go would have been the end of it for me.
Shes like a sister. Famous last words. My ex said the same thing when I said I was uncomfortable with his relationship with a coworker. He ended up having an affair with her. Do not believe him. He downplaying it and loves the attention. He's cheating.
Not checking on you when you're alone and crying seems pretty bad. If he knew…
But then giving a hug, asking what's wrong, cuddling for a while… That may have not been enough for you. But it isn't nothing. And you said yourself he's not the best at consoling. Many of us aren't, we just do our best.
Down the rabbit hole I went
Girl, get out of there. This person doesn’t deserve you. You have boundaries and self respect. He does not. He has started to use your low self esteem against you by saying he’s the best you’ll get. I’m assuming your young. Work on your confidence and being independent. Reach out for support from professionals or trusted family/friends. Stay away from men like him.
Maybe the name checks out?
Maybe the name checks out?
I have been in the same boat. he may just have performance anxiety. Research it a bit and try to help him through it
He is emotionally weak then? Because when the girl asked him that she will leave from his life if he wants her to, he wouldn't reply yes or no. When they quarrelled and he agreed not to talk to her again, he didnt follow through and kept saying hello , smiling to her but she was cold to him initially.
Is it okay if I tell him later that I didn’t intend to be upset with him or anything and just clear everything up so he doesn’t potentially feel guilty in the future? Bc I don’t want this to be an issue between us especially since we just started dating. It is my first bf so I think that’s a huge factor for me and I just don’t want to be a red flag
Sometimes everyone needs personal time. Don’t take it personal. But still expect to spend time with your man and give me his own space at the same time. You should spend time with your friends without him too. It’s normal for men to have “guy time”, and women to have “girl time”. Don’t look too far into it. Everyone needs personal space ever so often.
person with borderline personality disorder. sorry
You mentioned a home, is it yours, can you kick him out?
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With this additional information, I think she may indeed be hypomanic or manic. It's probably not a bad idea to get her hooked up with a psychiatrist. Best wishes.
You can ofc include them in your span, but I doubt they will swipe right on you. Women are often more mature than men, and at your age the difference is very big. You are just entering early adult life, and they are actual adults.
Why does it matter anyway? What is your thing with dating someone that much older? Isn’t it good to mostly get matches the same age as you?
Ask to meet somewhere if you really want. Or just don’t meet up at all
Of course she's “immature”, she's a literal teenager so it's unclear what you expected. This just sounds like a case of two people who aren't quite healthy enough to be in a relationship trying to have a relationship. So if you feel you need the permission of strangers to end this, go ahead and end it. Even if she hadn't pretended to break up with you two weeks ago it's still beyond absurd for her to think you were going to spend hundreds of dollars to celebrate the “anniversary” of some nebulous non marital dating arrangement. FYI in decent relationships the partners each pay half for anything special they want to do. Spend some time with a therapist to move past your “abandonment issues”. Then when you start dating again limit your associations to women who have good jobs, behave like grownups and are willing to invest (including money) into being with you. You've been trying to have an adult relationship with someone who's still very much a child.
In this case yes, he may be committing a fraud (in the relationship for the visa ).
I would have understood if you were wanting him to be more understanding if he was getting annoyed at seeing leaks or used products in the bin.
But this is a completely entirely different problem. If he’s not aroused at seeing blood, do not pressure or try to coerce him into sex when he doesn’t want to.
He shouldn’t think it’s gross but he also doesn’t have to be turned on either.
Fighting him all the time about it will actually have the opposite effect and he will resent you and your period even more each time you argue about it. Monthly argument sounds exhausting and mentally draining at bad for the marriage.
And same for you, if you’re not comfortable doing anything, then don’t. Don’t service him if you feel like you’re being used.
This is good advice.
So she recently admitted to me that she was bi-curious. So that’s why I feel this is somewhat realistic.
Lmao “he came at me being disrespectful” – buddy. Buddy.
Listen to yourself.
“Yeah he's giving me hundreds of thousands of dollars off the price, but I'm not grateful for any of that! I don't like that he was upset that I didn't let him know when the contract didn't cover closing costs like I should have as a thank you for this generous offer.”
Op, you have to realize that disagreement is not hate. I also disagree with your behavior but still want to figure out how this will pan out.
You threw away a real relationship for a fantasy and you don't realize that you are doing it. You don't really know this guy. And even tho you are saying a lot of bad things about your husband, I would bet that you were not a better wife than he was a husband.
Either way, try to do the best for yourself and your kids and I hope you don't regret this.
Did she cheat?
You were there, and although you weren't encouraging this experience you also didn't stop it. So I don't know how you could say this was cheating when you were a participant.
Best case scenario your wife is bisexual. But judging by your previous sexual history she leans way more towards the gay side. I imagine she would probably be happier if you guys split up.
Leave him! And get a good lawyer.
I’m sober. That was a super shitty thing she did. Are you still in therapy? If not, go back.
He patted you on your head like a fucking child and speaks down to you. That's condescending as fuck and for him to marry you for your looks only tells alot about what kind of man he is. I doubt he married you for anything else than your looks from all his comments about your daughter.
Yes I think so, no woman has that conversation and thinks, gee I think we'll have a discussion. I summoned up more outrage over the travesty that was the How I met your mother ending.
I had pink glasses on, and didn’t notice many red flags. I stood my ground and she agreed after a long argument. I guess staying ur ground is the best decision you can make in such situation.
Agreed it’s nasty. However, hiw can it be cultural appropriation if the people doing it and watching it are from that culture?
Why are you forcing yourself? You’re not happy. Yes you think this one little aspect is worth working on, but not like this. I am kinky and love it rough, and first I probably would not enjoy vanilla partner, but, there are so many people out there more compatible to you. This is just not worth it. I keep thinking if me and my partner are in your shoes, and it icks me to pretend I am okay with him experiencing kinks and enjoying the fuck out of other women. Multiple rounds of rough fuck sessions? I would leave, that would hurt me like hell.
Second of all, info: if your relationship is open? Why aren’t sou finding someone who enjoys same things as you?
Agreed it’s nasty. However, hiw can it be cultural appropriation if the people doing it and watching it are from that culture?
Cocaine is exciting and passionate. Sometimes people realize this is not good for them.
Doesn’t make hearing it hurt any less, I understand.
approach it from two ways: the fact that it hurts your feelings, and the fact that there's a good chance she has some kind of medical problem making her sleep too much. low iron, depression, narcolepsy, etc. for the good of herself and your relationship she should get it checked out.
This☝?
You're not an asshole, just naive and guilty of persisting to have high expectations of a man who hasn't displayed the skills to reach them. He is worthless to you, and the title of dad can be acquired by a 12 year old. Leave him behind and grow.
Your husband is a rapist. Everyone here sees it clear as daylight: your husband raped your sister. And it's likely this isn't the first time if she has a tendency to get black-out drunk. You are married to a rapist. How long have you been married, btw? That age gap is starting to look rather suspicious. Instead of being angry at your sister, get her the help she needs. And go to the police to report your piece of shit husband.
I hate to be the first one to say it, but OP this whole situation is a red flag.
Your fiancé is 13 years older than you. That is a massive age gap. To add to that, you had a child when you met. Such a large age gap is concerning enough. But your daughters responses to him are massively concerning. The reactions your daughter is having to him are alarming, to say the least.
I would recommend speaking to a Paediatrician, and explaining in full, what has been happening.
Nope
Sorry if I wasn’t clear… Im not planning on talking to him in hopes he will start “trying” but rather to let him know this isn’t working and not what I want. I want to be done, but want to let him know in the kindest way.
Nah.. GPS locations are usually a couple of meters wrong. Like 10-20 meters or so. 1km? No.
Depends on the sti and the timing. If he tested negative 3 months ago then positive now, that's not great. If his last test was a year ago, then it's hard to say.
She's getting help on it.
Ew, gross.
Women aren’t just one of two things.
Don't feed her. Ignore her.
If you have to respond say this in a calm voice ” I don't find what you said funny and I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about me”
Then go back to whatever you want to do.
Engaging with her only makes you look like the bad guy.
she wasn’t pregnant and the kid probably wasn’t yours either even if she was. you threw your relationship away for self gratification. leave your ex alone and break up with ABC.
i would probably find it within yourself on why you cheated and decided to throw a 3 year relationship away for some pussy and fix it.
Lol why date this man
Do you envision spending the rest of your life like this? Because I promise you he's not changing.
Your Mom is an idiot, in my opinion. Your husband has a right to be mad. You don't start screwing other people because you can't have a child. Even to have that suggested is out of bounds. What she seems to suggest is surrogacy by promiscuity. Now there's a way to make a marriage better.
Why does this story keep getting posted?
It’s okay to want to break up with her because you don’t feel comfortable. Go. Do it.
I would like to know what her solution is.
Tell her mother she is no longer welcome in your house. My goodness the cheek of the woman.
No, I am not so naive to think it could never happen. My GF is quite attractive. I wouldn't be shocked, but I would be surprised…and she knows I would cut him off if he harassed her. She also knows that if he SA'd her, I'd want him prosecuted, regardless of who he may be to me.
I see what you mean. What I mean is should I reach out again after letting her cool down for another day or just wait until she wants to talk. It's just very akward to have someone ignore you.
I'd be seriously reconsidering this marriage if I were you. He won't be intimate with you because he's repulsed by your body after giving birth, and now he's demanding that you get plastic surgery. This isn't someone who respects you, this is someone who values your attractiveness over you and your children.
I vote troll
I strongly suggest that you split the bill and pay as you go every time rather than keeping a tab.
You are thinking too far ahead on the money thing, full stop. As you date her, you will see how & where she spends money. You’ll see if she expects you to pay more than you think is fair. You’ll see if she is generous or selfish. Paying attention is enough. You don’t have to be intrusive.
Much later, when you are ready to live together, is the time to have conversations about how you’ll share joint expenses.
It is fine for you to be clear that you have no intention of paying more than you believe is fair.
Even if this is the right answer, let's not forget the lesson learned of not reading private messages.
Will OP want to or even hold mental space about her next partners past or reason for wanting sex/sex with her?
Something to keep in mind.
how do i stop taking it out on my bf though :/ or feeling like he should be talking to me more bc of how my friends are always in contact with theirs?
Women are getting naked in his car. Random women are getting naked in a married man’s car. And he’s allowing it. He did betray you and you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to suggest leaving him but you should. Or at least separate and show him you don’t tolerate disrespect.
Ok so to be clear i was very exclusive with my husband after 3 days. I was engaged after 18.
That said I’m not sure what to say here. Because truthfully flirting and sex are very different to me. And we clearly agreed not to talk to anyone else from the app we met on.
You weren’t in a relationship even according to you, she didn’t have sex with anyone else but you are still upset about flirting that doesn’t sound like it broke stated boundaries.
And it seems like you all have done this twice already.
I would personally end it and be more clear in the future. But I can’t understand locking someone down like that and not being in a relationship at the same time.
I mean, have you seen the research about higher connectivity among women and the way that we show affection and friendship to one another? Absolutely yes if you go anywhere and look at lonely men talking about their mental health and being touched starved, it is a thing. Being touch serve happens last and close, female friendships, and communities, because we are OK with more physical affection. If physical affection is not your love language, that’s very cool, but to pretend like socially for hundreds of years folks haven’t needed that and felt a desire for it from familial or partner bond is just bullshit. You are allowed to not need what you do not need but to act like being touched starved, and that being a part of depression, isn’t a thing just shows that you did no research before responding to my comment.
I mean, have you seen the research about higher connectivity among women and the way that we show affection and friendship to one another? Absolutely yes if you go anywhere and look at lonely men talking about their mental health and being touched starved, it is a thing. Being touch serve happens last and close, female friendships, and communities, because we are OK with more physical affection. If physical affection is not your love language, that’s very cool, but to pretend like socially for hundreds of years folks haven’t needed that and felt a desire for it from familial or partner bond is just bullshit. You are allowed to not need what you do not need but to act like being touched starved, and that being a part of depression, isn’t a thing just shows that you did no research before responding to my comment.
Also, it must be stated, the little kid is going to pee , poop, puke all over that $400 car seat. It is going to be one very expensive piece of equipment. She's always going to be cleaning. However, you are going to have a relatively decent piece of equipment that will only require washing off and drying. Raising little ones is an extremely dirty and expensive thing, I wouldn't be so eager to jump into the deep expensive side of things….
Unintentional manipulation is still manipulation, though. No idea what to tell OP here, though, I would probably not stay with someone I cannot disagree with.
Just a thought, but going through with this is a lose-lose scenario. If you DO find she's doing something she shouldn't be, well, after an ugly confrontation, it's over, and she may deny and fight you over it too.
And if she isn't doing anything wrong, then you did something wrong by betraying the trust and invading her privacy, and she won't forgive you for it, and then, the relationship will either end abruptly, or become more miserable and painful until it does.
So if monitoring her leads, most likely, to breaking up regardless, what do you hope to accomplish here? What scenario do you consider a “win” that is worth taking this course of action?
That's not to say that the alternative is to sit on your hands and do nothing. In my reckoning, it's clear that the trust between you has been slowly dying, as well as the intimacy and love. So you can either try to fix that, perhaps through external help (like a couple's therapist), or you can decide that you trust her so little, that it doesn't matter if she's cheating or not, because you don't want to live with a partner you don't trust.
Thanks, had to edit the post as it had a yes/no question and forgot to put that part back in. They have a girls trip coming up in a few months. And they’ve invited me out a few times with them lately and I’ve seen them in action. They are a fun and forceful bunch. I wonder if they’ll push her to fool around with someone when they are all super drunk. Idk. I’ll probs delete this post as my gut says to just trust her but I feel like some people would say I’m a fool when it comes to these girl trips.
Don’t know if you’ll be able to read this, but good on you. We have two and I’ve volunteered for the snip, but copper T has been working for us and doesn’t bother her. I also think my wife is beautiful and I tell her often, but the overweight middle schooler lives rent-free in her head.
Write her something. For whatever reason, seeing something written down has a stronger effect than saying it. Write a letter, a poem, a declaration of love, whatever, it really works and she can always read it when she feels down.
Another thing we started doing at Christmas- I got my wife some perfume she wanted-we talked about smell and memory and smells reminding us of something, and questioned if I should get cologne. She said I had some and I said something like “yeah, but that was a present from my high school gf (23 years ago) so that shows you how often I wear it. She paused and asked “your high school ex got you that?”
Mind you she’d never been jealous, but she took me out and we picked a cologne. Since then I wear it for her and she LOVES it. She loves that I smell good and that it’s for her.
In hope you and your wife have nothing but joy ahead of you!
If he doesn’t leave you alone, threaten to tell all of his friends he’s banging his sister. And girl, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Be gentle with yourself, and ditch this loser.
I'm not an alcoholic I just like to have fun and drink
Because most people encounter low-functioning autism, sometimes but not all the time, wheelchair bound children/adults so that's the stereotype.
I found out that I have ADD about a year or so ago and was a fairly good student (I'm 27 now). Which speaking of, ADD can sometimes coincide with autism.
That is not a good reason to put yourself in a position to get hurt. Your OP is filled with frustration and anger.