Man she could make a boat load selling those tickets. Taylor stans won’t like it but I’d sell, go to your graduation, and treat us both to something nice with the money.
Thank you for your advice, really appreciate it. Anyways I'm more inclined to wait. I can manage to see her just once before she leaves and while she's gone and I can organise my self like where to go, start moving my stuff and het some help by some friend. And be emotionally prepare for when she comes back too. And I'm not sure I'm willing to give her the chance to renounce to the trip, she'll just do it and be annoyed and make me feel guilty for a while. Thinking it rationally if she wanted me she wouldn't make plans to have sex with others. The pain I've gone through already is too much, if she still has desires to have sex with other people than I don't think I can deal with that kind of pain all over again. I have her my heart and she shattered it, I gave it back to her a second time and she threatened to do it again. I really do love her but I won't go trough sll of that all over again.
Also she spent time and money for that trip, she was saving for it so I'd rather let her deal with this later.
Yeah it’s too quick, it’s understandable though when you’ve come from a bad place. It’s not too late to put the brakes on though, you don’t have to break it off or undo anything, just stay as you are for a while and get to know each other.
But no living together (keep yourself a safe space of your own), no rings, nothing that would further commit you to things until it’s settled down.
Love and infatuation are hard to distinguish from each other sometimes, so stepping back and seeing which it is over time is always a good move IMO.
I think you need couples therapy. Her saying that you don't care about her when you push back about the budget is not healthy communication and I'm betting this pattern is going to continue throughout your lives together if you don't nip it in the bud. If you don't want to have and lose the same fight every time you buy a car or a house or choose a school for your children or go on vacation or a million other things, you need to learn how to communicate better as a couple and make sure you actually have similar values.
I'm commenting on the spirit of how marriage mattered in the 19th century. It doesn't now so no man should get married. Why make a lifelong commitment to someone who doesn't share the same values?
Sami needs to get out, and personally if she were facing physical abuse I wouldn't abandon her. But it's entirely possible she doesn't even realize she's being abused. Right now she needs her friends more than ever because if she's only left with… Tom? She might not ever get out.
Maybe if OP's husband sees it like that he'll be more forgiving. This isn't being poly, it's an abuser grinding down his victim so much she lets him cheat now. I really feel for Sami.
This does not sound like it was ever a healthy relationship. It sounds like it was never really a relationship and you wore her down (sorry) into ‘giving you a chance’ and it reinforced to her that you weren’t what she wanted.
I would be very interested to hear your ex girlfriend’s narrative as I feel it would read very differently
I tried my best to be cognizant of this issue and have asked her about it as well, but she seems very certain. The one thing I'm not doing is deciding anything in a rash manner. But thanks for your advice!
It sounds like he doesn't care if you don't like it or get sick from it. How do you know it's even true what he is saying, maybe he likes anal better so he insults you to try and make you let him do it.
You two just might not be compatible, but it sounds like she’s using you as a counselor and dumping place. She should be able to talk about whatever to you, but to ease that burden, she should be getting it out with a counselor. That would lighten your relationship. Couples counseling could help her see this. She’s going to have to learn it at some point, because few people are OK being full-time counselors to their significant others.
Swooping in and trying to play hero, or constantly pointing out that she's being taken advantage of by people can easily backfire. She's not a child, and at some point it becomes disrespectful to imply that she cant handle everything on her plate.
When your girlfriend vents, you let her vent and do your best not to offer unsolicited advice. Then you do whatever small things you can in order to make her life easier. Encourage her to rely on you, but dont force it down her throat. Too much one-sidedness in a relationship is never a good thing.
You can gradually lean on each other more as time goes on. Weeks into being official isn't the time to start acting like a husband. Just my opinion of course.
Which you know because of experience, i.e. how all young kids learn that fact. What experience have you had to know how therapy works?
Man she could make a boat load selling those tickets. Taylor stans won’t like it but I’d sell, go to your graduation, and treat us both to something nice with the money.
Thank you for your advice, really appreciate it. Anyways I'm more inclined to wait. I can manage to see her just once before she leaves and while she's gone and I can organise my self like where to go, start moving my stuff and het some help by some friend. And be emotionally prepare for when she comes back too. And I'm not sure I'm willing to give her the chance to renounce to the trip, she'll just do it and be annoyed and make me feel guilty for a while. Thinking it rationally if she wanted me she wouldn't make plans to have sex with others. The pain I've gone through already is too much, if she still has desires to have sex with other people than I don't think I can deal with that kind of pain all over again. I have her my heart and she shattered it, I gave it back to her a second time and she threatened to do it again. I really do love her but I won't go trough sll of that all over again.
Also she spent time and money for that trip, she was saving for it so I'd rather let her deal with this later.
Yeah it’s too quick, it’s understandable though when you’ve come from a bad place. It’s not too late to put the brakes on though, you don’t have to break it off or undo anything, just stay as you are for a while and get to know each other.
But no living together (keep yourself a safe space of your own), no rings, nothing that would further commit you to things until it’s settled down.
Love and infatuation are hard to distinguish from each other sometimes, so stepping back and seeing which it is over time is always a good move IMO.
I think you need couples therapy. Her saying that you don't care about her when you push back about the budget is not healthy communication and I'm betting this pattern is going to continue throughout your lives together if you don't nip it in the bud. If you don't want to have and lose the same fight every time you buy a car or a house or choose a school for your children or go on vacation or a million other things, you need to learn how to communicate better as a couple and make sure you actually have similar values.
Lots of couples divorce over financial issues.
I'm commenting on the spirit of how marriage mattered in the 19th century. It doesn't now so no man should get married. Why make a lifelong commitment to someone who doesn't share the same values?
Just don't get married today.
Sami needs to get out, and personally if she were facing physical abuse I wouldn't abandon her. But it's entirely possible she doesn't even realize she's being abused. Right now she needs her friends more than ever because if she's only left with… Tom? She might not ever get out.
Maybe if OP's husband sees it like that he'll be more forgiving. This isn't being poly, it's an abuser grinding down his victim so much she lets him cheat now. I really feel for Sami.
This does not sound like it was ever a healthy relationship. It sounds like it was never really a relationship and you wore her down (sorry) into ‘giving you a chance’ and it reinforced to her that you weren’t what she wanted.
I would be very interested to hear your ex girlfriend’s narrative as I feel it would read very differently
I tried my best to be cognizant of this issue and have asked her about it as well, but she seems very certain. The one thing I'm not doing is deciding anything in a rash manner. But thanks for your advice!
It sounds like he doesn't care if you don't like it or get sick from it. How do you know it's even true what he is saying, maybe he likes anal better so he insults you to try and make you let him do it.
You two just might not be compatible, but it sounds like she’s using you as a counselor and dumping place. She should be able to talk about whatever to you, but to ease that burden, she should be getting it out with a counselor. That would lighten your relationship. Couples counseling could help her see this. She’s going to have to learn it at some point, because few people are OK being full-time counselors to their significant others.
You don't even have any morals and yet you are calling me immature. Yeah life must be tough for you.
Sometimes when they're crushing on someone, people change their behavior in an attempt to appeal to them or control the situation.
Swooping in and trying to play hero, or constantly pointing out that she's being taken advantage of by people can easily backfire. She's not a child, and at some point it becomes disrespectful to imply that she cant handle everything on her plate.
When your girlfriend vents, you let her vent and do your best not to offer unsolicited advice. Then you do whatever small things you can in order to make her life easier. Encourage her to rely on you, but dont force it down her throat. Too much one-sidedness in a relationship is never a good thing.
You can gradually lean on each other more as time goes on. Weeks into being official isn't the time to start acting like a husband. Just my opinion of course.