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Date: October 16, 2022
Move out if you can, that is the message dad is sending
I’m late to respond to this post as I dont get on reddit too often but I hope you will see my response and I’m not too late to offering some advice so here goes:
Someone who went through a midlife crisis not so long ago myself. The people who are saying the drastic changes in how he acts and the impulses being due to drug usage are just wrong. I wouldn’t completely rule it out as drugs will do the same but at the same time I wouldn’t be so quick to jump to conclusions about it. While I was going through my crisis and mind you at the time I didn’t even realize it nor would I ever admit to something like it so goodluck trying to convince him, I became very impulsive, I also lost my job due to wanting to constantly go out get drunk etc etc. All I could ever think about was how much fun I used to have and I believed I had to somehow “relight” that passion. It costed me almost everything and I was so hard headed I wouldn’t listen to reason or reflect on my own actions.
Anyways your husband, if it isn’t due to drugs, will snap out of it at some point and look back thinking what the fuck has he done.
But you should still prioritize yourself absolutely and don’t feel bad if leaving him is what it comes down to. If that is what it comes down to, my only advice is to be understanding and not necessarily get back with him. But maybe when he snaps out just be that friend who can help him realize he fucked up. But it’s okay.
You never explained what the reason was for your medical issue. Is this some condition your partner is already aware of? It's hard to give advice, without knowing if you were actually having a medical emergency or what. Why didn't you have the pub call an ambulance to get you medical care? I'm confused.
He’s dating someone 10 years younger than him because women his age know their worth and what they want out of a relationship. Meaning you’re easy to serve the shit end of the stick to and he knows you’ll stick around hoping for him to “do better”
Asking for a paternity test is insinuating cheating thoooo…
Responding to this message but I'm going to address the other one. First, yes, you absolutely can on Reddit. Vent as you need and don't feel bad about it.
Happy that you're going to couple's counseling. I hope that helps. The point should be to figure out how you got to this point. The root cause of the issue.
As for needing to make sure she knew; again, fair enough. I'm certainly not here defending her. I'm entirely on your side. My original comment subtext was more along the lines of it more than likely being a waste of your time and effort.
Her thoughts of you should absofuckinglutely be 100% irrelevant. Like you (and I'm not directing this at you), I don't give a flying fuck how she feels about anything, be it you or whatever else. She's objectively a piece of shit too. My point just again continues to be that she's not the problem. Even if she entices him in any which way, your husband has his own agency to make decisions.
Why is him looking elsewhere career/job wise not on the table? Or is it?
This was exhausting to read; I can’t imagine what it’s like to live. No, she shouldn’t make you cut off your friends, but in every situation, is there really any possible way that you could make her feel less important?
I don’t think you’re doing this on purpose and I do think you’re trying, but man, you couldn’t be more hapless if you tried.
A break is usually a lame substitute for a breakup. Apply that anger and hate toward deciding you are done with her, and go find someone else. This situation didn't work out. Maybe the next one will!
This sounds like depression to me. If you decided that it's too late, I wouldn't blame you. But this problem sounds fixable to me with support and the right doctors. It's up to you how much you can put up with it. People with depression can still be responsible for their actions, but it sounds like she needs help right now.
That’s true actually. I should try to schedule an appointment with the therapist I was seeing
Nothing's going to change. After marriage, she is not going to have a sexual awakening. We've seen this too many times.
It is not fixable for a number of reasons, the cheating being one.
Another being the age-gap. There is a reason she went for someone so young despite the fact that she's over 30 and it ain't cause you're mature for your age, sweetheart.
You need to leave for your own wellbeing.
And in ten years, look at a 21yo and see if you don't look at them as kids.
Personally I don't think you should. Because throughout this whole thing, you have mentioned acts that he has done for you and his feelings for you but not once did you actually mention having feelings for him or actually wanting to be his partner and someone to spend your life with.
You sound emotional and not over your current breakup and still referring to your “ex” as your partner. He shouldn't be your rebound because you “finally” realised he has the traits of a good partner.
Dude I've been reading your other comments and all I can say is get a lawyer like yesterday and get out of this situation. She has played you and now she knows you are onto her, she's gonna be a manipulative bitch.
Distance yourself from her as much as possible and get the ball rolling to buy her out and get TF out. Seriously. Her tears will be crocodile tears and she sounds a bit psycho tbh, who the hell could actually go this far and then switch up the mantra just like that? She has used you and is gaslighting you.
I repeat, GET OUT.
Only propose if you are sure that’s what you want for the rest of your life.
Your girlfriend is putting a lot of pressure on you by asking almost daily. You need to communicate with her about how this makes you feel. Maybe tell her that the pressure is making it harder for you to make a decision.
But where’s the evidence that he was hiding anything? The wipe was in the trash where you easily saw it. The fact that it was underneath something else just means that it wasn’t the last thing he threw away. He could have simply put some on to try a technique and then took it off before work.
This. OP sounds like she doesn't have her emotional/mental shit together at her age.
Just telling you how I see. EQ is more important that iq Imo.
It's unclear how you know this person, or if this is even a real person. But obviously when a “girl” (or in this case a full grown woman) won't respond to “semi serious” questions it usually means those things are off the table for discussion. You may be “dealing with an imbecile”, or more likely you may be dealing with a bot that'll soon try to direct you to a pay site of some sort.
If you think it's fake, why didn't you start with that point? Why all this crap about talking down to someone about their own culture? You just like to argue.
This really doesn't sound like the two of you want to be together anymore.
My advice is to call it quits and appreciate that you can (hopefully) separate and co-parent with civility.
Not really, I could try to look over her shoulder. But would feel so bad in snooping through her phone. She has done that to me and I felt so invaded.
If your weight is bothering you, work on changing it. Dude clearly loves you enough to not care that you gained some, but YOU care. Don't make a you problem into a relationship problem when it doesn't need to be, you know?
In a week, how often do you ask him?
My only recommendation would be to change the wording, maybe a whats on your mind would work better. if he says nothing there's a chance hes telling the truth or its something personal he doesnt want to discuss
He def did coke lol.
admitting to spending the night with her ex twice, your either very naive or stupid. Why would she write that if it didnt happen? Id rather be a child then an idiot like you defending a cheater with shitty logic
please message me if you wanna chat once you’ve read it.
p.s. i’ve been married for 10 years to a man that proclaimed i was his “dream girl,” that i’ve known since I was 8. he was my best friend all through school, then we ran into each other and got together 8 years later, married, had 2 kids. he cheated 3 years ago, and ever since I haven’t been able to stop researching WHY [a majority of] MEN ARE SO STUPID AND INCAPABLE.
I was ready to jump all over you and tell you that fucked up so you have to do whatever he wants earn his trust but holy shit girl, no. He is physically and mentally punishing you. This is not someone that wants to work things out and is willing to give you the opportunity to redeem yourself. This is someone that wants to hurt you and will keep hurting you. Please leave him before you end up in the hospital or worse, the morgue.
Then you’re clueless…
There are about a dozen things that could be wrong with him, and being gay isn’t likely to be one of them.
HAHAHA fr tho.
Also, “Please don't mention the 20-year age difference” – people who post here but don't read the content in this sub.
In a normal situation, that's a clear stretch. With added context, that's now what I'm assuming but you'll have to confirm.
I also think that is his logic… In normal situations, he tends to stretch a lot of things. He gets upset easily about things that I sometimes can't even fathom being upset about. Examples: He's been really bothered by my “impositions” for a while now. Things like he's doing something and I start talking to him, or he is getting ready to leave the house and I make food, which makes him stay and put off leaving. He also has what I secretly refer to as “selective misophonia”, and in our 2bdrm apartment, the sound of the kitchen sink bothers him…sometimes. So it is always difficult to do dishes, including all the mid-day sink runs for quick rinses and whatnot. And another imposition on him is excessive questions, so I really hesitate to use my kitchen because I don't know if it will bother him, or the question will bother him, or both? Or neither? A big element of our fights recently is him getting extremely upset when I interrupt him. I am trying to work on that because I know it's not right, but sometimes he talks for a long time without stopping and while changing subjects. He has also been recapping conversations incorrectly, which has made me interrupt to say ” yeah, if I HAD said/done that it would be problematic, but…” I have been in therapy for years. I have begged him to go. After never having been to a mental health dr in his life, he started going about a year ago, and went to about 3 therapy sessions before stopping. I have begged him recently, saying that he needs to learn coping skills, and he just keeps it on the lengthy “to do list”.
Do. Not. Have. Sex. With. Him.
This is not okay, pressuring you to have sex is such a terrible red flag. Please give yourself the gift of not caving to his pressure. Wait to have sex until you are with someone who would never ever pressure you or make you feel bad.
There is no reason to feel embarrassed about being a virgin. None at all. Actually about half of people are virgins at 18, if I recall the numbers correctly.
Very disturbing. I think you have to make a serious decision regarding your relationship.
She makes creepy comments about other men, you don’t like it so you bring it up with her in conversation. She continues to do it.
She’s in need of a therapist, not a boyfriend. She has serious issues.
You said you wouldn't trade your kids or your wonderful husband for anything.
Why are you fixated on this that you even want to consider ruining your family for a deadbeat?
Am I missing something here?
Unless you're pretending your husband is wonderful and your kids are great.
Shouldn't you be glad you divorced him so that you have your family now? Smh
I think this is very sound advice here!