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SacredScarlett, 26 y.o.
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Date: October 12, 2022
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Depends on your goals, why you work opposing shifts, etc.
My parents worked opposite shifts for a long time, because it worked best for raising children – no need for full time childcare. They stayed very much in love, but they also had shared goals, and shared plans, including a mutual effort to spend time together, rather than it being carried by one partner.
The fact that they lived together did aid in this, sad they saw each other at least in passing daily, but they also made a point to actually spend even a short time together just about each day. It was not uncommon when I was a small child, while my mom was still on nights (she was a nurse, too), to go downstairs for a snack at like 10pm right before she left for work, and find them dancing and laughing in the kitchen.
Even not living together, though, there is no reason she can't put in more effort. I think you should sit down with her and just talk about your feelings on this, including what you both want/your goals.
Question – were those 2 scheduled you mentioned the only options given to her? And does she only work 3 or 4 days/week? Usually they have options that are shorter shifts, but more days. I work in healthcare myself, and the schedules with longer shifts like she has are usually only 3 or 4 days weekly, which should actually make it easier on her end for spending time together.
Clearly he doesn't actually follow through
In a healthy relationship, sex is never “owed.” If it's not right for one person, it's not right for either. I think this is a time for you to stand up for yourself more firmly and be very clear about your boundaries – don't let them be gray areas. That way, he very obviously knows the line, and you'll very clearly know if he crosses them. And if he ever very clearly crosses a sexual boundary, you'll know it's time to go.
And probably a billion trillion where no cheating happened that you don’t hear about.