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Date: October 3, 2022
I think your partner could resent you and also start to question whether you are with him for his money. I'm assuming you personally have given him so reason to believe this but allowing the people in your life to take advantage still sends that message.
You sound jealous.
In your twenties two months is more than enough time! Maybe she’s just very anxious ?
What's not just a feeling
You don’t owe it to anyone that you haven’t committed your life to through vows of promise your care.
You are hurting her more and more every day and the longer you break these feelings because the inevitable blow up will be so much worse the longer it goes
No lawyer would tell their client not to talk to their kid while in the process of getting a divorce.
JFC, dump this bitch. She invalidated you, your feelings, and your dog. My guess is she doesn't like animals-that's strike 2 and 3 in my book.
Are you sure you want to save it? She is manipulating you. Demand a kid, telling you she will sleep with her ex if she dosen't get her way. A kid is hella lot of responsibilites and I think she after time would leave you and the kid (she sounds like that kind), you would have to buy everything and pay all the bills. She dosen't want a job, she dosen't want to pay bills. And she had agreed to pay 50/50! And now she quit er job too out of spite. It won't get better, so is this what you really want in a relationship?
Answer me this, do you think you can be happy here in the long run? No wrong answer, I could understand both.
MOST people can’t do open. Humans are not wired well for it. I will openly admit I wouldn’t either.
So it’s okay to be honest about that.
Will she leave you for changing your mind? I don’t know and I can’t tell you.
But do you want to be in a relationship where you are afraid to be honest and say what you need? I wouldn’t.
It’s okay to be open, it’s not okay to be open just because it makes the other person happy. I think that just leads to how you feel right now. So say something if you think this is worth salvaging, or move on.
Also, LDR’s are not for most people. She might not be one of those people too. That’s alright. Better to recognize it, than to try and force something that won’t be good for you if you think that’s the case.
Well, I dunno. Sounds like you barely have much of a relationship with him. This will probably put the nail in the coffin but maybe you wanted / needed to end that friendship anyway.
This is child abuse, e-mail the mental health services and ask them to probably try to talk to your parents about how serious this is.
These emojis ????
Do not let this p.o.s. threaten you with taking your kids away. Get yourself away from him, even if it means you have to take your kids to a domestic abuse survivor shelter. They will help you!
Yeah not to mention, with differing view points like that , raising kids would potentially be hard
It always amuses me how so many conservatives love to talk about how social media condors their views, yet more and more young men are being exposed to radical right wing views on the internet every day.
You’re right, that was a lot to unpack!
I guess my very first impression is that your marriage feels exhausting. I wouldn’t want to put myself in your shoes. It would be a ton of emotional work and stress; if I was anxious already, it would definitely make it worse.
So, I think you have to cut through all the noise and ask yourself the fundamental question, “What am I getting out of this?“
Forget about your obligations, the marriage, the future, whatever. If you could exchange your current lifestyle with being single by pressing a big red button – boom, done, you’re single now – would you do it?
If not, why not? Get that fixed in your head really clearly. Is it because you want to be with her? Or is it because you feel like you should be with her?
Because, honestly, and I’m sure other commenters will point out similar things, I don’t see what you’re getting out of this… it feels almost like you have this super strong sense of duty but there’s nothing you genuinely enjoy about her, you know?
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Awesome, you found a special boy with a special drinking problem! Is this something you want to live with? bc you are not going to be able to ‘fix’ him – I’m speaking directly to your life inexperience here. Find a better partner. Better yet, stay single and work on yourself.
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That’s the handmade card part.
Thank you for that edit. OP needs to dump this guy.
Your significant other should never be mad at you for not having sex. Especially after they dropped a huge emotional bomb on the relationship. This guy sucks.
Like what?
I understand that she is an adult. But I am a very traditional person and it’s not that her being an adult hurts my pride, it’s that I don’t have the means to pay for my own meal. Whether it seems sexist or not, we have established this already in our relationship and I have a hard time with her posting for my food
Oh this is a good point.
It is objectively abuse to hit your partner on purpose. That’s what he was doing.
Yeah I definitely understand where you are coming from. My son is my number one priority. I don’t know what the future holds or what will be best for us, I’m just taking it one day at a time. But I’m open to whatever gods plan for us is.
Don’t do the separation. You’ve suffered with a partner you don’t want to be with and don’t trust for too long. She can deal w her own medical issues.
Why did he share it with you? I don't think it's necessarily weird to keep track of your partners, but I wouldn't share it with a current partner unprompted. I definitely wouldn't be all creepy about collecting virginities like they're tangible. Now I'm wondering how good the experience was for them. Because the guy I was with that was obsessed with my virginity did not make it worth it for me at all.
If he wanted it to stay in the past, he shouldn't have brought them up. His list is very much in the present though. Do some reflection on other things he's done or said that lean misogynistic. Does he ever make you feel like you're his possession? That whole conquering women trope is so gross and overdone.
Explains why he was desperate for you not to drug test your kid.
It’s 100% neglect.
This dude is emotionally immature and likely mentally ill. He's unstable, and unable to process his emotions, likening sex with feeling loved, and any delay or refusal to gratification as point blank rejection of himself on the whole. There's no reason to jump straight to the worst possible conclusions regarding his character. Maybe you're right, but it's not helpful to jump immediately there.
THIS ^
Apparently the OP's personal mantra is that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else…
…even if it's a teenager.
OP is walking Ick.
He didn't “disappear”. Ya dumped.
And with good reason. You don't bring up cheating (mutually agreed upon or not) as a “BTW” as you're packing for your trip. It's something you have many thoughtful conversations about and both enthusiastically agree to if you're going to do it. Making it a throwaway conversation isn't how you handle a mature relationship – it's how you handle a throwaway relationship. And he threw it away. Good for him.
I had such relief when I left my marriage and had one less person to take care of. Also helped that I no longer had to deal with all the emotional anxiety that came with my marriage. Peace is underrated.
I've decided to look into therapy and I'm going to ask her to start couples therapy as well. We have some other things going on between us that would warrant it although nothing near as bad as this.
We live 7 hours away from her family and my family lives in the same town. We spend more time with my family than hers because she knows how screwed up they are. This situation with SMF is by far the worst family issue but it's not the only one. SMF's trailer is within walking distance of her brother's house so if she sees him when he gets out of prison, that's where it'll happen. I don't think she'll make a point to tell him we're in town because she knows I'll be upset but that doesn't mean he won't show up or somebody tells him we're there. He's closer to my wife than he is to his own mother for obvious reasons and I doubt my wife will tell her family that I despise him so they won't invite him down. Her family seems to have very little respect for me since they learned I'm an Atheist.
So they can be brain washed by a sexist pedophile asshole instead?
As if his butt would smell any better. That said, if he's not respecting your safe word then kick him to the curb.
sounds like she might be talking to someone her own age
Unfortunately your girlfriend is extremely immature and a pushover. She might be a mother now but she acts like a no-clue teenager when it comes to her BFF. That friend is toxic and you girlfriend is willing to let you jump over the blade for this lying ass bitch???
Its worth considering, but like any addiction can be challenging. Note that completely abstaining from masturbation and/or sex will cause certain behavioral changes, some of which could be positive and others that could be hard to deal with.
If your wife knows about your porn use it may be a wise move to let her know that you want to stop. But I would leave out the fact that you want to sleep with other women.
I’m gonna be honest with you, “every once in a while” is not 4-5 times a month, she does probably feel like you’re pushing her to do it more frequently than she’s comfortable. I’m not saying you are but I’m saying that’s probably how she feels. She wasn’t nice about it. But you two aren’t compatible tbh
How is it obvious he had no control? What do have to go off of to get to that conclusion? Other than he just didn't stop.
This!!!
I came to say the same thing. If it were me, I could maybe get past the co-parenting issue and deal with it. What I absolutely couldn’t would be the actual continued outings, basically dates, and him not even informing his ex about me. Sounds like he was rebuilding the relationship with ex while still still dating OP. I hope when ex found out about his lies and manipulation she cut him off too. He’s a manipulative cheater.
Whoever files first wins.
Also stop catering to him when he visits.
Only allow him time w his child NOT with you.
What he is doing is DARVO he’s mad you didn’t fall in line so he’s being cruel. You don’t want that in your life.
You’re 40 and playing the pick me game?
How the fuck did the mom find this post? Is she stalking OP on Reddit after getting thrown out of the house? Your husband is a champ and you're vile
When you moved, you didn’t have a job?
Thank you for the help and affirming words
Keep the pillow, get rid of the insecurity blanket…I mean gf
oh God, again with the disgusting partners that don't shower?? or worse, threatening to not shower because he's offended you want him to be clean before having sex. such an immature response from him, disgusting too.
Definitely a massive overreaction from him and you should tell him so or he's likely to try and control you.
It's not unusual for me to do a bluetooth search for my device and not notice the search has found others. Occasionally I have selected the wrong one!
Um no fucking way. Don't apologise. I can say this would 100% be a dealbreaker for me. Your husband is a pig.
My wife has back issues. There are times she wakes up screaming in pain. I feel for your family. One lasting impact from Covid-19 is the work from home culture. There are “call center” jobs that can be done at home. If your husband did that, he could be in the same gaming chair he used to waste time. Perhaps you could also do that.
Let him know you understand his chronic condition, but that you are drowning. Give him 5 jobs around the house and tell him this week he needs to pick 3 to do. Tell him you won't complain once he has helped by doing those three… but they are daily tasks, not weekly. Ask him to be the father you know he can be.
You can't buy real love. The sugar baby thing means paying a woman to pretend to like you in exchange for cold hard cash. If you think that the sugar baby will inevitably fall in love with your sparkling personality (that you aren't confident is enough to attract women to date you without being paid) if she just gets to know you, you're being delusional. If a woman is hot enough and has good enough social skills to make money as a sugar baby, then she's hot enough and charming enough to attract men who are desirable enough companionship without paying for it. Sex workers don't date their clients for real.
Let me put it this way: if you found someone very unattractive, but they offered to pay you lots of money to date them, would the offer of money suddenly make them attractive to you? If Dick Cheney offered to pay you to date him, would Dick Cheney become genuinely attractive to you?
If you want real love, then work on improving yourself and putting yourself out there.
She’s pathetic and needs to get over it
Or “hmm, I'll have to think about that one.” “You have an interesting take on that.” “I've never thought about it that way.” That last one in particular, because if you don't know wtf she's saying, you certainly never thought about it that way.
Ok. She screwed up and made a bad decision. She cares enough about you that she pledges to not do it again, despite how much she liked it. That needs to count for something. Forgive her this once. But be very clear if it happens again it will be over for good.
He does have video evidence if she starts trashing him publicly. But yeah, people are going to need to know the situation sooner rather than later.
You can’t dude. This is fucked up. The best thing you can do is be honest and deal with the consequences.
The only person who can define your sexuality is you. I'm not sure why he is attempting to weaponize your sexuality to make you sound proud/vain, but that's pretty messed up and not something I'd expect a love one to do to you. Are you comfortable with someone who dismisses you like this?&
Um I think he needs Rehab
Thank you for the advice. It’s been a point of contention between her and I for awhile now. I kind of have my own bank account but it’s connected to hers so can she my statements and all that. She just kind of explodes when she finds out that I did anything behind her back and I’m a very non-confrontational person so if I try talking to her about these things she kind of just argues me down. My gf is helping me work on it and I’m trying to balance how to approach my mom cause I’ve just done everything her way my whole life.
Agreed. There shouldn’t be a problem living with an opposite-gender friend. He straight up asked her if she was uncomfortable and she said no. If she’s uncomfortable she can commun site that like an adult
I'm not sure what the best thing for you to do is, but I do think some of the things you want are beyond your control and perhaps not what he needs.
You clearly love him and he probably loves you too but that doesn't mean that he owes it to you or himself to talk to you about his issues when they're upsetting him. If you ask him if he wants to talk or if you can do anything to help and he says no, you need to accept that as ok. Once he's not lashing out at you or being disruptive you have to let him handle things in his own way. Please don't cause added stress by making things into a conversation about him not loving you enough.
Being with someone with trauma and mental illness is hard, but you can't make them better on your schedule. If you want to be with him you'll need to be patient and let him lead the pace of his healing, if he wants to.
And again affirm how your past has made you feel insecure about your boobs. And that is perfectly valid. But don’t set yourself up for hurt when you can communicate what u need.
Yes. It’s absolutely too big.
You can be the “most mature” 22 year old ever and it wouldn’t matter. He’s 43 and he best relates to someone that just started drinking legally last year? He’s lived your whole life twice basically.
If you were 28 and dating someone 20 years older it might be more okay, because you’ve had enough time as a proper adult to learn exactly what you want. But usually way older men prey on women in their early 20s for a reason. Less life experience, easier to groom.
So you're saying that not having a job for 4 years, not finding another one, and being defensive about it is okay in a partner as long as they're people?
Can I quit my job and be your partner? I'm really nice … you can pay for everything, right?
This shouldn't be surprising, if you go into a step-parent role thinking you're going to be a real parent you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
She told me that when you date and marry a mother, you're committing to raising her children without expecting anything in return. That's sucks, if you ask me.
You're not wrong, which is why so very many people don't want to date single parents. If you're not happy go through with the divorce, without a marriage their financial situation is their problem. If you're happy with your wife though, maybe just forget about having a relationship with the kids. When it comes right down to it nobody but you can tell you what path you'd be happiest on.
You don’t have a choice. She doesn’t want the life you’ve signed up for. It’s fair.
dont ask questions you dont want the answer to.
You shouldn't have lasting after-effects from a role play; if you do, never repeat that kind of experience.
It’s a crush and she needs to put those feelings to the ground. Time to grow up
To put it in perspective, I'm turning 27, on track for a PhD and I had to come back due to rent until I am working. Depending on the City and her career choice, moving out at 19 is either stupid, impossible or stupid and impossible
Nope wrong sub dude.
Sounds like you are right, you are being backburnered big time.
With all the time and intimacy you have already had, if she wanted you as a romantic partner she would be true to you and really want to visit enough to come.
Sorry, I think it’s time to cut your losses and find someone who values you as you deserve.
I’d wager that he has. I don’t feel like this is a natural step to suddenly jump to, OP should definitely be wary just in case
What is the problem with condoms? Like, you’d be out of line to suggest that she go on hormonal birth control because it can cause a whole host of issues for women but dude – if you don’t want a baby, wrap that dick up, you’re 40, presumably you know how this works by now.