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Date: October 11, 2022
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Brainwashing is weird. You can break the rules of the cult and still be a devoted member- especially when it has to do with sex, a natural drive
Hey, you deserve an update, because you really helped me. I didn't do anything irrational. We talked about it, she told me she had blocked him and I haven't thought about it since. Our relationship gets better by the day and we are both really happy but also scared to lose each other (in a healthy way)because we've both been hurt in the past. There is still so much I need to learn tho and I am glad it's with her.
I wouldn’t invite her. You’re still caught up on her. Be honest, you won’t reignite anything. Are you prepared to see that she’s moved on? Dating other people? Do you want to hear that? If she comes, she’ll dominate your thoughts on your birthday. Hang out with friends.
I forgot to address the drinking. And I think your concerns are completely justified.
You should sit down and have a discussion about it, doesn't need to be an intervention or anything, just express what's been on your mind and let him (hopefully) reassure that he's got it under control.
In the end you have to be able to trust your partner, and that includes trusting he'll know how to act around under people. Because although that is his job, he still owes you respect in the process, and he needs to assure you that he will be more mindful in the future in situations like you described with the girls. Even if there was no malicious intent of course
INOF: Does he have a point?
Female, I updated it! 🙂
Hey brother you’re young as all hell and have so much ahead of you. You can start your life over 5 times before your 30 and you’ll still have plenty of time to do it all over again a few times over. Don’t fool yourself into thinking this is it for you.
Reach out to loved ones and tell them everything then start making plans for big changes. Whether they involved you, your wife, and a marriage counselor or just you and a divorce lawyer is for you to determine, but you really should get that ball rolling. Your posts sound frightening and things won’t just resolve themselves. Reach out and get going!
Your boyfriend is creepy for developing this faux friendship with this young lady. Even without proof of cheating, the lying should be enough for you to end it. He wouldn’t have lied if it was innocent. It sounds like he is using you as his cover for his church folk but his friendship with her is not 100% platonic.
This is the best!!!!
The fact that I don't want to read any of these posts tells me that this is exactly what I should be reading, and I will. Thank you.
This is the most obvious answer or I would even put it more simply, he's probably 'missing social cues' for some reason and therefore is off-putting to people. I have 2 people like this in my life who are middle-aged and are always running into interpersonal problems because of it.
One is not officially diagnosed, but I would say is probably on the spectrum of Asperger's. Comes across as judgmental, arrogant, asks questions that seem rude, doesn't take people's emotions into accounts on anything, bad timing, you name it. Simply off-putting. I used to actively dislike him until I realized he was not actually arrogant, he just didn't know how they come across. Not that I particularly like him now, but I understand him better.
The other is a close family member who loves to talk (extreme) and is also very strong-minded about how she likes things or wants to do things, but the problem she can't read social cues from others at all. She literally can't tell if other people are annoyed, bored, angry, anything, unless you really aggressively project those feelings or put them in words. So she might dominate a group conversation for 30 minutes where people are literally silent, staring at their watch, yawning, and have no clue that she needs to stop talking. She gets into conflicts with employers because she doesn't take direction well unless she gets very direct orders. Her history is a long series of broken friendships, all related to this issue.
I’ve found a lot of great information through the neurodiversity collective. I’m still learning all the time so I really appreciate you speaking up and sharing your story. I had a student almost take out a line of kindergarten students the other day – I think because he’s not super aware of what’s going on around him and he explained that he can’t react quickly to directions ( I thought I had given him enough information/ directions to avoid a collision – I was wrong and that was on me and we problem solved that he could move slower in the hall way and I can give directions differently and give him processing time.). If you have the mental energy or spoons to share what would have been helpful to you as a child/ teenager/ young adult – please let us know.
How did you get his DNA?
Surely I can’t ask him to be my boyfriend if I am coming on here for advice? I normally wouldn’t have an issue as I’ve asked guys before etc but I only do that when there isn’t this risk or doubt
Communication should 100% be the first step here. But he did mention attempting that and so far it’s not working. I wonder if she has a friend or two fueling the flames. At any rate, this does seem very fixable if they do whatever is needed.
I don't think its complicated. She's not not interested. If was completely not interested she would have left it at “I'm seeing someone”.
She's kinda keeping you on standby. Maybe she's only been on a few dates with this other person and genuinely doesnt know where it will go? Flick her a final text, and say something like “You know, I may not have been clear, but DO give me a call if it doesnt work out. See you around.”