79 thoughts on “Dreaming-hotxxx live webcams for YOU!”
The thing with boundaries are YOU HAVE TO SAY THEM. OP never told the guy I’m just looking for FWB so in their head they are moving towards being in a relationship.
I think you need to ask yourself your reasonings for wanting to tell her? I get being pissed off and feeling hurt but there is a bit of spite undertone to reading your post. Are you wanting to tell her out of spite under the guise that you have her back but it's just a way to punish him by exposing him ? I don't agree with his behaviour but you also know nothing about their relationship or her and don't even really really know him. They live in a whole other country, you might ruin this girls life even though you think you're doing her a favour, but who are you to decided that for her? I would just take the hit, accept it and move on and let it be. If you all lived in the same city or country and you and him were continuing your relationship and then you found out then that would change things. I dunno. Just feels like you want to tell her because he hurt you and now you want to hurt him by telling his girlfriend. Just feel like she might an innocent person getting caught in the crossfire ….. especial when you know nothing about her or the details of their relationship ??♀️ I don't think people should cheat if they're in a committed monogamous relationship, just don't be in one or be in a open relationship or polyamorous……I do think sometimes people make mistakes though…… you have no idea what either of these 2 people are going through etc. Also they live in another country. Let it go and move on, let them deal with their business.
Ok lol, thanks for the response. This is reassuring. Tbh, i even told her this i hate the texting game cause of this, whre if the person doesnt text back its like, “is he/she ignoring me? Did they not see it? Am i getting ghosted?”
Like i said im terrible at texting too, not as bad but sometimes i forget so im definitely giving her the benefit of the doubt. I dont want it to sound like i want a response in 5 minutes. I dont mind if it takes an hour or 2. But i will say i do start thinking the worse when it takes like half a a day.
This is just karma honestly. She was far too young for you when you got together and you did treat her like crap. I think she's outgrown this relationship and you but just doesn't want to be the one to end it.
Have you considered that he may be doing this intentionally. Seeing how much bullshit you'll tolerate in effort to find a submissive door mat he can walk all over?
I mean worst case scenario is that he's luring you into a situation where you can easily be trafficked. Best case scenario is that you'll be totally dependent on him in a foreign country where he'll have complete control over you, and dating him for 3 months doesn't give you nearly enough insight into his true character to guarantee your safety. He's trying to pressure you into deciding quickly — that alone says he doesn't have your best interests at heart.
My parents have an age gap of 13 years. It did not work out well. They fell in love when my om was 18,.married at 19. A lot of things were lining up for them. My mom desperately wanted to leave the house as she had strict parents. She wanted to break free. My dad was a bit rebellious, just like my mom. My mom wanted a lot of kids, so she didn't mind starting early, matched what she wanted. Then she got pregnant, as planned. She was 21 and grew up in just a few months. Going to bed in time, taking her health serious, lessen her smoking. My dad however, did not. Halfway to his forties, he still was the adolescent of the two. Intelligent man, just never learned to deal with emotions.
Also, life had been hard to my dad and he had learned some manipulation tactics to be able to deal with the world. So he sometimes manipulated my mom. He didn't do it on purpose, that's just how he thought the world worked. That that was the way to become happy, to have things go your way.
It didn't work out. My mom had a second child, realised she had to be able to raise all the kids she got with him on her own, as he wasn't much of a help. Then she became less naive and less blind and realised she couldn't change him. She divorced him. My dad was set for an unhappy life, with his inability to deal with emotions properly. If they wouldn't have divorced, they both would have been unhappy. My mom blossomed after leaving my dad.
My point I guess is, their lives matched up, it was all nice and fine, untill it turned out that why they matched up, was that my dad froze in his adolescent stage.
Really glad you're moving forwards from the absolute nightmare of your first post and congrats on the wedding.
Regarding your BIL's nonsense about wanting examples as reasons for boundaries he can argue about: neither you or your husband need 'examples' to prevent behaviour that is making your lives miserable or difficult:
'When you insist that I drop everything in my own life, to cater to your incessant need for my time and attention, it makes me miserable and it's clear that you don't care about my happiness. This behaviour means I don't want to be around you. You need to understand that I am building a life and a marriage of my own, and it is unhealthy to expect that I prioritise you as the most important person in my life. If you cannot understand this, you need to seek therapy until you do. This is not up for discussion.'
The good news is that I think you already know that your anger isn't a solution, and that's a promising start.
My solution for your problem is the same for anything that you want your partner to change about themselves (assuming it isn't illegal, immoral, addictive or threatening): since you're not entitled to it, bargain for it.
This solution also provides a great test of how serious you think this problem really is, and how ready you are for a serious relationship. If you're not ready to sacrifice anything in order to get what you want, then what you want isn't actually that big a deal, is it? Either that, or you're a My Way or the Highway kind of partner – in which case you're not gonna even try my solution, now, are you?
You said it. She has given you reasons to not trust her. She failed the wife test. She doesn't want to show you her accounts because: 1) there is proof it was physical or 2) she is still doing it or 3) there were many more men or 4) she belittled you to her ex or others or
Some combination of the above. She told confessed to only what you knew already.
After 4 years, you haven't met his family? You should not fight for this kind of relationship. Walk away. There are issues involving not only you but also your children. They matter the most. You and he have opposing viewpoints on the future. You are going to waste your time. Just break it now; there is no point in waiting until later.
This is how you answer next time “Yes I like you. Let get to know each other better by going on a date”. That is essentially what you wanted out of the conversation right? So just say it.
I havnt gone on a date for 4 years or talked to a girl in 4 so I thought tinder would be a good place to start and it's only reinforcing the statement that I'm ugly
Take him at his word. Don't assign him feelings he doesn't have. He is the one that can call it rapey. That being said being the only one initiating is brutal and hurts the ego.
Sounds like your BF may be depressed. Is he seeing a therapist.
He is a little young but he could see a Dr about low T. That can be a real killer. Also depends on his porn habit.
Most of this you just need to communicate to him. And how hurt you feel. Try couples therapy as sometimes hearing it from a third party can kind of break through the fog.
The argument you describe him making is alarming. It contains some red flags for controlling behavior.
The biggest is that he makes you feel like a child who needs permission. I cannot stress to you how unhealthy this dynamic is. Your bf or so is NOT your parent. You are their equal partner with a say in your life and shared ventures.
If he continues to be unwilling to compromise with you, you absolutely do NOT move in with him. You are an adult. You no longer have to obey the people you live with.
You do not have to accept his no as the final word. He is not your father. This isn't his house, his rules. If you pay rent you have a say in your home. I suggest moving in with roommates and dispalying your horses in your bedroom!
I've heard many stories of many people who have said absolutely heartless and messed up things to other people and would try to excuse it as “just being honest”.
Unfortunately, his version of bettering yourselves is not about being better people or wanting to do more for others…………it's all about vanity and self-image. It's ironic that he wants you to look good for him, but he doesn't want to better himself, in his character, for you.
Yeah that is definitely the route I believe I will be going but I guess I am needing advice more so on how to phrase it, what to say. I want to respect his feelings and the definite hurt he will have. I don’t want to gaslight him about it or be manipulative about telling him so I’m thinking maybe just straight up explaining here’s how this happened, apologizing and letting know know I respect whatever decision he makes and whatever feelings he has.
Your sister was so obliterated you had to put her on the couch yet your husband was capable of leaving the house under his own locomotion. This sounds very very much like your husband raped your sister. There is no way back on this as long as your sister is ok with it you should take her to the hospital right away and call the police on your cheating rapist soon to be ex husband.
My grandma’s family was in no way abusive, I actually met a few of them when I was very young and they were great. I don’t understand where you’re getting that every woman’s family was abusive? Women have had a rough go of it in history, but so has every other working class person. Do you really think that within the last 50-40 years that every woman just magically stopped being abused? My mom’s family was also extremely loving towards her, and my dads dad worked 50+ hour weeks to provide for my dad, his brother, and guess what? HIS SISTER!
You're not in a serious or permanent relationship, in his eyes. It's very simple if someone wants you in their lives they will make it happen. Stop chasing people who arent interested or invested in you and move on
Better you find out now than later after marrying her. There is no excuse for her behavior. Don't stay with her because this would forever stain your marriage and make everything in the future at least partially toxic and poison you more and more with time. Right now stay with your mates and give all the dumb shit they'll inevitably come up with as distraction a try. Don't feel bad if you get emotional, you are very much allowed to give in to the hurt you feel right now. Everything else is tomorrow's problem. (And the cheating b a thing of the past)
“I’m a bit attracted and keeping it under control” “Version for my gf is that I’m not attracted to her for obvious reasons” “I’m not planning to cheat”
This. OP when someone cheats on you, you DO NOT ask, “what am I doing wrong?” You are not the problem. Also you cannot just agree to forgive someone, it’s a feeling and until it’s real it’s not yours to give. Further you do not attempt to control him by monitoring his every action. That is beneath you. A cheater is going to cheat, 20 mins in a closet or car is all it takes. Unless you want more heartbreak and to lose all self-respect – move on.
So your boyfriend treats you well, does his best to be transparent with you, invites you to parties to keep you included, and cuts off any girl you feel threatened by. And you can't trust him why?
Side note, if I was someone who only wanted to lose my virginity to someone I love I'd definitely regret losing it to my GF that regularly snoops my phone because she doesn't trust me. That's nuts. Yall have been together a month, there is no way you love each other already and you are already going through his phone all the time. This relationship is a mess.
I'm mostly over it, I haven't dated or even been intimate with anyone since because I legitimately don't know if I can trust someone again. I've gotten into a good groove of living for myself and keeping people at distance but I'm doing relatively alright.
That whole situation completely destroyed my world view, if the person I completely trusted could do something like that to me and leave me to fend for myself, why trust anyone.
It’s your take that I don’t see irl unless it’s for casual relationships. I’m online dating and lots of people put that they have kids in their bios, there are tags on the profile for whether or not you have kids and someone lying about it is definitely not looked upon well. As far as real life conversation it tends to be one of the questions people ask early on, and for most parents it’s a major part of their life and a difficult topic to avoid. Disclosing specific information like age and gender I can see avoiding, and definitely holding off on meeting each other’s kids for a long time.
She’s emotionally blackmailing you into permanent sterilization. You’ve already said this is a hard no. It doesn’t matter what she thinks — you said no. The fact that she continues to push your boundaries and attempt to get you to change your mind is where this crossed the line into reproductive coercion.
You’ve been separated for two years. That’s a long time. Her not being willing to even consider taking things slow by demanding you sterilize yourself to somehow “prove” you want to be with her is disgusting. It’s beyond manipulative.
Your gut feeling is right. You know there is something off about this and you need to listen to your instincts. It’s really frustrating that so many people here are trying to justify why it’s okay for her to blackmail and coerce you even after you set a hard boundary.
Couples who separate and get back together generally do not last. She’s not willing to resolve the original issues. She just wants to ensure you’ll have fewer chances with someone else. This is about some practical choice — it’s control. You’ve said no every which way, the issue is not her “misunderstanding” your no.
Don’t get back together. Someone who doesn’t have basic respect for your body autonomy is not going to be a good partner and you will not have a health relationship.
If you’re experiencing such strong compulsions (including the telling her all this), my recommendation would be to book an appointment with a therapist (ideally one who deals with sex-based struggles), and get their take on it. If nothing else, they’ll be better equipped to give you advice on talking to your girlfriend about it than Reddit will be.
Also, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you’re going through this because it sounds like serious intrusive thoughts and is now affecting your everyday life. It, to me, sounds a lot more like a mental health thing but—again—I’m not an expert and I really strongly think you should consult one.
I(20f) decided to stay with my boyfriend (21m) after he cheated.
Is enough to say no.
This is exactly why:
Right now, there isn’t anything wrong with what he is doing in our relationship. But the past still haunts me.
Cheating is a permanent damage. As hard as you try to let it go… it is going to follow you around for the rest of your relationship.
If you want real advice… there is no advice that we can offer you that will help you.
Why are you coming to us? This is YOUR relationship. This is heavy problem. There is nothing we can say to you that is a golden ticket to rebuilding trust.
If you want to fix this thing in the relationship, make it more of an issue and work on it together. This is something YOU and YOUR boyfriend need to sort out on your own… without reddit.
Shit is for you two to discover.
Can't do that?
Well, maybe your relationship isn't as strong as you think…
Hahahhaha ok at this point you’re just joking right? She pays 65% of your shared expenses and does 85% of the household chores on top of being on her feet 4 days a week and being in school. It’s a matter of time before she realizes shes not in a partnership, she’s a single mom to you, OP
Personally, I don't see the issue with using heart eye emojis unless there's specifically romantic or sexual contest. Otherwise, I use heart eye emojis for all types of situation that don't indicate flirting.
If you're already worried about being cheated on, then break up. But seriously, you sound very insecure and not ready for a relationship for period.
If you’re sat watching TV maybe a bit of body contact, a shoulder rub or a massage is a good way to make a connection, see how it’s reciprocated. Try sitting together in a way that’s easy to go in for a smooch.
Do you cuddle up when you’re sat together? If you’re side by side on your phones it’s going to be more difficult to engage with one another.
Everyone involved in this is too old to be relying on the middle school playground technique of communication. If you're interested in this sister (and willing to implode your friend group for sex) just communicate directly with her. Ask her if she's interested.
He’s a sociopath for doing it in the first place so what makes you think he’s man enough to admit it? The important thing is you know the hard truth so it’s up to you to decide what to do next.
I think it’s less what you are fearing and more he is growing bitter seeing you become successful and take accountability in ways he never could. His life was picturesque (beneficial to him) one moment, and now that ease and “stay at home wife” stereotype he had of you has been shattered. I’d hazard a guess he’s just feeling inferior and instead of doing anything about it, he’s lashing out.
His debt is on him. If he is looking at you, who already pays more, to suffer a bit so that he can use your money to pay his shit… it's him that needs debt help, not you. He can show his and ask for help as to where he can reduce costs. it is NOT on you to go without and pay his debts – not when you guys have split money this way.
The current arrangement works fine except that 1. he should be paying more, and 2. he needs to see where HIS spending is off so that he can pay down his debt. Perhaps debt consolidation.
U should take what he said to heart in that one line he said he will never defend you Never be on your side Never protect you Never make you a priority
I'm going to lean on #2. This sounds like a drunken “I'm so mad about some dumb thing” episode that she may not even remember now. I used to see people do that a lot at that age.
Yeah but he's asking WHY she and other women like dressing up, not why it's perfectly ok. Yes it's ok because it's her right, but the reasons why women dress the way they do vary from person to person.
A lot of women (me included) like dressing up to look good to everyone – men, women, and especially myself. Some women might be looking to get laid. Some women might just like to experiment with fashion. Some feel empowerment. Confidence. Creativity.
Tons of legitimate reasons women dress up so I dunno if you missed the question or just get snappy around these topics.
I didn't really consider anything as more than just her needing someone to talk to. She doesn't have a good relationship with her mom or sister. Yeah, the conversation I mentioned was weird, cause it seemed out of place and random. I didn't think anything of it until she made the comment that she couldn't talk to her husband and I understand more than he does. I just took it as, that seems like a problem and this feels like a conversation I shouldn't keep going
The thing with boundaries are YOU HAVE TO SAY THEM. OP never told the guy I’m just looking for FWB so in their head they are moving towards being in a relationship.
No, it isn't normal. It's shitty and disrespectful. He's trying to manipulate your feelings.
I’ve been to many strip clubs and that’s expensive unless he went to a high end club, I doubt he spent that much on a lap dance.
If you gone together before tell him take you so you can see the prices yourself cause that’s crazy for a lap dance I’m sorry.
It was in response to saying it was an assumption that he knew he would be leaving. He did know according to her post.
I think you need to ask yourself your reasonings for wanting to tell her? I get being pissed off and feeling hurt but there is a bit of spite undertone to reading your post. Are you wanting to tell her out of spite under the guise that you have her back but it's just a way to punish him by exposing him ? I don't agree with his behaviour but you also know nothing about their relationship or her and don't even really really know him. They live in a whole other country, you might ruin this girls life even though you think you're doing her a favour, but who are you to decided that for her? I would just take the hit, accept it and move on and let it be. If you all lived in the same city or country and you and him were continuing your relationship and then you found out then that would change things. I dunno. Just feels like you want to tell her because he hurt you and now you want to hurt him by telling his girlfriend. Just feel like she might an innocent person getting caught in the crossfire ….. especial when you know nothing about her or the details of their relationship ??♀️ I don't think people should cheat if they're in a committed monogamous relationship, just don't be in one or be in a open relationship or polyamorous……I do think sometimes people make mistakes though…… you have no idea what either of these 2 people are going through etc. Also they live in another country. Let it go and move on, let them deal with their business.
UpdateMe!
Ok lol, thanks for the response. This is reassuring. Tbh, i even told her this i hate the texting game cause of this, whre if the person doesnt text back its like, “is he/she ignoring me? Did they not see it? Am i getting ghosted?”
Like i said im terrible at texting too, not as bad but sometimes i forget so im definitely giving her the benefit of the doubt. I dont want it to sound like i want a response in 5 minutes. I dont mind if it takes an hour or 2. But i will say i do start thinking the worse when it takes like half a a day.
This is just karma honestly. She was far too young for you when you got together and you did treat her like crap. I think she's outgrown this relationship and you but just doesn't want to be the one to end it.
Locked into a lease
He's over that stage of his life.
Choose your daughter. Let the trash take itself out.
Life is awfully short to live with constant criticism for things you can't really control, yeah?
It's certainly two short to spend with a partner who doesn't notice your efforts or appreciate them.
Have you considered that he may be doing this intentionally. Seeing how much bullshit you'll tolerate in effort to find a submissive door mat he can walk all over?
It doesn’t take 3 hours to go to the post office. The man is lying, he’s a liar. What are your dates like?
and fuck what he wants and needs great resolution
I mean worst case scenario is that he's luring you into a situation where you can easily be trafficked. Best case scenario is that you'll be totally dependent on him in a foreign country where he'll have complete control over you, and dating him for 3 months doesn't give you nearly enough insight into his true character to guarantee your safety. He's trying to pressure you into deciding quickly — that alone says he doesn't have your best interests at heart.
My parents have an age gap of 13 years. It did not work out well. They fell in love when my om was 18,.married at 19. A lot of things were lining up for them. My mom desperately wanted to leave the house as she had strict parents. She wanted to break free. My dad was a bit rebellious, just like my mom. My mom wanted a lot of kids, so she didn't mind starting early, matched what she wanted. Then she got pregnant, as planned. She was 21 and grew up in just a few months. Going to bed in time, taking her health serious, lessen her smoking. My dad however, did not. Halfway to his forties, he still was the adolescent of the two. Intelligent man, just never learned to deal with emotions.
Also, life had been hard to my dad and he had learned some manipulation tactics to be able to deal with the world. So he sometimes manipulated my mom. He didn't do it on purpose, that's just how he thought the world worked. That that was the way to become happy, to have things go your way.
It didn't work out. My mom had a second child, realised she had to be able to raise all the kids she got with him on her own, as he wasn't much of a help. Then she became less naive and less blind and realised she couldn't change him. She divorced him. My dad was set for an unhappy life, with his inability to deal with emotions properly. If they wouldn't have divorced, they both would have been unhappy. My mom blossomed after leaving my dad.
My point I guess is, their lives matched up, it was all nice and fine, untill it turned out that why they matched up, was that my dad froze in his adolescent stage.
You’re problem is not the STD.
It’s that your boyfriend is communicating to you like a partner has to do to make a relationship worth having.
Really glad you're moving forwards from the absolute nightmare of your first post and congrats on the wedding.
Regarding your BIL's nonsense about wanting examples as reasons for boundaries he can argue about: neither you or your husband need 'examples' to prevent behaviour that is making your lives miserable or difficult:
'When you insist that I drop everything in my own life, to cater to your incessant need for my time and attention, it makes me miserable and it's clear that you don't care about my happiness. This behaviour means I don't want to be around you. You need to understand that I am building a life and a marriage of my own, and it is unhealthy to expect that I prioritise you as the most important person in my life. If you cannot understand this, you need to seek therapy until you do. This is not up for discussion.'
Thank you. Good to know I wasn't wanting something unreasonable.
Thank you!! This is balm. My kids are happier and loving the attention they didn’t get before our marriage blew up.
The good news is that I think you already know that your anger isn't a solution, and that's a promising start.
My solution for your problem is the same for anything that you want your partner to change about themselves (assuming it isn't illegal, immoral, addictive or threatening): since you're not entitled to it, bargain for it.
This solution also provides a great test of how serious you think this problem really is, and how ready you are for a serious relationship. If you're not ready to sacrifice anything in order to get what you want, then what you want isn't actually that big a deal, is it? Either that, or you're a My Way or the Highway kind of partner – in which case you're not gonna even try my solution, now, are you?
You said it. She has given you reasons to not trust her. She failed the wife test. She doesn't want to show you her accounts because: 1) there is proof it was physical or 2) she is still doing it or 3) there were many more men or 4) she belittled you to her ex or others or
Some combination of the above. She told confessed to only what you knew already.
After 4 years, you haven't met his family? You should not fight for this kind of relationship. Walk away. There are issues involving not only you but also your children. They matter the most. You and he have opposing viewpoints on the future. You are going to waste your time. Just break it now; there is no point in waiting until later.
This is how you answer next time “Yes I like you. Let get to know each other better by going on a date”. That is essentially what you wanted out of the conversation right? So just say it.
I havnt gone on a date for 4 years or talked to a girl in 4 so I thought tinder would be a good place to start and it's only reinforcing the statement that I'm ugly
I guess what im asking for is for ways to cope with what im feeling.
Stop looking at his facebook page. Problem solved.
I guess what im asking for is for ways to cope with what im feeling.
Stop looking at his facebook page. Problem solved.
What an idiot. If you don’t divorce you should make your own friend group to hang out with. They sound like they suck lol
Take him at his word. Don't assign him feelings he doesn't have. He is the one that can call it rapey. That being said being the only one initiating is brutal and hurts the ego.
Sounds like your BF may be depressed. Is he seeing a therapist.
He is a little young but he could see a Dr about low T. That can be a real killer. Also depends on his porn habit.
Most of this you just need to communicate to him. And how hurt you feel. Try couples therapy as sometimes hearing it from a third party can kind of break through the fog.
The argument you describe him making is alarming. It contains some red flags for controlling behavior.
The biggest is that he makes you feel like a child who needs permission. I cannot stress to you how unhealthy this dynamic is. Your bf or so is NOT your parent. You are their equal partner with a say in your life and shared ventures.
If he continues to be unwilling to compromise with you, you absolutely do NOT move in with him. You are an adult. You no longer have to obey the people you live with.
You do not have to accept his no as the final word. He is not your father. This isn't his house, his rules. If you pay rent you have a say in your home. I suggest moving in with roommates and dispalying your horses in your bedroom!
he’s just being honest with me
I've heard many stories of many people who have said absolutely heartless and messed up things to other people and would try to excuse it as “just being honest”.
Unfortunately, his version of bettering yourselves is not about being better people or wanting to do more for others…………it's all about vanity and self-image. It's ironic that he wants you to look good for him, but he doesn't want to better himself, in his character, for you.
The superficial-ness of it all………………
Yeah that is definitely the route I believe I will be going but I guess I am needing advice more so on how to phrase it, what to say. I want to respect his feelings and the definite hurt he will have. I don’t want to gaslight him about it or be manipulative about telling him so I’m thinking maybe just straight up explaining here’s how this happened, apologizing and letting know know I respect whatever decision he makes and whatever feelings he has.
We’ve known each other for a lot longer, talked way before we started dating
your therapists need to meet up and battle this one out lol
Your sister was so obliterated you had to put her on the couch yet your husband was capable of leaving the house under his own locomotion. This sounds very very much like your husband raped your sister. There is no way back on this as long as your sister is ok with it you should take her to the hospital right away and call the police on your cheating rapist soon to be ex husband.
My grandma’s family was in no way abusive, I actually met a few of them when I was very young and they were great. I don’t understand where you’re getting that every woman’s family was abusive? Women have had a rough go of it in history, but so has every other working class person. Do you really think that within the last 50-40 years that every woman just magically stopped being abused? My mom’s family was also extremely loving towards her, and my dads dad worked 50+ hour weeks to provide for my dad, his brother, and guess what? HIS SISTER!
Divorce you are both toxic and this is just ridiculous.
You need to be and stay single. She deserves someone that actually wants to spend time Tory her and appreciates it
You're not in a serious or permanent relationship, in his eyes. It's very simple if someone wants you in their lives they will make it happen. Stop chasing people who arent interested or invested in you and move on
Age gap, end it!
I kinda want to here her excuse and spin on it
Better you find out now than later after marrying her. There is no excuse for her behavior. Don't stay with her because this would forever stain your marriage and make everything in the future at least partially toxic and poison you more and more with time. Right now stay with your mates and give all the dumb shit they'll inevitably come up with as distraction a try. Don't feel bad if you get emotional, you are very much allowed to give in to the hurt you feel right now. Everything else is tomorrow's problem. (And the cheating b a thing of the past)
Thank you. I’m in tears because you’re right
“I’m a bit attracted and keeping it under control” “Version for my gf is that I’m not attracted to her for obvious reasons” “I’m not planning to cheat”
Also, the blackmailing won't end here.
Whoever it is still has the pics. They will keep demanding money. He will either have to bankrupt himself or show the world his willy.
He's not worth the stress he's caused.
How can you be good at communication when your own story says otherwise. It’s clear you are tired and feel unattended.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t care how it makes you feel. You need to understand what motivates him and it’s not your happiness.
You both sound disconnected.
What would you do, if he decides to keep sleeping on the couch?
Trust is difficult to rebuild, so it’s understandable if you do not wish to rebuild it. Not to mention, due to the way things have been going.
Ok, culture difference got it. You could try joining a club of some sort. That is always a good way to meet people
Ear plugs are a thing
This. OP when someone cheats on you, you DO NOT ask, “what am I doing wrong?” You are not the problem. Also you cannot just agree to forgive someone, it’s a feeling and until it’s real it’s not yours to give. Further you do not attempt to control him by monitoring his every action. That is beneath you. A cheater is going to cheat, 20 mins in a closet or car is all it takes. Unless you want more heartbreak and to lose all self-respect – move on.
As a teacher I’m looking at this like you got to be kidding me…
Leave. Otherwise he'll be cheating on you the rest of your lives together.
So your boyfriend treats you well, does his best to be transparent with you, invites you to parties to keep you included, and cuts off any girl you feel threatened by. And you can't trust him why?
Side note, if I was someone who only wanted to lose my virginity to someone I love I'd definitely regret losing it to my GF that regularly snoops my phone because she doesn't trust me. That's nuts. Yall have been together a month, there is no way you love each other already and you are already going through his phone all the time. This relationship is a mess.
I'm mostly over it, I haven't dated or even been intimate with anyone since because I legitimately don't know if I can trust someone again. I've gotten into a good groove of living for myself and keeping people at distance but I'm doing relatively alright.
That whole situation completely destroyed my world view, if the person I completely trusted could do something like that to me and leave me to fend for myself, why trust anyone.
It’s your take that I don’t see irl unless it’s for casual relationships. I’m online dating and lots of people put that they have kids in their bios, there are tags on the profile for whether or not you have kids and someone lying about it is definitely not looked upon well. As far as real life conversation it tends to be one of the questions people ask early on, and for most parents it’s a major part of their life and a difficult topic to avoid. Disclosing specific information like age and gender I can see avoiding, and definitely holding off on meeting each other’s kids for a long time.
I guess both, why not. Back in the 80s it meant what I posted. Maybe it has evolved 🙂
She’s emotionally blackmailing you into permanent sterilization. You’ve already said this is a hard no. It doesn’t matter what she thinks — you said no. The fact that she continues to push your boundaries and attempt to get you to change your mind is where this crossed the line into reproductive coercion.
You’ve been separated for two years. That’s a long time. Her not being willing to even consider taking things slow by demanding you sterilize yourself to somehow “prove” you want to be with her is disgusting. It’s beyond manipulative.
Your gut feeling is right. You know there is something off about this and you need to listen to your instincts. It’s really frustrating that so many people here are trying to justify why it’s okay for her to blackmail and coerce you even after you set a hard boundary.
Couples who separate and get back together generally do not last. She’s not willing to resolve the original issues. She just wants to ensure you’ll have fewer chances with someone else. This is about some practical choice — it’s control. You’ve said no every which way, the issue is not her “misunderstanding” your no.
Don’t get back together. Someone who doesn’t have basic respect for your body autonomy is not going to be a good partner and you will not have a health relationship.
I'm confused on why you suddenly don't want the vasectomy when you don't want more kids?
If you’re experiencing such strong compulsions (including the telling her all this), my recommendation would be to book an appointment with a therapist (ideally one who deals with sex-based struggles), and get their take on it. If nothing else, they’ll be better equipped to give you advice on talking to your girlfriend about it than Reddit will be.
Also, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you’re going through this because it sounds like serious intrusive thoughts and is now affecting your everyday life. It, to me, sounds a lot more like a mental health thing but—again—I’m not an expert and I really strongly think you should consult one.
The headline:
I(20f) decided to stay with my boyfriend (21m) after he cheated.
Is enough to say no.
This is exactly why:
Right now, there isn’t anything wrong with what he is doing in our relationship. But the past still haunts me.
Cheating is a permanent damage. As hard as you try to let it go… it is going to follow you around for the rest of your relationship.
If you want real advice… there is no advice that we can offer you that will help you.
Why are you coming to us? This is YOUR relationship. This is heavy problem. There is nothing we can say to you that is a golden ticket to rebuilding trust.
If you want to fix this thing in the relationship, make it more of an issue and work on it together. This is something YOU and YOUR boyfriend need to sort out on your own… without reddit.
Shit is for you two to discover.
Can't do that?
Well, maybe your relationship isn't as strong as you think…
hat's the exact opposite of what I want, and it's exactly what I'm afraid of. Thank you for sharing.
You should never do it the first time with someone you know. If anyone has a bad reaction you need to be able to cut that person off.
Nope Nope Nope.
adding more people to a broken relationship is a sure way to end it.
He won’t change while you enable his behavior. He has to have consequences and he’s a grown ass adult.
You are a POS that neglects your wife.
Hahahhaha ok at this point you’re just joking right? She pays 65% of your shared expenses and does 85% of the household chores on top of being on her feet 4 days a week and being in school. It’s a matter of time before she realizes shes not in a partnership, she’s a single mom to you, OP
Personally, I don't see the issue with using heart eye emojis unless there's specifically romantic or sexual contest. Otherwise, I use heart eye emojis for all types of situation that don't indicate flirting.
If you're already worried about being cheated on, then break up. But seriously, you sound very insecure and not ready for a relationship for period.
If you’re sat watching TV maybe a bit of body contact, a shoulder rub or a massage is a good way to make a connection, see how it’s reciprocated. Try sitting together in a way that’s easy to go in for a smooch.
Do you cuddle up when you’re sat together? If you’re side by side on your phones it’s going to be more difficult to engage with one another.
Everyone involved in this is too old to be relying on the middle school playground technique of communication. If you're interested in this sister (and willing to implode your friend group for sex) just communicate directly with her. Ask her if she's interested.
He’s a sociopath for doing it in the first place so what makes you think he’s man enough to admit it? The important thing is you know the hard truth so it’s up to you to decide what to do next.
I think it’s less what you are fearing and more he is growing bitter seeing you become successful and take accountability in ways he never could. His life was picturesque (beneficial to him) one moment, and now that ease and “stay at home wife” stereotype he had of you has been shattered. I’d hazard a guess he’s just feeling inferior and instead of doing anything about it, he’s lashing out.
Has he always been like this or has this only started happening recently?
His debt is on him. If he is looking at you, who already pays more, to suffer a bit so that he can use your money to pay his shit… it's him that needs debt help, not you. He can show his and ask for help as to where he can reduce costs. it is NOT on you to go without and pay his debts – not when you guys have split money this way.
The current arrangement works fine except that 1. he should be paying more, and 2. he needs to see where HIS spending is off so that he can pay down his debt. Perhaps debt consolidation.
She’s not allowed to have a bridal shower or bachelorette? Wow. I mess you wouldn’t even be there ?
U should take what he said to heart in that one line he said he will never defend you Never be on your side Never protect you Never make you a priority
Yeah this doesn't sound like a very nice man or a very healthy relationship.
I'm going to lean on #2. This sounds like a drunken “I'm so mad about some dumb thing” episode that she may not even remember now. I used to see people do that a lot at that age.
Yeah but he's asking WHY she and other women like dressing up, not why it's perfectly ok. Yes it's ok because it's her right, but the reasons why women dress the way they do vary from person to person.
A lot of women (me included) like dressing up to look good to everyone – men, women, and especially myself. Some women might be looking to get laid. Some women might just like to experiment with fashion. Some feel empowerment. Confidence. Creativity.
Tons of legitimate reasons women dress up so I dunno if you missed the question or just get snappy around these topics.
I didn't really consider anything as more than just her needing someone to talk to. She doesn't have a good relationship with her mom or sister. Yeah, the conversation I mentioned was weird, cause it seemed out of place and random. I didn't think anything of it until she made the comment that she couldn't talk to her husband and I understand more than he does. I just took it as, that seems like a problem and this feels like a conversation I shouldn't keep going