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FreyaQueens Public Chat Channel
Date: October 8, 2022
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FreyaQueens Public Chat Channel
Omg he’s a loser get away from him.
Only as a “rule-out” for the kinds of dynamics rooted in cultural or societal
dynamics. Many nations around the world harbor belief systems or
views of life that result in responses to circumstances, perhaps not
seen in other countries, thats all.
You’re in that role in the relationship of tending to her emotional needs, being really patient, being understanding and being like a therapist and she feels so comfortable to say whatever is on her mind to the point where she oversteps your boundaries and has become way too comfortable. She can’t take back what she said. There was no need for her to say that to you and the fact that she did is one of two things either it was deliberate and it was meant to hurt you or make you jealous or it was totally tactless and thoughtless and she exposed herself by being so comfortable that she revealed her true thoughts. Either way she has done you a huge favour because she is showing you who she really is. Sexual trauma or not, there is absolutely no excuse for what she said to you. The fact that you have been so understanding about her trauma and lack of physical intimacy with you only to hear about her sexual past with another man is a slap in the face and the way she said it was uncalled for. You have enough self respect to walk away from this and chalk it up to experience and a life lesson. She doesn’t deserve you. Don’t allow this to continue. She also needs to see that there are consequences and she can’t just mindlessly (or deliberately) make such tactless comments.
You are a real man!!
Okay this guy is going to turn abusive if you stay with him. My ex tried telling me that my family was causing problems and that I shouldn't talk to them anymore. Next thing I knew, he was putting his hands on me. The first step in the abuser's arsenal is to isolate their partner. This ensures that they do not have a support network and it makes it harder for them to leave.
Please listen to me. I went through 5 years of abuse and this is how it started. Cut him off immediately. I say you should just block him. He's not letting you leave but you don't need his permission. You have told him that it's not working out, you don't want to continue the relationship and he's continuing to fight you on this. It only takes one person to end a relationship.
But the problem is we’ve never met ? so I’m afraid it’ll come off as creepy
I know you are very attached to him and I know you've surely been through a lot together but please don't jeopardise your life for someone who has no problem suggesting you jeopardise yours to be his bangmaid.
It’s simple this is not a priority for her. You may as well scratch her off your list. This is a major test and she failed miserably. Go with your mom and dad and siblings if you have any. Enjoy your dad. Have fun.
Projection, in my opinion.
Maybe. Pretty valid excuses imo though
Depends, is it just for fun or do you want something more serious?
There are women who prefer an older man and older women would prefer someone younger for some fun.
I’m wondering if he’s simply choosing his family over a romantic relationship/marriage/future with you. Sometimes that can happen. And it could likely be a big mix of things, including he loves you, but he’s not ‘in love’ with you.
It’s not fun. It sucks. It’s heartbreaking. It’s frustrating. You uprooted your life for him.
You’re also feeling so strongly about him and not thinking about dating apps because you guys literally just basically broke up. You’re in shock and grieving. You need to let yourself go through all of the stages of grief to healthily process this. It’ll suck for sure though. But you can do it.
If he doesn’t come back around, and you need time away from him, meaning like no-contact or that you can’t be friends with him, that is OK! You will figure out your own limits and boundaries that work best for you. Not him. Make sure in this whole process, you prioritize yourself. It’ll be hard, but you can do this.
You should have divorced a long time ago but now is as good a time as any. Some things are just impossible to love past regardless of the work both of you put in
Your instagram choices ABSOLUTELY reflect on how you perceive women. Eye candy. You said it.
I agree whole heartedly, the whole situation is just very strange
You need to call the police.
Send this to the infidelity subreddit. Think you have a problem and dismissing things much too easily. A woman who has been married 15 years w/ 3 kids sends “flirty messages” to a coworker, which sounds at least like an EA, and her response was…”sorry my bad…promise nothing happened….won't happen again”, then gets upset when you question her?
Dude I would hate this. Manager said it was ok, but what about her? Maybe she had plans for her work, now she has to do the task that was left unfinished and the work of the next day.
3 years and only 6 months official? You are not his gf and you don't matter this much. You may be his side chick or not, but in any case, you don't really matter in his life.
Dump him so as to stop wasting your time. Not worth it.
They shouldn't have told you that one of the notes was addressed to you if they weren't going to let you have it but have you considered that you may not want to read this note? That you'll read it and wish you hadn't? They may be trying to spare your feelings here.
Is that how he’s saying it?
Either he already moved on or wants to mess with you. Block him on everything.
Well, there’s a reason he has changed his mind. Not sure you’ll find out so pursue your own dreams
Does he post you on social media, or have you been tagged together where his family can see it? I’m guessing not.
Taking things slow is fine. But you’ve been together WAY to long for him to be keeping you a straight up secret from his family/social life.
See edit
Mental gymnastics refers to the mental work one must do to justify a belief they hold, often times it's a very absurd belief that's held despite evidence to the contrary.
For example: a person in a relationship is not allowed to withdraw consent. The mental gymnastics required in order to assert this belief and stand behind it are insane. This seems to be the belief the husband holds, based on his reaction, and giving her the cold shoulder and ignoring her is his attempt to persuade her that she's in the wrong. In reality, anyone may withdraw their consent at any time. A partner no longer wants to have sex? Then they can withdraw their consent. At that point, the sex has to stop or it becomes sexual assault. And yes, even married people can be sexually assaulted by their spouse.
You apologize and you normalize this type of thing forever.
My guy, I have ADHD too. The solution to this isn’t to say, “my ADHD means I can’t clean!” but to develop a system that 1) helps you stay organized and 2) helps you push past any executive dysfunction stopping you from starting/finishing chores
Yeah, that would be a dealbreaker, for sure. And I think he’s trying to make you insecure.
They are not paying for it; she is. They pay for their living expenses.
You held off for 2.5 years already. You recognize that your wife is sexually traumatized. In the same way that you originally recognized that the marriage wouldn't change much in your relationship morally, it was your mistake to expect the marriage to magically change your traumatized wife from a naive virgin into a voracious man eater.
Speaking as a former Christian turned atheist, it takes years, maybe even a decade to complete deprogram yourself. And I was given every reason to deprogram myself, and if I intended to stay alive in this world, I needed to walk the razors edge of morally justified existence from being one of the good guys, to becoming one of the good guys. I recognize that at many points I could have died, or, lost faith in my desire to be alive. I don't recommend you put your wife in a position to question her morality as hard as I have, but, conversely, you can't expect her to change as quickly as I did. And even I took many hard years to fully and truly change.
This is going to take a lot of time, maybe several years. Sexual trauma is not easy to deal with, especially within a religious framework.
It's going to take a lot more than what reddit can offer. You should seek professional advice. Even I have a psychiatrist.
If you think your gf is right why are you asking our advice?
If it's five days a week that's +1500 € a year. But still it's more likely about you being there alone etc
Him liking pictures of her friends on Facebook is flirting? Yikes, get a grip
Definitely isn’t hitting me up for romance, it’s not like we will hook up. But there is mutual feelings both ways. I understand that might be difficult to understand, but that’s kinda how the situation is. “Well then why aren’t you guys dating” because it’s never really been possible for us. Especially now that we live far away. So yes, she does just want to catch up, so do I. Maybe this sub wasn’t the right place to ask because the idea of “sex partner” is super far off from the truth. We’re literally just best friends that have had feelings for each other for years. The more important thing is that we’re best friends.
We still talk quite often. We’re friends first not potential sex partners or whatever. So I feel like blowing her off is a dick move…