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Liselle, y.o.
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Date: December 17, 2022
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You are not going to make yourself interesting, because this guy is just making excuses for something wrong with him. Do not accept that there is something wrong or not right about you. Who the heck is he to judge? You just don’t suit. Tell him to find himself someone who is already good enough for him. Respect yourself. Any change you ever make is an internal journey that is for you and prompted by you. This is your journey, you are not an appendage to his life. You are you, unique and wonderful. Enjoy being you and walk away from this awful manipulator who is trying to deconstruct you.
Your surgeon hasn't seen photos of your nose? Are they aware of your deviated septum? If not, that's definitely something I would have made the surgeon aware of as they will do a septoplasty. They will usually also do a rhinoplasty at the same time to straighten out the nose anyway.
I would have mentioned that in your original post as having a septoplasty is medically necessary and not considered just “plastic surgery”. It makes sense why your boyfriend would be fine (if he wasn't he would be an asshole) with it and if that's truly the only thing you want to get fixed then there's no issue.
You are absolutely right in this one, I am controlling and insecure which is the reason for writing here because I don’t know how to cope with these emotions. Some people are going to say that I just have to accept it which is true but I really don’t know how. I feel like the feeling of being unworthy is not something that is just going to go away
You understand you are holding something against her that happened BEFORE YOU KNEW HER? Right?
I've been in her shoes. Unless she wants to change herself there's nothing you can do. Trying is just enabling her.
I've always wondered how that rule handles odd ages? Do you round up? Round down?
Unfortunately no ?
“Oh, ok, then let’s not go. As much as I’d love to see you and pay for your meal, I dont have enough to cover everyone. But if you’re okay with it just being us, I can and will happily pay for you and I’d really love to see you.”
If she agrees but still brings someone else, when you see the other person, tell them “I’m so happy to see you but I didn’t realize you were coming so I’m unable to pay for everyone. But if you’re okay with asking for separate checks and we all just pay for ourselves, I’d absolutely love the extra company.”
Sounds like he's settling for her and keeps checking to see if you changed your mind.
You need to escalate this with HR, your manager and with the police. Up to and including a restraining order against the wife. Your husband's issues? When you are speaking with the attorney you will get – paid for by your company – you ask about divorce options.
Oh, go ahead and be entitled. Your story is “I'll be more comfortable staying in a hotel.” Be sure to be at the house quite a bit while in town, so they don't think you are trying to avoid them.
I wanted both of my children desperately but I still have moments of “did I make the wrong decision” and moments of feeling trapped, and I went out of my way to have a child both times. Don't get me wrong. I love them. But don't have a baby unless you 100% want them. It aint easy, and they grow up and become little bastards half the time lol. Just be sure that you're doing what you want.
He wants to keep you on hold whilst he goes out to do single person stuff. He doesn’t want the responsibility and commitment of a relationship right now, but he wants to keep you on the line for when he’s finished and ready to settle. Move on and find someone who will actually fight for you, and not bail on plans with you for someone else etc. find someone who isn’t afraid to commit and who actually respects you.
He is wrong, arrogant and stupid book wise and common sense.
You probably think you are a good person too but then go around randomly telling people to shut the fuck up.
Ugh, I doubt that's the sort of thing easily forgotten if it's early doors in the relationship, I'd probably dump him tbh
Uh, it is a VERY common boundary. Nobody's welcome to take food off my plate without asking or me offering.
No. I'm from the UK. If a man called me a cunt like this I would be walking right away. Yes it's used more in the UK, but it's clear when it's not in a serious context. This is not one of those occasions.
In this context cunt is probably one of the most vile things he could say.
Yeah im not getting turned on by this dude at all
“Short term” really? I wasn’t aware that checks notes the entire length of your marriage was considered short term. Stop putting up with this. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse and he’s now extending that abuse to your son as well. Leave his sorry ass. There are plenty of people out there capable of handling conflict like an adult. Your husband is not one of them. Your husband handles conflict like a child and abuses you while ignoring the problem until you’re in line enough to stop bringing it up. Is that what you want your son learning from????
If you won’t do better for yourself, do better for your son and get him the hell out of there
No contact with AP is the most basic requirement for a success reconciliation. Renewed contact basically takes you back to square one. Dday 2.
She can say it means nothing as much as she wants. But renewed contact is the starting point for a renewal of the affair.
Sounds like what they would do is not fuck someone other than their spouse
I was super freaked out that you were my ex! Haha I was arrested for spitting too. I thought I was alone.
Keep work professional. Don't allow yourselves to be alone. You've acknowledged you're attracted and won't cross the line, then stick to your principles.
… and? What do you think of their decision? What was the custody arrangement? Were you happy with it? Was she?
…I have a low zombie tolerance, but I’m turning 30 soon and I was scared watching it and watched the show peaking out behind my blanket half the time lol. The violence, the creepy uncertainty if there’s zombies, the swearing, it’s definitely not a show made for kids/teens but for adults. Dunno what OPs gf is on, but my bet is she’s projecting and gaslighting her.
The amount of time, energy, and patience you are describing wouldn't be happening without some serious interest and desire from her.
There are nannies, daycare workers, and kindergarten teachers who make it their life's work and don't want their own children ever. This is no indication at all of what she wants for herself.
Police VERY often don't take victims of sexual assault seriously at all. Even with evidence they often decline to prosecute or even investigate.
Sounds like a lot of snakes in the grass in that friend group
Sounds like a lot of snakes in the grass in that friend group
If you made a list of reasons you don’t want to be with her, just fucking end it dude. She absolutely deserves to find someone who will love her without letting their pretentious and classist bullshit stand in the way.
“It seems like he knows I’ll stick around no matter what so what is the point in changing,” that really hit home.
First, do what makes you feel most safe, nothing is worth being put in a dangerous situation even mentally. Secondly, you don’t ‘owe’ him an explanation, but I think it may still be useful in this case so he doesn’t chew at your ankle asking you back to prove himself or prove you wrong about his character.
My suggestion is unless you think he could really use the feedback & will do something with it, sometimes it best to just say something along the lines of, “I realize I am not in a place to be in a relationship right now & I hope you can understand.” This way he won’t get defensive & get into an unproductive, spiraling back & fourth fight because he is ashamed of his behavior… he wants you to stay so he can prove himself to you that he will change but you have seen that’s been falling short & it sounds like you may be starting to resent him which isn’t fair to either of you; he is holding onto what he -claims- he can control, but if you say it’s because you need this & he cannot control you or how you feel/need, he may be less inclined to plead he’s a changed man since the spotlight is taken off of his actions & your taking accountability for your feelings/actions.
I hope that makes sense, I wish you all the best.
Noise cancelling headphones, that's what I want to add to the existing advice.
I have sensory issues (autism) and noise canceling headphones are a lifesaver. Even just headphones or earbuds help since there's a little bit of passive noise canceling, but active noise canceling is life changing. At this point you can get active noise canceling headphones or earbuds for under $50 off Amazon or at many stores and it's amazing the quality for the price. I recommend headphones for maximum noise canceling and buds if he wants something more subtle.
There's also earplugs, I know there are some that are supposed to take the edge off things while still letting you hear conversations like Loop but I don't have much personal experience with them.
Fans or white noise machines are useful at home.