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YourFantasyLily, y.o.
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Date: October 12, 2022
Why are you cheese paring your response to this? “If she did this on this day then he did that then and not now…”
Mate, she cheated on you, several time, and only told you because he forced her to. She cheated on you. Beginning, middle and end of conversation. Why are you finding it so difficult to dump someone you will never be able to trust out of your sight ever again? And shows no actual tangible remorse apart from some crocodile tears to persuade you to accept such disrespect.
Hes almost as old as your mother, and you're only a few years older than his kid.
You're 24, of course you will find someone else. A person who's already done marriage and divorce and kids I'd not it
Can I make what might sound like an odd suggestion? In a calm conversation not linked to an instance of you doing this, agree a, for want of a better term, “safe word” with your boyfriend. Agree that when you're doing “your bullshit” he can just say the word, or the phrase, and you will STOP. The conversation ends there, you will walk away and take as long as you need to do some calm down and introspection and come back when you've rationalised what you were going to start getting on him about and have gotten over the urge, and he can continue doing what he's doing in your absence.
It sounds weird, but it's pretty basic behavioural training.
Girl I didnāt even read the post, just the title. Get out of there
Going through someoneās phone is an evasion of privacy. That already tells me yāall doomed.
Uh, that's creepy af
Completely agree, my first thought was that he made it up to have an excuse to be cruel. Also, if you look at her other post itās clear her boyfriend is just not a good guy. OP I wish you wouldnāt be so hard on yourself he is clearly manipulating you into the villain in your relationship.
Gotta do the hard thing and tell him this friendship isnāt working for you. Not much else to say. You donāt owe it to someone to be friends with them or anything else. Ghosting is rather immature though.
BTW the text you proposed to send is too roundabout. If he has talked she already knows and you can say it as it is. If he hasn't said anything, she still needs to hear it as it is. So just tell it as it is, he cheated with witnesses and confessions to back up your statement. Paranoid me would also worry about texts disappearing because cheaters and creepers are known to monitor their partner's phones. So make sure she really is at the other end. Which means you should contact her when you know he is at work or maybe actually talk with her.
Yes I understood that from your post. But just wanted to make sure you realise you risk having to choose anyway later on. If either meets someone, and as I would advise are open about the fwb, that maybe a deal breaker for the other to stay in your lives, especially if they met someone coming from betrayal.
First time, you don't need to go for a full on 30 minute french make out session. Don't feel pressured, but if you want to, just slowly touch your lips to his. If you like it go for a repeat and let it linger a bit.
I haven't seen him because we are long distance and he kept canceling trips to see me. I was stressed because I wanted everything to go well as it was our first real date.
Honestly this is a big flag for drug behavior imo
4 months in and Iād be cutting my losses. He doesnāt see you telling him about your abortion as you opening up or being transparent. To him that information is a weapon he can use against you whenever he wants. Throwing it in your face at his leisure. That compounded with the way too soon marriage declaration and the comments on your body shouldnāt have you waiting around for him to determine if youāre worthy of his time. Iād be moving right along and blocking his number.
These arenāt the standard positions of the Republican Party anymore though. Now theyāre more about culture wars and making minorities and LGBT people miserable and dead.
I totally agree with you but even if NO ONE saw it, I personally would be totally done with op behavior.
Would you feel this way if the coworker was female?
i think your post title really = “my partner is obesssed with sexualising his child-daughter in porn-y, incesty, “male-gazey, superficial & hyper sexualised lesbianism” ways.
Because you literally can't take care of her. You don't make enough money to be the provider you insist on being Lolll
What don't you understand about that? You don't have the $$$ to back up your ridiculous principles
He only dates adult im the only youngee he's been with
OOF, Youāre living a sink cost fallacy, hun. Been there. done that. held on for a wedding. never got one. dumped him at year 12, marrying the actual love of my life 3yrs later with no recollection of what itās like to take care of a future-taking man child. Wake up.
Stop trying to explain it to your ex he doesn't care. You're being an awful partner right now, given you know your ex has tried flirting with you.
He's not your friend if he's either refusing to establish those boundaries or ignoring what you're saying.
Your friends will respect your relationship. Similarly you should respect your relationship.
I really can't get behind the idea that 'who someone really is' is the shitty thing they did at 19, and that's just going to be 'who they are' forever. I'm definitely not the same person I was at 19, and neither are most people I know.
Not saying that this guy deserves/needs a second chance, but I think this quote gets way overused, and only in regard to crappy things.
OP, your bf is bad newsss. He is using you for his sexual needs/fantacies.
He wants to sleep with other girlssss!!!
thank you! iām so tired of seeing that masturbation means her sex drive is normal. sex and masturbation arenāt even in the same book in my mind personally.
That's been echoed many time here already and I agree, thank you.
Itās technically ok but the fact that youāre asking this question tells me that youāre either undecided or donāt fully comprehend the consequences of this decision (good or bad). I would encourage you to reconsider, especially being as young as you are. Whatever you choose, I wish you well in life.
I think his refusal is mostly about not wanting to do childcare for the weekend. He has been gone for work for a couple months in the last 2 years where I do all childcare and he doesn't give me an extra break when he gets home. I work away and do an overnight about once a quarter.
Sounds like this issue goes a lot deeper though….and it might be a good time to finally get to the bottom of it, and consider couple's counseling.
With just the information in the post, this is actually typical locker room talk. Don't judge him on this.
74yo retired professional male. I've know men from all social economic groups under a variety of situations from sports to military to blue and white collar.
It's just guy talk
I think he lives at home and isnāt allowed to overnight reallyāespecially not with a woman.
Not to mince words, but she seems more narcissistic personality disorder to me, than borderline. But personality disorders can be difficult to diagnose, so let's not go there.
Don't have anything further to do with her. Block her, even. Let any mutual friends know that she has a history of untrue allegations against you and they should be cautious believing anything she says about you.
What's he doing the 4 days he has off exactly? I get he'd want to rest one day, but he'd still have 3 days to do chores and help, but he isn't… so how does he spend his time? On the couch?
I like your comment. Insight communicated succinctly. Thanks for posting.
Sexual compatibility is important, doesn't seem like you and he have it. You may need to rethink the relationship
Goddammit, did I wander into an Alternate Universe Reddit again??…
Thatās a warning. Next time it could be more serious.
This sounds healthy honestly. He supports your decision despite his own desires. Sounds like a keeper. Maybe talk to him about having kids one day if that's something you're down for but just not ready for at this time. It might help him mentally. (Obviously don't do that if you know you dont want kids. Only if you mean it and are open to the idea)
OP, how old is your son and did these behaviors worsen after his birth, or were they always there low-level in the background? While I want to emphasize that these behaviors are NOT OKAY, to me this has whispers of untreated PPD over an extremely long period of time.
Yeah, if dude will drop a 17 year friendship for a new one-month girlfriend, he deserves neither the friendship nor the girlfriend.
Do whatever her lawyer says and only what her lawyer says. Support her as best as you can.
I see what you're getting at and I respect it but that's not at all equivalent to the playful joking mean talk I was talking about.
I very much want to make her happy of course. And there are toys, but my issue is not that I am not receiving stimulation in the act of dominance, it is the act of topping/dominance that feels rather unnatural(so even if I was being stimulated while doing this, it wouldn't do much for me), and she only feels into it when she feels like I am enjoying the act itself. The only conclusion I can draw is that I get really good at performing enthusiasm.
He understands what he's doing; he just doesn't care that it hurts you. He likely wants to knock down your confidence for one reason or another and will continue to disrespect you because you haven't walked away from the relationship. Either break up and have some peace in your life or get petty and correct all his American pronunciations and terminology. His sweater is a jumper. You don't know what he means by cilantro… oh coriander? He's so American! Keep it going until he realizes just how annoying and distracting it is.
It is a happier life
Ok Mid life crisis and your the professional to give me the best advice? ?ā?
How would I even implement this?
Does he wake up tired most times after getting all that sleep? If so, he may not be sleeping properly and may have sleep apnea or another condition. Does he fall asleep at the sametime and you know he is asleep. Could he be waking up in the middle of the night? I would talk to your bf and maybe start recording a sleeping journal. Both of you can have one and see if a night you toss and turn messes up his schedule more than normal. The journal will help medical professionals get a better idea if you two decide to talk to one.
Great advice. Let's just limit her freedom, because man can't take a hint and need ut spelled out to them.
Seems completely benign to me. This sub will tell you to get a dna test or lawyer up if he/ she is 5 minutes late to dinner. I would just ask what is going on. The tone of the text doesnāt seem flirty.
Like I said thereās a lot more deeper things that I didnāt all list here otherwise it would be too long. I havenāt caught him outright cheating but Iāve found things like condoms in his travel bags, Valentineās Day cards from women that have dates within the years weāve been together, cards from family mentioning a wife and kid which Iām completely perplexed about. He was previously married but lied to me about from the start. He didnāt finally admit he was married until I confronted him with photos that I was sent by someoneā¦ The story about his previously relationship constantly changed every time I asked. Yes, I have trust issues but when I keep finding physical things itās hard not to want answers or feel insecureā¦ or feel like something is going on behind my backā¦
Fuuuuuck that, dude. Iām sorry.