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Date: September 27, 2022
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Honestly I don’t think it does. Sex in general might just make you care for someone.
Have you been able to have a FWB relationship prior without developing feelings?
My dad smoked inside the whole time I was growing up, he did not care when any of us children or mom asked him to smoke outside. Its never an issue when he’s visiting someone or at work. Its a thing he will never stop since you have allowed it (or not strongly objected to) previously. Looks like in your relationship he has the upper hand and he is manipulating you.
A partner to love and take care of you as you age?
It's possible to live in the present, and still have a past.
I keep everything. Doesn't mean I spend time looking at it, but I don't keep a journal, so my old pictures are my history.
What's the difference between keeping those memories in your brain, vs keeping them on a phone?
My partner needs to be in bed by about 8:30 due to his schedule. That doesn’t always work for me so he goes to bed and I stay up and then sleep on the couch so as not to bother him. ?♀️
What is her issue?
I think a lot of this is the “planner” type personality vs the “go with the flow” type mentality. The go with the flow person may not want to set hard deadlines because they know they might NOT be ready at that point.
And while it sometimes happens that people meet and fall in love right away and rush, and it works out, that's definitely more on the uncommon side. Personally I think you should talk about your hopes/wants for the future, but not set hard expectation until you've built a stable foundation
Your wife needs to grow up
If she doesn’t know why it happened, she won’t know why when it happens again. You did right to take a big freaking step back from her. Never commit to someone who is that ambivalent about you.
You've got plenty of reasons for him to drink less – his health, the financial cost, and simply concern he's using it as a crutch. I think the other commenter has the right idea, if he really thinks he doesn't have to drink, then he should prove that by NOT drinking as much.
The fact is, you don't need a good reason – it's your money, and you don't want to spend it indulging his alcohol problem, then you shouldn't have to.
How did you go 7 years without talking about it?
I'm in the minority, apparently, but I don't see a problem with what he said. He clearly said he would not cheat because he would require your blessing for anything (cheating is definitionally not permitted), and expressed that he has a need that isn't currently being met. Felt to me like a lot of insecurity from OP, and a not amazing, but also not unreasonably bad expression of an unmet need from bf.
I saw in comments that you're also incompatible on kids, so you should take some time to think and see if this relationship is really working for you.
We are giving you proper advice. You're just too full of yourself and narc to listen
Not a fool! Thanks for explaining. And congrats on the squish 🙂
This is hard because they live far away. And. You have a very unwell godmother because making up lies about abuse is awful. This is just going to take time. Was your mom ever abused? It’s not abnormal to include your fiancé when they visited. I might think it’s a bit much that the only way your mom had a chance to be alone with you was in a restaurant bathroom. Surely you could have had one outing without him for some mother/daughter time.