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Tj, 25 y.o.
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Date: December 13, 2022
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Any single time a person says “don't ever talk to me again if you do X” is a toxic person. They are controlling and manipulative. For your own sake please leave now before you're left with the lasting trauma of attachment issues because of someone always threatening to leave you.
How does she show her appreciation to you?
I like things to be at lease equal. In my relationship we usually work with a equal budget that is agreed on. You may need to sit down and reflect if you are being used? Maybe spend less for a year again.
or The better thing will be to talk to her as find out what going on in her mind ect. 60 dollars is sad tbh.
Yes I mean he did have a few questions, but he was definitely amused! I felt sheepish about the whole thing, lol.
She probably needs someone to talk to because she's holding everything in. One of the best gifts you could give her right now is to let her talk. Start by asking her questions that will jog her memory and let her share those. Questions like “What was the sneakiest thing you ever thought you got away with but your mom knew all along” and “What was the best vacation you ever did with your family” and stuff like that. Questions that will let her remember happy and fun times. That will help her prepare for the loss and the coming grief.
Are you serious or trolling?
Regardless of whether or not it’s “gross” why that reaction? No way I’d put up with that.
Steak?
I'm very, very sorry, OP. I hope you are able to get help with your depression. But your bf is right; you can't just use depression as an excuse to say you should break up and then be surprised when someone acts like you've broken up with them. Words mean things, even if you're upset.
Call an attorney.
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As someone who’s has been on 3 different birth control pills, the first two definitely killed my sex drive. I would just masturbate instead cause I just genuinely didn’t wanna have sex, but I was horny (if that makes sense). This new pill I’m on is the opposite, I’m still my normal self with maybe a little bit more horny. It just may be the type of birth control she’s on
If she felt guilty “every time” then there wouldn't have been a second time. She is lying to you.
Idk if this is relevant for you but a man that can do that to a dog and not notice or care us going to be a terrible father
I don’t know what to say because I’m a mom. I wouldn’t be able to bear it. I just wouldn’t the betrayal of the one. I love the most, and then my children gravitating towards them. That seem to be how it worked out with men loved when I was young. thank God it never happened to me. And it is a difficult situation but your dad has somebody and he’s happy. And your mother is alone she gave birth to you and took care of you for all those years. It’s gotta mean something.
Oh, don’t worry, I can explain the definition to you. What he was basically trying to say is you aren’t submissive and you won’t immediately follow him or put up with his bullshit. He wants someone with no backbone or self-esteem. Someone who will gladly feel his ego for the rest of his life.
Don't throw away a 30 yr life for a 10 yr relationship. This person will kill you. Please leave as soon as it is safe for you to do so.
whatever.
Statistically there is very good reason for wanting to be sure.
Yeah thanks! I think I would do better at home for a while but I love my relationship and don’t want that gone. We love each other but I feel like this would fuck it all up.
So are you saying that both of us should do whatever we want even though some of those actions might hurt other person? Also we can travel togather.
Then tell him he either needs to get his ass in gear and find more gainful employment so he can pay a portion of rent too, or you'll have to end things and kick him out. He's drifting towards being hobosexual.
Thanks, I never really thought of that before as being a factor. We are both males so I'm not sure if that makes much of a difference but it does feel like he is wanting to take control a lot of the time and go with his way of doing things because it's the best route and what I want gets ignored or shot down.
That can be an unfortunate possibility and that’s how it makes me feel. I pay for everything while she saves all the money she works for. I would also be making the car note myself. She has 700+ credit and brags about it. She would still be able too according to the General manager I work for at my dealership
You probably just got tied to him too early.
Teenage romances are for practicing for settling down in adult relationships. They are for finding out what you want by trying lots of different people.
You’ve tied yourself to the (I’m assuming) first “serious” relationship and now your brain wants to experiment.
As long as you don’t act on any of your crushes I guess you will grow out of your “grass is greener” phase.
Did she lie about it or did you just never ask/ it never came up until now? Can’t be mad at someone for sleeping with other people when you’re in the talking stage. If you want to be exclusive it’s on you to communicate that. If you asked about it and she straight up lied then that’s shitty
OP's family are almost billionaires or at least the Indian equivalent.Anya has struggled to find a boyfriend and is now dating Jim who OP has never liked. Jim is one of the guys in the group. Recently, Anya and OP fought because Steve and Jim told OP that they didn't want me to come to a party or something I can't recall and OP looked at Anya's phone and apparently there was some rude stuff written about me I'm not sure but OP wasn't happy and said to Anya “Don't you see how awful your boyfriend is, see?” and Anya basically acted like that didn't happen. They didn't talk for a while and it just sort of went away. This other time Anya, OP and Dave were at his house and OP tells me to come pick her up and take her home. When I get there her phone was turned off again. Now this is a 13 Pro Max with full battery and OP said it just turned itself off. Oddly the time when her phone turned off is when Anya left Dave's. ###I suspect Anya who knows that I have trust issues really wants OP to be with Dave turned her phone off when she left. So I would doubt what was happening between Dave and OP. Phones don't turn themselves off and if they do they turn back on immediately### All of my compadres unanimously agree that this something seriously fucked up between Anya and OP. Coming to the incident. I got cheated on in my last relationship. I have trust issues. Who doesn't? Dating OP did not help because she was dating this really sweet dude and cheated on him with me and that's fucked with me. OP has been so wonderful with this, she really is the kindest person I've ever met and very supportive. Last night I got blackout drunk. We started drinking around 1pm and this incident happened at 3:40am that same night. We had been drinking longer than 12 hours. Steve started handing out continuous shots at around 11 or 12 this is around where it gets fuzzy. We were walking into her room and I heard Anya's voice say to OP “Hahaha he doesn't know that you've been fucking Steve does he?” My heart sank. We were supposed to get married. Why would she say that? Then I proceed to ask OP why she said that. OP laughs in my face, saying she doesn't know what I'm talking about, Anya is also laughing at me. I take both my hand and pushed OP to take me seriously and she continues to laugh at me I go to the other side of the room and start screaming and thats when they start taking me seriously. I weigh 132 and OP is about 102. Now OP was standing at the foot of the bed with the back of her knees touching the bed. Even with a person that's not top heavy the amount of pressure I would have to use to push OP down using her throat is substantial. You're basically leveraging her entire weight on her neck. OP was not hurt I've never hurt anyone in my entire life, there's no history of physical abuse in my family or my past relationships. Now after security walked me out, OP was alone in a room with Anya and Steve and Dave. Then texts me the next night to tell me it's over. She won't speak to me or hear my side of the story. It all just happened so fast and since this weekend I made tremendous progress with her friends. I sat and buddy buddied with Dave, Steve and Anya all night and I got fucked up and made a stupid split second decision that although looks bad I'm sure even OP would agree was never designed to hurt her. My heart was broken. I impulsively did something terrible and I'm sorry. Also OP is completely capable of kicking my ass even did a couple week ago play fighting me and didn't stop until I started tearing up. OP I'm so sorry I did what I did, If I could make a recommendation as just a Redditor reading your post and I understood that you wrote this while very distraught and very emotional I would say that If you think that you and Nick have enough good between yourselves and can somehow understand that a dumb drunk out of his mind guy did a dumb thing one time. You should give him another chance and If he does it again then you know for sure he's physically abusive. But if its a one time in 27 years fuckup you gotta give him a second chance. People fuck up. Everybody commenting here has done a fuck up once in their life and this was mine. It wasn't even actual choking! My hand wasn't on your throat. If it were I wouldn't be doing all this. If I actually got drunk and tried to hurt you I wouldn't be here trying to reason with you. If this is the one and only thing I've done to wrong its not worth throwing away the perfect relationship, you said it yourself. You breakup with your boyfriend if the relationship devolves into a toxic terrible suffocating situation and that not what this is. This is your idiot doing one idiot thing on one Saturday. That not worth throwing all the years away.
OP, it's just a fact that a typical F18 is going to be more “mature” than a typical M18. This is how biology functions. But on top of just sheer brain development you're also going to have to face the reality that a guy is in his peak “ho phase” at 18, women don't usually get there until much later. It's going to be a challenge and anyone who says it's not is just sugarcoating it for you. However, it's good that you're already sensing problems. This means that if things don't work out it's not going to blindside you and affect your studies at uni. Good luck though
That’s awesome! Like I said, I’d give the honor to dad in your situation. It sounds like you have a good relationship with him.
I'm gonna go against the grain and take my downvotes but OP, I hope you see this for an alternate perspective. I don't know the guy but I don't think he meant anything negative with his joke. Vaginas and penises are just kinda weird looking when you really start to examine them. It doesn't mean he doesn't like yours.
Keep in mind, reddit commenters in this sub tend to be overly sensitive. And when you say nothing has ever hurt you like this, I think you're being a little oversensitive too. Why is a vagina looking like what “his pancakes look like” a bad thing? I think you're a young woman and you're hypersensitive to any comments on your appearance because women are judged on appearance far more than men and it's more important to you all. My partner is in her 30s and is still sensitive about anything I might say about her appearance, always looking for a negative as a defense mechanism. I can tell her she's absolutely gorgeous 1000 times and get little reaction. But then if I make one comment like “don't eat all the donuts, I want some” she automatically, reflexively thinks I'm saying she's fat.
I would bet what your bf said was meant as humor and his attempt just flopped. It happens. Don't make too much of it. There is an extremely low chance that he actually doesn't like your vagina. In fact, he probably dreams about your vagina and would paint an homage to it if he had the painting skills and time. You've never been a young man with peak testosterone. I have. Trust me on this. I dated a girl once who had a stinky vagina. It just always had an odor. I was like a year younger than you at the time. I couldn't have cared less because I was in lust with her. I still went down on her. I still wanted her vagina all the time. Even IF he doesn't necessarily like your vagina (and I don't think that's the case), he likes you, thinks you're great, and therefore your vagina is great. And if he doesn't like you or think you're great, that's a different problem.
TL;DR: You're making too much of it. He made a bad joke. He very likely doesn't think your vag is gross. Men aren't sensitive to comments on their body the way women tend to be so we don't realize how our jokes are perceived. Make a joke back at him, something like “you like to eat pancakes, right?” and then have him go down on you and if he's enthusiastic about it, you know he likes your vag.
If any man talked to me that way, he would be my ex since yesterday.
I definitely can believe he said that without meaning for it to be hurtful, especially if he personally doesn't care what your vagina looks like.
However, his reaction to you expressing that it hurt you is very important. The correct response would be for him to apologize and reassure you, and a lack of that woule constitute a more serious problem.
I think that is unnecessarily harsh. OP is 19 and learning to navigate as an adult. Also, some men can get very scary, very quickly when being told 'no.' This guy has already shown that he doesn't respect the word no, so she wants to tread carefully. Especially since they go to the same school and share mutual friends. A block is not going to protect her in person. I can understand her hesitancy to escalate what could be a messy social situation and make a shitty person upset with her.
The D pics were unasked for and appear to be a manipulation tactic. Since he is now pressuring her to reciprocate.
OP is a teenager in an uncomfortable position and asked for help and advice. That doesn't make her stupid. It shouldn't be an invitation for harsh criticism and shame.
Also..are you a man?
Please stop having babies with this abusive man
Line up local hotels that you can just roll into if needed,
The moment they turn up if they start, have your pre packed hidden bag ready
Walk out and tell your bf they will be gone tomorrow or you will
The rest is up to him
These people should never have been allowed to visit you in the first place
He goes to them or he keeps them away, anything else shows you he will throw you under the bus for them
Dont allow it even if it means putting the relatioship on the table (its him that's actually done this, your actions are the consequences of it)
Have you considered reporting him to his superiors?
Oh wow, that's even… worse? No, wrong word, the problem is even more pronounced
I thought so too which is why I’m weighing up my opinions. I can have a stubborn attitude and didn’t want him to go off and enjoying himself thinking I’m oblivious. I also am never one to go threw someone’s messages but something just felt too off.
Wear a condom. She just wants to give up work and be a stay at home Mom and if you don't agree my guess is her next best choice is single Mom.
You are too young to be dragged down by a girl with zero ambition /work ethic.
and carefully didn’t promise to text you again later.
You're misunderstanding. I ended that text chain, not her. When I sent a follow up a week later, she didn't respond.
“we weren't really serious back then” focus on the words he said. That means it was okay for him and his brother to rape you and others, because you did not mean much to them. Please focus on that because it illustrates who they really are, not what you want him/them to be. I really hope you get an attorney on the down low and get a solid strategy in your divorce and to build a rape case against them. For you and for the others.
However, life experience tells me that you will hang on because “you love him” and you will magnify his “goodness” to cancel out what you don't want to see. If you had a daughter, and she was with him, what advice would you give her. Would you tell her to stay?
If your wife has a similar mentality to me, the fact that you're doing the planning and that she knows the trip is a “guilt free” expenditure is gift enough. I'm so glad you figured a gift out!
Everyone’s pretty much covered the obvious.
I’ll cover the out of left field take. He probably hypes himself up to his friends. While in reality he’s not as successful as he makes himself out to be
If you went you would blow his cover.
My mom had a toxic friend like this. Shed only call to talk about herself and all her problems, didn't care about my mom's problem and would talk over her to bring the subject back to her. It was stressing my mom out everytime she talked to her. I told my mom, her friend needs to go get therapy. Being friends doesn't make you their therapist. If they're negatively affecting your life you should cut them out. My mom stopped talking to this woman and has been very positive since.
I think your dad wants you out of the house…