Thank you for the response, you’re absolutely right. Initially I said the same sort of thing, but perhaps because I’ve been close with her for sometime I’d giving it the benefit of the doubt when she said she just hopes it will get better.
I imagine all of those are true to some extent, she certainly has some self esteem issues, which may affect her leaving, but I would say it’s also true she is making the problems sound even worse when talking about them to me.
I have felt some sense of responsibility to help, but that is probably more routed in my feelings for her than strictly for her own best interests.
This right here. We're only getting tiny glimpse into their life, if these are the things she feels comfortable mentioning, imagine what she might've left out.
Seems like his entire attitude shifted once they moved in together. That's probably for a reason.
So you are his slave since he still needs money to exist but won't work? My answer is no. I'd ditch that parasitic mooch asap before he digs himself deeper into my life. Lots of people don't want to work. Ask yourself this: do I want to parent a grown child forever? He's acting like a dependent, is that what you want in a life partner? What does he put into the relationship that earns him this kind of financial burden?
You two should sit down in a private, quiet area to talk. You should have some topics ready. Some of the topics are:
1) I don't break easy. You can take chances and risks.
2) I'm patient. If you feel rushed, tell me, and slow down. If you feel like we are moving too slow, speed up. I can handle it.
3) I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you. You are my person. No plans to change course. We are in it together.
4) I'm your safe person. You can come to me for any problems, even if they are with this relationship.
5) I want to be your future, if you let me. You can plan with me.
6) I'm your cleanser. The toxic relationships of the past will eventually dissolve away because there are no toxins with me. I'll help you through it.
There may be other things to say. Type it up, print it out in a size that can fit in his wallet and in a size that can go on the back of a door for encouragement.
Then, I suggest working on building the relationship and love with couples projects designed to foster trust and growth.
Dr Gary Chapman's “Five Love Languages” is a great book to read and discuss together. You'll learn how to make the other feel loved. Once you understand what he needs, provide it in large quantities.
It's not you, it's him. I grew up in an abusive and extremely poor household, but never have I had to turn to drugs or alcohol or gotten hostile easily. It's definitely a behavioral problem that he needs to work on. It sounds like he disregards your advice and concerns because “you didn't have it as hard as him.” Yeah, growing up poor sucks and it's difficult. But, he also has to learn how to work smarter, not harder. He's an adult, and he needs to learn how to make rational choices.
Check DM in a bit
Jesus, I didn't hit s, I think you'll survive
Thank you for the response, you’re absolutely right. Initially I said the same sort of thing, but perhaps because I’ve been close with her for sometime I’d giving it the benefit of the doubt when she said she just hopes it will get better.
I imagine all of those are true to some extent, she certainly has some self esteem issues, which may affect her leaving, but I would say it’s also true she is making the problems sound even worse when talking about them to me.
I have felt some sense of responsibility to help, but that is probably more routed in my feelings for her than strictly for her own best interests.
Hard to hear, but you’re right, thank you!
This right here. We're only getting tiny glimpse into their life, if these are the things she feels comfortable mentioning, imagine what she might've left out.
Seems like his entire attitude shifted once they moved in together. That's probably for a reason.
So you are his slave since he still needs money to exist but won't work? My answer is no. I'd ditch that parasitic mooch asap before he digs himself deeper into my life. Lots of people don't want to work. Ask yourself this: do I want to parent a grown child forever? He's acting like a dependent, is that what you want in a life partner? What does he put into the relationship that earns him this kind of financial burden?
Thank you for this. I’m struggling with something that feels similar right now.
You’re right ?
You two should sit down in a private, quiet area to talk. You should have some topics ready. Some of the topics are:
1) I don't break easy. You can take chances and risks.
2) I'm patient. If you feel rushed, tell me, and slow down. If you feel like we are moving too slow, speed up. I can handle it.
3) I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you. You are my person. No plans to change course. We are in it together.
4) I'm your safe person. You can come to me for any problems, even if they are with this relationship.
5) I want to be your future, if you let me. You can plan with me.
6) I'm your cleanser. The toxic relationships of the past will eventually dissolve away because there are no toxins with me. I'll help you through it.
There may be other things to say. Type it up, print it out in a size that can fit in his wallet and in a size that can go on the back of a door for encouragement.
Then, I suggest working on building the relationship and love with couples projects designed to foster trust and growth.
Dr Gary Chapman's “Five Love Languages” is a great book to read and discuss together. You'll learn how to make the other feel loved. Once you understand what he needs, provide it in large quantities.
It's not you, it's him. I grew up in an abusive and extremely poor household, but never have I had to turn to drugs or alcohol or gotten hostile easily. It's definitely a behavioral problem that he needs to work on. It sounds like he disregards your advice and concerns because “you didn't have it as hard as him.” Yeah, growing up poor sucks and it's difficult. But, he also has to learn how to work smarter, not harder. He's an adult, and he needs to learn how to make rational choices.