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Date: October 24, 2022
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One of my closest friends was in an abusive relationship for years. He was in the military. It was so hard to watch because she wouldn’t leave him no matter how hard I tried to get her to. She called me once sobbing and I heard banging in the back ground and she asked me to come and get her. I called the cops because I was afraid something would happen before I could get there (she lived 30min away) and I didn’t feel safe going alone. He didn’t really like me knowing I was trying to get her to leave him. On my way there she called me and the police were already there. She said they were fighting and he said he would shoot her and when she saw him going to the gun safe she ran. She couldn’t run out the front door since she would have to run past him. While I was driving there she had climbed out the window and ran down the street. That was when she finally decided that she had to leave him. However of course he tried to love bomb her and I was worried she would give in so I called her dad and told him what happened. I’m on the east coast and he lives on the west. He took the next flight out here and told her to come home. He managed to talk sense into her.
Please just at least seriously consider it. I know it’s not as easy to leave when women are in abusive relationships. I’ve seen it first hand several times and it never gets better. It only gets worse.
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He’s literally showing you who he is and what he deems acceptable quality of life. You’ve set the bar on the ground and he still manages to be beneath it. He had zero intention to improve. Also stop putting your mouth ANYWHERE near his body. ??
She made a choice and cheated on you. Sorry, man. You were very young when you got together, it’s time to move on. She can take care of herself.
List of when it's ok to hit your partner: 1.when you fear for your life and are trying to escape and it's needed to get away. 2. When you've discussed boundaries and safe words and acceptable force/attachments and they've asked to be – normally with some sort of a harder admonition because safety should be paramount and you should always focus on working up to the force level your partner wants and not backing off cause you started too hard.
Case 1 they are your ex partner as it should never get here if you are together – unless you're in a scifi thriller with alien mind control and they just need the antidote, but for all real life scenarios if 1 is invoked it's over.
Case 2 enjoy responsibly.
I don’t think you’re willing to admit that your trauma and mental instabilities are ruling your life, and because it is ruling your life you do not see that your bf is forced to tolerate it and be an emotional support. It’s a toxic way of living in a relationship, and you not willing to admit that it’s controlling your life and automatically putting unfair expectations and demands on him is pretty much the entire problem.
It wasn’t right to adopt a pet without your husband’s consent in the first place. So in that regard, what he did is no worse. It does sound like you had an unhealthy relationship with the cat, I can see how that would concern your husband. Please sort through your grief issues with a therapist.