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Model from: de
Languages: de,en
Birth Date: 1984-02-04
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureRomantic
Date: September 26, 2022
He’s not The One.
The One drives you to the hospital.
The One deals with not liking to drive to ensure that your health is taken care of.
The One pays attention to your feelings.
The One doesn’t just visit, he stays all day.
The One puts his NYE plans on hold when his partner is in the hospital.
The One doesn’t say stupid things like “it’s not a big deal, you’re fine now.”
Your relationship is not great. You went from long distance to no distance. You barely know this guy, but he’s showing you EXACTLY who he is. He will not suddenly become solicitous the longer you’re together. This is him on his best behavior. Can you imagine what he’ll be like when he completely drops the mask?
You can love someone who’s completely wrong for you.
Think seriously about what you want your life to look like. Is this it?
Writing prompt
Roughly 1 in 5 married couples experiencing infidelity is pretty common. Of course, these statistics are dependent on accurate reporting.
I am saying it's not about the dude's wife at all, though, the way I see these (generally). It's more about their own anxiety and irrational fears.
Interestingly this sub always unanimously gives advice to men to ask their partners for a paternity test and that if she has nothing to hide there shouldn’t be a problem.
I’m honestly quite torn on this one because normally I advise people that it’s very normal and natural for their partners to notice the passing attractiveness of others and that you can’t expect your partner to never think of anyone other than you as desirable. But that’s not what you’re asking here – your boyfriend has actively told you that he wasn’t drawn to your looks initially, but that he is drawn to the appearance of other women immediately (even if it’s no more than an unintentional stare, which I think is pretty normal). Being told that kind of information even in the context of a very loving relationship is something that’s difficult to deal with and I don’t think you’re at fault for feeling conflicted here.
As someone who has literally walked into a shopping cart because I was staring at a hot woman I get that you can’t always help it, but he’s set up a very shaky foundation for that kind of occasional accident by telling you what he told you. Part of me is inclined to think that many people feel greater attraction to their partners over time, so it is something to try and get past; part of me wants to tell you that you shouldn’t settle for someone who thinks you’re anything less than the best thing that’s ever happened to them (and he may indeed feel that way about you, in which case I hope he tells you so often). For what it’s worth I’d consider myself fairly average looking, but my husband always tells me how incredibly attractive he finds me and that I’m literally the ideal body type to him. So you don’t have to look like a model to find somebody who feels that way about you.
I guess what bothers me about your situation is that YOU are the one looking to do something to fix this, and not your boyfriend. As far as I’m concerned, he should be the one on here asking for advice. He should be saying hey, I unintentionally made my wonderful girlfriend feel insecure by mentioning that I wasn’t immediately attracted to her physically but sometimes am to other women – how can I possibly reassure her that I love her more than anything and that she’s the only person I desire and want a future with despite my stupid comments? I’m not saying he’s wrong for feeling that way, but what possible purpose did it serve to tell you any of that information? It was a silly and thoughtless thing to say and he should recognise it as his fuck up, and his job to repair. You shouldn’t have to make yourself feel like you don’t need to compare yourself to others – he should be making you feel that way, or at least doing a lot of work towards it.
Our partners can’t totally fix our insecurities but they can certainly do a lot to heal them – is your boyfriend doing that for you? Because if he’s not then I’d definitely consider this settling, and I know that’s not what you want for yourself.
Do you trust that she didn’t actually “Explore” her options?
Can you trust her to not keep using Tinder?
Do you trust her to be in a relationship , with you , wholeheartedly?
Do you think that as soon as she finds another option , she’ll do this again?
Do you feel that she is just settling with you for now?
You know the answers , be truthful with yourself.
Only you can decide to give her your trust and faith or that you will now constantly be second guessing things.
Me personally, I’m not going to live in a world of mental turmoil and constant stress.
It’s not healthy and leads to depression and anxiety.
Someone who loves their partner so much would never and i mean NEVER cheat on them, no matter how much issues they have. If you love someone deeply you would never do shit like that. Leave her alone and move on with your sad life