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Date: December 6, 2022
Not to mention they both want kids too…
Internet mom here. I’m going to be blunt. You are with a man with no goals, no aspirations and no friends. You’re hoping he’s going to change, right? Get a job, contribute etc. He won’t because he doesn’t need to. He has you. I’m not concerned about the other guy or what you said. I am concerned that you have chosen a mentally ill man who is not going to address his depression. Do you want kids? If so, don’t do it with your boyfriend. He can’t be what you would want a child to grow into. I don’t understand why you have chosen this man. I totally understand why you’d have a crush on someone who is the exact opposite. Just think about it.
Yo – I fell in love at first sight with mine – I am JUST NOW emerging from 3 years of putting up with some serious bullshit at the expense of my self respect. It’s like my life was on pause and I am just now hitting resume.
He is a wonderful person. I love him dearly and desperately. We are in very different places in life.
I don’t think he wanted our relationship to be abusive. But he doesn’t have the emotional tools to have calm adult conversations about hard things.
For the first year and a half we would fight any time I would disagree with him (among other things) and I would beg him “can we not have different opinions?”
Don’t do this to yourself. You are here asking – because you know something isn’t right. EVEN THO IT FEELS AWESOME RIGHT NOW.
You just got out of a terrible situation.
Your ex – You had put a mask on his face and then his true self came out. You are doing the same thing here. This new man has the same mask you put on him. And you’ll keep that mask with you, and you’ll put it on the next man you meet if you’re not careful.
I think in terms of professional athletes, many can't say they can relate or can give you advice that would actually apply to you directly. It can be any or all the things you mentioned as to why he gets cold feet or disappears for time.
He's probably really busy training and traveling. Probably forgot the topic at hand/what you guys spoke about before his schedule.
Could probably be cheating? Not to bust your balls or hurt your feelings, but he's still relatively on the younger side and depending on which sport, might be in the prime of his career. 4 months in and talking about marrying you? You could be just the person he knows he can rely on to be there when he's done on trips. My fiance is family friends with NBA players and man… The stories she's told me when one was in college before he even made any money? Crazy. If you know he's been loyal to you, disregard this. I do not mean to make you paranoid or put this in your head.
Might just not be able to see himself physically settle down just yet, but he's genuine. Realistically, depending on the sport, he can potentially do this for about 4-6 years. He might just wanna settle down when he's in the off-season, plants the idea, and just waiting for three perfect time to clarify everything.
TL;DR: I've been no help.
It doesn’t matter what the old guy did. Sexually or anything. She is with you now. Get the hell over this retroactive jealousy.
Man if I was in your position I'd be a fucking ghost. She'd leave with the kids and come back to an empty plot. She wouldn't even be able to prove I fucking existed bro. Photos doctored, phone numbers burnt, social media scrubbed. I'd be the Jason Bourne of scorned husbands.
But seriously take photos of the lingerie in her suitcase, wait for her to leave and speak to a lawyer about your options. I'd also give her about the time it takes to get to where she is going to send the photos and tell her to enjoy her trip just to ruin the whole thing for her.