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Date: December 11, 2022
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She groomed you, you were a minor. That's a major red flag.
And opening up a relationship if it's unhappy and she suspects you of cheating sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Get out, and I agree – get tested if the kid is really yours.
Lot of factors going on here:
“but for us to have sex I practically had to beg” “again always have to ask 3-4 times to let me do it”
What's your general approach like with regards to being intimate? Are you romancing her? Flirting with her? Doing things round the house so she can relax and ease in to more playful/intimate mindset?
Or are you just asking if she fancies fucking after a day of hard work?
Next thing: “our very good communication has made our love stronger”
” I thought maybe it was because of my slight overweight” ” tried to understand her” “I'm sure she would be mad at me for doing it if she knew”
Have you spoke to her about it? Like really, truly, deeply, meaningfully – there is just from your message alone, a LOT of assuming going on, you assume you needed to lose weight, you assume she'd be upset with you masturbating.
Talk – in a neutral setting, sit down with some tea, and talk about it. Express your desires, ask what's missing, what she needs from you to feel more desire. It could just be that your not sexually compatible, but there could also be other things going on.
People that get those thing’s pierced in my opinion do not have hang ups on showing it off.
No way this is real.
He offered his place first and then a hotel.
Why even entertain this toad?
Don’t. Do. It.
And have you explained this to him? You can't beat around the bush with money.
Why did you break up with her? Maybe y’all should stay broken up?
Doesn’t want them, can’t force her. Also can’t force you not to have it. Dealbreaker.
Tell her so she can decide if she wants to stick around.
If she wants kids with marriage first, then it may be that she needs to find someone who wants things in that order to before she is too old.
You need to give her that option.
Get off your high horse with that “in a healthy relationship people are supposed to…” bullshit because you're just spouting “theories” like you've never been in a real relationship let alone a “toxic” one.
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Ugh, I’m sorry. It isn’t fair. In sickness and in health, right? If you’d put on weight due to an injury, you should’ve been just as beautiful in his eyes. (Which you are just as beautiful, btw.) sending you love. Hopefully you can come up with something that makes you happy and you’re given the respect and love you deserve. He had no right to talk down about you or bring up the subject of your weight: only to support you.
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Never stay together for kids. They can feel that tension and it makes for a miserable childhood. You just said you both have been fighting for a full week! Even before you caught the cheating! Is that the environment you want your daughter in? Anger for a full week with her in the middle?
Why wait until she’s a little older? It will only hurt her more. Her being one gives you the advantage of less trauma around seeing her parents split, so if it’s going to happen, it’s ideal when she won’t remember you together and have to process that ending.
Sounds like you both were done before this discovery. Stick to your word, get a good lawyer, and make it as fair and not ugly as possible with split custody. Your daughter will be okay if you both remember to do what is best for her, and not act out of anger during or after the divorce. Resolve yourself to a peaceful split.
He's taking his frustrations out on you, which isn't ok. Everything he said was unnecessary and demeaning. If he didn't even apologize and just acted like it didn't happen, it's even worse.
You are absolutely dealing with a disability. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Jesus Christ women aren't children who's hand you need to hold. This is so pathetic, she's TWENTY SEVEN
Don’t date people that are mean to you.
What she did you you was wrong, very wrong. The question is do you enjoy these conversations with your mom? After all she's put you through and even preventing you from having a wonderful life and family I do not think so. Do you want to put up with it knowing fully well she has caused you so much pain?. What you need to ask her is why did she do this to you? Why did she stop you from having friends at a young age, why did she change your major, why did she eventually push you away by forcing you to travel abroad? Did she ever think that all these actions wouldn't have repercussions not just with you but her. There must a reason why she chose to alienate her daughter.
No. They’re not. They’re all responding with compassionate answers that don’t finger point. You’re just a prick.
Yes. And having an argument with her over it still means you’re stuck engaging the behavior on her terms. “I’m not doing this” is a stronger position for you, because you aren’t in control of changing her behavior, but you’re in complete control of your own.
He sounds weird.
Do you think, he reacted somehow different to your question?
You said you felt taken aback by his reaction which leads me to think that usually he is not like that and screams and throws “passive aggressiveness” at you.
If he does not do that usually, and if it only started suddenly/ he changed suddenly, you should be careful.
Personally, this is why I don't date cops or anyone with a cop father. I don't have anything against the police and I'm not against them. But, they're pretty programmed into a worldview and not the most open people to have serious discussions with that deviate from their worldview.
He’s treating you like a piece of meat because that’s how your relationship is. He just wants you and another piece of meat at the same time. I don’t think he’s marrying you anytime soon.
>In my opinion I should not be forced to do anything I don't like or don't want to do. Just because I'm dating or married to someone does not mean I have to set myself aside to appease them. I told her that a relationship to me should not be limiting and should not infringe on my happiness and that we are each responsible for our own happiness.
Good luck maintaining any relationship with this attitude. Of course loving relationships mean setting your own selfishness aside when it's important to your partner, because you love them.
My ex was a day older than me, that one day when I was 24 and my brain was still developing and hers was fully developed I had the ick the whole day, but once I got through it we were fine.
What advice are you looking for?
Mom was not super rude. Wife is being a bit unreasonable. You could have said it isn’t a good time as well.
I swear if you apologize you're doing nothing but a disservice to yourself. What you said wasn't a fraction of what she said. She completely degraded your morals, your marriage, everything about you and she's acting like a victim because you called her condescending which isn't an insult, that's simply calling out how she's treating you, and a jealous bitch. Maybe you all don't curse, but I do, and I would have said much much more than that. She literally said you're a gold digger in a fake marriage for money but you're the villain because you called her a jealous bitch? A.) She's being a bitch and B.) What other reason would someone insist their friend is a gold digger in a fake marriage to someone who buys her off and cheats on her just because she's shallow enough to to only be in a marriage for money and also that your husband is controlling. Every single person that thinks you're in the wrong and owe anyone an apology needs some fucking perspective holy shit.
I will say, it was only once a while back. It was only for $20/$30 bucks.
I'll rephrase that. Most (if not all) states in the USA.
I've had to get a restraining order, and I've been in a lot of US based women's DV support groups. While you CAN get a lawyer, on my experience, most states you don't need one, though some states charge a filing fee, it's typically free or low cost. There's no states that I am aware of that require a lawyer to file or defend a restraining order.
I literally just put a reply talking about cars further in this thread, feel free to go look at my perspective on that.
Nah if you wanna leave then you should leave. Life is too short.
The problem you seem to be having is you want permission to leave, and you don’t want to be seen as a bad guy.
But you don’t need anyone’s permission and you basically need to be the bad guy for this to happen. That’s okay. It sucks. But all family breakups are really hard. There’s just no way around it.
I got hired after my coworker did but we’re both 24 and over the past year while we have gotten closer and have an “alliance” we rarely text. If we do it is about work. But when you see someone consistently it’s nice to save convo for when you are in person.
BUT, At work, we do business with international clients. They smoke a ton.
Oh man, this is really rough. I had this situation and realized the smell was clinging to my clothes and my HAIR in a huge way. Even if it seems like a bit much, maybe take a shower and change clothes when you get home from work?
I think if she doesn’t want to talk to you, you just have to let it go. I would send one final apology (assuming you haven’t sent her heaps and heaps of texts) and leave it at that.
Lesson learned, approach these matters with caution in future 🙂
Your not a girlfriend anymore your his property. To him agreeing to getting married and especially now a child you are now going to be the little women, stay at home, shut up and raise his children. Unless of course you set a dealbreaker now that he stop and go get your job back if you enjoyed it because once the child arrives you will be home with the child that’s your life. Nothing else.
The fact that you had to leave to escape them tell me that it was overwhelming. That could induce the acceleration of your disease and stress. Leave the house and separated. When they come don’t cook. Tell them I cannot Iam not capable
Honestly everything else is perfect she knows it and i know it what other good excuses are there
The location data is sometimes off by about 2-300 feet, enough to be a house or two over. Not by blocks, and definitely not by miles. She’s lying.
This is exactly what I told my ex when he told me to get over it 10 min after I found out bc it had happened the previous year
I'm prepared to go full NC with bf
I noticed that you won't say that you will break up with him or call him an EX.
This phrase, along with the post detailing how you stayed with despite him being no good, makes me think that you won't break up with him, will continue to talk to him, and still keep him in your life one way or another.
True, sometimes that pathetic begging can really wear one down.
Or.. you trust your partner and then you don't have to get a breakdown of their friends' sexual preferences.
This is too simplistic.
I can trust my partner's intentions, but I don't have to trust their assessments of the situation. I can trust my wife that she intends to buy all the groceries from the list, but I don't trust her assessment that she will be able to carry it all because it will be too heavy to her.
Similarly, I would trust her intentions that she won't do anything with her hypothetical male roommate. I would not trust her assessment of her own emotional and sexual reaction to a man she would be living with and spending more time than with me.
Dump his ass.
He’ll learn the hard way that you don’t make “jokes” like that.
I would be telling everyone in that family if he shows up in a clown suit the wedding will be called off! This is the hill I will die on! You should make your stand now or live the rest of your life with the crap! He wants to make a joke out of your wedding and your SO and the rest of their family think it is funny so the laugh will be on them! They can pay for a wedding that will not take place!! Call their bluff! If you are in the middle of your vows and shows up just stop tell everyone there you warned them that the wedding would be called off because they refused to respect you on your wedding day and then leave!
I ended the conversation and everything at that moment because he was about to head out with his friends and if I’m slightly upset or if he’s slightly upset when he’s about to, he accuses me of ruining his time. I have tried to talk to him about it but he got all “you don’t care about me” and it’s like wtf how is checking my phone for 10 seconds not caring about you when I literally said everything you had said and when you literally go on your phone all the time when I’m talking?
You both were not ready for a relationship or at least for a mature one.
You are setting yourself up for suffering by avoiding an obvious course of action. Good luck!
IDK to me it sounds like you're not going after emotionally intelligent people. Dating is a filtering process. Those people who gave you shit for crying were wrong, you were not wrong for crying.
I'd rather die single than be stuck in a relationship where my partner can't even be a shoulder to cry on.
I'm not trying to be a bitch here but you've said she clearly likens it to cheating. You don't and that's fine, but in her eyes she's fighting for her life, going through surgery that will forever marr her body, and you're repeatedly cheating on her and then getting mean when she catches you.
In all honesty, just break up. If you can't stop watching porn of course she's not going to trust you not to watch it. And you're slowly destroying her self esteem. Let her go and let her find someone who can abide by her boundaries, and find someone yourself who matches yours.
So quit responding to the damn bird call.
I mean I would do it but I’m snipped. Here is where I will warn you. After you do it one time it’s like a drug broski. I didn’t always hate condoms or pulling out but the moment I left it in, that all changed. I have now passed on sex because I needed a condom it just wasn’t worth it in my head.
Tread carefully.
A gf who spits in your face does not respect you and a gf who does not respect you, also does not love you.
LOL what an idiot
Dude should have at least pulled out.
If he is cheating on his PREGNANT girlfriend, there is no hope for him. That’s dogshit and this will probably be a lifelong thing. That’s an extremely tough situation for you to be in, and I feel for you, but I could never cheat on my girlfriend, especially not during an important moment for us.
My bf had a job and found out he was allergic to a chemical he was working with. He was only there for a few months. His hands were raw and his body was swollen and covered in rashes. He's not there anymore and he's back to normal and having a better quality of life.
If shes unwilling to change, and you can't force her, is this something you want to live with? I'm sure you feel miserable everytime you see her.
I think she knows they won't approve of you, and she is putting off that confrontation as long as possible.
You don't deserve to be treated like this, so if you want to preserve your dignity, you should set her aside and find someone else who doesn't need to keep you a secret.
There's an age gap sub that you would get more on this issue on.
That being said, it doesn't matter what people say regarding this, because it's all about how you feel, not what others think you should feel.
Get a personal therapist and also a lawyer. This is something you guys can reconcile. She does not want to have sex, you do, and that’s something that clearly isn’t going to change. No amount of counseling is going to get her to commit to treatment for her condition and then suddenly starting to agree to penetrative sex. Get out of this relationship.