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Languages: en,zh,ja,ko
Birth Date: 1990-02-03
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityAsian
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBlack
Subculture: subcultureRomantic
Date: October 27, 2022
I’d tell your therapist just this.
This.
You were in an accident that required multiple surgeries and a long recuperation time and he NEVER visited you. I don’t care how busy he is with work, that is unacceptable. It would’ve been a hard stop for me right there.
Google sunk cost fallacy.
Ok, yeah. I thought that too about this message.
Has he EVER stopped hooking up with her and/or other strippers? How many times did he cheat on you?
I saw her post l. I couldn't comment on it because my account is too new.
Please OP don't go through with the marraige proposal unless you talk about this. It almost seems like she was annoyed that you were interuppting her rather than an anxiety response. Some people are uncomfortable with public displays of affection, but this seems odd.
In fact, medication won't change him more than self-medication with alcohol already has. He is already being changed through his unwillingness to address the problem.
This is such a well thought out and reasonable post full of growth and introspection on the OP's part; I have to think that the husband is already checked out if he is truly satisfied with living like this. Life can be so much more than survival, but you don't see that when you're drowning. Maybe he just needs a wakeup call; maybe if OP sat him down and told him explicitly that she is developing and growing away from him and can't languish in this unhappy environment devoid of meaning and connection anymore, that she is going to leave him if he doesn't make changes to himself.
Every day I feel so lucky that when I told my partner that his mental illness was affecting me badly and making me very unhappy, that he immediately went to therapy and got on meds. Because my unhappiness was unacceptable to him. I don't get the sense that OP's unhappiness is unacceptable to her husband, because for her husband unhappiness is the normal state of affairs.
Ultimately though, his childhood was ruined because of things beyond his control. He now has agency though to save the relationships that are important to him as an adult – he just needs to seek help.
i’m just talking from experience. I’ve been with my wife for 14 years. And when we were in our early 20s, we gave gifts very often. For each anniversary. But now we get each other things for the house for combined Christmas presents, etc..
like this year, our gift to each other for Christmas was a very nice robot vacuum.
my birthday present was going out to a nice dinner.
this is pretty status quo for most of my peers.
He's going to throw it at someone at his friend's party. It's ammunition.
I feel that. My son has been in the 99th percentile since he was 4 months, and we're at 9 months now. The boy can't stop eating! His twin sister is average size and sleeps, thank god.
So she was clear and informed you at the beginning of the relationships what her boundaries are. 4 years later, she stuck to them and you are upset nothing changed? You havent married her so her opinion is the same as yours Nothing has changed. Its bothering you why?
feel like i'm taking crazy pills here, yeah.
I feel immensely sorry for your boyfriend. There's a shit ton of stigma surrounding guys having mental health issues or seeking help for it. Your 'no comment' comment was beyond cruel, it's not a matter to joke around about, dismiss, judge or criticize someone over. It's probably burnt into his memory now and he's going to struggle even more reaching out for the help he needs, while you continue to criticize and bemoan his inaction even more. You're unbelievably dismissive and somehow surprised that he no longer wants to discuss his problems with you or accept help from you. This situation really requires tact, sensitivity, empathy and love; I'm not seeing it.
Well congrats on the upcoming breakup. Sorry man.
Most people would rather settle for someone treating them poorly because they're scared of being alone
OP putting up with this at only 2 months tells me she”s terrified of being alone
Why is it such a big deal? Like he just wants to wrap up his dick bro, it ain't that deep
Jeez this is exhausting. Why would you marry this guy? If you marry him your married to his mother too think about it. This won't get better for you so you should probably think really hard about how you want your future.
She kicked her out of the wedding party (i.e. being a bridesmaid) and the daughter decided to leave the wedding altogether.
That's how I read it.
talk to the lawyer before the husband
Yes OP please do this!!
not sure why this gets voted down.
What do you think?
You should either leave ASAP or throw him out on his arse.
This is unstable, violent, and abusive behavior. You do not need to tolerate it while he deals with it. He needs to shape up IMMEDIATELY and you need to keep him at a distance until he does so PROPERLY, not half assing things just enough to peace you off.
Honestly I'd throw that piece of garbage away. Don't allow people to treat you with such disrespect. Dude knows how to self regulate or does he freak out at his boss at work when things aren't going perfectly his way?
Love yourself more than you love others. He's not loving you, not really.
Honestly, your BF should be the one setting the boundaries. If he isn't, it means he is enjoying the attention.
Kate sounds legit, but I recommend “trust but verify” – confront him about it and see how he reacts.
If nothing else, it will give you a transparent and solid motive for calling it off.
Dump him. He is a child & you already have two kids.
What exactly does he bring to this relationship?
Why can't you get tested?.. And then send him screenshots no explanation needed and then block him. Your message is wordy. He doesn't care about your feelings so why tell him you're hurt
This is fake
You’re in forever girlfriend territory. Have a serious talk with him about a timeline, if he gets mad about it again start making plans to leave. If he wanted to he would girl.
Just do it. Guys don't get hints at all no matter how many you give them. They respond to bluntness
Your reply proves my point. You don't get to force someone to respond exactly how you want them too.
If I were you I'd ask them this “do you really want to bring a homewrecker to a wedding?”
I don’t look at it like a chore I just overthink me talking to him. It’s extremely stupid and there’s really no excuse for me to be lacking initiative for so long. It’s more I just get nervous.
I even told her at one point I can understand 1 day, 2 days max, so I'm trying to find us a middle ground here.
Normally taking romantic advice from friends is perilous. But in this case your friend is probably right. Your first relationship should be with someone healthy who can communicate. Don't waste it on a head case drama queen who's going to be melting down and breaking up with you on the regular. It's only been three months so your feelings aren't as deep as they'll be at six months, twelve months or whenever she next decides it's worth dumping you temporarily just to make you grovel to get her back. This kind of person will warp your attitudes about relationships and make it so that you never trust anyone.
You need some concrete proof before you break up. Her talking with girlfriends about guys is very normal. Her wanting to show the new guy transferring around the campus is being helpful and friendly. You need more proof that that. But my best advice is stop looking for something that's not there and try to focus on the positive in your relationship instead of the negative. Just because one day she is talkative and the next day she's not doesn't mean she lost interest and wants you to break up with her. It just means maybe she's having a bad day or maybe something heavy is on her mind. Try asking her what's wrong. Not everything is about you.
Why not both? I've seen it.
So why are you still with such a person?
Dump his ass. This is sexual assault.
Is there a reason that the thought of him replacing you worries you? It sounds like that might be the best thing for everyone, except maybe the new potential GF.
Wow it’s really that hard to admit you just missed it huh? It was there the whole time. But I’m not touching this conversation anymore
She isn’t the one for you. I would absolutely change my shampoo. Even if the one I use is expensive. Your health is more important than her hair.
I wasn't clear on 1 point so let me clarify. He isn't keeping this relationship secret from anyone outside the house. I have met some of his friends and co-workers that I knew before this relationship took place, and they're aware of the relationship as well as happy for him and me. I have become somewhat acquaintances with people my age (trying to start a friendship with 1 girl currently actually) and people who could be my grandparents. Me and my BF go to supermarket, have coffee etc. together and he has publicly always hugged and kissed me without issues.
I know this might sound strange but we have a lot of common interests and we share similar views on things like politics, beliefs, humor and hobbies.
He and his ex-wife have been divorced on paper for 9 years, separated for 11~12. I'm fairly good friends with the ex-wife and she has told me a lot of times prior that she wants him to leave from the house since a year ago. They don't get along, and I've witnessed this many times. Most often, they don't see/talk to each other for days at a time, and when they do, it's usually about asking to pick up the daughter from somewhere or about paying bills. He doesn't have close relationship with the daughter but he loves her very much and that's what's mostly keeping him here. He hadn't been living in the house for years but moved into the 2nd building due to personal complications in his life about 2 years ago, and was staying because the daughter asked him to.
I understand your point and I thank you for your advice and your in-depth thoughts. You have confirmed what I believed in the first place that there really isn't anything I can do here since it's not a me-problem, and I've already done everything I can to prove the negative. I can and have apologized for my inconsideration for not informing him that I was staying later than expected (as he was the one who had to come pick me up from the office), and I have offered to do everything in my power to make this as transparent as possible by inviting him to come with me to the next appointment (he has never met the doc), by offering to tell what topics were covered (AI and governments and webdev stuff), even telling him to ask the chiropractor for the reason why I was staying so late. The rest is up to him. Thank you for validating my thoughts, and I will seriously consider what you have said to make a good decision for my life.
1 – good 2 – but you didn't listen within this thread? 3 – also good 4 – saying “men do xyz” isn't the same as saying “all men do xyz”. For example, “I get catcalled by men every day” is different than “all men catcall me”. Make sense? 5 – refer back to 4
Please, I need some advice.
It's been a MONTH. This is not a long term commitment kind of thing. He can sort out his own dick.
Thank you so much 🙂
Thank you so much 🙂
Religion doesn’t make sense – smart people believe it dumb people believe it. Stop trying to reason religion – don’t judge your wife by her beliefs. Understand that as a Muslim she will also try to manipulate your children into Islam and will never back down on this. Can you accept this and live with it ? If you can’t, than think about getting out of this marriage.
Your not compatible, time to move on.