While you are free to set boundaries over what you want with your kids, your boundaries are quite conservative and may not be shared with everyone.
In particular, your refusal to shower with your kids is concerning. As a father, I have taken hundreds of baths and showers with my daughter (and son, for that matter). Once they are too big for a baby tub it is the most efficient way to clean them without letting them drown, and my wife has other shit to do sometimes.
If you have never done it, I can tell you there isn’t anything sexual about showering or bathing with your kids. It can be frustrating – for example, at one point my daughter took a water dump in the bath which the bubbles hid until I put my hand in it – but if you can stop from murdering them most of the time then you will be fine. It can be good for bonding, it forces you to interact without electronics, and you can ensure your kids briefly have clean asses before the next “event”.
As a mental health professional who has been in an identical situation to this when I was in high school, please listen to me: your Mom is rightfully angry and heartbroken, but this situation with her feelings is ONLY between her and your Dad. Your Dad didn’t abandon your family. He abandoned your Mom. It is wrong for her to try to emotionally blackmail you into choosing a side. You don’t ever have to choose a side. You don’t have to let your Mom brainwash you against your Dad. Your parent’s divorce does not have to negatively impact your relationship with your Dad. Your Dad’s new wife might actually be really cool. Give her a chance to show you. It would mean a lot into your Dad. Things will de-escalate and settle down with your Mom’s emotional reactions someday. And someday she might remarry. Like I said, this happened to me many years ago in high school, and my Dad tried to make my stepdad into the bad guy and poison us against him and my Mom. Tried to say my Mom only married my stepdad for all the wrong reasons. But you know what? Almost 20 years later, my Mom is still married to my stepdad (AP), and I consider him just as much a part of my family as anyone. I mean it when I say I love him a lot for taking such good care of my Mom for so long. He continues to make my Mom really happy. And my bio Dad unfortunately passed a little over a year ago, and my Stepdad walked me down the aisle when I got married last year. I’m sure it would mean the world to your Dad that you are at least supportive of his happiness with his new love. Your Mom is bluffing and being manipulative with her ultimatum. Don’t let her use you as leverage to hurt your Dad. It’s not good for anybody. Tell her, “Mom, I understand why you are extremely hurt and it’s going to take some time to adjust after what’s happened. It’s normal. However, I will not let you use your anger to try to manipulate me into disowning my Dad and his wife. I love you, but I’m not taking a side”. I wish you the best, OP. It’s a tough situation.
Hey man, thank you for your comment. Sorry for the late reply.
Lots has happened but she let me be there for her in the end! She asked me to be there with her when her parents visit and we had a lovely meal. We are going to abort it and we have had the abortion pills delivered. She will take them on Tuesday.
I expected our relationship to come to an end but this has brought us closer than ever. Thanks again.
I'd suggest you move on from this by moving on from him. If nothing else his mean-spirited and disrespectful reaction to you communicating your feelings speaks volumes about how little he respects you/how immature he is about someone communicating a (valid) feeling. He doesn't get to decide you “should” not feel a certain way. That's not how feelings work. Feelings just are, and try to tell us things. In this case I'm pretty sure you already know what your feelings are telling you. Also I find it pretty bad that he willingly abandons you at a really difficult time in your life. That's not the behaviour of a good partner.
I wish you the best, and hope you find a way forward that is healthy and helpful for you. Take care of yourself. And don't let him gaslight you into thinking that your feelings are “wrong”. Feelings are never wrong. They just exist and are part of the human experience.
I seriously hope this isn't real because this is so messed up. The fact that you see these vulnerable girls as your little project and are targeting them is psychotic and your gf is correct. You need to address what's going on here and accept that this behaviour is not right, whether you think you are being a saviour or not, it's creepy as hell and even if you don't do anything, just consider what you would look like if you dropped one of these girls off and they got into trouble. Do you think police would buy your story that you were just “looking for people to help”?
she had*, I hard stopped it in its time. since they barley talk. but the after effect was the separation period, and my thing.
now, it's like she's “asking” for my approval. she claims it's hard for her to become intimate with me bc I've been with other woman, and as a possible solution like a quick fix she thought of this one time pass. to get closure, supposedly.
it's important mention she never admitted it was an EA with him, but only friendly texting and bantering at work. but she did admitted she had developed feelings for him over time and probably to this day there's some remains.
From an outsider perspective – this girl does not sound like your friend at all. Maybe she's jealous, maybe she just needs someone to manipulate. Either way, there's no need to put yourself through this. Find new, better friends. Friends that will do the right thing and have you sign a release to be in a film. Even if she's not doing this maliciously, she may never grow past this behavior. Some people are just jerks forever.
It could also be that he looked at some porn or smthn and was embarrassed
Stick with school! Please!! He should be supportive not cranky.
While you are free to set boundaries over what you want with your kids, your boundaries are quite conservative and may not be shared with everyone.
In particular, your refusal to shower with your kids is concerning. As a father, I have taken hundreds of baths and showers with my daughter (and son, for that matter). Once they are too big for a baby tub it is the most efficient way to clean them without letting them drown, and my wife has other shit to do sometimes.
If you have never done it, I can tell you there isn’t anything sexual about showering or bathing with your kids. It can be frustrating – for example, at one point my daughter took a water dump in the bath which the bubbles hid until I put my hand in it – but if you can stop from murdering them most of the time then you will be fine. It can be good for bonding, it forces you to interact without electronics, and you can ensure your kids briefly have clean asses before the next “event”.
He's sick. You know this is illegal and ntm gross. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, even if someone else thinks it's OK.
As a mental health professional who has been in an identical situation to this when I was in high school, please listen to me: your Mom is rightfully angry and heartbroken, but this situation with her feelings is ONLY between her and your Dad. Your Dad didn’t abandon your family. He abandoned your Mom. It is wrong for her to try to emotionally blackmail you into choosing a side. You don’t ever have to choose a side. You don’t have to let your Mom brainwash you against your Dad. Your parent’s divorce does not have to negatively impact your relationship with your Dad. Your Dad’s new wife might actually be really cool. Give her a chance to show you. It would mean a lot into your Dad. Things will de-escalate and settle down with your Mom’s emotional reactions someday. And someday she might remarry. Like I said, this happened to me many years ago in high school, and my Dad tried to make my stepdad into the bad guy and poison us against him and my Mom. Tried to say my Mom only married my stepdad for all the wrong reasons. But you know what? Almost 20 years later, my Mom is still married to my stepdad (AP), and I consider him just as much a part of my family as anyone. I mean it when I say I love him a lot for taking such good care of my Mom for so long. He continues to make my Mom really happy. And my bio Dad unfortunately passed a little over a year ago, and my Stepdad walked me down the aisle when I got married last year. I’m sure it would mean the world to your Dad that you are at least supportive of his happiness with his new love. Your Mom is bluffing and being manipulative with her ultimatum. Don’t let her use you as leverage to hurt your Dad. It’s not good for anybody. Tell her, “Mom, I understand why you are extremely hurt and it’s going to take some time to adjust after what’s happened. It’s normal. However, I will not let you use your anger to try to manipulate me into disowning my Dad and his wife. I love you, but I’m not taking a side”. I wish you the best, OP. It’s a tough situation.
Hey man, thank you for your comment. Sorry for the late reply.
Lots has happened but she let me be there for her in the end! She asked me to be there with her when her parents visit and we had a lovely meal. We are going to abort it and we have had the abortion pills delivered. She will take them on Tuesday.
I expected our relationship to come to an end but this has brought us closer than ever. Thanks again.
You have a man-child on your hands.
I'd suggest you move on from this by moving on from him. If nothing else his mean-spirited and disrespectful reaction to you communicating your feelings speaks volumes about how little he respects you/how immature he is about someone communicating a (valid) feeling. He doesn't get to decide you “should” not feel a certain way. That's not how feelings work. Feelings just are, and try to tell us things. In this case I'm pretty sure you already know what your feelings are telling you. Also I find it pretty bad that he willingly abandons you at a really difficult time in your life. That's not the behaviour of a good partner.
I wish you the best, and hope you find a way forward that is healthy and helpful for you. Take care of yourself. And don't let him gaslight you into thinking that your feelings are “wrong”. Feelings are never wrong. They just exist and are part of the human experience.
Do you also impose on your boyfriend when he's taking a shit?
H
I seriously hope this isn't real because this is so messed up. The fact that you see these vulnerable girls as your little project and are targeting them is psychotic and your gf is correct. You need to address what's going on here and accept that this behaviour is not right, whether you think you are being a saviour or not, it's creepy as hell and even if you don't do anything, just consider what you would look like if you dropped one of these girls off and they got into trouble. Do you think police would buy your story that you were just “looking for people to help”?
You need therapy yesterday.
If she's getting any kind of STEM masters she'll be able to stay on her own merit.
Well my sister said you need to be paying my phone bill too, shall I send you my details? Lol
she had*, I hard stopped it in its time. since they barley talk. but the after effect was the separation period, and my thing.
now, it's like she's “asking” for my approval. she claims it's hard for her to become intimate with me bc I've been with other woman, and as a possible solution like a quick fix she thought of this one time pass. to get closure, supposedly.
it's important mention she never admitted it was an EA with him, but only friendly texting and bantering at work. but she did admitted she had developed feelings for him over time and probably to this day there's some remains.
From an outsider perspective – this girl does not sound like your friend at all. Maybe she's jealous, maybe she just needs someone to manipulate. Either way, there's no need to put yourself through this. Find new, better friends. Friends that will do the right thing and have you sign a release to be in a film. Even if she's not doing this maliciously, she may never grow past this behavior. Some people are just jerks forever.