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If you share values, then the church part is less important. The church seems like a guarded community for you. Do he really need to be a psrt of the same formal congregation, if you both share the important values in life?
So why not ask him, and hope he approves instead?
Otherwise dont make him the bad guy!
I think this is a conversation you need to have with him. This isn’t a talk about the relationship, so you aren’t going against the “break”. This is a logistical issue that you need to solve so you know you’re on the same page about it no matter the agreed outcome.
Without getting his opinion it’s really 50/50 on what will happen. Either he’ll be expecting you to go but if you don’t turn up he’s left dealing with your friends and their questions. Or, he’s not expecting you to go and it’ll be a difficult situation for you both in terms of how you act towards each other.
the way he’s literally gaslighting you saying it’s not cheating when you see the nudes and the messages. also the age gap rings alarm bells to me and everyone else here trust me. no decent 27 year old should be dating a 19 year old (clearly bc of how’s he’s acting) leave him. you’ll find your perfect partner who i promise
My man is stumbling across stripper babies the way the rest of us find unmatched socks.
It feels like she’s doing it for woke points honestly. I can’t think of any rational reason as to why she’d feel like she has to tell people, even if it has to do getting pregnant.
I think I'd let him manage his relationship with his girlfriend. You don't need to make decisions for him.
Open relationships take work and go both ways (how does he feel about YOU hooking up with other guys? Women often do better at dinging partners)
Bet the result would be him being annoyed you didn’t sit at home faithful to him and wait out his ‘experience’ ?
It’s ok to want different things, especially as you are both at an age where it is all about figuring it out and forging your own path. Maybe it’s time for those paths to diverge.
Advice? Not really. Don’t know her, don’t know you, don’t know her ex. She could be traumatized and trying to work through it and using you as a therapist (not healthy and relationship killing, but an easy fix. Give her a plague for her dowry, be chaste as ice and pure as snow, escape calumny.. get she to a psychiatry, and quickly too).
She could still be in love with him.. and never processed her feelings from the break up, and you were the rebound she used as a distraction. Do you need advice from Reddit if that’s the case?
(TW: domestic abuse, just this next paragraph)
My last relationship, I dated a girl who talked about her ex a lot too. At first it was about the abusive side.. that he moved her out to a remote town over an hour away from her friends and family.. that he was constantly trying to get her to take out her birth control (arm implant) and wanted to get her pregnant.. that he had told her he had hit his exes, but only because they cheated on him, and then eventually began making up stories about how she had likely cheated on him too.. she would try to get peace from his angry tirades by putting headphones in, he would pull them out of her ears and tell her if he had to feel negative feelings, so did she. She told me that at the end of the relationship, during an argument where she told him she was leaving, he grabbed her by the throat and choked her, then tried to drag her further back into the house so he could make her watch him self harm with a piece of broken glass from a picture frame holding a picture of them that he had smashed.. and that she had run, left, and gotten a restraining order (this much, the restraining order, is a matter of public record, which I did verify later after things started getting weird.. but the fact that she did file it doesn’t really prove anything other than, well, she filed it. As much as I want to believe victims in every case, by the end it was difficult.. I believe he was abusive. I also think a lot of it was reactive, which doesn’t justify it but does add a little depth).
So at first I’m like wow, poor girl, she was with a real piece of shit. Good thing, I’m nothing like him. I’m going to make her feel loved and protected, even if it means ignoring my gut instincts when things don’t feel right to spare her feelings at all costs. And the first few months are a connection like I had never experienced before (except once, with my extremely toxic, serially unfaithful, apocalyptically alcoholic ex fiancée.. but these feelings of deja vu are probably unwarranted, this girl is different).
Then I start noticing that she still has a LOT of his stuff still around. I’m tripping over men’s clothes, I’m finding weird random souvenirs or pieces of art that, when I inquire about the origin (out of genuine interest, not suspicion.. I was way on the hook and in love at this point), she says “oh, C made/bought/stole that for me, he could be really talented/generous/such an asshole sometimes lol!” She gifted me cologne she had previously bought for him. Actually, as time went on, it started to seem weird to me that she had apparently done so many things for him and bought so many things for him and thought so often of him, because it really seemed like she didn’t do any of those things when it came to me.
Some things that she DID do with me that apparently she had also done with him..
She got us both to get a life360 account.. after she got in a car accident early in the relationship, she told me that her best friend had been notified and was there on the scene in no time, and really extolled the virtues.. I wanted to be aware if she got in an accident and downloaded the app and joined her circle. It wasn’t too long before I realized that any time I deviated from my regular schedule a little, I’d receive a call within minutes asking “whatcha doin!?!?” I started disabling it for periods to see what she would do (spoiler: she had a full on fucking meltdown and refused to believe my account of what happened.. and fair, I was lying, but only because I was so unnerved that I was being tracked. I was smitten though, so it was easy to lose my resolve when it came to setting firm boundaries. She told me much later in the relationship that C had done exactly what I had done “to hurt her”.
Got us those gas station dick pills that have viagra/cialis in them for all night sessions. Yeah, why did I need to know that you and your ex had sex for 10 hours on these? Should I feel bad that we only did it for 8?
Kept copious records, or receipts, as she called them. Text message screenshots, voicemails, etc.. ready to be weaponized whenever she needed them. I remember the first time (but not the last time, for sure) I felt really unsettled about her attachment to him and the way she treated people in general was when she played the voicemails he left her on the day she left. He sounded like a lost child more than an abuser (he could absolutely be both. I never met the guy, wasn’t in their relationship). She played it for me, and then she played it for her roommate that I think she had an emotional entanglement with at the least, and she seemed to really relish his pain. They both laughed at his anguished, confused rambling, asking her where she was and why she was gone.. i don’t make it a practice to tell victims of abuse how they should process.. but I couldn’t help thinking that one sure seemed more cruel than the other.
How is leaving not an option? You exploded at him because you don't have healthy boundaries in place, and you're being taken advantage of. How does it “unofficially” fall to you to cook and clean? Because you are allowing him to take the role of entitled child. Simply stop parenting your grown-ass fiance. You're on reddit, so I have to assume you're familiar with weaponized incompetence since so many women post the exact same story. Please, for the love of God, stand up for yourself, set boundaries, demand that your PARTNERship be an equal one, and get some therapy – individual and couples – because this won't get better once you're married and really feeling trapped. You deserve to thrive, not drown in your selfish “partner's” wake.
You’re going along with your boyfriend’s cruel and unreasonable demand that your dog has to be crated the entire time he’s indoors?!?
Yes, either break up with your boyfriend or rehome the dog with someone who won’t treat it cruelly or allow anyone else to do so.
I’m judging you really hard right now.
“How can i control my emotions and be the woman that he wants to be with?”
… oh, girl, you are allowed to have emotions. You are allowed to be upset that he is dating someone else and allowed to tell him so if you two are “exploring” a relationship again. (Maybe don't say mean stuff about the other girl, though, it's not her fault what he has chosen to do hurts you.)
And you can't make him choose you as the woman he wants to be with. You need to decide whether this relationship, as it is (with him dating other people), is worth it to you. If it isn't, and you want an exclusive relationship, tell him that if he wants to be with you, he can only be with you.
He may not choose you. But at least you will know where you stand and can move on with your life if he doesn't want the same kind of relationship that you want.
You do know what to do. Do you really want to stay with him, knowing that maybe you'll have a daughter, and maybe that daughter is SA'd when she's 13, or 16, and her dad would force her to carry that baby?
Or what if he goes down the rabbit hole some more and you end up having an ectopic pregnancy which he believes is still viable – you do realize he'd rather let you die than have an abortion?
Any man with this kind of opinion, or an even stronger one, is trash. Men do not have any kind of say about women's healthcare and reproductive health, and we as women should not want anything to do with the kind of men that do.
If someone is willing to leave you over not getting their dream overseas wedding, then I would say that person is not mature or actually invested in you as a person.
Look I don’t know how to make this particular situation any better but here’s advice for the future.
Of course it would be ideal to know your own worth and not need reassurance from anyone ever but we’re all only human and can get insecure at times.
If you’re having insecurities and absolutely need reassurance I’d say next time ask a different question, for example, what is your favourite thing about me? Or, what do you love about us? What’s your favourite part of our relationship? Stuff like that where you’re only getting reassuring answers and you don’t make someone choose and compare between you and other women.
He's a daddy's boy as well. If you want somone who is more independent there is no shame in that, it'a a bad idea trying to change somone and getting mad that they're resistant to change, you are just going to become resentful towards him, lash out at him, while he becomes resentful in response.
In short accept these cons and wait for him to make changes on his own and at a pace comfortable for him or leave him.
If you say something she will just lay low and not use the apartment. You need to schedule a trip but check in to a hotel.
He is fucking his step sister… What exactly does he have to do for you to leave?? Is this what you wanna teach your kids, that it's ok to stay with someone that cheats??????
How is this in relationship advice?
What advice are you seeking?
This isn't all on you. If you ask someone why and they say just do it, what happens next is partly their responsibility.
You can become a better listener witb practice. It boils down to giving the person your full attention, asking questions to get the full picture, and checking with the person that you've got it right before you act on it.
You leave dude. That’s how you deal with it.
You’ve made your position clear… and she’s made clear that she doesn’t give a shit. Leave and find someone who has respect for your relationship.
This comment is trash
This is way, way less, a relationship advice question and more a legal advice question.
You need to figure out how to get out of your lease asap. If you move in with him you should fully expect your life to be on pause for a year, yes. Yes, it was very dumb but hopefully you learned your lesson. The worst mistake you can make now is procrastinating on finding a way out of your lease.
Reading this made me sick. What your BF my needs is to be treated like he treats your dog. Maybe then he'll learn to leave the dog alone. Also, please do not let him discipline your child or even come near her. He is dangerous to be around.
PS. He probably won't learn anything if he was treated like the dog because he already was when he was younger and it never phased him it was wrong.
I'm getting a 'comment deleted by user' on OP and every one of OP's post in the thread.
Definitely seems like that Egyptian river.
That’s a whole other can of worms, hun. Why did you marry so quickly? At your age it’s hard to grasp the magnitude of marrying someone.
If she's like this then she probably would've done something else bad too down the line. You were too lovestruck to see it. Give it a few weeks and you may start seeing red flags you couldn't see before, because you've taken off the rose colored glasses.
I'm sorry this happened, it's ridiculous. Sounds like they are emotionally in love even if they don't want to be physically together. That's no excuse to treat you like crap.
LMAOOO girl be for real