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  1. You can sign a HIPAA release for an individual record, it doesn't have to be a standing release for all records. The other thing you might want to do is to create a health care proxy and name her. A health care proxy gives authority to someone you select to make medical decisions for you if you can't on your own. Medical staff will default to you unless you are unable to make decisions for yourself, so if you are injured and can't advocate for yourself, she will be able to.

    Unless there's truly something you want to keep private from her right now, this is not so much keeping medical information from her as it is her needing to know you are an adult who's capable of advocating for yourself. Not just in this area, but in other areas of life. Same goes for your sisters.

  2. Guess what he's gonna swing for next then? Your face.

    Being sweet is an act, being angry is his default. Don't become another abuse statistic, angry people quite literally never just stop being angry without first escalating.

  3. Why do you think you’re selfish? And I explain all that to just illustrate how peoples type is often but not always impacted by emotional connection. And love is just a strong emotional connection. So someone saying you’re not their type at all, but that they love you, is some serious mixed signals. So whatever reason for her giving you those mixed signals, it’s hard for anyone to feel secure or have a healthy relationship when someone sends mixed signals.

  4. Yes, you're allowed. There's this thing that everyone should be able to do by age 33: communicate. If you had a caring partner, he would have said way in advance something like this: “hey babe, money has been tight, and I'm going to be a little broke around Christmas. I still want to celebrate with you, so we should set a limit on how much we're going to spend on each other and then plan a cheap/free activity we can do together on the day.” But you're apparently dating someone who doesn't like you that much, so definitely feel free not only to be upset but also to leave him.

  5. I would hope she is as that's what I told her to focus on, but it still doesn't make sense how shes distancing herself but keeps thinking I hate her and starts crying when I also create distance. We've always been open with each other about everything, idk why she won't just say that and move forward.

  6. Not entirely sure what you expected. Many Muslim families would be the same as his family. I suspect only a minority would care if their child married outside of the religion

  7. That’s a marriage fraud? Eventually you want to have a normal marriage with family goals so you need to set a date when to break it off. It might hurt both of you and there is a chance someone will ask for alimony. Get a lawyer involve or at least get a professional opinion on this matter.

  8. Never go into any relationship assuming things will change.

    Always, always assume that what you see is what you get. You cannot build a foundation on what you hope will happen.

    This was the behaviour she exhibited when you got together. She has no reason yo change it now.

    Don't get me wrong, though, you have every right to say “Ya know what? I'm uncomfortable with this so I'm breaking it off and moving on.” but she also has every right to just keep living her life as she has done.

  9. Well I asked if I could temporarily stay at his whilst I get a new job. We had been together 3 years. Is that so unreasonable?

  10. When she’s going out is she drinking? After getting home late and drinking all night I can get why she just crashes when she gets home. But no I don’t think it’s asking to much to let your loved ones know you got home safely. I do it with my friends and family.

  11. I just want to know why you’re still here looking for validation on something every single person who’s come across it says you’re approaching it the wrong way?

    If you think responding to every comment confidently is going to actually justify some of the things you noted in your post, you should really think again because it doesn’t work that way. There are things we get wrong. You exposing your kids to someone you don’t know is one of them and it’s a big one. Do your thing. Make it work with this man and be happily together for the next 50 years. But ffs don’t bring two innocent kids into this. They literally don’t need to know this man right now.

  12. Yeah that's the thing, usually the people posting about these awful relationships at least try and justify their awful partners with the whole “but apart from this our relationship is amazing” bullshit but OP actually just doesn't even like this guy.

  13. I’m 36. And obviously I can’t speak for every human being in the planet, but 22 year old me and 30 year old me were different people. Not in a bad way, but there is so much growth and change and maturing that happens in your twenties. 20-26 was a vastly different experience for me than 30-36 was. Very very few 22 year olds are in the same life space as 30 year olds. And that’s not me speaking down to you or calling you immature or anything, because I promise you I am not.

    I have folks your age working for and with me, and they are wonderful people and I genuinely enjoy being around them and talking to them, but I cannot wrap my head around having romantic involvement with anyone that age. And again, it has nothing to do with seeing folks that much younger than me as childish, because I don’t. But an age gap like that in those particular life spaces (early 20s and early 30s) often comes with a power imbalance.

    I would question -as I’m sure your mom is- why he is not dating someone his own age. As others have suggested, continue getting to know this man, and look at his dating history. Does he regularly seek out relationships with people much younger than himself? Does he have a dating history at all? What does his social circle look like? How does he behave in social settings? A month is a tiny snippet of time in the grand scheme of things. Take your time, don’t rush in, get to know him, and don’t assume the worst in your mother’s intentions with her concern.

  14. 2-3 times a day is not going to happen any time soon. If you still have the energy for that, it means you don't pull your weight as much as she does cause i don't know any new parents of a 10 month old that work and have enough energy for that.

    Imo, it is an issue not to teach your baby to be independent, but there is also a problem between your wife and you. You are demanding a lot and she is shutting you down like you can't possibly know as well as her because you cannot be her equal as a parent. So i'm wondering how much you parent your kid. You work during the day, but once your shift is over, you have to come home and start your parenting shift/ taking care of the house and chores that you have to do.

    You two are not communicating and both believe you are right and the other is wrong because you must be the one to know better

  15. First of all, your girlfriend does NOT owe you an apology for HAVING FEELINGS. Feelings are not a sign that she was ungrateful or rude, they were FEELINGS, and as a boyfriend your only job was listen COMPASSIONATELY and let her calm down. I would recommend apologizing to her asap for getting angry just because she was upset: She did not disrespect your time, and the fact that you had very clear expectations about HOW she was going to react to your gesture and how you're still focused on your disappointment, instead of IDK FIGURING OUT WHY SHE WAS CRYING, is not a great sign. It sounds like she had a really rough day with lots of emotions, and the fact that you're taking that personally is a huge red flag.

    The fact that you don't seem to comprehend why, when several times in your own story you say she listed reasons, is another HUGE blind spot. You're not HEARING her or responding to her emotions. I think the best bet is to get into couples therapy immediately, you are making way too much about you and your comfort and you struggle to even really tune into your girlfriend. You need to learn how to get out of your bubble and ASAP. Honestly, reading between the lines, it sounds like your reaction could have been pretty traumatizing for her, getting angry because she's having trouble articulating her feelings while she's crying????? YIKES. A professional couples counselor will help you attenuate your feelings and her perspective and it sounds like it is needed for you to engage in this relationship as a healthy partner. Good luck.

  16. Finding other people attracting and acting on it are 2 different things.

    Yes men can be loyal. No relationship has only happy moments, dealing with is just part of life.

  17. I recommend Dave Ramsey. I'm not from the United States, but watching his YouTube videos has saved me from deep debt and made me better at financial management.

    But back to your problem: before you are on the same page with your wife about money, forget about getting a credit card or personal loan, etc. All the best.

  18. Are you upset that she lied or upset that she had soamy partners? You say you want sexual compatibility but that is not the same as what you're describing – number of previous partners. It's seems like you are compatible and that you were happy before this. You have attached your love to this ( have fewer partners) which is weird. This isn't a sexual compatibility issue but rather a value and mores issue.

    Look, her lying is a problem but asking for body counts from partners is never a good idea – also it's irrelevant. I get the feeling that you're bothered less by the lying and more by her previous sex life. If so, it's your prerogative but there is no easy answer here. Ultimately, you can either deal with it or not. Of the list of relationship issues this seems like small fish to me, but honestly, if it's this big of an issue for you it may be better to call it quits and move on.

  19. that part is weird, since they're married. they wouldn't both be paying her medical bills anyway? this is only one small reason he is a huge asshole.

  20. As long as both people agree, then keeping things casual indefinitely can work! I'm a commitmentphobe but I'm honest about that upfront. If I was with someone long term but had no desire for marriage and kids, but they changed their mind (or I did) then that's just the way it is. There's absolutely no point in staying in an incompatible relationship, whatever titles are used.

  21. I think it's a bit confusing because we live in a different country and here it is common for dumb male friends to keep tabs on the ex-gf so I wasn't surprised when they did the same. English isn't my first language so maybe my wording comes across as him being aggressive but it's mostly his friends that act this way. He is a bit of a coward sometimes and I know that he probably thinks I hate him and might react badly if he tries to talk to me which is why I assume he might be scared to do so after such a long time.

  22. Put it on top, press the tip of the condom so no air gets trapped in with thumb and index finger of one hand and roll down with the other.

  23. Oh as an autistic person alcohol makes me a LOT more socialable and it also lets me sleep afterwards without overthinking things. I can understand it being used as a social lubricant.

  24. Consider that you are now a mom and your kid is going to see this stuff as they get older (and possibly think it’s normal which will lead to other issues). Your husband is being obtuse and immature. Put up some boundaries and be ready to take action if needed- a lot of abusive people are allowed to get away with this kind of stuff. Don’t let him.

  25. My thought exactly! It's mindblowing to me. Living clippings in her coffee is a real attempt at harming her. He is trying to physically injure her, maybe very seriously since this is her throat that is being attacked. I would not be wondering how to bring it up politely, I would be packing my shit and escaping. OP, HE'S TRYING TO HURT YOU. Stop being the dog from the meme, going “this is fine”, you are in actual danger from this man.

  26. Your husband sucks. Bodies change, especially during and after childbirth. Do yourself a favor and get rid of him. He doesn't respect you, full stop. Also, I too gained 65 pounds with my son. It's not abnormal, your husband is just an ass.

  27. . Could he actually be starting to look for a ring?

    If this is a question, you clearly haven't discussed timelines and expectations in-depth.

    I'd just sit him down and ask him about his statement “don't get your hopes up”. So you're only 20/21, you live together, you have a dog together….what is his ideal timeline to get engaged and married? What about you? Does he believe in promise rings?

  28. This is SO confusing. So many mixed signals. He’s hot and then he’s cold and then hot again. I would literally just straight up ask him if he likes you or if he’s interested in going on a date.

  29. Are they good friends or something? Do they have to see each other in public and so he feels like he needs to keep the peace and not stir up shit?

  30. Definitely go with the flow! I’m just saying that if it comes up, be honest about your feelings and use your words. Don’t just move away from her or change the subject, because she will then think you’re not interested in her.

  31. I'll keep this in mind. It's strange because lately, something felt off but I couldn't put my finger on it. I just wish he'd tell me so I could know what to do next. I'd let him go if he really is getting into someone that lives nearer to him

  32. I respect your way of life, but I don't want to live like you no matter how much you love it. I don't want a husband who is ok with sharing me. I know it is a kink and many men even gets turned by the idea, but these men are not my type. this is a real turn off for me both sexually and relationshipy

  33. If you thought what you did was fine and harmless, you've got to convince yourself tho. Don't think he's on board.

  34. There’s a lot going on here. Yes, she could’ve asked you to work out with her, but it’s not her responsibility to monitor your weight.

    Yes, she could’ve refused to communicate with you when you wanted more details after she said that she felt “disconnected.” She wasn’t wrong for telling the truth when you asked about what she was feeling. Would you rather have her lie?

    She was wrong for gaslighting you after the fact. She can’t pretend that she didn’t say it. Her wanting to move on may be due to how much it hurt her to tell you, but she can’t discount your feelings about what she said.

    If you can, find a good mental health professional to help you figure out why you’ve gone into such negative thoughts. It sounds like this is all in your head now; your mentioning that she hasn’t “done enough to make up for it,” and you questioning whether she cares at all, is worrying for your relationship. The lowering of your self confidence is another thing that can be helped with a good therapist, too. (Is it possible that you secretly resent her for telling the truth about your weight that you were trying to ignore about yourself?)

    After your own therapy, consider finding a couples therapist to then help you communicate how much this affected you. It sounds like you have a relationship worth saving. I wish y’all well.

  35. Definitely sounds like the end. You're going to end up in the party house with no privacy and no say. Everything is going to his way, and you'll end up feeling like a guest in the home you're helping pay for.

  36. Or she’s Catholic. Either way, OP is on track for 18 years of child support if he doesn’t start using condoms or break up with her.

  37. You did nothing wrong dude.

    The way I read it (from a women’s perspective), you were succinct, and to the point.

    You left no question as to what would be acceptable and tolerated, and you drew out your boundaries perfectly clear.

    I disagree with the bride it was rude, she doesn’t understand the difference between being rude versus direct and diplomatic.

    I find a lot of people get confused with rudeness and being direct. Sometimes, depending on the context of how direct a person is they can definitely be rude in the process.

    I believe you approached this in a very diplomatic manner. You told him due to past behaviours and conduct you are aware of and don’t want to bring up, you have boundaries you’re establishing. Because of his lack of respect for observing social behaviours, you made it very clear that an invalid could comprehend you do not wish him to pretend you’re old fast friends, and to leave you and your partner alone at the event.

    You even went so far as to say you wish he’s doing great in life, which is the least he deserves.

    Bob is being a little bitch. I think this wedding will be awesome, especially without a douche canoe to spoil the occasion for others.

    You handled it privately as well so as not to burden the bride and groom to mediate a conflict that’s not their business or problem to get involved in.

    Bob is 1000% a little bitch.

  38. I think the both of you could do with some marriage counseling. This is a huge red flag and you both need to jump on this.

  39. OP's post is full of grammatical errors and hardly proof that English is his first language, if that's what you're implying. I assumed he was a Spanish or French-speaker by the time I was about 5 words into the post (“asked her a favour”).

  40. Why bring anyone other than him into this conversation? Say it. He may be upset but if it’s a health condition then by you being timid don’t bring it up and you don’t have a conversation you are only hurting him.

  41. ich is what I aspire to have. This is my first relationship so it's hard for me to compare if what he says and does is right or wrong. He was there for me when my sister was in a horrible accident and through the pandemic, and we text and call constantly throughout

    better to get out now, yes it is hard being as it is a first relationship but better for both of you. also know he will promise he will change after you decide to end it, he doesnt't really mean it he just doesn't think you will go.

  42. So he wants you to give up your dream and happiness to make him happy and comfortable? He’s not respecting you or caring about your well being let alone treating you as an equal partner. Id suggest counseling but if he refuses you need to think about what you want your life to look like for the future and present. Sacrificing often leads to resentment and bitterness.

  43. This is a very common cycle with narcissists.

    First, they love bomb you and you feel like you have a true deep connection. But it’s not a true deep connection. They’re just trying to figure you out so that they can control you.

    And then they gaslight, and deflect, and abuse you.

    And then lastly, they discard you, and seek a new supply, with another person.

  44. Trust your instincts. That gut feeling is there for a reason. If it doesn’t sit right, chances are that it ain’t right

  45. She isn't your girlfriend. You are her side piece/rebound.

    I am sorry, buddy, but accept it and move on. You will be better off.

  46. It’s not lack of sex, it’s lack of intimacy and caring that seems to be the issue. She not only refuses to put any effort into doing things for you, she actively negs anything you do enjoy. It’s almost as if her sole purpose in life is to drain everything pleasurable out of yours.

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