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Show Naked [GOAL MET]
Date: February 7, 2023
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Trust him when he says he will kill you if he has the chance. Please call a women’s shelter and have a plan before you leave. Reach out to people who miss you. Please stay safe.
Oh boy. He said a dumb. It's not a big deal that he was with someone more experienced and adventurous than you. It's a bit of a big deal he told you. That was a dumb and shitty thing to do but doesn't sound like it was meant maliciously. It might just take a while for you to heal from the comment. Give it some time.
You're weird but you can find someone who accepts that weirdness. My husband accepts all my quirks. This guy just isn't your one.
You need to take time away from each other. No contact. In time you will both heal and be able to come back together as friends or more. But right now it’s too entangled and confusing for either of you to make the separation from lovers to friends.
Ok fair enough
Yeah we lived together for almost a year
This will not be one singular big talk. It’s more likely that you’ll be having talks for the next little while. I’ve had “big talks” that were actually two or three talks and that was only over one thing; if you’ve let things stockpile then there will be a LOT to unpack so try not to do it all at once.
Write down some stuff you want to talk about so you don’t forget. Choose a couple more pressing issues and focus on those.
Try to remember to be curious, not defensive. It is okay to have fucked up. You’re having this convo not to prove that you’re actually innocent, but to admit that you may have done some stuff to hurt your partner and to tell your partner that they have hurt you. This doesn’t make you bad people: it makes you human.
What you’re offering each other during these discussions is a gift. It is a gift to tell people about how you want to be treated and how you want the future to look. That is info that you give someone only if you want them to keep being in your life. If it hurts to hear about your shortcomings, remind yourself that she is telling them to you because she knows you can do better and wants to see you improve.
This is TOUGH. It may help to have an impartial third person present; couples therapy can provide this if you have access to that. Because things may get heated (emotions are hard to manage sometimes) and it helps to have a third person to keep things grounded and remind you two that you are safe.
Because they were putting so much onto her plate. She had to take care of his family. Whenever they felt like it, she had to do it. If she didn’t they would ravage their home like they lived there. Also his wife and kid are his family too. But he doesn’t care about her enough clearly. He’s focusing on her dying and hates her bc of an ILLNESS
Sounds like you fucked around and found out…maybe listen to him next time. Fucks sake.
This whole thread is filled with the “trans people are vicious and manipulative by not disclosing their identity” trope, which is bullshit imo
Trans women are women
Trans men are men
OP still has every right to break up with her based on her specifically saying “don’t break up with me” – THAT action is manipulative, her being afraid of being harmed or killed because of her past gender isn’t manipulative
If it is transphobia then the trans woman js FAR better out of it and not getting intimate with the other person.
Kick him out. He won't change. Actions speak louder than words and his lack of actions are screaming that he is a selfish AH.
Talk to a lawyer first and get a plan together and ask him to leave since you pay all the bills.
Birthdays are for young people. Many adults don't do anything with them. This is part of the transition to adulthood.
Right now, it's about twice a week where she'll have an episode. It happened this morning, when I was on the way out the door to a session. We worked it out, until she felt safe, and I felt safe leaving her alone.
I listed some of the other factors in another comment.
So last Friday I get home and she’s at the house and we walk in and all the lights are blue and the music is playing on YouTube and they have these glow in the dark markers and he takes off his jacket and shows me an entire sleeve she drew on him. I felt like that’s very inappropriate. I didn’t care for the lights and obviously wasn’t on their level so I went in our bedroom and I could here them saying she’s so mad she’s going to kill you. And I wasn’t even doing anything I felt like they were provoking me and teasing me like I felt extremely left out and she was drawing a big thigh tattoo on herself and I’m just thinking in my head how did she draw that on the back of her thigh there’s no way my boyfriend had to have done it. I went t sleep and woke up and they were both still awake partying.
“plenty of ups and downs” for a year old relationship, and she's having an emotional affair right under your nose? Buddy. Self respect, let's go.
You know what to do.
Tell him and have your fiance tell him he's not invited, you made it clear about your boundary, he's made it clear he will break it. You and your fiance should also tell her family that if they let him in they will asked to leave the wedding. Hire an unsher, bouncer or security guard if you can.
Yeah, we don't have any kids — she just works from home on her computer, and then watches 10+ hours of TV every day
That was one of my thoughts
The way he's acting is not ok, you made a mistake on a bad moment and you apologized and are taking the necessary steps to not do that again. Him having a boundary is one thing but not giving ANY emotional support is complicated and specially baking you names for having emotions is totally unacceptable!!
Sure loser.
And that's absolutely fair. This whole ordeal was a shitshow created by a manipulative bitch. Now everyone just needs to try to move on.
Maybe tell the ex the truth and let her decide whatever. All I know is that they need to get the fuck away from the sister.
Have you tried pre-marital counseling, individual therapy, etc.? Have you gotten to the root of the problems? Just because your dad made a mistake, doesn’t mean you would too, you sound very impressionable and this is a huge, life-altering/devastating decision you are making. Do you understand the toll of the stress that this will cause on your fiancé and unborn baby?
by dumping her, fixing people is either difficult or impossible and regardless is WAY above your paygrade.
Don't even answer it. Oh, and block her on your email.
My gf is stalking the teacher . The teacher is 8 years older and she told me that the teacher is not interested in her . She’s the only one interested here . And the pictures was normal . The kind of pictures you keep when you’ve crush on someone.
It has nothing to do with you, you have a shitty partner. There is nothing you could have done or can do for him to not be shitty because he is and that is his problem. Put the blame where it belongs and do not let this man treat you like this whatever his awful reason is…..
Its only a 2 bedroom, with no rooms that could potentially be converted, so I could get one room mate
No, it means that she's looking at it as if the person he slept with is different than another woman. Which she technically is if she has male genitalia.
Unless someone came out of a very strict home or is part of a “religion” that is against it and is actively living it out. The chances of meeting a virgin in this day and age especially if you live in the west is really low.
To add to that, many women have a tendency to “lie down” as it relates to their sexual history because many women(dare I say most) know the problems that come with being honest about their history. So even if they do tell you, don't be surprised if you get slapped with a “none of your business response”, or a seemingly low number or one that is almost always lower than the one you give them.
Now that aside, I think what may be really bothering you is more the fact that she lied, and now having to deal with the reality there is likely more to the story. All I can really suggest is to sit down and talk about it with her, but unfortunately, no way to know what other pieces are missing.
He didn’t lead you on or play with words. He was honest.
Do it scared. Break up with him even if you don't have the courage. You'll feel so free.
I know 4 people who died from a drunk driving accident. They were on vacation and another drunk man drove straight into them and killed them while hes still alive.
I think that this shows that you are a great person and you should be proud of yourself.
Nta
First off. The difference between 24 and 35 is huge. There’s no magic potion. You keep living your life and start dating. That’s how you move on.
Oh honey, you're not a monster.
You are burnt out. It's so normal to feel this way when you haven't had a break in years.
Things can't keep going the way they are going. You're going to break.
Who else does your wife have to lean on? What other people are in her life? You deserve rest. You deserve days off. You deserve to be able to be a partner, not just a care giver.
I know the fight feels impossible, but it will be worth the struggle to end up with help in the end. The hospital might be able to point you in the right direction.
Be kind to yourself, you're doing the best you can. No one is perfect.
Do you work? Are you in school?
Well that sounds better than this situation. Don't you see what he did? He isolated you so that your only option is to stay with him. You need to leave. Unless your mother is abusive then I think it'd be wise to go back there and reevaluate things.
That does sound like a prank, but sheer stupidity and malice of it is terrible.
Yea