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Ride [Multi Goal]
Date: September 25, 2022
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Ride [Multi Goal]
So sorry for what you’re going through Op. take time to heal and try not to let this sour your outlook in life and future relationships
she is teasing and blue balling you.
how TF are you going to say you are horny if you don't want to smash.
on top of that she seems immature ie freaking out and ignoring you.
dump her OP
Wish my chick loved me this much ?
This is my same thought process on the situation. He easily could’ve told her and it would’ve been no big deal, he chose to lie and that’s where it becomes cheating. You worded this beautifully
That's not what the commenter was basically saying. You're barely even having the same conversation – read Ops post again, without extrapolating or projecting from your own imagination.
She also probably said she has never done it before.
Exactly. I told him I didn’t want him sending all these nudes to me either and he got offended lol
0 being the worst way to be treated and 10 being treated like a queen, he treated you like a 2. The only way it would be worse is if he SAed you, he physically harmed you or just left you on the side of the road. He cared about you SO little he wouldn't even stop for you to pee. I mean, that is below baseline human respect.
THere shouldn't be a next time with him.
You need to call him and tell him that he treated you like a sex worker and that you are not interested in ANY type of relationship with him given he has so little respect for you.
Honestly friend? Please value yourself enough to break this off, block him and run far and fast from this horrible guy.
Happy birthday man! Don’t beat yourself up. I know it may be difficult but look at the silver lining…she’s willing to cheat with him, and he’s willing to take a married partner…once the fun is over so will that relationship.
How are you at holding conversations with people you know a lot about? How about people with a similar interest, or talking about an interest? How about someone you’re close to you haven’t seen in a while and are catching up?
He told you not to tell his mom and you went behind his back and told her anyway, and now he’s having to deal with the consequences. And honestly until he gets a job and eventually moves out of his parents place the relationship can’t really flourish. How did you even get her phone number, did you look through his phone? That’s kinda weird.
False machismo
yeah i guess thats the only thing i can do
You use your what-ifs in the conversation with husband. His instinct was to immediately dismiss and find a lame excuse. I have been blackout drunk way too many times in younger days but I NEVER pulled some bullshit like that. It's an excuse and was NOT ok. He touched you inappropriately, crossed lines, cheated in a way and I'm sure was not as drunk as they claim.
As for the hugs, if it happens again after you and hubs talk, simply put your arm/hand up to maintain distance if he's coming towards you and flat out say “I am not comfortable with hugging you” and that needs to be respected. If he's coming from another angle just side step instead.
Quite frankly, hubs should be going low or no contact with Travis but I'm going to guess that won't happen. Shoot I had a boyfriend years ago who remained best friends with and continued to invite over the guy that pinned me on the ground and punched the crap out of my face. Never even got an apology(not that it would have fixed things). They're still friends doing the same lower stuff but I'm out here kicking life's butt!
What does “almost one month pregnant” mean?
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That’s exactly how I would feel. From what she did to her hiding it is extremely telling.
stop seeing him??? call the police??
It takes two to have a marriage, you only have one willing participant – there's no saving it.
I don't know how. I feel like I'm stuck waiting for him to come back as pathetic as it sounds
They are seeing a different guy to what you are seeing, because you have those rose coloured spectacles on, that blind you to all the red flags he’s waving! ( I’m guessing his cheapness is not his only flaw?)
Divorce isn't a two yes one no decision. You are divorcing her. You get to make that decision unilaterally and she has to accept it. There's no easy way for you to do this because she just won't accept it and has panic attacks, but it's still the right thing to do for you. Time for you to be selfish and just bite the bullet, no real point in sliding in to divorce in the way you describe, you've been sliding into divorce for 11 years, how much more sliding do you want to do?
Check out Mr Jason Wilson on Instagram. He talks about this. Society needs to knock it off about men can't show emotions. They need to be able to express themselves just like women or it will eat them up inside. That's so unhealthy.
You’re being too understanding, if anything. He needs to start taking his meds and contributing to the family or you need to leave and file for child support.
Look in the mirror. You’re very much equally at fault here and the internet strangers aren’t going to give you that pat on the back you’re looking for.
sleep is a human need. be very careful when asserting your needs in the face of something that is basically biological. like, you're gonna shame him for sleeping?
basically it sounds like you're incompatible. you should break up. he can do better.
I am 27 and my cousin is her age and we are definitely NOT in the same stage. She just finished college, is living at home and looking for her first job while I have a career, have lived by myself for many years, have a serious relationship and I am thinking about having kids and buying a house. Definitely not similar stages at all. That’s how life progresses usually.
I am 27 and my cousin is her age and we are definitely NOT in the same stage. She just finished college, is living at home and looking for her first job while I have a career, have lived by myself for many years, have a serious relationship and I am thinking about having kids and buying a house. Definitely not similar stages at all. That’s how life progresses usually.
You can't fix another person. Don't try. It will only end in heartbreak for you both.
PARTNER: “Mine have to do with relationships that never happened and choice I made concerning college”
This is a huge red flag. The subject they are talking about is regarding, things you never got to achieve, but always wanted to, in which is option is ” I think it's bad when you start seeing those what if's as unattainable. Yeah, there might be obstacles in the way, but that doesn't make it impossible.”
He's in a relationship with you?! lol, he wants to find a new relationship? lol, he doesn't think obstacles like… I don't know.. currently being in a relationship… matter?!
Honestly… “Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me” leave this relationship OP. He doesn't respect you and all the signs are pointing towards him cheating again. With what he's written, I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't ready cheated.
Girl, run. He's so beyond controlling. Who care if he likes your shoes? As long as you like them that's all that matters. My husband has shoes I don't like, but he likes them. As far as getting leggings, dresses don't require leggings if you don't want them.
Then there's the whole issue with his mooch of a brother and MIL living with you. That's way too much. You're only 32. Do you really want to live with his family for the rest of your life?
See that's where I am unsure if the “what if there is better” mindset is because I have unrealistic standards or if there is compatibility issues. I think we both have a strong foundation of trust and communication. I would hope that those two things would be able to last even in a neurodivergent context. That and individual willingness to work on issues. However, I do wonder if certain issues are just unavoidable because of the nature of ADHD/autism. Will this mean I need to make compromises in those areas?
I got a ring and a courthouse wedding and it was great
i told him that i find one of the workers good looking but i don’t work with him at all as we work on different days. i wasn’t going for the sole purpose of the guy. i was going to spend time with the girls from work and there are like 2 other guys who i wont pay attention to in that way
It sounds to me like her mental health is more of an issue than the physical things.
Yea this sounds toxic as fuck. Susan has projected her shitty relationship onto your girlfriend and she is too dumb to see through it.
This would be a massive red flag for me, especially after five fucking years together.
You are not at all wrong for wanting to break up over poor judgement.
How do people with this level of insecurity manage life if their partner is bi? Are they not allowed to have roommates or go out alone with friends bc they are all the sex their partner is attracted to?
It is quite common for boys to do that. But what makes the difference is perhaps the circumstances around it.
For example, if he's using pictures of you for it, I wouldn't find that offensive at all.
And if he's masturbating to porn, well… there are women out there that do not want a partner to be like that. And in general, it's okay to set certain standards. Though to keep in mind it is likely you'll encounter it with many more men in the future if that is a dealbreaker.
Other than that… all you can do is communicate with him about how it makes you feel.
This is fair, I think I will sleep on it and consider this. Thank you
I really don’t believe this story either. For reasons you and another person here pointed out, including…..
Not too many men are diary authors, and I do not know if any who would ever put in writing, events like this.
There have been similar situations written here that seem more authentic. The authors usually detail more than just “disgusted”. You see a lot more shock and awe and conflicting feelings rather then, having no idea what your writing looks like, have no idea what your husbands writing looks like, until you suddenly read a rape story and it occurs to you that he is the author, and he wrote it when he was 32 then straight to claiming you are going to do divorce.
Yes, the attitude in the post suggests OP and partner are both very immature
OMG, my dad and my wife's mother are finding happiness.
Grow the fuck up.
I mean him not wanting to do things you would be interested in sexually is in itself a major sexual incompatibility.
So just because you want to respect his boundaries, doesn’t mean you have to settle for not being kissed or receiving oral if that’s something you truly want.
You really want to spend more time / rest of your life, missing those key elements of intimacy?
That’s a pass from me.
All the advice I can really give is make sure you are happy too.
I have news for you, literally EVERYTHING in his journal is something you shouldn’t have read in his journal. Those are his private thoughts and were not meant to be read and analyzed by others. This is essentially therapy for him, would you judge him for talking about his feelings with a therapist? Would you try to eavesdrop? Actually I think you might.
Stop lying to yourself. You know you’re not the problem. You didn’t put those google searches on his laptop. You didn’t have online affairs.
Seriously, you need to stop being such a pushover. I mean that gently. Stop. Get it together. Leave him. Let your kids know why. He’s not going to.
Divorce him already. It doesn’t matter what your family thinks you’re freaking in your 40s!! Come on.
We talked about having one in the future but didn’t expect it. We got in a car accident in January 2022 and when she went to get a X-ray for a head injury they stopped and preceded to tell her she was pregnant from the blood work results
Getting back together sounds like a terrible idea from what you have said. Move on.
Also, I am sorry I came off as aggressive in that reply ??♀️.
I’ve been in your husband’s place. I wonder what help he’s receiving to help him cope with this situation?
As the years went by, more and more limitations were put on what we could and couldn’t do as a family, due to my husband’s mental health issues. Unfortunately we did end up divorcing. However he’s now in a much better place. It was a combination of many factors and a lot of hard work from him that led to the happiness we all now have. We co parent really well and he’s doing things, such as long car journeys now that he would never have done before.
Your husband will also be suffering, watching you go through this. It can be incredibly painful for everyone concerned. And sometimes the partner does reach a breaking point. We have mental health that needs protecting too.
I don’t really want to add more details about how my ex hb managed to heal, as that’s not what your post is about, but feel free to message me.
Wow, thank you for all of that. That's really insightful! What we fought about was that it was his space and his routine, and he wasn't ready to give that up. He also wasn't willing to communicate about it.
Since living apart, we've really increased communication, and he's acknowledged he wasn't compromising. I think we need a lot more conversations about how to address things moving forward, absolutely.
I will definitely give one of my friends a call. I miss talking to her. The last time we talked, we were on the phone for like 2 hours! Tim accused me of talking bad about him to her, because why else would I go into a different room and be talking for that long. But I didn't, we just had a great time talking. I'll message her 🙂
Definitely sounds like you're as convinced it's a >poof< >gone< situation.
So do the blocks (make them REAL, not some soft-delete to trash), block the phone numbers, etc., and just know enough is enough.
He’s manipulative, verbally abusive, and gaslighting you. Then, he’s trying to play nice, all while still placing all the blame on you. This isn’t ok. This sounds toxic at best and abusive at worst. You need to get him out of your apartment, then block and go no contact. Stay broke up, don’t go back, and find someone who doesn’t treat you like crap.
He sounds tedious and juvenile. I'd break up with him if I were you.
Look up gaslighting.
I have both mentioned it and tried to set times. When I mention that it always happens, she says no it doesn’t and that I am basically an ass for trying to tell her how to feel. I also try scheduling a time- I just did that today- and she said she’s not about to schedule a time to talk about something she doesn’t care to talk about/have anything further to say(her way or the highway essentially).
Yep I plan on it. It’s some website where you can video call with people. I think it randomly assigns them to you? I made him show it to me and it’s nice for people trying to be shady cuz there is no log in info or emails you put in. On private mode there is no evidence that you were even there unless your like my husband and accidents take a screenshot of it. Although that’s what he told me. It really could have been from any other video messaging site. I was foolish and too embarrassed about making a scene and didn’t look close enough about where that screenshot came from.
nah that’s fucking sick and awful. gather evidence and divorce this man. the fact that he and this female coworker made fun of and talked shit about your medical issues is messed up, and the fact that he’s even sharing this to another female is beyond me. you deserve better OP i’m so sorry that this happened.
Awesome being “overwhelming and large in volume” not as in good awesome
Ahhh the bitter taste of bullshit you decided to put up with.
Maybe you're not good at reading red flags ahead of time, but honestly it's absurd to think that “2 in a row” somehow means you're doomed forever. Shit happens dude. Break up and move on.
Smoked what?
There’s no law that you have to be involved and this loss your entire life for a child you didn’t know existed for 13 years and doesn’t know you.
Well theres this pesky thing that most of us possess called a conscious and a sense of responsibility to life/lives we create.
I didn’t hammer her for anything. She out of the blue decided that it was SA, and now she is accusing me of not believing her, I have met with her counsellor who has told me it’s a classic case of SA and victimes often try to put the blame back on themselves. The guy was also expelled after 2 other girls came forward accusing him of the same thing.
I’m not trying to get her to stay, I ended up breaking up with her. I just don’t want to be a massive dick and deny someone who might have been a victim of SA.
You are a horrid person. You are making him so miserable that he goes somewhere to cry alone before he comes home because you are a fucking lunatic. You need professional help. It’s absolutely sickening and disgusting what you are doing to this man.
Don't give spare keys to women you've only been seeing 2.5 months.
It's okay for men and women to be friends, but this whole story is odd.
Yes this is what she's been telling me too. What should I do to take responsibility? Should I confront parents? I don't feel like doing so as the are old and the incidents with them happened about 8 years ago. I think my wife should move on and just forgive parents and in turn kindness will prevail as animosity will only lead to more animosity. Is that an unreasonable ask? Should problems be always solved by confrontation?
Update us OP!
You have to leave, anyone that can’t keep their hands to themselves, shouldn’t be around children.
I bet when you married her you’d say she would never hit you, never say never.
At the least she should leave and get some intense therapy , before she’s allowed to near the children, you will also want to get some therapy for your oldest.
So you DON'T trust her.
Your complicit. You are participating even if you think it’s not as bad as your friends. You’re not different than them.
You really are a dumb bitch you tripled down and made things worst. I hope you die alone.
Yeah but don’t call me stupid over the internet you look stupid
Yeah that’s a good point, I did feel very guilt tripped by his responses, that alone has really put me off
He should know what it's like to be on the other side of this issue/topic, so he should treat others better!