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Liliana, 33 y.o.
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Date: September 24, 2022
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no i think I'm the one who emotionally abused him. if i knew i loved him and there was a chance i was going to go back to him, i should've never done that. i should've known it would've hurt him, i just wasn't thinking straight at the time. now I'm thinking straight, and i see everything i messed up on, especially when i contacted him, that was selfish of me. yes i am sad he's not there to help me at one of my darkest times, but it's not his responsibility because i didn't respect his feelings. throughout the whole relationship he cared about how i felt and how i was doing mentally, so it hurt more to hear him tell me that i was messed up and needed help from someone that wasn't him, because i broke his mental too. i really messed up and was dumb even thinking everything was going to be okay afterwards.
There is no adult way to make your girlfriend drop a friendship. She's been very clear, repeatedly it sounds like, that this friendship is important to her. You've been very clear here that you completely trust your girlfriend, there is zero fear of infidelity, and you just have hurt feelings that she has a friend you don't approve of. If you want to be an adult, either get a therapist to deal with your insecurities or end the relationship because you aren't comfortable dating someone who is friends with someone they used to fuck. Those are your only two adult options.
Also of note: you are 27. The older you get, the more and more likely it becomes that the age appropriate women you date will have a past that includes sex. I want to strongly suggest the therapy route, so that you aren't back in this same situation again in the future.
This sounds a lot like depression. It can warp your mind and you hear things from people that they've never actually said. A lot of the behavior is similar to what you're describing, at least in my own case. He needs to be honest with his therapist and try medication. It helped me a lot. Either way you need to sit him down, tell him he can't speak until you're done, and lay it all out for him. This needs to change, you can't live like this, you're worried for him etc. Make it clear he needs to get serious about getting help. If he refuses, there's not much else you can do. Cross that bridge when you get to it. I hope he wakes up and gets himself some help. Good luck to you both.