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I’m not sure why S left your friend group but I think whether it’s bad or good, her feelings are still valid and regardless I don’t think anyone owes another person an explanation. I think you should learn how to respect her decision because her actions of leaving is closure enough.
Onto this situation though I think rather than asking us the intention of your boyfriend’s you should ask him what he values about his friendship with S that he wants to keep it. That way you’ll see whether they’re reasonable and platonic or not. He probably just mentioned that he talks about relationship problems with her only because he wanted to reassure you that he only has platonic intentions with her so he only talks about you. We don’t know if S will have a crush on him or not but you should definitely have a conversation with your boyfriend about drawing boundaries if their friendship crosses the line e.g. no touching, flirting, etc. I have guy friends too and I laugh with them a fuck ton and I could see how it could be perceived as flirting but it’s not, so I would say try to trust your boyfriend rather than other people’s perception because people are biased to assume the worst when a partner hangs out with the opposite sex. If anything, I think their comments might be triggering anxious thoughts so I’d recommend drawing boundaries about that as well unless they literally have evidence of infidelity.
Why can't you “act in an honest way” no matter what her narrative is?
And is her narrative “I had no idea anything was wrong, we had a great night, had sex, and when I got home from work the next day he had taken his stuff and broke up with me with no warning”? Because that's …. what happened, no? You might regret it and do things differently next time, but is her version fundamentally incorrect?
Tell him. Talk to him honestly and truthfully. Yes, there is a good chance the relationship might end, but it might end amicably and become friends with benefits for a while until one of you finds someone else. That's when he will probably be hurt (you will probably find someone before him, I'm guessing), but better the truth than to be strung along. You're stringing him along, and that's not good for either of you in the long term. You're both missing out on opportunities. Physical attraction is important when you're young. For most people (certainly not all), it gets less important as you age.
By my story, can you pinpoint my insecurities? Actually I just typed insecurities because I often see them in threads like this (I googled before) I don't actually know what insecurities are
First of all: talk to him. If you don't communicate your relationship is not gonna last.
Also, you're only dating him a few months. Guys hardly need a trashcan in the bathroom, so this could've been months a go. Maybe he has a sister, niece, or classmates who came by before going out. So many explanations
I’m try to resist the feeling I’m having… which is to divorce him. I am at that point, honestly…but I’ve just had a baby, and I know my hormones are out of whack, and everything hurts
So it sounds like you might be doubting the decision you want to make because you worry your perspective might be skewed due to these reasons. I can tell you rn that as a person who is not experiencing those things, your husband sounds like a complete and total fucking jackass. Only you can decide to divorce him, but any sane person would be on your side if they knew how bad he was treating you.
If he's doing nothing to help you, you have nothing to lose by cutting him loose either. In fact you might have one less source of mental anguish, though divorce isn't an easy process emotionally by any means, still cutting off dead weight might be more freeing than you anticipated. Cause he sounds insufferable.
I know I’m going against the grain here and am going to be downvoted to hell but I think you’re in the wrong here.
You’ve made this about you and Bob, not your friend’s wedding. All you had to do was write something along the lines of “I’m not going to pretend I’m thrilled you’re attending but for the sake of our mutual friend let’s be civil to each other on the day.”
That’s all. No ultimatums about how he should behave towards you.
What if he had written back a response saying “go suck eggs. You’re not my friend, I don’t owe you anything.”? Would you have insisted he be uninvited?
Accepting the role of Man of Honour means making sure the day goes as well as possible for your friend and being civil to people you don’t necessarily like. If you couldn’t do that, you shouldn’t have accepted the role.
Unfortunately, crushes are typically one-sided immature things that don’t hold up when exposed to reality. Maybe she realized after two months that you weren’t the person she had built you up to be in her head. She sounds young and immature… it wouldn’t be a surprise.
Although none of us can know for sure what she is thinking, that seems like a fairly safe bet.
Seriously! He demonstrated a capacity to be violent against your stuff. This is the start of controlling and abusive behavior. This is not someone you should be with.
I'm curious what happens if you do a google image search for “backless dress” and ask him to point out the bra strap in any of the results.
I’m not sure why S left your friend group but I think whether it’s bad or good, her feelings are still valid and regardless I don’t think anyone owes another person an explanation. I think you should learn how to respect her decision because her actions of leaving is closure enough.
Onto this situation though I think rather than asking us the intention of your boyfriend’s you should ask him what he values about his friendship with S that he wants to keep it. That way you’ll see whether they’re reasonable and platonic or not. He probably just mentioned that he talks about relationship problems with her only because he wanted to reassure you that he only has platonic intentions with her so he only talks about you. We don’t know if S will have a crush on him or not but you should definitely have a conversation with your boyfriend about drawing boundaries if their friendship crosses the line e.g. no touching, flirting, etc. I have guy friends too and I laugh with them a fuck ton and I could see how it could be perceived as flirting but it’s not, so I would say try to trust your boyfriend rather than other people’s perception because people are biased to assume the worst when a partner hangs out with the opposite sex. If anything, I think their comments might be triggering anxious thoughts so I’d recommend drawing boundaries about that as well unless they literally have evidence of infidelity.
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Why can't you “act in an honest way” no matter what her narrative is?
And is her narrative “I had no idea anything was wrong, we had a great night, had sex, and when I got home from work the next day he had taken his stuff and broke up with me with no warning”? Because that's …. what happened, no? You might regret it and do things differently next time, but is her version fundamentally incorrect?
She behaves well outside of home
Tell him. Talk to him honestly and truthfully. Yes, there is a good chance the relationship might end, but it might end amicably and become friends with benefits for a while until one of you finds someone else. That's when he will probably be hurt (you will probably find someone before him, I'm guessing), but better the truth than to be strung along. You're stringing him along, and that's not good for either of you in the long term. You're both missing out on opportunities. Physical attraction is important when you're young. For most people (certainly not all), it gets less important as you age.
By my story, can you pinpoint my insecurities? Actually I just typed insecurities because I often see them in threads like this (I googled before) I don't actually know what insecurities are
I'm trying to wrap my head around a grown-ass man having such a juvenile view of women.
I can't do it.
The common factor in these failed relationships is you. Work on you.
First of all: talk to him. If you don't communicate your relationship is not gonna last.
Also, you're only dating him a few months. Guys hardly need a trashcan in the bathroom, so this could've been months a go. Maybe he has a sister, niece, or classmates who came by before going out. So many explanations
I’m try to resist the feeling I’m having… which is to divorce him. I am at that point, honestly…but I’ve just had a baby, and I know my hormones are out of whack, and everything hurts
So it sounds like you might be doubting the decision you want to make because you worry your perspective might be skewed due to these reasons. I can tell you rn that as a person who is not experiencing those things, your husband sounds like a complete and total fucking jackass. Only you can decide to divorce him, but any sane person would be on your side if they knew how bad he was treating you.
If he's doing nothing to help you, you have nothing to lose by cutting him loose either. In fact you might have one less source of mental anguish, though divorce isn't an easy process emotionally by any means, still cutting off dead weight might be more freeing than you anticipated. Cause he sounds insufferable.
I know I’m going against the grain here and am going to be downvoted to hell but I think you’re in the wrong here.
You’ve made this about you and Bob, not your friend’s wedding. All you had to do was write something along the lines of “I’m not going to pretend I’m thrilled you’re attending but for the sake of our mutual friend let’s be civil to each other on the day.”
That’s all. No ultimatums about how he should behave towards you.
What if he had written back a response saying “go suck eggs. You’re not my friend, I don’t owe you anything.”? Would you have insisted he be uninvited?
Accepting the role of Man of Honour means making sure the day goes as well as possible for your friend and being civil to people you don’t necessarily like. If you couldn’t do that, you shouldn’t have accepted the role.
Ok folks. Downvote away.
Unfortunately, crushes are typically one-sided immature things that don’t hold up when exposed to reality. Maybe she realized after two months that you weren’t the person she had built you up to be in her head. She sounds young and immature… it wouldn’t be a surprise.
Although none of us can know for sure what she is thinking, that seems like a fairly safe bet.
Seriously! He demonstrated a capacity to be violent against your stuff. This is the start of controlling and abusive behavior. This is not someone you should be with.
Time to get pregnant, that will make up his mind fast. Don't waste any more time waiting for him to decide what happens next 😉 Get proactive.