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IG didi.babyyy, 27 y.o.
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Date: October 1, 2022
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It is going to be near impossible to try and change someone's mindset and believes, because to him this is the “truth” and in some cases someone “truth” is the only one there is and anything else is “false”. People like your boyfriend aren't going to learn these comments are harmfull.
So that leaves for you the question; are you willing to stay in a relationship like this and keep on pushing yourself to “change” him or are you going to help yourself and find a loving partner who is caring, sweet and respectful to you throughout your whole relationship instead of only the first few months?
This community will always answer “break up” for every problem, don't expect any other solutions fron here
Daddy issues and unrealistic relationship goals and ideals.
Yes, that's the main part, I don't trust her decision making and morals anymore. Even though I love her very much, it doesn't seem to be enough.
She should've been more clear about it.
I would also make it clear to her that while abortion or not is her choice, he will have no part of the babies life is she has it. And they'd probably have to break up.
2
Jeah if it were me I would probably say I want mastrubating… If he argues I would just tell him… Fine you are right… I had a fantastic of time so stop disturbing me. Good night.
Why didn’t you trust your boyfriend? Has he ever given you a reason not to? You should just give him some space
So what if you were unintentionally masturbating? What a controlling piece of shit. Frankly I doubt if you were. This is a power trip
Reproductive coercion is what he was trying to do, to force you to have children.
Maybe because you cannot get pregnant you don't see that this is a horrible, manipulative, dishonest and frankly abusive thing to do to you.
Would you still trust him and want him in your life knowing he was trying to baby trap you?
They are not a weirdo just misunderstood the post please be nice to those not as familiar with LGBTQ terms. We need to support each other
Honestly, don't let outsiders' (which is anyone but you and your SO) get you to make changes. Even if your family calls you lucky, just politely tell them to shut up. He chose you for who you are, not how you look, and that's wonderful. If I get a pretty gf and I'm told she's way out of my league, I'll just tell them that she's much better than those who think about “leagues” in a relationship. There's no such crap when it comes to having a good relationship. What should truly matter is how well you two get on as a COUPLE, not models!
Isn't what you are experiencing described as “third culture kid”? Perhaps it would help him to read up on some of this?
Nailed the projection bit. I wouldn't be surprised if OP ever found out he was fucking about and say it didn't count because of “how many times [OP] did it”
Those outbursts will only get worse unchecked and the longer OP is in that relationship, the more and more dangerous it will get for her.
This reads like a Colleen Hoover novel. Could it be a creative writing exercise? Odd it isn’t addressed to anyone.
Here’s another thing—would you cheat on her? (No). Would it be ok with her if you cheated on her (I’m sure it would not) sooooo why is it ok that she cheated on you? It is not acceptable behavior
IF you forgive her and try to continue and work thru this in your relationship, will you ever trust her again?
I tend to think people’s words (“I love you”) should match their actions. Someone who LOVES you isn’t going to be having sex with someone else
I agree with others here—it really sounds like she is very sorry that she got caught! If it was so intense and going on for awhile, that’s another really bad sign.
Also, you are both really young. You are not in long term marriage or have kids etc etc. there is nothing keeping you together and a whole world of other people to meet and fall in and out of love with. She is not the only one in the world. God closes one door and He opens another Altho you need to regroup and heal in between
Btw IF she broke up with the guy….which I doubt… that relationship won’t last either. If she cheated on you she likely will cheat on the next guy.
You deserve to be treated well and with love and respect. This isn’t the one
Hugs
what ??
he was wasted and he’s autistic
I am an autistic person who gets wasted more than she should and I have never even come close to insulting someone the way your BF's friend has. That is a shitty excuse made by a shitty man who wants to pin the blame on anything but his own actions.
Insults or no, it is shocking to me that jack has been allowed to stay in the house this long. Unless it's an emergency on his end, he shouldn't be staying more than a night or two.
In the end, the real problem isn't with Jack, but your boyfriend – he hasn't put his foot down on his friend staying multiple nights in his apartment, and he didn't act right when you were insulted – that kind of thing should be an instant removal from the property.
I'm sorry to say this but this would be grounds for reconsidering my relationship if I were you.
Well this is a doozy.
The friend is crossing a line. She’s disrespecting your gf and your relationship by asking to hook up. It’s okay to have girl friends. It’s not okay to have girl friends who want to be girlfriends.
If you love your girlfriend and do want to marry her (because you want to spend your life with her and not just to get into her pants), you need to cut off the girl friend. It’s good you’re respecting your girlfriend’s wishes by waiting until marriage, and if this is something you can tolerate until marriage happens, you’ve got to find another outlet that isn’t getting too close to another woman. Talk to your girlfriend about what sexual acts, if any, she’s comfortable with before marriage. Masturbate. Journal. Join a gym.
If you can’t wait, you should do the right thing and break up with her. Simple as that. Putting yourself in situations with the girl friend knowing you’ll be tempted while stringing your girlfriend along is a worse offense than premarital sex.
Lastly, this is your religious belief so you do you. But for what it’s worth, God is not going to smite you for premarital sex. Sex is an important aspect to a relationship, and in this day and age it’s important and acceptable to find out if you’re sexually comparable before marriage. If you’re waiting until marriage because in your heart you believe it’s wrong, that’s okay. Follow your morals. But if you’re only waiting because you feel like you “should,” that’s not fair to yourself. Don’t pressure your girlfriend to have sex if she doesn’t want to. But don’t hold yourself to her standards if you don’t agree or care. Find someone on the same wavelength so you’re not at odds in the relationship.
Yes you will. And if you don’t, you’re not the moral good guy you claim to be. Future you: “Ok kids, let’s go get pizza, but not you little bastard step child. You stay home and eat dirt.” So you’re a saint but also an asshole?
It's difficult to know what's “normal”. Many people come to reddit and say “it's normal” or “great” and then when they describe what they consider “normal” is like, WTF that's not normal.
Being on the phone texting people doesn’t mean she may not be depressed. If the switch was drastic and happened right after the birth of your son, I doubt it’s cheating. Women don’t exactly feel like sex bombs right after giving birth.
It would be perfectly understandable if you are at your end with it.
He doesn’t actually sound interested in changing. Being the permanent helpless victim may be his goal. It appeases him of responsibility.
He’s coping by giving up. It’s self destruction and you are on the ship with him.
Divorce her dude. Get therapy or read self help books in order to cultivate self love.
She's emotionally abusing you.
Hey my husband did this to one of my dearest friends. I almost divorced him because of it, our couples therapist talked me down. I stayed because he swore to stop drinking and he is still holding up that promise. Our relationship improved exponentially when he stopped drinking in so many ways I didn’t expect. I also have a lot more respect for him. If I were you, I’d take a step back from that couple and make quitting alcohol a hard boundary. You can do it with him if you want, but don’t take on all responsibility for his continued sobriety.