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Hey, ? I’m Heida?Private is OPEN?, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 29, 2022
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If at any point he thought āI need some space to see if things improve before she moves inā he wonāt soon.
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Well she sounds like sheāll be a fucking terrible psychologist.
The total and compete lack of ethics. The boundary violations. The emotional vampirism. The obsessional vibe. The nuttiness of saying sheās been crying about it in her bed? Mate this is fucked. Itās totally unhinged.
I think hereās what you should do: move out. Just make your plans in silence apart from whatever legal notice you need to give. Or, if you happen to have the power to, evict her. Try not to antagonise her or get overly confrontational because protecting yourself comes first and she sounds toxic. But do not continue to live with a person like this. Remove her from your life.
People that care about, respect, and have compassion for you don't rape you. He doesn't have real compassion, respect, and care for you. People that are selfish and want to take advantage of others rape people. He is not your friend. You need to keep him blocked. He's a nasty, shitty person undeserving of your time and energy.
As a Muslim who grew up in a Muslim household (but we weren't overly religious) I'm going to tell you the truth which applies to 99% of all situations where a Muslim is dating a non Muslim. You will NEVER end up together. And due to this you're absolutely right as he shouldn't be dating you being he probably already knows this, and he's a hypocrite for dating you and then pulling the Muslim card become if he was devout he never would date you to begin with being one of the biggest sins in Islam is any sex/fornication before marriage. The only way you end up together is if he agrees to leave everything he knows behind. Family, relatives, anyone in the Muslim community, and he would also need to leave the religion behind as Muslim men are forbidden religiously from marrying atheists. If he's religious, and if the family is religious, which it sounds like, then there's NO WAY IN HELL HE MARRIES YOU. Sorry but this is just the truth. And at least he kind of admitted this to you. Most Muslim guys his age lie and will say oh I'll convince my parents, they'll be okay with it, oh I'll leave them for you, we will figure it out and then never do. I have seen almost all of my male family members do this to women. Also if he's a Muslim from a country and culture where arranged marriages are the norm, his family will be looking to marry him off soon. Most of our men get married around his age and almost always at or under 25 (although this is slowly changing). Lastly I'm going to help you with this conversion thing, even if you did convert, which would make the marriage acceptable religiously, the family probably still wouldn't accept you or the marriage unless they are much more westernized and forward thinking than most Muslim families. Usually the family wants the spouse to be someone of the same culture, who speaks the same language, who can cook the same foods, and someone who understands that regardless of whether she works or not a wife's first and foremost occupation is homemaker, wife, and mother. So I born and raised in the US, as were my siblings, cousins, and all the “younger generations” in our families (I'm 45 now). Let me tell you most of my family still do not accept this. I married a Muslim (she didn't need to convert, as dad and mom were Muslims) who wasn't accepted because she was half Brazilian, even though she was raised in my country and small town of ancestry. Didn't speak to parents for a few years due to it and other reasons and ended up divorced. Cousin married a woman who was half Muslim half Christian, but practiced only Islam, and she wasn't accepted either due to this even though she was the same culture as us. My nephew just married a Greek woman in September who refused to convert. We had to drag my sister (his mom) to the wedding and even in the days prior she was begging him not to do this. And any of our relatives that were there, all they talked about was what a shame it is that he is marrying “a foreigner, an outsider, a heathen, someone who's going to hell”.. Etc etc. My sister hasn't spoken to him since the day after the wedding and she's still pissed at us for convincing her to go. Btw if you forgot I come from a household that isn't too religious. For instance I didn't pray my obligated 5 times a day and wasn't judged for it. We did “American things”and engaged in “American culture” and my parents didn't mind. And even with that these are my situations. Btw just FYI The strain of what occurred due to my marriage was a major factor in my divorce. I mean I have since become even less religious and I don't adhere or agree with a lot of the religious aspects of Islam or the cultural aspects of my ancestry and upbringing. But again I had to leave it all behind and it took until I was 34 to do it. Most never do. You're young and it's only been 5 months. Break up now and don't date Muslims. You'll be doing yourself a huge favor in the long run and also TRUE MUSLIMS SHOULDN'T BE DATING AND THEY DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T BE DATING AN ATHEIST.
Run.
Honestly, I have experience with this kind of behaviour. It does not get better over time, it only ever gets worse.
Tell me something, how are his emotions? Does he get mad a lot at your “secrecy”?
I've been told I have a masculine energy at times because I've always been independent – had to be as the eldest child. I make my own money and even though he's a good provider I don't need him for that. But this is a real post. I don't understand why people think I'm being a bad person for stating clearly what I need from a relationship.
I've gotten this kind of response from people in real life and I just assumed the place I live in is really conservative (I live in Texas). I was hoping to hear from people with a different perspective on relationships
i appreciate the advice! im still thinking on what to do but thank you! I was thinking of just doing it just to ease any residing tension
my gf makes it very clear that if we break up she will go straight to him
…and there's your clue to make her your ex girlfriend. This isn't someone that you've made “progress” with. A loving partner will NEVER say something like this. She is literally telling you that you are a placeholder until something better comes along. End it now as this is no way to be with someone. She's shown her true colors.
and how I would feel when you had sex talk and sent naked pictures.
Letās not skate over the fact that your wife also planned to āmeet up first by themselves and have sex.ā
My guy, this whole thing is absolutely cheating.
But it was for big fun, I don't understand what went wrong?
Itās pictures for you. Wow.
He messaged her to let her know about the death and then she called him a few times since to see how he was doing
You telling them to stop isn't defending her. The fact that you know they're just going to keep insulting her proves as much. Telling them to “shut up and stop talking” isn't enough. You need to tell them that it's unacceptable to trash talk your partner. Why isn't this a problem for you?
The excuse is pathetic. She's not being unreasonable. You are.
There doesn't need to be a reason why sometimes. It's not like you can force a person to be with you.
One is a friend that happens to be female, the other is someone who he was dating
It sounds like she doesnāt want to be your girlfriend. Hanging out and liking someone doesnāt mean youāre in a relationship. Also, if she your gf she should be able to go out and do whatever she wants, answer texts whenever without being questioned. Sheās not the one for you. Sheās not property but it sounds like thatās what you want.
Well can he afford these trips? The other thing is, stop waiting for him. If you need two monthās notice, tell him you need it booked by x date or you canāt take off from work, if he doesnāt then when he finally does tell him you canāt go, and donāt go. And plan a trip with friends or family yourself. He clearly simply isnāt going to learn without a deadline and consequences.