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FULL SHOW SALIVA [750 tokens remaining]
Date: November 24, 2022
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Better to figure this out now. He is showing his level of maturity and compassion.
She’s out of your life for the price of nails. Too easy.
Also, my husband and I don't have joint finances per se. However, we live together, we will have kids together, I've supported him a bit financially when he moved countries for me…. and if we got divorced any time soon, anything we acquired during marriage would be split 50/50 anyway.
Having student debt has an impact on a family, so I really wonder how you handled finances so far. Do you both earn the exact same amount of money? How were bills, childcare etc. split? Just 50/50? Or did you pay a bit more so she could pay back her student loans quicker?
Sounds like your boyfriend isn’t party people. If you want someone who likes parties, stays awake during them and wants to go, you picked the wrong guy. Find someone else or shift your perspective on this.
I would not want to ask someone I love to do something they didn’t like all the time. I know my partner would not make me do something I don’t like.
Ex. I like karaoke a lot. My partner doesn’t but never complains when he comes. Sometimes he leaves early, sometimes we leave together early, and sometimes he stays the whole night.
And sometimes he says no! Which is totally fine. I have no expectation for him to do something he doesn’t like doing. I’m just glad that he comes sometimes. It’s really that easy.
I would tell her now. Let her know you will be gone when she gets back. Never be someone’s back up plan.
“he basically says that I am making him choose between me and his own sister and that he doesn't want to deal with me being jealous again.”
Wow holy shit what an asshole. He can hang out with his sister one on one if he gives so much of a fuck. He's telling you he doesn't care how you feel about this. Unless someone else has better advice, it might be time to cut him off for good.
You are not wrong. If my husband asked that, I'd be mad too.
I have mentioned that it is when time is highly limited. I do not advocate for isolation, but if there so little time only activity can be done, your parner should have priority.
Besides from what I have seen every marriage where partners do not adhere to this principle has strange tendency to fall apart. This why I have come to this conclusion in the first place.
That is not necessarily true re: counselling. I’ll agree with what someone else said in another three below – sometimes a ‘mediator’ (counsellor, therapist) can coax things out in the open that someone may find too difficult to be direct with their partner about.
I agree with those who said that if the issue is not resolved you may need to go your separate ways, but if you truly love her and were hoping to spend your life with her please don’t throw in the gauntlet until you’ve at least tried this.
Of course you should tell your partner! Right away! Do you want her to find out from a loving partner who breaks it to her gently and is there to support her? Or from some random judgy church Karen in town who confronts her in public about it?
Yeah societies fucked. Bunch of weak men and promiscuous women.
all the facts are there. she lied. tried to hide it (poorly). to me, the worse part was probably telling you that it wasn’t a big deal (aka. gaslighting). it is a big deal to you, therefore, it is a big deal. it is not complicated.
idk, i don’t see how you can gain the trust back tbh. it is like fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice? you get the idea.
Has this feeling suddenly solidified since he planned to leave or has it always been there?
It is perfectly normal to live your best friend and be worried you will miss them. It doesn’t necessarily mean you should be in a relationship or that it would work.
My first thought is that you have FOMO brought on by him leaving. He likely has the same.
I would suggest not acting on it for the moment if he is about to leave, and I wouldn’t recommend “saving yourself” while he is away. When he comes back you can explore it if you both feel the same way. If it is meant to be it will be.
If once he moves and you both feel the same then a LDR will develop anyway.
But I always recommend taking opportunities (career, education travel etc) in your 20s over a relationship. These opportunities are less likely to present later in life or will be more difficult, and will have a huge effect on the trajectory of the rest of your life. A relationship will too, but it is much less likely to be a positive direction.