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Date: October 16, 2022
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I’ve not even seen a picture of the place yet! It’s not my family, we’re not married!
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It's pretty clear that you aren't the problem and your boyfriend is an ass.
If she's there once a week with this guy why not ask the dude to snap a pic? It's been years so he may have confused her with someone else
It's also important to not be blind, nobody thinks their partner is gonna cheat until they cheat
he is very clear that he doesn't want to marry you.
i don't know what more you need to hear.
HE DOESNT WANT TO MARRY YOU.
either keep dating him knowing you will never get married or break up with him and find someone that loves you and wants to marry you.
OP. PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS!!!
Stop hovering over him like this, eew
Even though that it might just because she is stressed due to academics? Anyway thanks man greatly appreciated it.
Exactly, thank you for sharing this. My wife has a Master's degree and was extremely accomplished prior to her diagnosis. The social media groups she's on are primarily Facebook and TikTok, and TBH I don't think they're helping her at all. They sure do produce a lot of content to explain themselves to themselves though.
I've seen her lose self-awareness over time, which is an incredibly unattractive trait. Watching her project and blame and become an abusive victim makes me want to get as far away from her as I can, and it's taken a lot of therapy to understand my own reactions (retreat, try to placate, keep the peace) and how they feed into this incredibly unhealthy dynamic. Understanding the origins helps a bit, but understanding the actual big picture and how the dynamics actually work helps a lot more.
I am 95% gray rock when interacting with my wife. She can fly off the handle at a moment's notice, and I've come to expect that, but also to just disassociate from the moment while it's happening so it can't escalate, and focus instead on protecting the kids / insulating them where I can.
And I think it's incredibly telling that she never does any of this in front of other people. Instead what she does is try to make jokes about how terrible husbands are, how unreliable or undependable they are, how you have to ask them a million times to do something.
(I'll let you draw your own conclusions about that. It used to bother me a lot, not because I cared about what others thought, but because she was so ready to tear me down in front of others.
Now I just laugh and say “yep, totally unreliable, except for my two full time jobs (and your no jobs at all), my emotional stability, my willingness to communicate and change for the preservation of this relationship, my emotional and financial help with your family, and my ability to look after my kids while you refuse.”
And then grin at her while everyone around us looks uncomfortable.
Petty and shitty I know, but I hate bullies.
That’s kinda why we’re taking the leap. We’ve had long conversations about everything and every thing that comes along with life. We both have job opportunities that could help us both out tremendously and wouldn’t have to worry financially. We had our dogs meet and live together for a while and it went amazing so we decided that moving in together is one of the biggest tests of a relationship. That’s a huge reason why my last relationship ended. Thank you for the positive comment !!
OP I just went through your profile. It was heartbreaking. I'm glad that you are seeking help. I hope that soon you'll be able to see yourself like how your boyfriend sees you.