it would be one thing if she was absolutely plastered (to the point of not remembering absolutely anything), thought someone else was you and/or was taken advantage of, and immediately told you when she was informed of her behavior. but that’s not the situation.
your girlfriend was drunk, but sober enough to remember what happened. she knew it was wrong and she confronted multiple people about it, including your close friend. the majority of people she did talk to about it told her to tell you (good advice), but she chose to listen to the minority and lie (very bad advice). now it has been two months, she is yet to tell you, and you found out through someone else (which was inevitable).
she cheated and didn’t tell you and expected you to never find out. you have the information now. do what is the most respectful to you.
I know it is, I agree. They weren’t strangers, they had gone on two dates the year before and she messaged him when he was on a night out (very very drunk) a year later, that’s when it happened. We think she did it on purpose tbh, but yes, still should have worn a condom
I generally agree with this, but we don't know if the brother's gf wants to get married so you can't say his brother is stringing her along. It could work for them. Of course that doesn't mean it works for OP's girlfriend.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I’ve (25f) been with my bf(26) for a few years now. The first two we were very happy. He helped my mental health and made me feel really safe and understood. I believe I did the same for him, or maybe even more from what he said. However, he never wanted to get kids, get married or even buy a house together in the future. And quite often he’s been very focused either on his hobbies or his career. Last year when I felt quite lonely because he’s going through a busy few months (it will be over soon though) we decided to have an open relationship. I also noticed that we have a lot of differences- he’s introverted and I’m extroverted, we don’t have hobbies in common other than travelling.
Gradually I started to feel more and more distant and finally gathered up courage to break up because I do want a traditional family. It was incredibly painful and I felt like I loved him so much, and didn’t really care for no one else. But it had to be done. Fast forward three days after the breakup my bf says he realised he’s making a huge mistake. That he loves me so much he wants us to be together forever. He can see value in family and imagine us having kids together, playing with them and going on holidays. As soon as he says that, all the pain, the heartbreak and any feelings really disappear. I cannot feel anything.
It’s been a week now and he still says the same stuff. Talking about marriage, engagement rings, spending more time together, basically he wants to make effort and make the relationship better. And I am still numb and feel nothing except for horrible horrible guilt. He says he’ll never meet someone like me again and that he feels so satisfied in our relationship. He also wants to go on more dates and participate more in my hobbies.
And I don’t know why but I can’t feel anything but guilt anymore. Even though when we were breaking up I felt like I loved him more than anyone else in the world.
I also have this feeling that there might be someone better suited for me out there and feel very guilty about that too.
I really really don’t know what to do. I’m extremely confused. Should I let him have a second chance? Or break his heart and move one?
I’ve never felt this awful in my whole life and I feel like everything is out of my control.
Sometimes it's self sabotage, sometimes people are just assholes and feel entitled to a last night of debauchery before settling down.
She might really love OP but doesn't feel like she deserves him and blew things up on purpose or she might not give a fuck about anyone but herself and thought her friends would be quiet about it.
?
it would be one thing if she was absolutely plastered (to the point of not remembering absolutely anything), thought someone else was you and/or was taken advantage of, and immediately told you when she was informed of her behavior. but that’s not the situation.
your girlfriend was drunk, but sober enough to remember what happened. she knew it was wrong and she confronted multiple people about it, including your close friend. the majority of people she did talk to about it told her to tell you (good advice), but she chose to listen to the minority and lie (very bad advice). now it has been two months, she is yet to tell you, and you found out through someone else (which was inevitable).
she cheated and didn’t tell you and expected you to never find out. you have the information now. do what is the most respectful to you.
I know it is, I agree. They weren’t strangers, they had gone on two dates the year before and she messaged him when he was on a night out (very very drunk) a year later, that’s when it happened. We think she did it on purpose tbh, but yes, still should have worn a condom
I generally agree with this, but we don't know if the brother's gf wants to get married so you can't say his brother is stringing her along. It could work for them. Of course that doesn't mean it works for OP's girlfriend.
you’re right thank you very much
How can he not understand that it is important he apologize when he hurts me for me to move on?
He DOES understand. HE DOESN’T CARE.
Wake up. It’s not going to get better.
Block both of them and move the fuck on.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I’ve (25f) been with my bf(26) for a few years now. The first two we were very happy. He helped my mental health and made me feel really safe and understood. I believe I did the same for him, or maybe even more from what he said. However, he never wanted to get kids, get married or even buy a house together in the future. And quite often he’s been very focused either on his hobbies or his career. Last year when I felt quite lonely because he’s going through a busy few months (it will be over soon though) we decided to have an open relationship. I also noticed that we have a lot of differences- he’s introverted and I’m extroverted, we don’t have hobbies in common other than travelling.
Gradually I started to feel more and more distant and finally gathered up courage to break up because I do want a traditional family. It was incredibly painful and I felt like I loved him so much, and didn’t really care for no one else. But it had to be done. Fast forward three days after the breakup my bf says he realised he’s making a huge mistake. That he loves me so much he wants us to be together forever. He can see value in family and imagine us having kids together, playing with them and going on holidays. As soon as he says that, all the pain, the heartbreak and any feelings really disappear. I cannot feel anything.
It’s been a week now and he still says the same stuff. Talking about marriage, engagement rings, spending more time together, basically he wants to make effort and make the relationship better. And I am still numb and feel nothing except for horrible horrible guilt. He says he’ll never meet someone like me again and that he feels so satisfied in our relationship. He also wants to go on more dates and participate more in my hobbies.
And I don’t know why but I can’t feel anything but guilt anymore. Even though when we were breaking up I felt like I loved him more than anyone else in the world.
I also have this feeling that there might be someone better suited for me out there and feel very guilty about that too.
I really really don’t know what to do. I’m extremely confused. Should I let him have a second chance? Or break his heart and move one?
I’ve never felt this awful in my whole life and I feel like everything is out of my control.
Sometimes it's self sabotage, sometimes people are just assholes and feel entitled to a last night of debauchery before settling down.
She might really love OP but doesn't feel like she deserves him and blew things up on purpose or she might not give a fuck about anyone but herself and thought her friends would be quiet about it.