Don’t repeat your upbringing by choosing someone just like your mother.
Dump this guy and get some therapy. Your mother was abusive and you chose an abuser because you thought it was normal, but you’re not stuck. Break the cycle. Get out, and get some therapy !
You are enough, just how you are, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise !!!
They're still both emotionally invested and he doesn't want to admit it. That's what's really going on here. If they weren't, they wouldn't be running a business together. I don't care what anyone says, they wouldn't be. Anyone who tries to feed their new partner the bullshit line of I just see my ex as a decent person is not really over them.
It may be the case that they don't see their ex as a bad person but they usually use that line as an excuse to maintain contact with them when they're in a new relationship. If you don't have children with someone, you have no reason to stay in contact with them after your relationship ends. If you're wanting to do that, you need to admit that you still harbor feelings for them and you should not move on to a new relationship.
It is not fair to a new partner to have to carry the baggage of an old relationship. People can say that their new partner is being jealous or controlling because they have a problem with their partner talking to someone that they used to be romantically involved with. It's a slippery slope towards an affair.
Like I said, there's no reason to maintain contact unless you have children and even then it should be strictly business. Anyone who is not ready to let go of their ex, especially emotionally needs to admit that they're not over them and not drag a new partner through all that.
You can correct that bad info yourself on your custody time. Staying with a misogynist with this sexist and toxic dynamic is a tacit endorsement of his views. Your marriage and relationship will be the model your kids learn to view the world through. They will believe it’s normal for you to be treated like a lower class citizen, that it’s normal for your husband to have groomed you, that women should be subservient and meek and barefoot and pregnant. Your son will grow up thinking that’s how women should be treated because it’s how his dad treats his mom, and your daughter will grow up thinking that is how she should be treated by men.
Please don’t let that be the example for them. Leave this guy, show them that a woman can be strong and independent, counteract their dad’s misogyny by leading by example, and eventually when they grow up, they’ll see their dad for what he really is.
So your girlfriend's choices aren't always completely logical, and they cause stress for her, which makes your job as a supportive partner unnecessarily burdensome. Speaking as someone whose partners are always less logical than me, I feel your pain. But, um, it's part of the job.
Seriously, though. You've made your suggestions. At the end of the day, you can't make her choices for her, and you can't fix her problems for her. She makes the choices she makes, and she has the feelings she has about the consequences. Part of accepting her freedom to be her own person is accepting the outcome of her choices. Even though you might have avoided those outcomes for yourself, they are the difficulties your partner faces. You shouldn't begrudge your supportiveness of her simply because her problems could have been avoided if she had done what you'd told her. Supportiveness is truly separate from problem solving.
If he wanted to kill himself he would. He is likely doing that to manipulate you and using it as leverage to bend you to his will. Based on your information here. You know now what happened to his ex. The same will happen to you if you leave. Tell him his dog needs him so he shouldn't end it when you leave if you are still worried about this manipulative peace of shit. But leave.
No splitting hairs here. You both lied, and you both need to learn to be honest with each other.
And that starts with telling her you read the message. Own up. She’ll be mad. She may even break up with you. But you need to take your lumps. And apologize sincerely.
Let her know, assuming she doesn’t break up with you, that you know her future SIL did invite both of you. Let her know you’ll support her decision, but you are confused and hurt as you’ve been together almost a year and she doesn’t want you to go.
It’s very interesting she’s so invested in her brother’s relationship and pending nuptials. Unless the bride to be is vile or your gf has some secret history with her, it’s very strange she’s so angry about it all.
We all have a responsibility to our fellow humans. So tired of men who claim to be good men condoning such behaviour. You have an inherent duty as a man to protect both women and children from harm. This is one way to do that. Women are not chattel, and no man should tolerate watching a woman be abused or maltreated or lied to. Women shouldn’t tolerate it either. Until we stop it and make those who do it the social pariahs they are, we condone it. It is creating massive societal problems. This guy is carrying on with two women while we have entire internet chat rooms devoted to men who would like a chance with just one.
5 years in your 30s is nothing. I don't think this is an age thing. It is just that you both have very different priorities. You don't sound very compatible tbh.
Im just going in to get tested tomorrow, and I'll take it from there
Right…
Don’t repeat your upbringing by choosing someone just like your mother.
Dump this guy and get some therapy. Your mother was abusive and you chose an abuser because you thought it was normal, but you’re not stuck. Break the cycle. Get out, and get some therapy !
You are enough, just how you are, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise !!!
They're still both emotionally invested and he doesn't want to admit it. That's what's really going on here. If they weren't, they wouldn't be running a business together. I don't care what anyone says, they wouldn't be. Anyone who tries to feed their new partner the bullshit line of I just see my ex as a decent person is not really over them.
It may be the case that they don't see their ex as a bad person but they usually use that line as an excuse to maintain contact with them when they're in a new relationship. If you don't have children with someone, you have no reason to stay in contact with them after your relationship ends. If you're wanting to do that, you need to admit that you still harbor feelings for them and you should not move on to a new relationship.
It is not fair to a new partner to have to carry the baggage of an old relationship. People can say that their new partner is being jealous or controlling because they have a problem with their partner talking to someone that they used to be romantically involved with. It's a slippery slope towards an affair.
Like I said, there's no reason to maintain contact unless you have children and even then it should be strictly business. Anyone who is not ready to let go of their ex, especially emotionally needs to admit that they're not over them and not drag a new partner through all that.
You can correct that bad info yourself on your custody time. Staying with a misogynist with this sexist and toxic dynamic is a tacit endorsement of his views. Your marriage and relationship will be the model your kids learn to view the world through. They will believe it’s normal for you to be treated like a lower class citizen, that it’s normal for your husband to have groomed you, that women should be subservient and meek and barefoot and pregnant. Your son will grow up thinking that’s how women should be treated because it’s how his dad treats his mom, and your daughter will grow up thinking that is how she should be treated by men.
Please don’t let that be the example for them. Leave this guy, show them that a woman can be strong and independent, counteract their dad’s misogyny by leading by example, and eventually when they grow up, they’ll see their dad for what he really is.
So your girlfriend's choices aren't always completely logical, and they cause stress for her, which makes your job as a supportive partner unnecessarily burdensome. Speaking as someone whose partners are always less logical than me, I feel your pain. But, um, it's part of the job.
Seriously, though. You've made your suggestions. At the end of the day, you can't make her choices for her, and you can't fix her problems for her. She makes the choices she makes, and she has the feelings she has about the consequences. Part of accepting her freedom to be her own person is accepting the outcome of her choices. Even though you might have avoided those outcomes for yourself, they are the difficulties your partner faces. You shouldn't begrudge your supportiveness of her simply because her problems could have been avoided if she had done what you'd told her. Supportiveness is truly separate from problem solving.
Good job. But they told my mom the same thing. Never know for sure. Twenty years later I was born.
Ugh, this is what happens when children get married.
If he wanted to kill himself he would. He is likely doing that to manipulate you and using it as leverage to bend you to his will. Based on your information here. You know now what happened to his ex. The same will happen to you if you leave. Tell him his dog needs him so he shouldn't end it when you leave if you are still worried about this manipulative peace of shit. But leave.
Did you tell your ex you cheated on her before you split up with her? You omitted that detail.
You’re both being very passive aggressive. You need to be able to let things go. That she needs to not give you disingenuous responses.
Keep talking and practice
No splitting hairs here. You both lied, and you both need to learn to be honest with each other.
And that starts with telling her you read the message. Own up. She’ll be mad. She may even break up with you. But you need to take your lumps. And apologize sincerely.
Let her know, assuming she doesn’t break up with you, that you know her future SIL did invite both of you. Let her know you’ll support her decision, but you are confused and hurt as you’ve been together almost a year and she doesn’t want you to go.
It’s very interesting she’s so invested in her brother’s relationship and pending nuptials. Unless the bride to be is vile or your gf has some secret history with her, it’s very strange she’s so angry about it all.
BTW – this advice comes from a woman.
We all have a responsibility to our fellow humans. So tired of men who claim to be good men condoning such behaviour. You have an inherent duty as a man to protect both women and children from harm. This is one way to do that. Women are not chattel, and no man should tolerate watching a woman be abused or maltreated or lied to. Women shouldn’t tolerate it either. Until we stop it and make those who do it the social pariahs they are, we condone it. It is creating massive societal problems. This guy is carrying on with two women while we have entire internet chat rooms devoted to men who would like a chance with just one.
I know this is fake but in the entertainment's entertainment…who the fuck made you the arbiter of wtf the standard is?
5 years in your 30s is nothing. I don't think this is an age thing. It is just that you both have very different priorities. You don't sound very compatible tbh.
Just skip the crap in between and break up now. Polly and open can absolutely work but this situation is neither of those.
Nothing really! I’m already friendless and miserably single and can easily just stay this way lol