you made a good point. both his siblings are married and he tells me about how his brother and sister-in-law's parents will occasionally hang around with his family, something which we don't do as much in my culture. and also his siblings are both married to Muslims. anyway, thank you very much for your advice
Why would you think it’s ok to carry on leading him on when you don’t find him attractive. Would you like it?
You need to break up, find someone local that you can see regularly and have a real relationship not this half life where you are in love with a fantasy of who he is and the real person doesn’t stack up.
Even if we were to overlook the fact that he’s a child predator, and he is, dating a student is 100% not ethical. Lets focus on what that means for you. Do you want a partner that thinks this way? What happens as you age, become disfigured, or ill, etc? Would you want your daughter to marry a man like your husband? He objectifies women and will never change, please consider counseling for yourself. You need to learn to trust your own instincts. The reason you’re here asking us (to prove what you know is true) is because the power dynamic is off. Which is why he targeted you.
Yeah I know it just doesn’t seem right to say at all that’s why I came here instead and thank you for sharing your thoughts, you don’t know you have an addiction until someone points it out so thank you
Are you actively saving for a house? You mentioned your overall salary, but how are your finances? People tend to adjust their quality of life to their salary and sometimes beyond. How close are you to being able to afford a house? Is it something that you are actively working towards, or is it something he is just using an excuse to hold off on having a kid?
I understand wanting to get a house before having a kid. Kids are expensive. Houses are expensive. It’s easier to save if you don’t have a kid yet. I understand wanting a kid and having a ticking clock that won’t wait until the perfect opportunity arises.
It’s one thing if he is using it as an excuse, it’s another thing if it’s a tangible goal. Have a conversation about it all. See where he is on all this.
Their biggest gripe is also the “why?” They don't see a reason for me to move out, the independence aspect does not seem good enough at all so they want a better reason.
Are you that desperate to want to keep a man who you “llllllooovvveee” who cant keep his dick where it belongs? Throw in verbal abuse, and manipulation and we can all see why you dont want to lose him…ugh
Wake up, open your eyes, have some self respect, and be thrilled that you can get out of this now.
Get security. If he turns up in an inappropriate outfit, he should be turned away. If your fiancée's parents kick off, they should be 'offered' to go with him.
He's not funny. He's just a boring asshole lacking an actual sense of humour and apparently is enabled by equally boring assholes.
Your fiancée needs to stand up for herself. I understand it's difficult when this is the environment she was raised in but this is really unacceptable and honestly shows how little respect they actually have for her. She deserves better and so do you, but they're not going to do better willingly. You've got to put your foot down.
Your boyfriend of 5+ years gets in “moods” if you bring up the topic of marriage? How romantic. I think you either have to make peace with the fact that he doesn't want to get married, propose to him yourself (and be prepared for another “mood”), or talk to a lawyer and start separating from him.
Before you do any of these you should attempt one last frank conversation with him about whether or not marriage (to you) is something he wants. Ask him to give you his reasons one way or another. It's the least he owes you. If he refuses to discuss it like adults then that's important information for you, too. You should also give him YOUR reasons for wanting to get married. Is it more about easing the pain of being in a rat race with your friends? Is it about legally solidifying your commitment to each other? Is it about all the trappings of a wedding? If you can be happy with him, as is, no marriage, why pressure him at all?
I think you should give her a chance… But don't fully trust her
No he told me he doesn’t want a serious relationship with anyone just wants to have sex
see how those things you're trying to separate actually intersect
you made a good point. both his siblings are married and he tells me about how his brother and sister-in-law's parents will occasionally hang around with his family, something which we don't do as much in my culture. and also his siblings are both married to Muslims. anyway, thank you very much for your advice
Why are you still with him?
Why would you think it’s ok to carry on leading him on when you don’t find him attractive. Would you like it?
You need to break up, find someone local that you can see regularly and have a real relationship not this half life where you are in love with a fantasy of who he is and the real person doesn’t stack up.
Jesus christ man…have some self respect and dump this leech.
Exactly.
Even if we were to overlook the fact that he’s a child predator, and he is, dating a student is 100% not ethical. Lets focus on what that means for you. Do you want a partner that thinks this way? What happens as you age, become disfigured, or ill, etc? Would you want your daughter to marry a man like your husband? He objectifies women and will never change, please consider counseling for yourself. You need to learn to trust your own instincts. The reason you’re here asking us (to prove what you know is true) is because the power dynamic is off. Which is why he targeted you.
Yeah I know it just doesn’t seem right to say at all that’s why I came here instead and thank you for sharing your thoughts, you don’t know you have an addiction until someone points it out so thank you
Are you actively saving for a house? You mentioned your overall salary, but how are your finances? People tend to adjust their quality of life to their salary and sometimes beyond. How close are you to being able to afford a house? Is it something that you are actively working towards, or is it something he is just using an excuse to hold off on having a kid?
I understand wanting to get a house before having a kid. Kids are expensive. Houses are expensive. It’s easier to save if you don’t have a kid yet. I understand wanting a kid and having a ticking clock that won’t wait until the perfect opportunity arises.
It’s one thing if he is using it as an excuse, it’s another thing if it’s a tangible goal. Have a conversation about it all. See where he is on all this.
It's like me liking everything about my fiancé but I have leg fetish, a long one. And she have a short legs.
It can't be change, so just stick with your lies man. Cause sometimes the truth hurt.
Their biggest gripe is also the “why?” They don't see a reason for me to move out, the independence aspect does not seem good enough at all so they want a better reason.
Are you that desperate to want to keep a man who you “llllllooovvveee” who cant keep his dick where it belongs? Throw in verbal abuse, and manipulation and we can all see why you dont want to lose him…ugh
Wake up, open your eyes, have some self respect, and be thrilled that you can get out of this now.
Sounds like this thing is over, man.
Get security. If he turns up in an inappropriate outfit, he should be turned away. If your fiancée's parents kick off, they should be 'offered' to go with him.
He's not funny. He's just a boring asshole lacking an actual sense of humour and apparently is enabled by equally boring assholes.
Your fiancée needs to stand up for herself. I understand it's difficult when this is the environment she was raised in but this is really unacceptable and honestly shows how little respect they actually have for her. She deserves better and so do you, but they're not going to do better willingly. You've got to put your foot down.
Thanks for letting us know!
Dump her
Your boyfriend of 5+ years gets in “moods” if you bring up the topic of marriage? How romantic. I think you either have to make peace with the fact that he doesn't want to get married, propose to him yourself (and be prepared for another “mood”), or talk to a lawyer and start separating from him.
Before you do any of these you should attempt one last frank conversation with him about whether or not marriage (to you) is something he wants. Ask him to give you his reasons one way or another. It's the least he owes you. If he refuses to discuss it like adults then that's important information for you, too. You should also give him YOUR reasons for wanting to get married. Is it more about easing the pain of being in a rat race with your friends? Is it about legally solidifying your commitment to each other? Is it about all the trappings of a wedding? If you can be happy with him, as is, no marriage, why pressure him at all?
Does he sleep in between u ?
Well done! Onward and upward from here 😀