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Archie, 20 y.o.
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Date: November 24, 2022
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You cant help someone who can't help themselves.
You are enabling her behavior. Why should she work, or get a roommate, when you are paying her bills?
STOP!
Don't be afraid to talk and to her and ask questions, and don't be emotional about it and don't let her deflect from answering your questions. If she has feelings for your BF you need to know. Be nice but be blunt and straightforward with her. She shouldn't get mad about it and defensive. I personally know (from experience) when sisters lie and try to deflect and deceive. They do the same things that cheaters do with their reactions and answers and they will blame you for being jealous and insecure and that you are just stupid for thinking that, ya, I heard it all. Just have a heart to heart talk an go from there. Good luck
Hi, I remember your post! It sounds like you handled yourself really well, really maturely and I’m proud of you for mustering up the courage to talk about it like this with your ex – his reaction totally proves that you made the right call in dumping him. He doesn’t sound like someone who can handle firmness or criticism – not someone you’d want to grow old with anyways. Good for you! And it’s so sweet you got to meet the baby and his parents!
Emotionally? More like economically.
You sort of just contradicted what you said. Yes it's a “him” issue, but as you also mentioned, he's allowed to feel the way he does and is equally allowed to (and generally encouraged to) be open and communicate with his partner about how he feels,- not to repress the way he feels because of his own insecurity. If he decides this is a dealbreakfer for him, that's his choice. He doesn't need to accept what she does.
Clearly it's an issue for him and obviously they are both on very different pages about this situation.
Oh I certainly agree. Men care about past, women care about future.
It might matter because in some countries it's normal for the man to pay everything, and she might think it's weird you are basically saying you want to sometimes be the girl in the relationship, and if other men don't expect it from her she might wonder why she has to deal with it from you…just saying.
Food for thought. Thank you!
There's no need to ask this question. It's been asked thousands of times on these subs (and I get in saying that that you have no reason to be aware of that, I'm simply letting you know that it's common).
The point is, it doesn't matter. It worked out for some. It mostly didn't. Like anything else, every relationship is going to be different in that regard.
It's more important that you receive advice as opposed to anecdotes. How old are you both and how long have you been together? How did you find out he cheated? Why did he cheat?
Now that you know, does he want to stay in the relationship? If so, what's the plan? For this to have any (if limited) chance of working, the person who cheated needs to agree to be fully transparent and prove that they're someone who can be trusted. In the reverse, the person cheated on needs to actually allow themselves to trust the person who cheated on them.
Of course that's not going to (and shouldn't) happen immediately. But first, you have to be honest as to whether you think you can. If you can't, this is already over (which is fine). If you think you can, then if he does everything right going forward, you can't just hold it over him forever. That's what you're agreeing to.
To back up, how old are you both, and how long have you been together? That matters. You also need to ask yourself why you want to stay (more than just “I love him”).
“do weed” lol
Now 9 weeks. Very rare… very fertile
Ew. Your boyfriend is a loser for preying on a 20 year old. He clearly can't impress women his own age so he went for naive little you.
It is embarrassing; he’s just shy of being old enough to be your father. And guys who are interested in much younger people are usually, just, odd. At best.
Leave JFC
I'm still asking why. If she has a hard time finding dates while being honest, why does she think being a liar would make her more attractive? It's bound to be found out right away.
Sorry this might be dumb but why do you get that feeling? I just love them a lot and will not like you if you are rude to them or mistreat them.
Honestly, I could've maybe even given this time, discussed it with her what made her so uncomfortable all of a sudden and I might've even obliged to ask for consent each time till she was comfortable. But her bringing out backup really creeped me out.
He’s going to react poorly because using you benefits him. So I would say “you aren’t paying your fair share, you also stiffed my friends on drinks, are you planning on changing?”
I think you’ve lost your mind to pay for a hotel weekend. Literally what are you thinking and why aren’t you worth more?
The majority of people have or will go through the same thing at some point no need to feel bad about it.
That's what kinda makes me nervous. I'll be leaving the area in a year or so, and she said she would follow me if we commit to each other, but she said it would be kinda early in the relationship for me to move just for her.
Our biggest issue right now is me helping her through the abortion she just went through and me feeling like I need more time with her since I only see her 2 and sometimes 3 times a week. We have to plan days ahead to just hang out with each other.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist and therapist? That needs to be top of your list.
the location DOES matter. imagine he asked “hey honey, is it okay if i visit a brothel? and she said yes sure thats fine. and when he comes home after hes had sex with a prostitute she says what??? but i thought there wasnt going to be any touching!
Don’t know why everyone’s so tilted about you mentioning your mom, it’s not that deep lmao
You sound like you have some issues to work on.. good luck to whoever is your partner.
OK, well without more details, what I said stands.
If you are ok being cheated on then stay.
Its why he chose a 20 year old at first. Naive.
He kissed me for a few seconds before I think he realised I was uncomfortable and he pulled away
Last time someone conveyed a story like this they kissed back for a long time and then felt guilty and said it like you did.
I love domestic stuff too and always have. If she’s happy don’t worry about it. Try to do other things that make her feel special and appreciated
You are correct and he is wrong.
He just told you all you need to know. Run. Run fast and run far. You’ll be the third wheel in your relationship if you stay with him. But you’ll only have yourself to blame if you do.
I think that’s brilliant. Easy way to weed out a lot of problems and pointless flings
and I can't stand it. As as
Sometimes I also question if I'm a priority.
They've complained about me, left me out
“Of course he can come!” but still that is not good enough for him.
Co-ed parties aside it sounds like your SO does not prioritize being a partner, and it sounds like that's something you need (and deserve out of any romantic relationship).⁶
Only you can really decide how much you're willing to put up with but if it were me I'd let them know I was looking for different things and wish them well.
Ya gotta love cats. Mine used to sleep up by my pillow so she wouldn't get punted off my bed during the night.
Don’t forget entering into a binding, lifelong contract with him! But she’s not cruel… /s
It seems you're just using the poor guy, hopefully he starts realizing it himself.
Funny story: I could eat ice cream when I had gestational diabetes. Sugar+protein+fat=no spike. Fruit in my yogurt, however, was a sad no-go. Gestational diabetes is bizarre…
yeah ik lol. now what.
Or use your words… Just be like hey, I thought we had a thing going and lately it seems one sided. I'm not going to reach out anymore as that's not what I'm looking for.
Let's not throw “grooming” around willy nilly. He's 19, so not a child. Sure, he's immature compared to her, but she's not saying marriage or relationship, she's clear it's a FWB. He can bail whenever, if he finds it awkward.
You need to be asking this in a legal advice sub for your state instead of a relationship sub.
I’d be seriously questioning where he was until 10pm. Because he’s got cheating on the brain.
Hm, since breaking up (the best solution) is not on the table, this is a hard question.
Let me address a broader point. Do you plan to live together in the future? If yes do not do this only after marriage. You need a lot of time properly together before making decision to marry. Doing otherwise is just plain stupid. If you do not plan this, well this wasn't going to work out anyway so I won't bother.
Focusing on variant one : Minimum would be a year of living together. This should be enough to really get to know your partner, and asses whether you want to spend the rest of you life together. It's not perfect, as year is absolutely time that someone can spend acting difderently from their real self. This subreddit sure has seen this many time.
The more time the better, especially if you do not have well define timeline towards marriage. Purely in LDR you will never know the real him.
As for grieving, everyone does it differently. Was your dad ill for a period of time before passing? Only your mom can answer why she is ready to move on, because there are many scenarios that could be the reason. In the end they are adults and while it may be uncomfortable for you, it's something they want. What is your main objection to them dating aside from the grieving period? In the end you either need to humbly accept that they are dating or you cause a rift in the family and make for very awkward family get-togethers. If it were me I'd sit everyone down and have a calm conversation about the whole thing and see if you all can't come to some kind of resolution.
What I didn’t say is that I’m now heart broken as I feel like our love/future now has a condition on me getting better.
It often has with men. It's a well know statistic – seriously, just google it, it's so depressing – that men leave their seriously sick partners a lot quicker and more often than women do. I think it's like 20% of divorces vs 3%? Men are simply not socialized to be caretakers, women are. So dudes tend not to stick around if the relationship demands to much from them in this way.
I'm really sorry – it could still be that you do get better, and it could also be that you don't, but he won't actually leave. After all, he only suggested it but didn't say it outright, it does not sound like it's decided in his head at all.
But yeah it seems like the type of life he wants to have – a traveling lifestyle – is so important that he probably would not have married a person who did not share those goals. And now it could be that the person he did marry bc they shared the goals no longer share them… None of that changes the “in sickness and in health” he pledged, tho. Marriage is for people who make a decision to stay together even when the spouse gets sick and – naturally – no longer can share specific lifestyles. At least it SHOULD. Why don't people actually think this through deeply, like asking themselves “Okay if she/he can no longer do XYZ, would I still stay?” is beyond me. It should be the basic thing you ask yourself before saying “yes” at the altar. And if the answer is “nope, I would bail” then do not swear to stand by in sickness and in health…
So you are saying when she starts working on her career, it means she will be lesser than you because she will “earn less”?
I guess your relationship is over.
Why is sex with him frequently hurting? Like why isn’t he not doing the things that hurt you by now?
First of all, you're very much allowed to completely not be interested in this person anymore and please don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. Nothing wrong with having a preference.
The fact that your bf lied to your for so long is frankly messed up and something you should address.
It’s a dinner event so we ate a ton! Any other tips?
So, original poster, this is precisely why expressing your feelings and emotions outside a therapy session is not going to work for you. People like this are going to denigrate you for how you feel – and even ignore the fact that this happened months ago – in order to feel better about themselves. A therapist won’t judge you for your doubts and will instead work with you to cope with them in a safe and judgement free environment.
Oh gotcha lol. Doesn’t it go to your head? Lol
I don’t know I’m hoping he’ll say something in response.
This or some exercise in creative writing.
From OP's responses, it sounds less like manipulation and more like “you're getting your ass in gear one way or another.”
Also, OP is insisting on being a kept boy. He can't cry ADULT INDEPENDENCE and DADDY GIVE ME MONEY in the same breath.
Honestly id just break up with her and tell her during your speach that u r breaking up with her because her friend SAd you and you would rather not play “who believes whom”. Just save yourself
What's your attraction to this guy? I expect he's crowing about his free Bali holiday, making you look like a chump. He's not going to pay you back, just move on.
Idk if this post is real or not. Obviously what you’re doing isn’t healthy. Try to at least have breakfast before taking the adhd meds and light snacks throughout. I know it cuts your appetite but, you need nutrients consistently. You can’t just be tweaking the whole time.
OP has repeatedly posted in New Jersey r4r subs describing the size of his dick and requesting a female “fuck buddy” – specifically a “discreet” one.
Sounds like he's the one who's interested in someone else.
Introduce your wife to r/antiwork and connect her with the many reasons corporations are not people and being disloyal to them when they would run you over with a car for money has literally no ethical weight.
No red flags here. None whatsoever.
Seriously, meat pocket? The trolls need to try harder.