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Date: October 24, 2022
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I say go for it. He said he's a changed man.
Let him be mad. Lmao.
And I identify as a lake
You don’t need her permission to break up. You’re a grown man. She lied about something major here. She is obviously not trustworthy and is probably married and living a double life
Right?! He literally played happy family and used this woman for 11 whole years in his little game of pretend. It's also hilariously naive to think kids can't sense something is off with their parents. Kids know when their parents aren't happy and not in love with each other. And what a terrible example to set for your kids.
No- the heater pushes air through the engine and uses the heat the engine is already producing to heat your car. That's why when you first turn on your car the heat doesn't work until the engine is warmed up.
I think this is beyond what’s equal and more emotional investment. From the sounds of things, it doesn’t seem like he is as emotionally invested in the relationship. However, perhaps he really does love you and doesn’t realize how his actions can be seen as hurtful.
The best thing you can do is have a frank conversation with him. Think about scenarios that bother you or things he’s done and approach a discussion with him about it. Not to attack him, but explain how certain things transpire and how they effect you. Maybe worthwhile to understand from him where he sees this relationship going.
Based off his responses, you need to decide if you two are compatible. You both may love each other and show it in your own way, but perhaps just not compatible in the long run. Or maybe after you explain how you feel, you both will understand each other better and can find compromises that work for both of you.
It strikes me that not only do you not have time for a healthy relationship right now, you are pushing yourself to the limit, but you also realsitically have a kind of fork in the road just ahead of you that I don't think you are taking seriously enough. She doesn't want to move, you don't have time for her anyway… like the combination of those two things strike me as painting a pretty practical solution of just, you know, ending it and doing what you gotta do.
Her desire to spend time with her partner is not unreasonable in and of itself. However, instead of reflecting on whether this all works for her she has become toxic. She is guilting you, pressuring you. She is becoming a worse person because she can't reconcile the reality this relationship just can't work as it is right now.
So really both of you need to get sensible about this. All you seem to paint is the idea trying to force this is making everything worse and neither of you happy anyway.
Drop her, you're free now, go find someone else that's better for you.
A lot of people aren't capable of picking up the nuances are bs. The tell on this guy was the specifically placed drunk spelling in every sentence. Never a space bar mess up, just always a “drunk” misspelling
And then the “friends” came
Ah yeah he has said some.. “immature” things in the past. When we first had sex he said something like “this is gonna sound bad but you easily have top 5 top 3 of the best pussies.” And he said the exact same thing months later.
So your friend is in a marriage where she has been cheated on, decides to stay with him although he has disrespected her so many times, and your husband tells you that she is the cheater? I do think your friend is making a bad decision by staying and being a caretaker for this man who forced her hand. Going back to your husband, I do agree that their situation is a dumpster fire, but your friend didn't initiate it, and making you choose shows that he has some misogyny in him. Does he think it is okay that her husband cheated on her and triggered this whole dumpster fire? Like is it okay when it's a man doing it?
If you are incompatible, stop wasting each others’ time.
I personally massively dislike the game that women play when they go “Oh, I look so ugly”, and you're basically forced to coddle them and argue otherwise. Fishing for compliments is so juvenile.
This is not to mention that you invented an entire conversation in your mind over a man that nodded his head twice.
Is this a bait post or something? Nobody could be this self absorbed, right?
NTA.
Honestly – the dictum that you should want to maintain a yard, that you don't currently even have, in what is likely to be your not abundant spare time, as an expression of love for her? That's… weird. That's just weird. That paying a service isn't good enough in some way? I mean – wtf? I'm not sure I'd be annoyed. Baffled yes. But I don't think you're wrong for being annoyed by it. If she wants someone to express their love for her by maintaining a yard, she'd better get involved with a hobby gardener. (I'd say should marry a landscaper – but the cobblers' children are always unshod….)
Her concern that you don't work out every day, even though you're fit and exercise regularly – that I'd definitely be annoyed by.
Does she take a black and white, right/wrong view of a lot of things? Is she judgemental normally?
Something weird is afoot here.
So I am a doormat because I have different boundaries? That's harsh.
She only recently told me to have fun which lines up when the picture was posted
As someone who travels for work from time to time, there are some red flags in his story, to me. Missing a flight because they were chatting is a big one. My work policy requires all flights to be booked in advance. It's one thing for a flight to get canceled and then need to book another. But to miss a prepaid flight for social reasons is a big no-no. That's just wasting money for the business, government, etc, that I personally would want to avoid at all cost.
Second, I have traveled for work to a colleagues' home town. I wouldn't travel to a male colleagues family home solo. I also can't see a scenario where a male colleague would think that would be appropriate unless it was a dire situation. I have visited a male colleagues family home for work purposes with the entire staff but not solo and never would.
For my job, there is a lot of paperwork associated with off-site travel, including travel authorizations and a specific portal for purchasing air travel. It's not a simple thing to go back and edit travel details without questions. In fact, if I listed overnight stays without a hotel listed, I would get a call.
My gut is telling me this wasn't a business trip at all.
How into his appearance is your husband normally? My husband isn't one for shopping or fussing about his looks, EVER. If he started whitening his teeth and putting together outfits for a “work trip,” my alarm bells would be going off. That, to me, is another cause for concern. I have fussed about my appearance for a work trip before, but I literally had to be on a stage in front of thousands of people. But, I fret over my appearance going to the store. So, it's not out of character.