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Date: October 31, 2022
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“Her shorts are too short and it makes me upset” womp womp don’t date attractive women then if you’re upset about people looking??? Lmao!
I’ve found through experience that many women use a man to move up the socio economic ladder or get into a better situation. Then they find a man in a better situation and leave for them and so on and so forth until they’ve hit their limit. Good luck king
Sorry but that's not her issue it is yours. It is in her past and before you two were a thing. Did you have relationships before her? Do you not have a past? If you shame her for doing something before you guys were a thing you could lose her. You need to learn to deal with it or find yourself a good old fashioned virgin.
Please do better for your kids
Lol. Thank you
Update : professor wants to talk about it again after me dumping the work for 4.5 months. Wml
Noooope!!! Do you call your best friend a pos when you’re angry? Your mom? Your dad? Do they stay around if you do? Probably not. You shouldn’t either.
Definitely wait till you're sobber don't hide behind liquid courage my dude.
I mean if the genders were swapped there would be a different reaction 100%. NO is NO. Clearly he said its fucking frustrating and she doesn’t respect it
Ick. He’s gonna have to find a more appropriate time and place for that. And more attention to cleaning up after himself wouldn’t go astray either.
OMG. I am laughing so hard. I was trying to form an answer and it's like there is no context or backstory, we are not psychic. Wtf
That's such a nonchalant answer but it's totally true lol. They're right in the wings ready to pick him up.
I think that’s a good idea and something we’ll probably have to look at going forward.
To answer your question, just that I feel like he leans on me a lot emotionally. He’s struggling with his job at the minute, which isn’t his fault it’s an awful place and he’s looking for something else. I’m a bit, I’m not sure how to describe it, but you could say ‘hardier’. I don’t generally lean on anyone for anything if I can help it, which Is my issue that I’m working on, but the fact he needs a lot of emotional support doesn’t make it any easier for me to count on him, if you see what I mean. There’s the stuff about chores, which is the easiest example, but that’s applicable to pretty much every area of our lives. If there’s physical (like housework) or emotional labor, I’m the type that can’t help but take it on, and he’s not as much.
If she was that drunk, she may have not even realized it was his room and not hers.
It all comes down to if you think this is SA or not. Either support her or dump her with no more contact. Pick one.
It's such a basic thing to do out of consideration for your partner but so many seem to find it too troublesome to bother with. Ridiculous.
Don't be so nice…get the money for the rent
Young lady go live your life. Your boyfriend is bugging. He is using one of the oldest tricks in the game. What if something happens to you lol, tell him something can happen on your way to work, school hell the grocery store. He is not it.
It’s not once in a lifetime. You have high school, bachelors, masters…
UpdateMe!
What the hell? I thought you were like 270 -300 lbs or something. Nothing at all is wrong with your weight, you husband is just a spineless prick who sounds like he wants you to be anorexic. I know you love him but let him leave if he wants, don't hurt yourself trying to live up to his image
She only agrees to the breathalyzer when she hasn’t drank. She won’t even answer her phone or door if she is drinking. That’s the only way anyone knows she’s doing it again. It’s awful. I’m gonna research more about these and pass it along to my family. Thank you.
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Why whenever there are scenarios like this it's always a guy that's significantly older than his partner?
OP, he might be 31 but he seems to have the mentality of a child trying to get away with something. Take that how you will.
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Those with NPD can fall in love and love their children but often this is displayed in an unhealthy way. I have a father with NPD and I’d like to remind all commenters here that regular garden variety narcissism ≠ NPD. Those with NPD lack empathy and have a fundamental inability to take themselves off their own pedestal. I would not be taking this diagnosis lightly- although some people with NPD can live full and loving lives with therapy, often they will only go to therapy when forced to do so and will manipulate their therapists. Even directly telling my father “These specific things you did for decades were abusive” he still leaves me voicemails asking why I don’t talk to him anymore and guilt tripping me. Then if I do engage, the conversation is entirely about him and he doesn’t even ask “how are you”. This is pretty typical. Narcissists are good at masking and feigning emotion and care in order to get what they want but ultimately he will always have an inflated sense of importance and ego and lack of empathy. Whether or not it affects your relationship and your children depends on his particular variety and how it manifests. If he’s a supportive and loving partner and has not given you a reason to be worried then a diagnosis does not necessarily mean much. But if there have been worrying signs in the past, please trust me that they don’t change, will never learn or understand your perspective (it’s always manipulated to be your fault not theirs), and it’s best to just leave. I have C-PTSD and lifelong mental and physical trauma from growing up with a narcissist parent.. My mother wishes she left sooner but was too scared and nobody believed her. My father didn’t start abusing her until 7 years in to their relationship, he was a perfect gentleman and perfect loving partner up until that point. This diagnosis isn’t necessarily a warning flag but it may be a sign to pay attention to the other things in your relationship and his behaviour that you may not have noticed before.
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It's not like you're married for crying out loud. Two weeks? This is nothing. If you are already “trying to make it work” this early on, you're wasting your own time. Fly, be free.
I have so many questions about this:
What does he do for work vs. what you do for work?
Why is the monetary amount he spends so important to you? Isn’t him getting gifts that are thoughtful and reflective of your interests ‘spoiling’ you?
Technically he spent more on the Pop than he would have on the Cricut. So again, how is he not spoiling you?
He also took the time to trade in some things of his to make sure he got you a present that you wanted (granted, it wasn’t the Cricut but it was the Pop you were jealous over). So, again, not to sound like a broken record, how is that not spoiling you?
Not a question, but to use your own words, yes you are 100% being an ungrateful spoiled brat. Even after he got you some thoughtful gifts, he is now going out and getting you the freaking Cricut. No one held a gun to your head and forced you to spend a ridiculous amount of money on your bf, and your choices shouldn’t be held over his head.
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Yes, you leave. Get out now and find someone who matches your level of drive and ambition. Your girlfriend sounds sweet, but she wants someone to take care of her, and this situation will hold you back down, hard. You're only 22. Go. Be free.
Actually porn is full of everything.
Every variety of every possible kind of woman or man or everything in between.
That's why it's addictive. Like they say, ain't no pussy like new pussy.
So he cheated on you when he got his first job. If this happened to your friend or family member would you be telling them to stay and allow this person a one sided open relationship when they have spent years financially supporting them? What would you tell them to do ?
I know you said you encouraged him to support his dreams but from your post you seem like your not very confrontational and you convince yourself that things are better than they are because in you have been conditioned to think “we what else can I do/ where else’s can I go/ but what about how they feel / what about their struggles/ was it really that bad?”
Write a list of everything you can think that he did in those three years to support you while you supported the both of you. Did he take on more chores than you? Did he cook more than you? Did he try to spend more time with you outside of the bedroom? Was he present and active in conversations? Or did he alway want things his way. ?
I get it. I'm in a long term relationship with a scientist (PhD) who doesn't cook, but its mostly because when he genuinely tries to help he's kind of slow and I get annoyed and just want to do it myself (so sort of my fault).
But if he had to do something alone and was utterly lost, I would expect him to google it (as I would google how to cook thing I don't know).
I'm sorry, but in this age of the internet everything has about fifty tutorials, including how to mash potatoes. He could have looked it up if he cared enough.
I'd be pretty peeved in your situation too. I think you have a right to be. Maybe explaining to him you felt he gave up too fast, and this thing – whilst a small thing – is kind of symbolic. Its more about attitude then the actual practical value of the task. A long work day is made so much easier by the slightest easing of any burden. As someone who works, he should get that.
Best of luck to you, sister.
Damn I consider myself quite smart but when reading this I never thought of this scenario and wow. Yeah it makes sense. OP better get FBI on his ass.
Y’all’s are very smart
What a kind comment, thank you ❤️
Anybody is perfectly welcome to ask questions if they have them. In the interest of spreading awareness, her story shouldn’t be forgotten.
He does like you girl. You’re not “the only woman he likes” you’re just the only one willing to sleep with him right now. If he hates women, and he knows you’re a woman, he doesn’t magically separate his hate for what you ARE from you. He will never see you as an equal because he dislikes a fundamental part of what makes you, you. Similar to racists who still have sex with minorities, you’re not a person to him
They will probably take the child away from OP too if she doesn’t have her ducks in a row. I’d absolutely get a lawyer TODAY and follow the next steps to getting the child tested for drugs and get any evidence possible against the dad. File for emergency custody. Do whatever to get that asshole put in jail/ out of the picture.
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate you ❤️
So leave… super easy.
Of all things you shouldn’t do, most of all the things you shouldn’t do is talk about how you are planning to commit a crime on the Internet.
If you stay with this girl and have babies with her, you’re a fool.
Ditch the girl and never talk to her again. Then tell this guys wife and send her all the evidence you have.
You’ll be happier in the long run if you do it this way
He should never have gone. That’s so fucked.
Is this a valid method of mentally taking control, and coping with a past abusive relationship, and the consequences of being wrongly accused of SA?
No. This is terrible. Good people don't do this.
Her question of “why today?” tells me you might want to think super hard about why the date that you happened to pick might have significance – previous relationship significance, death of a loved one significance, etc. Something that may have happened long before you two were dating that might make the day difficult, sad, or otherwise unworthy of celebration. For example, the anniversary of my dad’s death is a hard day every year, not hard to the point that I make a big deal about it to other people, but if someone surprised me with a spa day that day, it might bring up some feelings.
This is a red flag to me. You know why you did it. No one just do things and they don’t know. The point is that you let selfishness dictate your decision and so you decided that was more important than respecting your girlfriend’s boundary.
If you’re asking if he has an old fashion mindset on most things, the answer is no. I never really knew his views on therapy until I started going to a therapist for myself for my ADHD (I had to for a diagnosis about a year ago and then continued going for a bit).
I seem to be in the minority here, but I have had many years where I used a chamber pot under the bed. Lazy? Maybe, but not a major crime, I would have thought.
I'm a bit taken aback by how disgusting everyone seems to think this is. Now if he left it for days at a time, then I'd be revolted. But it sounds as if he cleans it up every morning. That wouldn't be an issue for me.
Relationship. I think it was clear cause the sub
I said the same, tell me anything new
Keep this up OP, and you are going to find yourself single. You are wildly insecure, and you are being completely unreasonable. The only person whose conduct is inappropriate here is yours.
It sounds like your BF & his ex have a very good co-parenting arrangement in place, for the sole benefit of his daughter. And you are trying to ruin it.
Because of you, he missed an opportunity to take his daughter on a trip that would have likely ended up being a core memory for her. You deprived a child of the chance to go on a holiday with her parents.
You forced an introduction with his ex, when he wasn’t ready, which is rude.
He missed the opportunity to take his daughter trick or treating because you wanted to keep an eye on him.
You are upset that he is making sure his daughter can buy her mother decent presents.
Sit back and reflect on this. If you cannot handle dating someone who has a child, and who has a good co-parenting relationship with their ex, then don’t be in a relationship with someone who has a child.
At 30 years old, you are too old to be acting this immature and selfish. I understand that you have been cheated on before, but if you are this insecure over it, get therapy.
There is no winners here. Only losers. And the biggest loser if you keep all this up is going to be an 11 year old girl.
Hitting on your coworker is absolutely an HR issue.
Then you're insane and I refuse to engage further with someone who clearly has zero grip on reality. There's no point, you're part help. I wish your children all luck in the world, they're gonna need it with a lunatic like you as a parent
Don't get married. My abusive ex proposed right before shit escalated. It took years to go from words to physical abuse. He likes hurting you for fun in his own words. Do you want him to hurt your future kids for fun? Do you want to spend years with someone who would make you cry for a laugh? What would you tell yourself if you were a good friend dating a similar guy? Run ?♀️
He's stupid and immature…
Tbh it's better to regret an abortion than to regret having a child
Start by focusing on developing a great group of friends. It will help you develop your social skills and confidence. Also develop your interests; find a hobby you enjoy. Try new activities or spend time on ones you already enjoy.
The best way to meet someone is through mutual interests and friends. It’s the groundwork of having something in common. It’s difficult to date someone you don’t have commonalities.
Enjoy spending time with friends and on hobbies and don’t put crazy pressure on yourself to date. If your at peace about being single you will be less likely to jump into bad relationships which will just waste your time anyhow.
Oh honey please walk away. Please ?
well realistically it's impossible to discuss everything you do and everything that goes through your head. you do hundreds of things every day, you have thousands over thousands of thoughts, if you're telling someone about your day, your brain will have to filter it down to the most significant details. and especially after you've had the same job and partner for a while, i think your partner would have a pretty good idea of what your average work day looks like, you wouldn't really want to discuss the same things every single day and would probably skip most of the work talk.
She's not that into you, just move on. She's got FOMO and is switching to better plans. Best case scenario here is you go on a couple dates and she gets some free coffee or meals out of it.
No alimony, they aren't married. At most he'd pay child support. They can't force custody on him though and that's his only real saving grace.
it’s been a really cute, mostly platonic ride. When we first started out, sexual acts were more out of curiosity and lust, we didn’t do much to begin with but eventually we crossed that bridge and slowly it’s come to a complete stop. We haven’t had sex or anything intimate happen, not even making out, for around 2 months. … He’s told me in the past when I’ve initiated that he’s “just not a sexual person” and I respect that. … Everytime we have had sex it’s been amazing and he’s very passionate.
Sounds like you have your answer to me.
Since year 11 in the UK, that's when she was 15 and I was 16
Way to go!
You deserve all the happiness and all the peace that comes with finally being able to get away.
People who say stuff like “why don't you just leave?” have no idea how insanely hard it is to pull yourself out of the grasp of an abusive partner.
There's a reason that it takes an average of 7 attempts to get out of an abusive situation.
Enjoy your new life. You will find yourself laughing at what seems like silly things like being able to buy the type of bread that you like or leave the dishes overnight because no one's there to yell at you for doing so.
But also be prepared to miss the familiar and the good times. In those cases it's a great help to have a list of all the shitty things he did and why you have to protect yourself from him. Read that over and over whenever doubt comes knocking.
Best of luck!
People say instead of rice, you should put a wet electronic in a bag of silica gel packets as they're actually meant to absorb moisture.
This is a classic Reddit moment.
He also mentioned in his comments that his only time to himself is when he’s sleeping. He’s definitely overworking himself even if he didn’t have a girlfriend. I’m surprised he has time to sleep I doubt he has time for sex.
He’s a bad boyfriend for what he tries to do. You are a normal person.
She sound depressed 🙁 maybe she needs to take a semester off and regather herself
Cool story bro
He can still be a great father without being your partner. His parenting skills don't make up for what's lacking in your relationship.
I'm so sorry. She is definitely his sugar baby.
Get a new job. Why stay in an abusive situation when you’re free to leave?
Listen to your gut. Marriage will not magically make your sex life better. Imagine more of the same, if not worse as time goes by. Can you live your life feeling rejected? Being denied intimacy all the time? Your feelings dismissed and shooed away? I think she sees you as a wallet and box to tick off (married – check!) – not an equal partner in a serious relationship. I don't know about you but I've always regretted the times I ignored a screaming gut instinct.
The sudden change in ideas is buying a house on his own before we're married. We originally talked about buying a house after marriage.
Today he expressed wanting to buy a house in 2-3 years even if we weren't married. I do not have a problem with his expressing his boundaries. My issue was the manner in which he brought up wanting to buy the house, it was in the way that he said he would buy a house even if we weren't married when that's completely the opposite of what we talked about. And was only brought up when I expressed wishing to have another dog.
I don't think you're going to get any advice you like on any legitimate sub. You're just gonna have to deal with the fallout from the situation you caused. All you can do is leave him alone and most likely have to find new friends. And if these new friends find out what you did you'll probably lose them too. Sorry! You might not have any way of fixing this.
Then stick to your guns and mean it. She obviously doesn’t care about it respect you past offering stability.
Creepy af! I’m a woman in her 30’s. This is scary
Totally that …
Maybe you sexdrives don’t match well. Maybe there is a way to figure it out and make a compromise, but maybe it induces to much pressure into the relationship and It doesn’t work out for you.
Your needs are to be taken serious and you deserve to have a partner that fulfills them.
BUT!
Don’t blame your partner if they have a differently take on that, if she has different needs you can’t expect her to change them.
Her needs of intimacy is as legit as yours, even if they don’t match.
Either way it’s tough getting dates today for anyone lol. It’s nice to actually go on one
I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and I truly believe she is the one for me. I plan to propose next month!
Don’t.
Look, I have a lot of hang ups about being emotional, full stop. I don't cry in private and I definitely don't cry in front of people. But if I did, and my SO said something like men don't cry, I'd tell her to GTFO and go find the man of her dreams.
Real men aren't afraid of being vulnerable and real relationships require real vulnerabilities. If you can't cry in front of your SO, then find a better SO.
This is a totally normal thing that happens when you’re with someone for a while. Single people have “off nights,” so why wouldn’t people in relationships?
So, as to your questions: 1. You can’t read so much into this kind of thing. If you guys freak the fuck out every time you’re a little out of it or moody, this is never going to work. So, stop assuming there’s some deeper meaning behind this. Learn to laugh at yourselves at times when the conversation isn’t flowing: work together to make it okay and no big deal.
Again, you guys are way too in your heads about this stuff. Some relationships do burn out, and some don’t. You can’t control this by forcing yourselves to be in upbeat moods every second that you’re together — that will have the opposite effect, because it’s not how normal human people are. Do you honestly think those old married soul-mate couples never sat through an awkward dinner? Lol!
Try to relax. Just be people together. Learn to laugh at yourselves. Recognize that being with someone doesn’t mean you’re not still normal humans who have off nights and weird moods sometimes.
Good luck!
When you’ve been married for 10 years and have 2 or more kids with at least 2 under 5, you’ll appreciate having a room to just yourselves.
I’m not a germaphobe but they do wash the sheets at hotels and change they at the least between guests (they used to change them daily but things changed during the pandemic; I don’t know if they’ve all gone back to changing them everyday).
Good one lol
Good for you. You'll know when you are ready. Never let anyone pressure you.
I think it's a case of your ego.
is it that she was texting while you two were hanging out, or is it that she was texting a guy?
or– you say that you ate her out, she expressed that she wasn't ready to reciprocate, and she then started texting… are you saying that she got on her phone too soon after the act?