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Alissa-prada Public Chat Channel
Date: October 25, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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Yes and I will try help them stay clear
Thats not hypocrisy. Hypocrisy would be him posting grey sweat prints and telling her not to post her booty. Stop the falsehoods.
We have been together about 3 years.
OP, after reading all of your comments in this thread I’m coming out of lurk mode just to say this. You said your ex gave you herpes and this new 30-something bf is your second sexual partner. You got pretty defensive when a male redditor pointed out the red flags of your age gap in a male’s pov. If you’re truly only 20 I implore you to slow down and consider that your mom, despite her religious beliefs and judgements, loves you and seems frustrated that you are moving too fast in the wrong direction based on these two facts (daughter has an STD/not using proper sex practices, 15 year age gap). I think there’s more to her concerns than just being sexually active before marriage. But maybe I’m wrong there; you know her best but also, you’re still dependent on her and you’re still actually developing. You may want to take some time to learn more about predatory behaviors and grooming, safe sex practices, and healthy relationships and boundaries (for family and romantic).
You’re new to the world of sex, and you’ll figure it out as you go. But consider, since you said you are a Christian, why the god you believe in and worship wanted us to save sex for marriage in the first place. It realistically doesn’t always happen, we’re all human. But it’s something else to think about.
Whatever you do or decide, I wish you luck and hope you stay safe and careful.
Question is – do you have kids? If not – it's going to be sooo much easier!
Nah 21 this year
Oh no, not at all. The stuff she buys, she pays for. I help her out sometimes, but she pays me back on her next paycheck. We go out, sometimes I pay sometimes she does. Or if we do dinner and a movie, she pays for one, I pay for the other.
Why the fuck are you still calling this guy your boyfriend? This is less about him being a narcissist and more about him not actually liking you. Take care of that little girl u once were and dumb him.
i'm not a man but honestly i think most people regardless of gender would say the same: that's literally cheating, and personally i'd broke up with him, my confidence and self esteem would be shattered. and the people telling you this is normal are… kinda suspicious, if these people are your friends maybe you should also reconsider you're relationship with them
When i’ve asked him about porn in the past he says he stopped watching it completely after listening to some podcast and thinks men who do use it are weird. So now that I know he does watch it and watches that of all things, it irks me.
No significant other should speak to one another in a degrading fashion. However, I feel like you need to go into more detail in order to get some decent advice. To me, he sounds like he's easily overstimulated which results in his irritable outbursts. However, what causes his angry tone when he speaks to you? Does he have a traumatic past? Family issues? Issues with you? There's not much information to go off of here.
Then stay single and enjoy getting all the male physical contact you need to fill up your cup. No need to drag anyone that feels uncomfortable (like your boyfriend) and make them suffer through your “needs.” Once you fill like you’ve had enough to move on from your past & lack of physical contact then get in a relationship because this isn’t appropriate in majority of relationships.
Well said!!!
One day ask him why he doesn't call you dad. See what he says.
The two vibrators my girlfriend has i bought them for her without her even mentioning wanting or needing one because i thought it would enhance our sex life and that she would enjoy them on her own time. I bought a magic wand plus (too big and rumbly for couple sex imo) and now i recently bought a finger vibrator that had like little strap and its silicone i forgot the name but its buzzy. I have spent like 180USD on vibrators for her because i was horny and thought she would enjoy them.
The two vibrators my girlfriend has i bought them for her without her even mentioning wanting or needing one because i thought it would enhance our sex life and that she would enjoy them on her own time. I bought a magic wand plus (too big and rumbly for couple sex imo) and now i recently bought a finger vibrator that had like little strap and its silicone i forgot the name but its buzzy. I have spent like 180USD on vibrators for her because i was horny and thought she would enjoy them.
I hope OP sees this comment!!!
So many unhelpful comments like “just relax” are higher voted :/
next time she does something flirty, remind her she’s in a professional setting. might wake her up. to be passive lol you can send a mass email about workplace etiquette? or even print something out for everyone to sign so it’s like not targeted and too obvious? then remind her about email/signed sheet when she acts that way again. also her age still has the word teen in it so i’m glad you’re not allowing this because that’s just not a good gap lol
Is this a troll post?
BREAK UP WITH THIS ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT ALREADY.
I think you should thank him for the gift but explain that financially it’s not a good move for you guys at the moment. Thank him for the care that went into picking the gift ? (exaggerate lol, we know it’s for him) and just say since money is tight you would much rather have good in the fridge than a new tv. Accept the tv and inform him you will be returning it and the money from the gift will go a lot farther to make you happy for Christmas.
What are the consequences if you tell?
Classic narcissistic move. Sorry girl, save money and get outta there. It just may get worse.
i think it’s less crazy than moving in together 2 weeks in but both are seriously insane so idk
Just need to add, you’re really lucky she said you two could try again in the future (if she meant it). I would have deleted and blocked you on everything.
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This is ~~weaponized incompetence~~
I’d stop cooking for the dude personally. What I’m reading is that he takes advantage of everything you do and doesn’t have enough respect for you to help and carry his own weight.
So why would you continue helping him and enabling his shitty behavior??? He thinks the solution is HAVING YOU DO EVERYTHING. That’s a red flag.
I am NOT a cook as well – but freaking google exists. He could have figured it out. He could have called a parent and asked them for advice. He made no effort. He’s a man baby.
He brought up someone he hooked up with in the past once (someone we both knew but it was a one night stand kinda deal and she’s very much irrelevant in our lives) and I was like I don’t really wanna hear about that stuff bc it doesn’t matter. But this feels different as it’s his best friends and they’re around all the time and he allowed/encouraged me to get really close with them too, without telling me:/
Have you seen a medical professional about it?
You e been clear since the affair that this is temporary. No conversation necessary, no reason to play into her little panic attacks. Just serve the papers. She chose to have the affair, she can deal with the fallout.
Good luck and please keep us updated ❤️
He would be in jail if he gave drugs to my toddler. And good for you for planning to leave him, he has abused the child and you must protect him from any future harm.
Because paying his fair share when you can is not the same as pulling his weight in the relationship. What is the scenario if he loses another job and doesn’t immediately get a new one? OP is a full time student and works part time. They are struggling financially. And it’s not because of OP.
If she sends him a photo like the one in the OP – yes.
You’re*
So I read your replies and this one stuck the most:
He said to me that “prostitutes are the only honest women in this world”
Sounds like sonny boy got dragged into some weird stuff online. If you ask me, I'd definitely try and set an appointment with a psychologist.
From the limited information, it sounds to me like you are disrespectful in the way you speak to her and although she has communicated this to you, nothing changed.
Are you also neglectful and spend too much time on your games? If that’s the case, I think she should be the one considering to leave.
BF has made the choice for himself not to take meds, and then he wants you to do what he has done. Why would you take his advice? He's mentally ill. I have a lot of doubts about a relationship with a bipolar patient who refuses medication. It seems only a matter of time before he has a breakdown.
Get on the waiting list (also on the cancellation list) of your psychiatrist or another one in his practice or generally available, and get back on your meds when possible. Also, tell your boyfriend not to keep lecturing you about it, and what works for one might not work for all. This is a boundary you are setting, and it's a healthy one.
Dump him. He's already acting like a child showing your messages to this other woman. Makes me think he's already engaged in an emotional affair if not yet physical
Look at their actual user profile. It's sketchy as hell
There may be a lot of different reasons. Just try to ask her out (just the two of you,without friends) and see where you get.
The classic 'eat whatever you want and won't gain weight'.
This really isn't a thing. When someone seems like they can eat whatever they want and not gain weight, it means they don't want to eat more calories than they are using by both existing and being active.
There's three distinct problems going on:
1) Your husband's lifestyle changed and as a result he gained a lot of weight in a short period of time. This is a health issue.
2) It doesn't sound like your husband being skinny, the body type you are attracted to, was an intentional choice and merely the result of the lifestyle he happened to fall into. This is an external locus of control issue.
3) Faced with embarrassing consequences of his current lifestyle, your husband is unwilling to make changes to get back to the body he had before, and is also unwilling to go to couple's therapy and work on the issues. The issue here is that he's not ready to change.
Unfortunately, of these issues the biggest problem is #3. Until he's ready to change there's nothing you can to to help support him in making positive changes.
You can't control what you're attracted to, and while I see that people are telling you not to tell him that his weight gain has negatively affected your attraction and reduced the amount of intimacy… they aren't giving you any actual solutions.
What your husband needs is a wake-up call, and you've already waited a year with no progress.
It's been a year and I've been trying to get over it, but I just can't and it's getting worse.
This isn't something you're going to get over, because we do not choose what we are and are not attracted to. It sounds like you've made a year of efforts for him to reverse some bad habits and he hasn't made any efforts at all.
At the end of the day you shouldn't be trying to force yourself to be attracted to your husband, and the side effects of a sedentary life are merciless. The way you and your husband take care of yourselves in the next couple decades will likely determine not just how long you'll live, but massively impact the quality of life you have.
He owns the bars, right?
Then yes. I would agree, he is working.
Do you know how good you feel as a customer when the owner comes and chats with you and builds a friendship?
It feels great, and it makes you a returning customer.
Mind it, it is 'easy/fun' work… but its still positively impacting his business.
And he is not just there to socialize, he is there monitoring how things are going at peak hours to make sure everything is going well.
The tricky thing about working out with the opposite sex is you are literally training your brain to be attracted to you. This is why cheating is more prevalent in the firehouse,the police force and with personal trainers. When you work out and do extreme things with someone else ,brain chemicals are released that said “this feels good with this person so often that this person is playing a huge part as to why I’m feeling good”
The fact that you don’t care or have empathy for your wife in this situation shows me that you are already okay with risking parts of your relationship to appease another woman.
Stop yourself now, get out of training with this woman. It’s not good for your marriage.
The tricky thing about working out with the opposite sex is you are literally training your brain to be attracted to you. This is why cheating is more prevalent in the firehouse,the police force and with personal trainers. When you work out and do extreme things with someone else ,brain chemicals are released that said “this feels good with this person so often that this person is playing a huge part as to why I’m feeling good”
The fact that you don’t care or have empathy for your wife in this situation shows me that you are already okay with risking parts of your relationship to appease another woman.
Stop yourself now, get out of training with this woman. It’s not good for your marriage.
The tricky thing about working out with the opposite sex is you are literally training your brain to be attracted to you. This is why cheating is more prevalent in the firehouse,the police force and with personal trainers. When you work out and do extreme things with someone else ,brain chemicals are released that said “this feels good with this person so often that this person is playing a huge part as to why I’m feeling good”
The fact that you don’t care or have empathy for your wife in this situation shows me that you are already okay with risking parts of your relationship to appease another woman.
Stop yourself now, get out of training with this woman. It’s not good for your marriage.
You can trust your girlfriend and not like the situation. Just wanted to say those things aren't mutually exclusive. You having an issue with this speaks to tons of things that have nothing to do with distrusting your partner. So I hope you'll say something instead of suffering in silence!
It wasn't bc he didn't want to go to therapy, it was because he said he didn't have time… Then we tried and he said he wanted to go. you are right about the rest
I agree with the other poster. Tell him how you feel and then tell him you want to be added. If he apologizes and has you added then it is hopefully something you can work through. If either of those things don't happen then you know for sure you have a bigger problem. Good luck, I hope you get added to the chat.
Have you explained the best friend relationship? How often do you go out with best friend alone? How often do you text/call? When you are in a relationship do you put your significant other before your best friend?
I get it but do you see where I'm coming from though? Wasn't delivered in a negative tone so my apologies if it was taken that way. If your relationship is like fresh, say maybe 6-8 months or less I would do as I suggested. If you've been together longer and maybe live together, I would tackle it differently. Does that make sense?
I've had several women do this to me over the years. It's because they feel threatened, and have to “one-up” you, even though it's not a competition.
She wanted a second chance. That doesn’t require you apologizing to her. If it were me, I think I’d be done.
Nah You a ho You all hos Shes inviting them to picture her naked You dont know men Fr
You already have trust issues. Why keep working at it, when he keeps proving himself not trustworthy
Trash took itself out. Congratulations! I hope you got the leak under control.
You don’t realize how big of a red flag this is, because you are assuming you will always be healthy and can always start a diet or exercise to stay fit.
Having a baby is going to be so stressful for you, which won’t be good for your physical and mental health. But baby belly and weight do go away, for the most part and for some women it goes completely.
My question is, what it’s going to happen if you fall ill and can’t move much or need constant care? Maybe the lack of mobility or the medicine will make you gain wait? Do you really think this ass is the type of person who will truly stay by your side for better or for worse? Absolutely not, guaranteed.
He is letting you know more than his “taste”, this is not just about what he find “attractive”. He is telling you in between lines that as long as you’re useful, he’ll have you around, because your physical ability matters too much for him. But if anything is to ever happen to you, it won’t take much to leave you.
Trust me, this is not a good partner.
He must go absolutely berserk when you say “whist” instead of “while”
Are y’all friends or cool with each other or is there tension? One of my past roommates got head at like 3am and he couldn’t control his damn moans they woke up the whole house and we poked fun at him the next day all day and he was like OKAY SORRY ILL QUIET DOWN and then he did
Still funny to this day and I don’t even speak to him anymore lmao
My thoughts exactly! She said that's no time for games lol
Now find 4 girls and let the party rip!!!
Honestly I think he just made a bad joke. He clearly doesn't think you're fat if he weighs 155 and thinks you weigh less. I also weigh more than my boyfriend, I was definitely insecure about it at first but over time I got more comfortable with it, he never cared at all lol
You're desperately grasping at straws here. There is a reason she broke up with you. People dont just blow up a long-term relationship over nothing.She's definitely shady. I bet anything that if you take her back, she'll fuck you over worse in the future.
First off I LOVE LOVE LOVE how Reddit idiots are downvoting my emotional abuse AND on the same heartbeat paint another person an abuser WHILE dismissing OP FAMILY EMOTIONAL ABUSE.
Second I clearly wrote I DONT FUCKING CONDONE HIS THREATS, but i guess you people are too illiterate to understand that.
Thirdly SHE FUCKING ADMIDS of HER FUCKING FAMILY ABUSE, so you get the fuck out here with your blind sense of justification. Her whole DAMN family ABUSES her fiancé to a point he is acting like a fucking irrational person. And you can tell it because she omits EVERY SINGLE FUCKING QUESTION ABOUT THE BEHAVIOR OF HER FAMILY. That screams she is hiding things and try to play victim
I hope OP breaks up with him so both can find someone who they deserve.
That’s honestly probably a good sign lol
Run to the hills Run for your lives
I will not only go NC, but I'd tell my parents/close friends/secure circle about this situation. Making a joke like that, even after a 2 year relationship, its a big NO from me.
I think you just described my mother. She has the exact same problem of wanting to make friends and putting in a ton of effort and energy but they never truly pan out. For some reason she is always socially excluded and I can never figure it out.
Why would YOU reach out to them, though? Perhaps if THEY came to you and apologized, made amends, etc.
Even then, I'd never let them be alone with the future kids.
He’s being ridiculous.
I've known people that did that Rick James….
This is exactly how they act.
As to if you could have handled it differently, I really don't think you could have. People that do blow typically, in my experience, get really irrational, so there is not a whole lot that you could have done other than just left.
This is the problem – the sniping at you about fidgeting is just a passive-aggressive leaking of her unhappiness at your answer to move.
I am sorry this happened to you. Please go and get an STD test. Also reach out to a RAINN it is a sexual assault hotline. They can provide support and direct you to mental health services. Please consider going to your local law enforcement and reporting this sexual assault and rape. I hope you find healing.
Why the f did I look? This damn curiosity is going to be the end of me. Ew.
Good for Tinder Girl, seriously.
Whoever ends up with that, good luck. There are quite a few red flags just on that page alone (all of which is NSFW).
Cheesus.
Change your locks!! Confront him in a public place. But personally I would report it to the police and hand over the footage first. Get a restraining order of some sorts
When I walked out she knew it was a big deal, the dozen messages, and her long email plus the voicemails of her crying were pretty telling. I spent over half my life looking for someone like her and to kick her to the curb over this would be ignorant. We have a very complicated lifestyle and bonds between us that I could never have with another human being. She isn't getting a pass on this but I'm not kicking her to the curb either.
Depending on where you are from you may have more parental rights if the baby is born in wedlock. That being said, are you positive she’s pregnant and sure you’re the father? I only ask bc she may have sensed you had one foot out the door. However, it would be an extreme measure on her part and not as common as tropes and SM would have us believe. Also, the age gap isn’t so bad considering you’re over 25 but you’ve been sheltered. You were at very different stages in life and now you’ve skip ahead to her stage. I’d proceed with caution. I know some religions have marriage classes before getting married. Sort of to prepare you for issues that typically arise in a marriage. Is that something you have access to?
My gut reaction though is you don’t get married to appease someone. You don’t get married out of guilt or bc you feel you owe them.
I think you both need therapy. The fact that he wants you to do this is insane and the fact that you willingly do it is insane. So either you both need intense therapy or maybe you’re just perfect for each other. But this isn’t normal or healthy.
Vomiting when high on weed is one of the scariest experiences. The paranoia and feeling of hopelessness is next level.
Definitely do not do this.
This could be a red flag of what your future will look like OR he's having some mental health issues right now because of the stress of school. I would ask him if he thinks maybe there's some depression going on that's causing him to be too frustrated to help out like he used to. It will put him on the spot but in a caring way. If he denies mental stuff then I would go with what your parents said. But not for long. If he doesn't snap out of his crap then it's time to go honey.
You’re maybe looking at this the wrong way. Why not role play and you pretend to be someone else and be the person she is cheating on you with if that makes sense?
You’ll be a massive AH if you try and force her to have sex with someone else for a selfish fantasy. If I was her and you kept pushing it, I’d be away long ago
Tell him you’re done with the relationship and when he asks why say, “you’re a smart boy, figure it out.”
I can tell you why your libido is down the drain:
You don't feel desired anymore.
He has book you under “maid/ nurse” and has gone bumbeling along like a bull calf at spring during first turnout on the meadows.
Support: zero Being desired: zero Being respected: zero Being courted: -100 Being loved: – 500
Being yelled at: 500 Being disrespected: 500 Being lied to: 1000
I could go on like the next 3 hours.
The relationships gas tank is empty. He only drives, never puts in fuel.
What example would you want your son to grow up with with a father like that?
Anyone have a link to before it was deleted?
Also kids will pick up this behaviour and accept it as normal. She's not capable of giving a good example of conflict resolution currently, kids are not going to help that.
Also kids will pick up this behaviour and accept it as normal. She's not capable of giving a good example of conflict resolution currently, kids are not going to help that.
Nowhere does she say this is her only hobby. She sounds like someone who takes plenty of time for herself. Which is fine, but that's not someone who should be dating a single father.
I've suggested that already.
Your post history is full of terrible stories about your current ex – so it sounds like a good thing that he’s gone. It’s OK to still fondly remember your past husband but sometimes we romanticize and idolize the deceased spouse which makes it practically impossible for a living partner to compete with their memory. Make sure you’ve taken time to heal from his death before you start a new relationship. Casually talking about a deceased spouse is one thing. But pining for them; comparing others to them; keeping a shrine of them, constantly bringing them up…will be difficult for another person to digest, because the other person is only a mere mortal here on earth.
The difference in ages between each post does not make any sense and how is he spending every night at her place while watching those kids
It probably wasnt malicious in anyway. Most likely he just decided to start a game after a big convo and got caught up in it.
I will say though that you should definitely figure out how to gently articulate this to your partner. If not and it happens again, it can lead to resentment on your end but he may be completely oblivious.
And you’re not promoting the same idea when socializing and being friends with them? Can’t pick and choose. It’s either ALL of what the Allah says, or NONE of it.
If you find out why, let me know. My ex wife supported me getting a vasectomy and then left me six weeks later.
As a man here , you married to immature husband who disrespect you and your privacy … move on that all I can provide to you . You don’t someone who wants you to share your privacy with someone else . Got it ?
May as well kiss this relationship goodbye right now.