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Alice-Dean Public Chat Channel
Date: October 10, 2022
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Alice-Dean Public Chat Channel
Your family will change their tune as soon as the baby is born and they see their grandchild. If they want to be in that child's life (and they will) they will make amends.
Just wait them out.
Tough situation. But from the moment you grabbed his phone you were not trusting him. Relationships are based on trust, and if you're not trusting him you shouldn't be with him. This is something you learn over time, but believe me, trying to hold on to him will hurt you more. It's gonna hurt, but itythe best you can do.
Doesn't seem like you guys were in a committed relationship. The problem is that you haven't done a good job of standing up for yourself and confronting him when necessary.
The guy you lost your virginity to is deceptive. You don't need to be that way. Don't let his poor actions change you. Whether or not things work out with you and the new potential guy, you should probably break things off with the guy you lost your virginity to. It doesn't seem like your life has gotten any easier with him.
However should I tell her?
You should. I gather that she is aware of the circumstances around your ex however if she isn't, make her aware that these sort of situations are obviously a trigger for you. Just explain to her that you want to deal with it as you hate feeling like this and that she may just have to be mindful of it – but mindful in a way that is more “understanding” than her needing to change her behaviour.
What you need to get across to her is that it's not her behaviour – going out with co-workers – that is the issue here. The issue is purely that your past with your ex triggers these feelings, feelings you don't wish to have.
And then you can start working on this understanding that your gf is not your ex.
I wasn’t. I reacted in an insane and irrational way and manner after YEARS of going through that abuse. I was with my ex 7y the last one that I broke I said things that even after 12y I am not proud of.
As YOU said abuse most of the times goes both ways. In THIS case I think that his behavior is inflicted by her family abuse.
You leave! And don’t come back. Maybe ever.
You’re not being selfish. It’s not selfish of you to be realistic. You’re not obligated by love or anything else to buy into, and stale YOUR life/peace/resources on their delusions about how they think or say things will turn out when you know better.
Don’t put more into any relationship than you’re willing to lose. Which means yes giving freely to a point…only of what you comfortably can, while still maintaining your financial, living, and social situation in a way that you won’t be destroyed and broken if someone exits your life, or trapped if someone needs to be shown the door. Like, would it suck? Of course. You would be bummed. But you also know you’ll be fine.
That’s not selfish, it’s the way you’re supposed to be. Your first responsibility in any relationship is to bring yourself to it as a whole, healthy, independently operating person. And keep it that way, the whole time. Once you start giving more than you can afford to lose (emotionally, financially), you’ve put yourself in a “need” situation, you have an imbalance with that person, and likely one they didn’t knowingly sign up for, and it starts going downhill from there.
A drunk mistake is something I think can be forgiven and the friendship can continue. But if she’s continuing a sexual relationship with him I would NOT be comfortable with my spouse remaining close friends with her.
Think it all you want, but your kid actually realizes something is wrong in your relationship. If you truly want to live with this for the rest of your life and dive bomb your mental and physical health. You should start therapy like yesterday, both individuals and couples